Ch. 13 My Secret Mission

I watched Rin sleep with invisible eyes. She would wake up soon and notice the change in her surroundings. For now though she dreamt on blissfully unaware. I had to decide what to do now while I had time. I knew I had created animosities on two ends. From the looks of things one would be easier to solve then the other. Assuming I could find Zeruel and return him to Leliel. That was a big if though. Still I was feeling like taking a risk right now and seeing what I would find. This I decided was my self appointed mission.

The first thing to do was to wait until Rin woke up. That wouldn't be long now and I would have to take care of her before anything else. I didn't want her upset or hurt after Sesshomaru had entrusted her into my care. I still had no idea how I was going to explain to her where she had been taken to. I made the equivalent of a frown as I debated what I was going to do.

Slowly, very reluctantly an idea began to form in my head. It was so simply brilliant that I had to wonder why it hadn't come to me before. Rin was a child so naturally she was fond of fun and games. That was my solution. I would tell her this was all an elaborate game I had created for her. That would last for a little while until Rin was hungry or bored. Still it was worth a shot.

I began the meticulous task of designing the game and rules in my head so everything would be laid out and ready to go when Rin woke up. Soon I had a plan and was feeling almost confidant enough to take on the world. By then Rin was stirring and I watched patiently as her eyes opened. "Hello? Miss Rei? Sesshomaru-sama?"

Her voice echoed loudly in my head and I winced slightly. That was the problem with letting people inside when your mind was inside out. If they weren't careful they could cause some damage easily. "I am here Rin." I said.

My voice seemed to come from everywhere. Rin looked around in confusion. "Where?"

I focused my mind on creating an image of myself in my mind for Rin to see. I wanted to slap myself for forgetting that detail with all my planning. My avatar must have looked realistic because Rin ran right to me. She embraced me tightly and I sensed fear of the unfamiliar surrounds. I rubbed her back and whispered soothing word to her. "It is okay Rin. I'm here and nothing will hurt you."

"What's going on Miss Rei? Why are we in this dark place?"

"It's a game I made for you Rin. I'm sorry to frighten you."

I watched Rin eyes widen with childish anticipation at the thought of fun. "A game?" She asked.

I nodded and focused my mind on creating the game board I had come up with. One at a time the pieces began to appear stretching out in a line before us. They were brightly colored and looked like round candies. Rin smiled in delight at the sight of them. "So what do we have to do?"

I handed her the giant dice and said, "Roll it and then go foreword that many circles and do what it says."

Rin took the dice from me and rolled it in the air. The game was on. I knew I had an unfair advantage since I had created the game but I didn't have control over the dice so that should give Rin her edge back.

As I played with Rin I sent the other part of my mind out searching for Zeruel. This wasn't an easy job since there was a large area to cover and I couldn't devote my full attention to this job. Still I worked as fast as I could.

By late afternoon I was tired and both of us were hungry. I hadn't brought much food with us since I didn't have the time. On top of that I wasn't counting on this taking long however I had yet to receive word for Sesshomaru. This could be a problem. Rin would have to eat to live. My only chance was to sneak into the kitchen and take some when no one was looking. I slowly my visible black shadow self from under the bench where I had been hiding.

I made my way down the path and to the kitchen. I was careful to keep myself blended in with the shadows so I would be less noticeable. After several tense moments I finally made my way inside the kitchen. However as it was currently dinner time the room was jammed packed with people trying to finish preparations for dinner. I tried to maneuver my way around but it was all I could do to stay out of the way and unnoticed.

I followed Seki around hoping to get his attention but it did not good. I could not appear out of thin air, which would cause panic as would absorbing him. Unhappy and hungry, I retreated to the safety of the bench at the far area of the garden. It wasn't long before I felt the stone Sesshomaru had given me glow in my hand.

I focused my energy into creating a realistic illusion of myself so Sesshomaru could speak to me. It was simple and I had it done within moments. Sesshomaru smiled when he saw me appear. "So there you are. I was wondering where you had gone."

I sat down beside him careful to keep distance so my illusion would hold up. "What did you want?"

"Seki told me there had been a black shadow following him around. I figured it was you looking for food."

I nodded. "Rin is hungry but she can not eat my imagination."

