Sorry for the delay in the chapter posting, between school, home and life, sometimes you can just never get around to your computer ! Thank you all so much for your reviews ! I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter and I hope you continue to stick with the series ! At best I think there are only two more chapters to go after this; so the finish line is in sight.

Without further ado…..'At a Lose'

Chapter 21-At a Lose

Dean stood on rubbery legs watching the sight in front of him in confusion.

He'd taken out spirits before, but it had never gone down like that, never seen it end like that. He'd never seen a spirit go up in smoke, literally.

His body was shaking; the shock was slowly washing over him.

His legs stumbled forward towards the truck as his eyes focused on the form that lay just in front of the truck, face down, not moving.

Dean's feet dragged him slowly, but the moonlight shone something in his line of sight. It flickered at him like a beacon, and on unsteady legs dropped to his knees and picked up the object.

It was his hunting knife.

It was then he felt his breath hitch in his chest.

He could smell the poison already, his hand coated with tacky, red blood which was staining his own. It was then his eyes took in his shirt which was coated in blood.

Winchester blood.

On his knees, tears already stinging his eyes, he slowly glanced over at Sam.

" Oh god, what the hell have I done...?" Dean whispered in a chocked sob as he crawled the rest of the way towards Sam.

" Sam, Sam, Sam...?" Dean chanted as he reached his younger brother, his shaky hands gently touching the back of his brother's dark brown hair, " Sammy..?"

As gently as he could, he turned Sam onto his back and looked at the face, his hands vigorously shaking him.

" Sam, come on, wake up, please..." Dean whispered as his body crumpled onto Sam's, " Please don't take him..."

It was just too real, the nightmare back at the hospital. The emotions of losing Sam.

It was just too real.

Dean realised as he sobbed against Sam's shoulder that this pain, would never, ever heal...

" Oh, god, no..." Dean suddenly gasped out, his own heart bashed violently in his chest.

His brother was slipping away.

" Save him..." Dean begged as he grabbed Dr. Kessin's arm, " Please, please don't let him go..."

" Stand clear..." Dr Kessin said his eyes never leaving Sam as the probing hands of the medical team were removed from Sam's body.

" Please Sammy, please..." Dean whispered in a chant, his eyes looking up to the ceiling, " Please, I'm begging you, come back, come back to me..."

Dean watched, his breath held tightly within his lungs, the tears falling from his hazel eyes. The pads to defibulator were pressed nosily and clamped to his brother's form causing the body to convulse. It was an image that Dean would never forget, engraved in his head like a nightmare.

Dr David Kessin leaned forward himself and examined Sam, he tried desperately to ignore the quivering, emotionally charged figure that floated like a shadow at his side.

" No response..." The male nurse said. Dean recognised him as one of the nurses that originally had guided him out of the way when Sam had first gone into cardiac arrest.

Dr Kessin sighed, and Dean's shaking become more obvious.

The words were said that Dean never wanted to hear.

" Call it..." Dr Kessin said, as Dean's scream filled the room.

The other doctor in the room moved out the way as Dean collapsed hysterically on top of Sam's lifeless form. Dr Kessin's heart sank as he watched Dean bury his face against Sam's neck, pleading for his brother to wake up.

" Time of death, 4.32 pm..."

" Come on Sam..." Dean whispered as his fingers searched around for any sign of life, he almost jumped for the joy when he felt a weak pulse under his shaking fingers.

But he knew his joy would be short lived.

Sam had been poisoned.

Sam had been poisoned by him.

Sitting awkwardly on the floor, he lifted Sam's body roughly against his chest and the movement caused the younger boy to moan.

Dean cried out in happiness.

" Sammy…?!" Dean gasped, " Come on dude, stay with me here…"

" Ugh.." Sam said his hazel eyes blinking as he forced his eyes to look up, and a small relieved smile flickered on Sam's face as he stared up at Dean's distorted face.

" So, is it gone..?" Sam asked his voice dry and raspy as his tongue linked his dry lips.

" Yeah…" Dean breathed as his wild eyes glanced nervously over to the still smouldering pile of ash, " It's gone alright…"

" You sure..?" Sam asked as he shifted slightly in Dean's arms, trying to ignore the iron grip that was Dean's hands which were clammed around his body.

" I'm sure Sammy…" Dean said his hands shaking around Sam's form as he shot another look over to the burning pile of grey ash. " It's really gone…"

" Thank, God…" Sam said in a cagey breath as he physically relaxed against Dean, his head resting heavier now against his elder brother's chest, " Cause that thing was really beginning to freak me out…"

" It's all gone now…" Dean said as his eyes tried to ignore his brother's fallen form as his mind frantically tried to piece together a plan.

