(sighs) I know, I'm late with updates, but to be honest, life is kicking me in the ass at the moment and I got flu to boot ! So feeling totally and utterly miserable :o(
Thanks to those who are still reviewing, your little words of encouragement are honestly the only thing keeping me going with this story. The bright news is, it's nearly at the end, only a few more chapters to go.
I'm glad most of you guys picked up on the importance of 'Ben and his boys' they'll be around, as will John…why..? Well you'll have to keep reading to finding out.
As for the scenes between Sam and Dean….well, your wish is my command :o)
Oh, and well, please do drop a line if you are reading this story, got questions, confused about certain things, anything….I'll be happy to talk about them.
Anyway, on with 'Bonds'…
Chapter 16- Bonds
" Doone, are you ok..?" Sam Winchester asked, as he stood on tip-toes peeping up at his elder brother, who was stretched out on their father's bed.
" I'm fine Sam, how many times I got to tell you to stop calling me Doone...?" Dean muttered the eleven year old, shooting a look of mock annoyance at his seven year old brother.
" Daddy was real mad with you..." Sam said in a small voice as he finally managed to crawl onto his father's bed. His hazel eyes obviously looked impressed at the size of bed. " This bed is huge, bigger than the one we've got..."
" Yeah, that's another thing, stopping kicking me during the night..!" Dean muttered, " You're like a mule...!"
" You snore..." Sam said poking his tongue out, " Besides, I didn't tell daddy you pinched me last night.."
Dean gave the little boy a suspicious look, " Why is that..? Cause you usually always rat on me.."
" Cause I heard you and daddy fighting this morning..." Sam said with a shrug, " He sounded real mad, and you were real upset.."
" Was not..!" Dean snapped heatedly, " You have an over active imagination...!"
Sam turned and faced his brother and Dean gave him a weird look.
" What, is with the staring...?" Dean demanded, " You're a weird little boy you know that..?"
A smile spread across Sam's face and to Dean's surprise, Sam threw his arms around him and hugged him tightly. Dean instantly tried to wriggle out, screaming out cooties, but eventually gave in and gave Sam a quick cuddle.
" What's wrong with you, weirdo..?" Dean said as Sam pulled away from him and looked into his big brother's face, his little fingers instantly going to trace the couple of freckles Dean had on his face.
Dean swatted the hand away.
" Hey, Sammy, I asked you a question, what's with the hug..?" Dean asked, " Cause you know, you can't do these things, you'll get your head kicked in by the other kids..."
" I love you..." Sam said his eyes bright and innocent as he scrambled off the bed, leaving Dean still sitting on his knees in the middle of the king size bed.
Dean watched as Sam re-opened the bedroom door.
" Sammy...?" Dean called as he watched as his little brother paused and looked at him, " We need to talk.."
" I know, I know..." Sam said still standing awkwardly in the door way, " Daddy will go mad if he hears me being mushy.."
" So why are you being mushy..?" Dean asked as he titled his head at his little brother. " Cause declarations of love can often lead to wedgies.."
" Huh.?" Sam asked in confusion, which Dean laughed out loud at.
" Just don't say those words ok, no more telling me you love me, or hugs and stuff, we're guys Sammy, and guys don't say those things, dad's right, it's not cool..." Dean cautioned, " Ok..?"
Sam was quiet, his brown hair hiding his face from Dean.
" Sam..?" Dean asked again, " Did you hear me..?"
" I just thought that since daddy was mad at you, you'd think that no one loved you, I just wanted you to know that I'd always love you..." Sam said, his voice innocent.
Eleven year old Dean stared as his bare foot little brother shuffled out the bedroom and disappeared from his sight...
Dean hovered uncomfortably at his window in his bedroom, staring out into the darkness, wishing he didn't feel the way he did.
The elder Winchester hugged his body with his arms as he sunk down at the foot of his bed. He was still shaking, shaking from what had happened, shaking from what he'd said, shaking from Sam's heartbroken response, shaking because he knew what Sam was thinking.
He hated him.
His little brother, the forever child in his eyes, now hated him.
Dean tried desperately to blink the tears away that had sprung to his eyes again. He couldn't think of a moment in his life where he'd cried as much as he had done so tonight. He was exhausted, literally worn out both mentally and physically, if anything was lurking around looking for an unsuspecting victim, Dean would pretty much stick his hand up and volunteer for the job of mauling.
Shaking his heavy head, feeling the throbbing beginnings of a headache, Dean stared at the digital clock that sat on his nightstand.