"Quite true. That is why I brought this."

Sesshomaru held out a small bundle that was full of food towards me. "This should be enough for you for a day or two."

"Arigato. I'm sure Rin will be pleased."

"Are you going to take it?" Sesshomaru asked when I didn't touch it.

"I can not. What you see is only a reflection of my true self. I have no physical presence here."

"I see. So how do you plan to get it to Rin?"

"I can create a temporary physical form but you have to promise to stay calm."

I asked that only out of precaution since I'm sure it would be unusual looking. Sesshomaru nodded. I let my reflection fade and moved my shadow out into the open. I focused all my energy in creating an arm. Slowly it rose white and slender into the air. Sesshomaru stepped back as it grasped the bag and slowly disappeared. I directed my shadow back under the bench and reappeared beside Sesshomaru. "That was different . . ."

"Sorry. Did I scare you?"

"No, that was just unusual."

"Yes it was. How are things up at the palace? Is your mother still angry?"

"She is unbelievable. I'm having trouble preventing her from tearing the place apart looking for you."

"Good luck with that."

"Thank-you. I think I'll need it. What about you, are you doing okay?"

I nodded. "I'm doing okay. I've got Rin playing a game while I'm looking for my cousin."

"Then why are you here?"

"I came to see you."

Sesshomaru looked away as a half smile crossed his lips. "Right."

I sighed and let my head rest on his shoulder. Sesshomaru tensed for a moment but then relaxed. "It is it okay if I put my arm around you?" Sesshomaru asked sheepishly.

"Don't hold too tightly or I'll disappear."

Sesshomaru smiled a placed his arm around my waist. We sat like that for a long time. I like the way it felt. It was comfortable and safe. "This feels nice. I almost can't believe you're not here. It feels like your right beside me."

I nodded and smiled. "I just wish we could stay like this."

"Why not?"

"Your mother's coming. I should leave before she sees me."

"Good idea. I'll see you later. Good luck."

"Same to you. Good bye."

I disappeared and returned to the Sea of Durac. I watched as Lady Ririko appeared and approached Sesshomaru. "What are you doing way out here?" She demanded.

"I was trying to find some peace and quiet." Sesshomaru replied sharply.

"I see. Mind if I join you?"

"Go right ahead."

Lady Ririko sat down beside him. For a time there was an uneasy silence and then Lady Ririko spoke. "Sesshomaru there's been something I need to talk to you about."

"What?" Sesshomaru asked not breaking his gaze.

"Forget about that girl. She's just a human. It's best now that she's gone."

Sesshomaru's fist tightened and his jaw clenched. "Who I associate with and what I do is my business not yours, mother."

Lady Ririko's eyes narrowed. "Funny. That's a similar argument to the one your daughter uses against you."

"What you refer to is an entirely different situation."

"Not at all both of you are trying to have what you can't. You can't have the human as she can't have her freedom."

"Why can't I have a human friend? There's nothing wrong with that."

Lady Ririko's face contorted violently in anger. "What's wrong? What's wrong? Everything! Human's are a weak inferior race whose sole purpose is to sully our noble demon heritage."

"She is not a weak and inferior mother. She's a very kind person and extremely brave. If it wasn't for her I might be dead."

"You dare defend that human wench."

"Yes."

"So how do you explain your imprisonment of your daughter? Why did you give her the barrier seal instead of keep it yourself?"

"I was the new Lord and I would be the natural target for aggression by other demons. By giving it to my daughter I sought to keep it safe and hidden."

"Sure give it to as a burden to your small little weak child."

"Don't put it like that." Sesshomaru barked dangerously.

There was a long silence while the two Inu Youkai glared menacingly at each other. Finally Sesshomaru turned and started walking away. "I'm going. Good-bye!"

I got the feeling that those last words were meant for me and not his mother. I watched him go. I wanted to call him back, to do something to make him not so angry. However I was forced to watch silently as he stalked away.

"I never should have let you marry Haruna!" Lady Ririko screamed after him "If I had know how you felt about her I would have mad sure to keep you apart. She was a horrible influence on you. If it wasn't for her you wouldn't have this foolish notion of a relationship based on love."