But he couldn't, everything thing was just hitting him with waves of nausea. He felt physically sick, he felt lifeless, and he felt so guilty for what he'd done. Yet even now, where there was a chance that he could fix this, Dean had no idea what to do.

He was failing again.

" Dean…" Sam whispered as he turned awkwardly against his brother's side, as if he wanted to sleep, " Is your head ok..?"

Dean's laugh was a combination of mad laughter and a sob as he smoothed Sam's hair off his forehead so he could get a better look at him. He had to pull himself together, he had to. He could sink into despair later on, continue the self loathing at a different point, but for now; he had to try to save Sam.

He owed his little brother that much.

Gingerly, Dean's hand picked up Sam's right wrist and pulled his arm into clearer view. Sam was bleeding, badly.

" I got to get you to a hospital.." Dean whispered, having no idea how he would explain the bizarre poison that was in Sam's system, how he would explain the bleeding arms, and the gash across the stomach.

" Your head..?" Sam said in a sleepy tone, " It's ok..?"

" Yeah, it's harder than you think…" Dean said with a sad grin, " Sammy, listen to me, I'm gonna go to the truck and get a blanket and then we're gonna go to the hospital- I'll think of something to tell them, you just say nothing…" Dean said, trying to install some steel into his tone. " I promise you everything will be ok.."

" Beautiful night…" Sam breathed as he closed his eyes against Dean's chest, " Nice and warm…"

Dean momentarily paused and actually considered what his little brother had just said. It was a beautiful night, with a warm wind blowing. The waves of the ocean gently crashing below them as they sat huddled against the side of a fruit truck.

Focus.

That's what Dean needed.

" Sam, I'll be right back…" Dean said already beginning to move Sam off him; however Sam's weak hands gripping onto his own arms and his body protested against the movement, it made Dean pause.

" No…" Sam said as he forced his eyes open, " Lets stay here…"

Dean managed a smile for Sam's sleepy face, " Dude, you can't stay out here, you're bleeding out in front of me.."

" Where did you get the truck from..?" Sam asked as he snuggled against Dean who groaned. Besides it being ridiculously girly, Sam wasn't helping the situation by wanting to stay freaking put. " I could smell plums…"

" I got no idea…" Dean muttered, as he raised Sam off him again and gently placed him on the ground. " Now stop changing the subject, you and me, we're going for a little ride, the hospital ain't far from here…"

" I want to stay here…" Sam said as he turned his head away from Dean who was already yanking open the cab door and digging around inside on very unsteady legs. His nose wrinkled as he found a musty old fire blanket. Beggars couldn't be choosers in this situation.

" I don't care what you want Sammy…" Dean said in an annoyed tone. He groaned inwardly, he wasn't annoyed at Sam; he was annoyed at the situation. Yet it hadn't exactly come out that way.

" I didn't mean it like that…" Dean said his voice thick with remorse, " It's just, we don't have much time, and I seriously need to get you out of here…" Dean explained hoping that it would be enough to remove the horrid chill that had suddenly settled over Sam and himself.

" I don't want to go, I want to stay here, with you…" Sam said his voice thick with sleep, " I don't have long D…-"

" Shut up Sam, it's more complicated than you think.." Dean shouted his voice gradually shaking as he threw the blanket over Sam hurriedly, " I, you, just, I…."

" Dean, please…" Sam said his voice almost breathless, " I need to stay here…"

" I can't…" Dean said feeling the tears brimming at the end of his eyes. He had to tell Sam what he's done, he had to. " The knife Sam, it, oh my god, Sam I'm so sorry, I've done…-"

" It's ok…" Sam said his hazel eyes looking deeply into Dean's tear filled green eyes, " I know, it's ok…"

Dean's mouth dropped open.

He felt like he'd been blasted in the heart by his own gun.

" Why..?" Dean stammered out as the tears begun to fall, " You knew, you knew about the poison, and you still, why..?!"

" Cause it was the only way…." Sam said with a faint smile, " The world needs a Winchester to keep it ticking over.."

" Sam I don't know how to cure you…" Dean said as the sobs broke over his body, " I don't know what to do, I don't want you to die…"

Sam forced his eyes open and purposely looked into Dean's hazel green eyes.

" I'm already dead, Dean…." Sam explained, his voice gentle, " I died in the car crash and something brought me back. Maybe this is what I came back for, to help you and then move on…"

" No…" Dean said as buried his head against Sam's chest, " No, they wouldn't do this, they couldn't, why would they..? Why would they put us through all of this, if it was to end this way..?"

" I don't want us to fight.." Sam said simply, a little smile appearing on his face " I just want to sit here and talk, I don't want to be driving around in some fruit truck; heck it's not even the Impala.."