The elder brother was surprised to read that it was almost 4am.
Sam was still not back.
Dean sucked in a shaky breath as he tried to force himself to his feet. He had to find his cell, he had to call Sam, he had to straighten this whole mess out.
The tears stung again.
...He'll never forgive you, you betrayed him, he's gone away and he's never coming back...
That was one of Dean's biggest fears; in fact if he was honest it was his greatest fear. The elder brother hadn't realised how much he actually was afraid of losing Sam until he'd stood in front of Sam tonight and confessed his lies. Dean had never felt this strength in his fear; after all he had lost Sam already.
Dean knew what that pain felt like, he'd experienced the loss, felt it like a death grip, wrapping its icy fingers around his heart and crushing any hope out of his world.
As corny and pathetic as it sounded, Sam was Dean's world. The elder brother didn't know a world which didn't contain his little brother. Yes, Sam had originally left and headed off to college, but Dean had always known that Sam would be on the end of a telephone if need be, or if things got desperate, he could always jump in the Impala and come see him; which ironically, was the exact situation that had reunited the brothers after two years.
But tonight's situation was completely different.
Sam had left because he couldn't bear to look at Dean another second, had been so hurt at the fact that Dean had lied to him, had felt so betrayed by his elder brother that he'd rather stay alone on a deserted beach than share the same apartment with him.
Sam had been left feeling betrayed and hurt.
Dean just felt empty.
Laying back onto his bed his eyes fell on the ceiling. He wanted to get up and head out onto the beach and start looking for Sam. He had to talk to him, had to make him understand that it was all just a horrible lie that simply got out of control. He had to make Sam understand that he'd only lied to him because he loved him, because he wanted to protect him.
Dean closed his eyes, allowing for a second for his brain to take a breather.
He did love Sam.
He wouldn't have lied if he hadn't.
Yet Sam believed that he'd lied to him because he didn't love him.
Tears stung at Dean's eyes.
What a complicated, hideous world the Winchesters were trapped in...
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Sam Winchester had got all the way to the middle step of the beach apartment, and then found himself retreating back down.
He'd spotted Dean pacing around inside, disappearing into his bedroom and then back to the living room, to peep outside the window.
Dean didn't pace.
Dean always prowled.
His big brother was a well oiled machine who was always ready for action, poised for an attack, always ready.
Yet the Dean in that apartment, in their home, was pacing.
Back and forth, frantic eyes peering out into the darkness in hope of spotting someone.
Sam wasn't ready for yet another show down, for yet another discussion about this. He'd thought he was, was all ready to go in there and tell Dean that things would be ok, to pull himself together because they had a spirit to find and waste, and then after the dust had settled, they'd go back to this discussion, if Dean wanted to, and they'd deal with issues they had.
That had been Sam's plan.
Plans rarely ever work out for the Winchesters as Sam was quickly beginning to realise. This family was built on improvisation and impulse, high octane and pressure, passion.
So as Sam stood there watching his pacing brother, those scared eyes looking terrified, his brother's ruggedly handsome face, aged, tried and exhausted; Sam realised that something was after Dean just as he'd suspected, just as Sam had thought of all along.
The question was what, and then quickly followed by how and then finally why.
Why Dean..?
Everything connected to the yellow eyed demon had always been sent through Sam, everything had been aimed at Sam; yet this time it was aimed solely at Dean.
...Unless it's nothing to do with the yellow eyed demon...Sam thought as he begun to retreat back down the steps and onto the beach.
He needed to buy himself some time, any time, as long as it was time away from Dean. Dean needed to calm down, needed to sleep; it was clear that Dean was running on nothing but adrenaline and needed to be taken care of.
Sam was determined to take care of Dean.
But first, the younger Winchester needed a plan...
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Sam stepped through the veranda frame and tip toed around the apartment.
He placed his keys on the stand by the front door and silently observed the living area. It was just after six in the morning and the beautiful tango coloured sky illuminated the living room, filling it with loving warmth that was so desperately missing from both boys lives.
Sighing as he realised that Dean wasn't in the living room or the kitchen, Sam walked silently into Dean's bedroom.
The sight he saw bothered him instantly.
Everything he had rehearsed on his journey, everything he'd planned to ask Dean, to talk about with his brother, simply slipped out his head.
Sam was always stubborn, always allowing his passion, his emotions to ruin his natural logic.
Here again, was one of those situations sitting squarely at Sam's feet.
Sam's heart plunged to his feet as he saw Dean shaking as he remained upright on his bed, his eyes glued to the bedroom window. He was still looking, still trying to be the big brother, still trying to protect Sam.