Sesshomaru turned and I saw hatred in his eyes. Don't you dare speak ill of her. She was the first person I ever cared for and I won't let you trample her memory." He growled "Had you forbidden us to marry we'd plan to run away. That's how crazy I was for her. You could never understand what it means to care for another like that. I think you're the one who needs to grow up!"

Lady Ririko looked shocked then furious at his harsh words. Sesshomaru turned and left leaving no room for her to stop him. "Dam him." Lady Ririko muttered angrily.

I sat silently holding my breath hoping that she wouldn't reach down under it and find me. After several long moments she stormed angrily away towards the palace.

I sighed wondering what to do. The first thing was to get the food to Rin and eat. Then I would have to see from there.

Sesshomaru stormed though the hallways of the palace. He was seething after his conversation with his mother. Meiki however stood in his way. Despite how he must look she didn't move out of the way. "Sesshomaru what's wrong?" She asked sounding curious and sympathetic.

"I don't want to talk about it." Sesshomaru growled angrily.

Meiki smiled and threw her arms around his. "Come on. What's so important you can't tell your best friend?"

Sesshomaru tried to throw her off but she clung fast slowly pulling him along the hallway with her. He escaped hours later and went to see Rei. Sesshomaru wasn't sure why he felt compelled to seek her out but he wanted to see her. To hear the wise advice and the comfort she gave. Most importantly he wanted to see those red eyes and that shy smile of hers he found so beautiful. Sesshomaru found her waiting in the garden like before.

I had managed to put Rin to sleep and was relaxing with my thoughts when I felt the stone Sesshomaru gave me glow again. I made myself a visible form and appeared in the garden. Sesshomaru appeared moments later. He looked exhausted and frustrated. He sat heavily beside me and hung his head. "This is ridiculous."

I leaned over so I could get a better view of his face. "What is?"

"Everything."

I put my hands on my hips pouting in mock offense. "Oh, so now I'm ridiculous? Then why am I talking to you?"

Sesshomaru looked sheepish having realized his mistake. "I . . . I didn't mean you Rei. I was referring to my mother mostly and a little bit Meiki."

I smiled and let my mock anger disappear. "I know you did."

Sesshomaru looked over at me suspiciously. "You're out to get me too?"

I placed my hand lightly over his. "No."

"What am I going to do?"

"You mean about your mother?"

Sesshomaru nodded. "Yes that would be the case."

"I don't know that is your problem."

"You could you be a little more helpful then that?"

"Well, you could try talking to her, however you already tried that. So I don't know what to tell you. I'm afraid I'm not good at things like this."

"That's okay. I'd be amazed if you knew everything."

I nodded and we sat there in silence simply enjoying the brief time we had to be in each other's company. Unexpectedly I found my head resting on his shoulder. "Tell me about Haruna? She's you late wife, right? What happened to her?"

Sesshomaru became stiff and he seemed surprised by my question. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I heard you and your mother talking about her. I'm sorry if my question makes you upset. I was only curious."

Sesshomaru relaxed again. "It's okay. Maybe I should tell you our story. I met her years ago. We fell in love pretty quickly. At the time my parents were trying to force me to marry and take on more reasonability. However a little less then a year after Haruna and I first met I knew she was the one. When my parents told me I had to marry her or else I was ecstatic."

"Then what?"

"After the wedding we were happy for many months and then Haruka was born. I thought nothing could be better then that life. The one day it shattered. All because of one angry young man . . ."

Sesshomaru's voice broke off. I held my breath waiting for him to say who had killed his wife. "Who?"

"Oni Gumo."

"Oni Gumo but isn't he the bandit at Naraku's core?"

"Yes he is. He started out as the youngest son of one of the priests at the castle. He never felt his parents gave him enough of the love and attention he deserved. So he spent all his time learning to lead and get others attention. His first act was to poison my wife. He intended to kill his family; then have me promote him out of grief and sympathy."

"You didn't do it did you?"

"No. I found out before that question came up. I would have killed him but he had run away by then and become the bandit Oni Gumo. I was too grief stricken at the time to follow and by the time I was ready it didn't seem to matter any more. I almost wish I had killed him then and there. If I had Naraku would never have been born."