Dean scrambled to his feet and stumbled away from Sam, his tears blinding him as he walked, Sam could only watch him leave.

Dean suddenly turned and looked at Sam who was pulling himself into a sitting position against the truck. With his back against the wheel, he raised his heavy head and found himself staring at Dean who was frozen a several feet away, just staring.

" It's my job to keep him safe…" Dean whispered, " I know I screw things up, I know I've screwed everything up, but please, anyone out there listening to me, please help me, help us. Give me a hand here, give me a sign. Mom please…."

Dean's hazel green eyes stared up at the star filled night sky, his soul searching for answers in a situation that simply offered none.

His eyes closed.

There were no words, no epiphanies of any sort, no answers to help him.

" Dean..."

Dean's head slowly rose as Sam's voice cut through his thoughts, his glazed eyes slowly trailed over to his brother who had a smile on his face.

This couldn't be happening.

After everything his family had been through. The demon coming into their lives and killing their mother, destroying their father and twisting him into an obsessive hunting machine. Having a child hood distorted and programmed into becoming hunters themselves. A crazed passion that had been drip fed into them both.

The only thing that had ever kept Dean sane was his little brother. It was the one thing that was normal, typical; innocent. The arguments, the fights, the bickering. The wrestling for fun, the games they'd play, hide and seek, frozen statues.

It was the one consistent thing in Dean's life.

He hadn't even realised that somewhere along the line, birthday after birthday had slipped by without celebration, and he was suddenly an adult in his mid-ish twenties, yet his mind had remained the same, an adult with a child like side that he would never out grow.

And now it was all slipping away again.

Dean trotted over to Sam and sunk down on the ground beside him.

" What were you doing over there..? Who were you talking to..?" Sam asked his with a heavy tone, " You're not going crazy are you...?" A grin appearing on his face.

" Are you kidding me, the moment you walked into my life, you turned me crazy..." Dean said with a chuckle, as he gently pulled the blanket closer around Sam.

" Liar, I made your life more interesting.." Sam said with a grin, " I mean how many little brother's do you know, that actually can fly..."

Dean burst out laughing, " Oh my god, do you remember that..?"

" Yeah.." Sam said with a small smile, " I stole your Batman outfit cause you wouldn't play with me..."

" Yeah, and then you climbed onto the roof to take off..." Dean said shaking his head as the memory danced around his head, " Dad was gonna kill you..."

" But I flew..." Sam insisted, " And broke my arm, but I flew.."

Dean laughed, " You were what, seven..?"

" Humm.." Sam said with a sleepy smile, " Dad burned that Batman outfit after that, and Bobby.."

" Yeah, first time that poor man met us and you were busy trying to learn how to fly..." Dean said with a chuckle, " Bobby almost had heart failure watching you jump off..."

" He thought he could catch me.." Sam said with a chuckle as he inched himself closer to Dean. Taking the chance he rested his head against Dean's shoulder.

" Instead you landed on him..." Dean said with a grin, " Do you remember what Bobby told dad..?"

" No, was too busy seeing clowns in our room..." Sam said shuddering at the memory, " There is something about being high on medication that always makes me see clowns.."

" Bobby told dad to never bring us anywhere near him or his home again..." Dean said with a smile as he rested his own head against Sam's, " Dad grabbed us both and took off, and while we were driving you were balling your eyes out, saying there was a clown sitting beside you in the car.." Dean said with a grin, " Which makes total sense now, considering you were seeing them in the bedroom.."

" I like Bobby..." Sam said in a quiet voice,

" I like him too.." Dean admitted as he closed his eyes as he talked, tiredness washing over him.

" I wish dad was here..." Sam whispered, sadness clear in his tone, " I wish I could see dad again, one last time before...-"

" Bobby...!" Dean suddenly shouted, his voice booming over Sam's. The excitement tearing through the night air, " Oh my god..."

Dean scrambled to his knees, gently easing Sam off him.

" Dean, where are you..-?" Sam said when he felt Dean's hand slip under his arms, " Dean, please, it..." Sam's voice cried out in pain, as his muscles trembled as Dean hurriedly pulled him into a standing position.

" I know it hurts Sam, I know, I'm sorry..." Dean whispered, " But you got to work with me on this, you have to. Then you can rest and sleep, and do whatever it is you want, just please, help me here..."

Sam's hazel eyes locked with Dean's hope filled eyes.

He finally nodded and gritted his teeth and pulled himself to his feet, his body leaning heavily against the door of the fruit truck.

" Thank you..." Dean whispered, " Thank you Sam..."

Easing his brother into the truck, Dean hurried over to the drivers cab, searched for the keys to the truck and shoved them into the ignition.

Dean cast a look at Sam who was slumped into the seat beside him.

