Blue let the warm water run over her body as she stepped into the steaming shower. It didn't matter to her, but Hige was insane for thinking the sofa in the living room was comfortable. Then again, she didn't exactly sleep in the most appropriate or comfortable of positions. Her back was stiff, her arms were sore, and when she had woken up her left hand was asleep and contorted into the most unusual of positions. She grabbed her shampoo and squeezed a blob of the green gel into her hands, rubbing them together before massaging the shampoo onto her scalp.

Crap, I cannot believe I let him get that close to me again! I'm so stupid, not to mention I helped him cheat on Christie. Great, now I'm going to feel like a slut for the rest of the week.

Blue sighed as she leaned against the shower wall and let the hot water fall on the back of her shoulders. It felt so nice now that her muscles had decided to relax, but guilt still writhed in her stomach. It wasn't exactly her fault. Things like that happen when you and your ex-boyfriend still care about each other and get a little too close.

But he suggested everything. Hige made the first move. Blue reassured herself. It wasn't her fault at all.

But you let him, replied that nasty little voice of integrity from the back of her mind. You knew you shouldn't have let things go that far, but you liked it and you know it.

Blue smacked her hand against the wall tile, completely frustrated. She should have just stayed in her room and shivered after that blasted nightmare! If she hadn't come out to get a glass of milk, then she wouldn't have met Hige in the living room and they wouldn't have relived the past that Blue had been trying so hard to forget about.

Blue ran her fingers through her hair as she washed the shampoo out, then she ran conditioner over her newly washed hair. Her shampoo was, perhaps, the only thing that didn't smell like peach. It was sour green apple scented. True, it was in the childern's section of shampoo, but it was cheaper and smelled better than half the other things available.

I just want to forget about him, Blue thought, tears stinging her eyes. "Why can't I just forget about him? Why can't I just not give a damn like every other girl who breaks up with her boyfriend, even if she sleeps with him?"

Obviously it's because you love him. If you didn't love him then it wouldn't have been worth it in the first place.

"But this pain is not worth it!" Blue sobbed, her tears now mingling with the warm water running down her face. "I would give anything not to care any more! If it would stop my heart from breaking, I would rather be a bitchy person who doesn't care about anything!"

The reason caring about someone is so important is because it hurts when that trust it broken or that relationship is ended. If that weren't there, then there would have been no point in the relationship in the first place.

Blue clenched her hand into a fist and forced her tears back. Why cry over someone who wouldn't do the same for her? But for some reason she couldn't stop anyway. Blue sniffed as she rinsed the shampoo out of her hair, noticing the safety razor next to her can of shaving cream. She'd always wondered what it felt like to cut yourself, but she'd never really understood the attraction the whole idea. Blue reached out and grabbed the razor in her hand, unsure what to do with it. She could hear the thought "this is stupid" run through her head over and over again, but what else was there for her to do? The more Blue tried to convince herself that to cut would make her an idiot and get her no where, the more she felt compared to just pull the razor across her skin. Maybe it would hurt less.

Blue pressed her free hand against her bare chest. She could feel her heart beat through her skin, thudding rapidly. Then she looked at the veins on her wrists. They seemed to stick out now more than they ever have, blue rivers under her warm-toned skin. She could feel the pressure in her chest, making breathing almost difficult, if not uncomfortable. Blue looked down at the pink razor in her hand. There would be absolutely no shame in turning back now. No one would ever know.

But there was still that feeling that if she just overcame her fear, that she could at least avoid pain, if not for a little while. Even if Blue knew that the feeling was lie, she had to try.

Blue held her breath as she slowly let the razor dig into her skin, horizontally and on the side of her wrist, just enough to make a tick mark. She pulled quickly, barely feeling the pain as the blade cut her skin. Blue exhaled slowly and looked at her wrist. A small line of blood, not thick at all, was slowly trickling down her arm, not because of the amount but because of the water that smeared it. As if on cue, she could feel the tension in her body release simply at the idea of what she had just done.

So this is why so many people do this to themselves, Blue thought, still unable to take her eyes off the cut. It must take a lot of effort for people to cut so deep that they kill themselves or bleed to death. I don't want to die. I just want to stop hurting.

Blue turned off the water and stepped out of the shower as she wrapped a towel around her body, pressing her bleeding wrist against the dark blue towel. Even though she felt better and knew that she wasn't suicidal, for some reason she felt a bit ashamed about cutting herself. But it was only one time. It wasn't as if it would happen again.

Blue dried herself off and began to change into the clean clothes she had brought with her. The fog on the mirror had started to disappear so she could now see her reflection. Her face was a bit pale, even if she usually had a slightly tan skin tone. Her eyes were a little puffy, most likely from crying and the lack of sleep. The only embarrassing thing was all the hickey's that ranged from her collar bone to her hip bones. It was a very good thing that she liked to cover up herself in the first place, and that summer was months away.

With a slight shake of her head, Blue continued to get dressed. It was late enough to not look suspicious on the road, but early enough to ensure that Hige wouldn't see her. If there was going to be a time for her to leave, for her to recover, then it would have to be today.

Blue quietly went into her room and packed a few things. She didn't need to be gone for long, just a week or so. Everything had already been planned out. Blue would write Hige a note, explaining how she wasn't moving out, but she just needed time to recollect her thoughts. She sat down at her desk and pulled out a piece of paper, scribbled her note down and with a jack-o-lantern sticker left over from Halloween, she stuck it on his bedroom door.

Blue carried Hitomi in her cage in one hand and her school bag over her shoulder as she walked through the living room towards the door. Hige was still lying on the couch, asleep, his hair still a complete mess. He was draped by the quilt that they had dragged from the hallway closet in the middle of the night.

Blue felt a slight pang in her chest as she looked at him and watched him sleep. Hige's face was so relaxed, a goofy, half-smile still on his face. He truely looked as if he were at peace, and Blue wondered why she couldn't be the one to make him feel that way all the time. That was how he made her feel, afterall.

With a slight sigh, Blue carefully crept over to Hige's side and kissed his cheek gently. His skin was so soft. Far from imperfections of course, but soft anyway. Blue mentally smacked herself. "This is why I need to leave for a while," she sighed. And with that final thought, Blue walked out the door and into the cool mist of the morning.

Well well well...I updated sooner than expected. xD Actually this chapter was completely on impulse but it worked. I gotta go though, so enjoy!

Aeorith