Yet, it was plainly obvious that Dean was no longer seeing anything, or possibly more importantly, no longer registering anything; if he had been, he would have known that Sam was already back.
Dean was breaking down, and it was a horrendous sight for Sam to see. Not only because it filled him with total sadness, but it absolutely terrified him.
Sam quietly walked over to Dean and sat quietly down on the bed, slightly behind his big brother. Sam studied Dean's profile; he barely recognised his haggard elder brother. Dean's usually handsome face was pale, and tear stained. Sam struggled to get over the look of total devastation that seemed to be permanently plastered on his brother's face.
" Hey..." Sam said in a small voice, trying desperately not to startle the clearly fragile Dean.
Sam noticed that Dean didn't flinch, didn't move, didn't even blink. Whatever was going on inside of Dean's head was consuming him.
" Dean..?" Sam said in a gentle voice, his hand gently now touching Dean's shoulder.
" It's all gone wrong..." Dean whispered as his eyes continued to stare out the window, " Everything has gone wrong..."
" Hey, things will be ok..." Sam said trying to keep the tears out of his own racking voice, his heart hammered in his chest, " We've got through tougher things ok..?"
" I screwed up, that's why he left, I failed, I failed them..." Dean whispered, " All I ever do is screw up..."
" No, Dean, no..." Sam said now coming in front of Dean and stooping down in front of Dean. " You are not a screw up, you've never been a screw up..."
" Then why did dad leave..." Dean whispered his eyes finally tearing away from the window and locking with Sam's, " Then why did he leave us..."
" I don't know, you know what dad's like, he probably got some information and just acted on it.." Sam said thinking up the most rational explanation, " But..-"
" They all just leave..." Dean whispered again, his voice taking on a strange note, " Everyone just leaves me because all I ever do is push people away, I screw up everything I try and do, I'm just a failure..."
" Dean this isn't you, I know you Dean and this, this isn't you.." Sam said feeling his own fear getting the better of him, " Something has got hold of you Doone, something has its claws in you and I don't know what it is, but I need you ok..? I need you to hang on in there and I will fix this, I promise you Dean I will fix this.."
" You left me..." Dean said staring into Sam's hazel eyes. Sam's previous words seemingly oblivious to Dean. " You said you'd never leave, that we were a team, and you left me..."
" I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Dean..." Sam whispered.
" You died and you left me..." Dean said as tears streamed down his face, " Mom's dead, dad might as well be dead, you are, were, all I had, and you left me, what did I do so wrong to make you want to leave..? If you want to go back to college, go back to Stanford, then just go, just don't die, just don't leave like-..."
" Dean, look at me, I'm not going anywhere..." Sam said his hands on both of his brothers, squeezing them as hard as he could hoping he could get into his brother's thoughts.
" I didn't meant to lie to you, but when you came back, Sam...-" Dean said as he watched in horror as Sam clambered to his feet and begun to walk away, " He told me you'd hate me, he told me I couldn't tell you, the more I tried, I couldn't..."
Sam turned and looked slowly at Dean, who was shattered on the bed.
" Sam I don't know what's going on anymore..." Dean said burying his face in his hands, " I just want these feelings to go away, I can't cope with them, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I just feel like screaming my head off..."
Sam came back to the bed where Dean was lying on his side crying his heart out.
" This person who told you all these awful things, where did you see him from..?" Sam said laying on the bed beside Dean, his brother's back to him. " Dean, I need to know how this guy is getting to you..."
" You don't get it Sammy..." Dean said sitting up slowly, his head feeling light, his body exhausted, screaming for sleep and paracetamol.
" Then let me in, let me help you..." Sam said his hand gently cupping Dean's wet face, " We can beat this you and me, together, we can beat this..."
" I'm so sorry Sam, I never meant to hurt you, I swear to god I never meant to hurt you..." Dean whispered as he titled his face against Sam's hand, " Please believe me..." Dean begged.
Sam felt the stray tears slip down his face as he pulled Dean against him and hugged him tightly, " Of course I forgive you, I don't hate you, he was wrong ok, he was completely and utterly wrong. I don't hate you and I'll never hate you..."
Sam closed his eyes as he heard the relief in Dean's cries as his elder brother finally acknowledged what Sam had said.
" Dean, ok, look at me..." Sam said pulling away from Dean and his brother's face gently cupped in his hands, he used his thumbs and gently wiped the tears from his face. " I need you to answer me a question ok..?"