"You don't know that. Maybe someone else would have done what Oni Gumo did and we'd have some other crazy super powered half-demon to deal with."

Sesshomaru sighed. "Maybe you're right."

"You still miss your wife, don't you?"

I had been trying to work of the courage to ask that question but now that I had I was afraid it had come out too bluntly. "Oh, of course I do. You don't loose someone you care for without the pain. Part of you will always care for and miss them. It's proof of how special they were."

I had to agree with that. If you didn't care for them there wouldn't be pain.

Sesshomaru gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "I need to go inside and handle things. Take care okay?"

"Sure. Thanks."

"For what?"

"Telling me the truth."

I returned to the Sea of Durac and did the equivalent of going to sleep. I was awakened the next morning, not by sunlight, which I currently couldn't sense, but Rin's voice calling my name. "Miss Rei where are you?"

I brought my mind awake as fast as I could. "I'm right here Rin!"

Rin smiled when she saw me appear and clapped in delight. "Miss Rei play more with Rin today?" Rin asked eagerly.

I nodded. "Of course we'll play more. You ready to start or do you want to eat first?"

Rin seemed to consider her options before her stomach decided for her with a rumble of demand for food. "Let's eat!" Rin declared.

So with that in mind I brought out of the food and I proceeded to cook breakfast. Rin helped eagerly anxious for something to eat. Soon it was done and we sat enjoying the hot bowls of food.

While all of this had been going on I had once again resumed my search for Zeruel. I still had no idea where the angel of might was but just for an instant I thought I felt his presence during my search yesterday. So I was feeling even more confidant of finding him some time soon. I thought back trying to remember where I had been when I had felt him. After a minute the answer came to me, there was only one problem, I had been nowhere.

Nowhere for an angel is different then what most humans would think. We refer to nowhere as those areas where nothing exists. They are blank dead worlds that only work to keep the universe divided or contain that which should not exist. The problem was there was no logical way or reason why he had been in there. Still that's where I had felt his presence. It was worth a second look.

I wandered carefully feeling my way along the fabric of the world. I looked all around but I could not feel Zeruel anywhere. I decided to exercise some patience and continue looking around just to be sure. Something told me Zeruel was nearby despite what my senses said. A few moments later I felt the familiar presence of Zeruel not far from me.

I felt around trying to locate it. It took me several second to pinpoint it but I was able to. I went to my left using Zeruel's location to guide my way. I found him quickly. I didn't recognize the form me was using but I knew exactly who he was. He was floating aimlessly in the endless world of blackness. He must have been distracted by his mind because he didn't notice my presence. I approached him and gently lay my hand on his shoulder.

He turned quickly and if I hadn't been on my guard he would have cut off my head out of fright. I was back several feet in a flash. Zeruel was breathing hard staring at me in suspicion. Slowly he face lit up in recognition. "Ayanami."

"It's been a while, cousin Zeruel."

"Yes, it has."

"Do you know how to get me out of here?"

I don't know but I know who does."

"Who?"

"The other angels."

Zeruel nodded as if he understood what I had meant. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go talk to them."

I closed my eyes and focused on reaching out to Kaworu's mind.

Kaworu?

Yes, what's going on?

I found him. I found Zeruel.

What? Where?

He was where none of us expected him to be. We all thought he'd be in another world like I am but he's not. He trapped in between the worlds.

In between the worlds? But how is that possible?

The area between the different worlds is actually a giant black void. A black world of darkness so to speak. There's nothing there and it's only real purpose is to separate everything else. It's possible that this was once a world is well but everything is dead now.

I see. So you're saying he's stuck there?

Exactly, right beyond your world.

So what's the plan?

All you have to do is use you're AT fields to rip a hole for him to return though. It should be easier then bringing me back and good practice.

I stood back and watched as the angels did their work and opened a hole into their world. I did not go with Zeruel only because I couldn't. I nodded feeling good that I had done something to ease tensions on that front. Still I had Lady Ririko to worry about.

After this was over I retuned fully to my body and played the afternoon with Rin. It actually felt like such a relief to not worry about anything but fun for a little while that was until I realized there was something I had to worry about. We were fast running out of the food that Sesshomaru had given me the other day.