Maybe moving him wasn't the greatest idea Dean had had to date. Sam now looked awful, his skin was a shade of white Dean wasn't sure was possible, his eyes wore dark rings, his dark brown hair making his skin look even paler; and now his breathing was rattling around.

Forcing his eyes to the road, he started the fruit truck and pulled away, his thoughts praying that the idea that had launched into his mind would play out the way he wanted to...

xxxxXXXXxxxx

Dean glanced over at Sam who was unconscious on his bed. He was beyond exhausted now and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed himself and sleep.

The elder brother stared at his cell phone.

It wasn't a time to call his father. Even if he put all his anger and hatred he felt for him at the moment aside, he still couldn't call him.

How on earth would he explain what had happened to them, especially when Dean was still trying to figure out everything himself.

So instead he called the one other person he knew he could trust. Putting the phone against his ear, he sucked in a shaky voice and held it there.

" Hello..?" Came the gruff voice over the phone.

" Bobby..." Dean said in a breathless tone, already feeling the apprehension in the pit of his stomach shoot up to his throat.

" Who the heck is this, where did you get this number from..?" Bobby demanded. If it was any other situation, Dean probably would have enjoyed having a chuckle at the older hunter's expense, but now was defiantly not the time to be doing that.

" Bobby, I need..-" Dean whispered, but the older hunters voice cut straight through his own.

" Dean..? Dean is that you..?" Bobby asked, the excitement and relief bleeding through his voice.

" I need your help..." Dean said slowly, " The book you gave us.."

" Where are you...? Dean you just took off without a word to anyone, is Sam ok...? Are you ok..? Where is Sam, let me talk to him.." Bobby rattled, the questions for the missing Winchester duo simply rolling off his tongue.

Dean closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath.

" Bobby, in the 'Key of Solomon', there is a ritual..." Dean ignoring all the questions that Bobby had just dumped on him, " I need to know if there is a way to reverse it..."

" Dean..?" Bobby asked, " What's happened..?"

" I just need to know, Bobby..." Dean whispered as his eyes glanced at Sam's sleeping form.

" It depends on what ritual Dean..." Bobby said in a confused tone, " What ritual did you use...?"

Dean breathed in shakily and fought back the bile that suddenly rose to this throat.

" It's a sacrificial ritual..." Dean said trying to insert some steel into his voice, " The one with the three point poisoning..."

Dean listened.

His entire being and hope resting on what the older hunter said in response.

" Dean, there is a reversal..." Bobby said in a plain tone, " But it's not in the book.."

" Where is it..?" Dean demanded, unable to keep the panic out of his voice, " Tell me where to find it..."

" Dean, why do you need it..? What's gone wrong..?" Bobby asked in a steady tone, " If you boys are in trouble, then let me help you.."

" Just tell me where to find the cure.." Dean said in a composed tone, " Bobby, please..."

" Let me talk to Sam, Dean..." Bobby demanded, " Now..."

Dean closed his eyes and fought back the tears that attacked his eyes.

" He's sleeping..." Dean whispered, " Bobby, he's sleeping..."

" Then go and wake him..." Bobby demanded the fear in his own tone over taking the anger in his voice.

" I, I, can't..." Dean chocked out as the tears streamed down his face, " Bobby, I can't..."

Bobby Singer pulled the phone from his ear and stared at the front of his phone. Dean had held back his cell phone number. Bobby didn't know the area code and therefore didn't even know what state these boys were in. They were in trouble. That much he did know. The helplessness that sifted through Bobby, felt like razors tumbling through him.

He was fond of both boys.

Looked at them almost like family.

And now one of them was breaking down in the middle of no where, and he couldn't even speak to the other.

Einstein wasn't needed to figure out what was going on here.

" When did it happen..?" Bobby asked in a steady tone.

He couldn't account blame to the situation yet, he didn't know what had happened, and he didn't know the full story. All he could try and do is help.

Keep Dean together mentally.

Offer the boy some hope.

" Dean..?" Bobby said worry creeping into his voice, " Dean, you still there..?"

" About an hour ago, maybe an hour and fifteen, I don't know exactly..." Dean said in a drained tone, " The ritual wasn't complete, the last incision didn't go right across.."

" Good, that may have just saved your ass..." Bobby said, " Dean, now you listen to me very carefully, the window is only three hours, so you don't have much time..."

Dean pressed the phone closer to his ear.

Sam had to get better, get well; be Sammy again.

Dean would fix this situation.

Or die trying...

xxxxXXXXxxxx

Not long to go now ! Just winding down the chapters and setting up the next story that will follow this one 'Catch 22'. Hope you guys will come join me during that one also. Thanks for reading, and if you get a chance please drop me a review, I always love hearing from you guys !