Dean nodded slowly, his body still shaking with sobs, his eyes still filled with uncried tears.
" Where's this he, you keep talking about..?" Sam asked, " Where have you seen him..?"
" I haven't seen him..." Dean whispered, his voice so small and fragile that Sam felt guilty, almost like a bully for pushing Dean the way he was.
" I hear him..." Dean said, his voice almost child like as he forced his eyes to meet Sam's, " He's in my head Sam, I hear him in my head..."
xxxxXXXXxxxx
His hand gently smoothed the top of Dean's hair as he watched Dean's chest move up and down in a steady, peaceful rhythm. It was one thing that had been so rare in the house that Sam had forgotten what Dean looked like when he was sleeping. Yet here he was Sam's big brother finally asleep in his own bed. No chance of the elder Winchester snapping awake and coming to look for Sam, Dean's body wouldn't allow him, he was simply too exhausted.
Three, whole, long weeks.
That was the last time Dean must have slept through the night, and it made Sam shudder at the thought.
Sam's hand gently smoothed Dean's hair as his hazel eyes took in his brother's peaceful features. His handsome face was back for Sam to see, the aged haggard look taking a reprieve as Dean slept, restoring the young man back to his tender age of twenty seven. Well on paper he was twenty seven, but to Sam he was still a kid at heart, one that was burdened with too much responsibility at too young an age, one that had been programmed into obedience as defying it meant punishment; and for Dean punishment was always losing someone he loved.
Sam studied the freckles that were sprinkled effortless and lightly over Dean's nose. Sam often forgot that Dean had those on his face, in fact, Sam couldn't think of a time previously where he'd been this physically close to Dean.
It was a comforting feeling.
Pulling the comforter around Dean, he padded over to the window and pulled the curtains shut, being careful not to break the thick line of salt that he'd placed around Dean's bed. The younger Winchester then silently took Dean's lighter and lit the four light pink pillar candle's and placed them at the four points of Dean's bed.
Apple halves already sat on each side of Dean's bed, with a sage leaf in the middle. Two more were at the window along with another thick line of salt, and just for sheer paranoid reasons, Sam had placed another apple, sage combination at the entrance of Dean's bedroom, once again with another thick line of salt.
Sam had used every protection spell and ritual that he knew from head. With three of them at work at once, he hoped it would buy them both some time; allowing Dean to finally sleep in peace and for Sam to finally start piecing together this horrible nightmare.
Either way, nothing was getting to Dean.
Not without getting through Sam first.
Sam gently and silently eased himself back onto the bed, his eyes trained on Dean making sure he didn't wake him. The lap top was quietly whirling as the hard drives turned in the machine. Sitting up on the bed, his back against the head board, and Dean asleep on his left, he eased the lap top onto his lap and lowered the loaded shot gun down onto the bed on his right.
" Sweet dreams Doone..." Sam whispered as his eyes left his sleeping brother and finally settled on the computer in front of him.
Nothing was getting to Dean.
Nothing was going to break his relationship with his brother, their bond was too strong.
" You evil bastard..." Sam whispered to whoever was out there listening, " Nice try to break us apart, but it won't work. It'll never work..."
Sam's eyes scanned the room methodically.
Nothing moved in the room.
" You chose the wrong family to screw with..." Sam said a smile flickering on his face, " Cause when I find you, and I will find you, I'm gonna kill you, slowly, and painfully..."
xxxxXXXXxxxx
It hovered manically around the Winchester beach house, its entrance to the household now blocked by the irritating younger boy.
Its red eyes glowered in anger, in shock, in outrage.
They were supposed to split up, be broken apart, the boy was supposed to leave long enough for it to consume the elder one.
The elder boy's lies were supposed to destroy them both.
But it didn't.
Someone had lied. The information he'd been given about the Winchester's, about the boys and their relationship, it had all been lies.
Someone was going to pay for their useless information.
Anger seethed through the red-eyed spirit, he was too far into this mess to back out now. Everything was in place, everything was ready. He'd worked too hard to let it all slip away, to allow the powers he'd been promised to simply be taken from him.
All he needed was his sacrificial lamb and the executioner.
Both of them lay in that house, protected under the younger boy's voodoo.
All those powers he'd dreamed off, all those powers that he deserved, that his kind deserved. All those powers that would be released to him as soon as the younger boy was bleed empty by his executioner.
He needed those powers
He needed those boys.
And he needed both of them now...
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And so the plot thickens….don't forget to review, only way I know what you guys think :o)