I would have to contact him myself. Question was I didn't know how to work the stone. So I decided I had to do this the only other way I knew how. I would have to talk to him telepathically.

Sesshomaru?

What do you want Rei?

I need to see you can you meet me in the garden?"

Of course. I'll be there in a minute.

I was waiting when Sesshomaru showed up. I didn't realize it until he turned the corner into sight but I had been waiting anxiously to see him. I had actually been eager to see him again? Why? It didn't make sense. I had seen him the night before after all. Yet, I felt better when he was with me and sad when I couldn't see him. Did this mean I love him . . .? The answer came to be without any thought or provocation. Yes, I was forced to admit shyly, I love him . . .

The thought was unnerving because I had no idea what to do. What should I do now that I had acknowledged the truth? I felt like I was way in over my head. I wasn't afraid. In fact I felt the opposite. I felt confidant enough to figure it out as I went.

Sesshomaru grinned when he saw me and held out a bag. "I brought you some food."

I smiled in relief. I had meant to ask him when I saw him; so how had he known? Still I was extremely grateful for it. This was one less thing to worry about. I directed the black shadow that was me out from under the bench. "Want me to put it in there?" Sesshomaru asked.

I nodded. Just be careful not to touch it, otherwise you might get sucked in. Sesshomaru set the bag on top of the black circle and I began to absorb it into my mind. Sesshomaru smiled and held his hand out to me. I took it and the two of us began to walk slowly through the garden hand in hand.

Ririko was looking for Sesshomaru hoping to get him to spend time with Meiki. She turned the corner and stopped dead in her tracks. In front of her she could see Rei and Sesshomaru walking in the garden. They were holding hands, fingers firmly intertwined and Rei was leaning slightly against him. Sesshomaru said something and Rei reacted like she was mad. Sesshomaru said something back and tugged on the end of her braid pulling her closer to him. The pair began laughing and Sesshomaru put his arm around her waist. Rei reached across and placed her hand over his. Their laughter drifted back to her over the gentle breeze

Ririko was stunned and horrified. She couldn't believe Rei was even here. She thought the girl had run away in fear. Not only had she returned she was being intimate with Sesshomaru. They were laughing and joking around like they were close. Ririko couldn't believe that. Rei and Sesshomaru were close.

NO! She would never allow this. Sesshomaru would not get close to that girl. A wave of anger rose with in her and she stormed out into the clearing. Rei looked up obviously not expecting to see the other woman. For an instant her face resembled a dear caught in the headlights or a guilty child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Then without warning she was gone.

Sesshomaru glared back at his mother as she made his way angrily towards him. He knew his mother must have been spying on him. He felt hurt and that she had done that. "What are you doing here mother?" He growled angrily.

"You have no right to talk. I saw you, holding hands with that girl and flirting with her like a fool in love."

"What's wrong with that? We've made a connection and I like being with her."

"Are you trying to tell me you're in love with her? Do not do this to me Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru looked taken back by her question and reluctant to answer. "I don't know . . . She'sdefinitely something special to me but I'm not sure I willing to use that word just yet. . ."

"Admit it. You're just out to take your revenge against Izayoi on Rei. Get out of here. Haven't you caused her enough trouble?"

"You're being a fool Sesshomaru. Humans are nothing but trouble. She's blinded you to the perfectly acceptable match you have waiting inside."

Sesshomaru turned and left not wanting to hear more. As he walked past the bench he looked for Rei but didn't see her. Had she withdrawn to some other part of the garden? She must have.

I felt like curling up in a ball and crying my eyes out. I told myself over and over that I would not do it until I had control back. I refused to let myself lose control. It was stupid and not worth it. Besides if I did break down I'd become a mess right in front of Rin and I didn't want to let her see that. Rin felt my pain and sadness anyway. "Is Miss Rei okay?"

Biting back the last of my tears I nodded. "Yes, I'm fine Rin."

I handed her the dice and gave her a gentle push. "It's your turn." I reminded her.

Rin rolled and away we went. I smiled the whole while as my heart broke inside.

For two days I stayed out of contact with Sesshomaru. I don't know why but I simply couldn't bring myself to face him. The mere thought made he shudder. What if he didn't love me and I was only a friend? Or worse what if I was only bate against Naraku? Then why had he kissed me, twice? Was this all just a game? Was he going to leave me too? The voices went round and round until listening to them became painful. I was forced to try to ignore them or risk losing my sanity.

I realized after I had calmed down from the initial shock that I also feared being alone and not having Sesshomaru to talk to. Yes, he had done so much for me and been a great friend since I had come to this world. I didn't want to let him go.

Eventually however I was forced to face him when I felt the stone glow for a third time. I formed my visible illusionary self and appeared into the garden. By then I had resigned myself to that conclusion that he did have feelings for me, however he was either unsure or not ready to admit them yet.

Sesshomaru wasn't smiling when I saw him instead he seemed worried or worried. "How are you?"

He relaxed some after my reply. Did he really think I would be mad at him or something? Apparently yes. "I'm fine. How have things been at the palace?"

Sesshomaru sighed and shook his head. "I think everyone there is out to get me."

"That bad? Doesn't sound like fun for you."

"It hasn't been. However I bring good news for you."

"What?"

Sesshomaru smiled like he was in possession on a great secret. "It's time for you to come back. I've finally gotten my mother to allow you back inside with out killing you."

I blinked in complete amazement. I didn't have to hide anymore. I didn't have to ask who had made this possible. I was looking at him. I wrapped my arms around him in a loose hug. Sesshomaru seemed startled for a moment but then slowly put his arm around me. "Thank-you so much." I whispered.

"Hey, it wasn't any fun with out you."

"Oh, really?"

Sesshomaru leaned foreword and kissed me lightly on the forehead. "Anything to have you safe with me."

I smiled back at him. Sesshomaru gently turned me towards my shadow under the bench. I returned to the void and disappeared from sight. Once inside I went to Rin and took her in my arms. Carefully I flipped my A.T. field right side out. The two of appeared before Sesshomaru. Rin ran too him sliming happily. "Lord Sesshomaru! Rin is very happy to see you again!" She cried.

"I'm glad to see you to Rin." Sesshomaru said.

Rin ran laughing merrily up ahead and I came to walk beside Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru shook his head as if he found this comical. "You know that although she won't try anything obvious against you she may try something underhanded."

"You mean like fake an accident, poison or saying mean things?"

"Exactly. You can't tell my you're not afraid"

"I'm won't. In fact I'm secretly terrified. The last time I spoke to her I was afraid she's lash out at me right then and there."

"I'll be there for you if you ever need to talk about what she's done."

"I know. Don't worry I'll hang tough."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What do fear most as a method of death?"

"I do not want to be strangled. That would be the worst."

Sesshomaru nodded. There wasn't anymore to be said. The rest was understood. Protect Rin and neutralize Lady Ririko's attacks on both her and me. That would be the focus of our attention for the next few days. I had no doubt it would be hard work but I wasn't afraid.

We walked in silence down the path. Sesshomaru kept his hand in mine and I think we both like it liked that way. Meiki appeared and strolled up to us. "Sesshomaru, can I borrow her for a moment."

I looked over at Sesshomaru and I could see that we were thinking the same thing. Why had she asked him and not me? This did not bode well. "If you wish to talk to me you may." I stated firmly.

Meiki seized my arm roughly and pulled me down the path a short ways. Once we were out of earshot and eyesight she stuck her face close to mine with the most horrible expression she could muster. "Listen, I don't know what kind of advantage you think you have over him but you need to give it up. Sesshomaru is mine. Got that?"

I shook my head no trying not to be intimidated by her. Out of nowhere she wrapped around my neck. She began to squeeze cutting off the air. "You have no idea what I will do to you if you do not agree."

My chest clenched and I couldn't breath. My stomach went down and completely left my body. She was serious and she loved Sesshomaru. Meiki would kill me if I didn't do this. "Well, are you going to agree or not?"

I nodded meekly. ". . . Yes . . ."

My voices sounded faint and unreal. I kept trying to tell myself this was a nightmare and I would wake up to find everything was fine. Meiki turned smiling triumphantly and walked away. She wrapped her arms around Sesshomaru and drew him from the garden. He looked back at me long enough for me to catch his pain apology before he was gone.

All I could do was fall to my knees and cry. There were no words for the pain I felt.