Joey stood behind the front door of the B&B in shock for a few seconds after Dawson walked away. Her cheeks burned and tears blurred her vision. She couldn't believe that Dawson had said those things to her. It was definitely a side of him she'd never seen before. She'd seen him angry, hurt, confused, but never like this. It scared her.
She sauntered into her room and sat down in a rocking chair near the window, contemplating the events of the past day and what had just happened. She remembered climbing through Dawson's window that night, meaning to tell him goodbye. Instead, she had inadvertently exposed her deepest secret: that she was terrified of what would happen when he left.
There was a knock at the door and Joey felt a surge of excitement. Dawson had come back to apologize. She got up, wiped the tears off of her face, and quickly made her way to the door, smiling brightly. Her face fell when she recognized that the person standing on her porch was Jen Lindley.
Jen raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Okay. I'm not a body language expert or anything, but I'm pretty sure that you're not excited to see me," she said. "I'll come back later." She turned to leave, and the breezy plaid sundress that she was wearing twirled around her legs.
"No, no… you can stay," Joey said, grabbing Jen's arm and forcing a smile. "I was just expecting… someone else." Jen nodded and grinned.
"Ahh… let me guess: Dawson." Joey shrugged.
"Yeah. We kind of had an argument." She opened the door wider, inviting Jen in, and led Jen to her room where they sat down on the bed.
"So, what's going on between you and our golden boy?" Jen asked, looking both concerned and amused. Jen was used to Joey and Dawson's drama. She was just glad that this time, it didn't involve her. At least, she hoped it didn't. Joey picked up a stuffed penguin and held it to her chest as she explained the situation.
"I went to say goodbye to Dawson, and I ended up saying more than that," she began.
"Meaning??" Jen prodded.
"I told him I want him to stay," Joey muttered. "And while I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, it was to me. I've never felt so vulnerable with Dawson." She stroked the penguin absentmindedly and her eyes met Jen's. "It's just that it's always been hard for me to express my true feelings for him," she continued. "Usually because even I don't understand them." Joey laughed nervously. "You really don't have to listen to this whole dramatic mess," she told Jen. "It's pretty complicated."
Jen shook her head. "I don't mind. Joey, you're my best girl friend. The only one that I've had in a really long time, actually. And I want to be there for you. In fact, I'm amazed that you're letting me!" They shared a smile and Joey realized that she was actually grateful for Jen's company.
"Okay. Well, I don't know what I feel for Dawson. I mean, I've known since we were in middle school that I love him. But am I in love with him? The line between the two constantly blurs," Jen nodded supportively. "When I told Dawson I wanted him to stay, I was telling him something really personal that I didn't think I'd ever have the courage to say out loud," Joey confessed. "And when he kissed me, for once I felt like expressing my deepest feelings might have actually been worth the potential fallout." Jen's eyes widened in excitement and surprise.
"He kissed you?!" she exclaimed. Joey nodded, biting her lip and giving a small smile.
"And I knew that Mr. and Mrs. Leery would never let him stay, but just for that second I felt like there was hope." She brushed a strand of hair away from her face and kept talking. "He actually told me that he was going to talk to his parents about deferring his admission," she announced. "Obviously, deep down I knew that the Leerys would never go for that, and I understand. I mean, it's ridiculous for him to pass up an opportunity to achieve his dream. I also knew that it was incredibly selfish for me to even HOPE it could happen, but… I don't know. I just…" her voice trailed off. Jen placed a hand gently on top of Joey's shoulder.
"It's okay to hope. You love him and you're scared of losing him. That's completely understandable," she assured her.
"Well, when he came by tonight to tell me that he was going, I felt humiliated because I shared my deepest fear with him basically for nothing. So, I put my guard back up and I said some really hurtful things to him, he said things back to me, mainly about my relationship with Pacey, and now it's just a total mess." Joey realized that she had started to cry again, and she rolled her eyes, embarrassed.
"It wasn't for nothing, Joey," Jen said calmly, handing her a box of Kleenex from the bedside table. "He knows how you feel about him now. And, yeah, he was deeply hurt by the whole Pacey thing and it might take some time for him to get over it. But he will. I know he still cares about you."
Joey shook her head. "I just don't know. He told me that I lost him a long time ago, when I went sailing with Pacey, and that I can never get him back."
"Shh," Jen said. "He's upset, Joey. He said things he didn't mean, just liked you did. If you want him back, you can get him back. I know that you two have a somewhat complicated history, and that it's been a rough couple of years for you, and maybe your friendship has suffered a little bit. But, Joey, everyone can see that he's still head over heels in love with you."
"Do you really think so?" Joey asked uncertainly.
"As much as I hate to admit it, yes." Jen stood up and smoothed her dress down. "Look, Joey, I know we haven't always been the best of friends—" Joey let out a small chuckle. "But it means a lot to me that you opened up to me, and I want you to know that I'm here for you if you need me." Joey wrapped her arms around Jen in a hug.
"Thanks, Jen. Thanks for being here," she said awkwardly. She never was good with the whole emotional thing.
"I brought you something," Jen said, holding out a brightly wrapped box decorated with a silver bow. "It's not much, just a little graduation present." Joey unwrapped the box to reveal a framed picture of herself, Dawson, Pacey, and Jen taken the summer before 10th grade. They were on the beach, and she was on Dawson's back, his arms looped through her long, gangly legs, and hers around his neck.
"Wow. This is a great picture," she breathed, remembering the exact moment it was taken. She giggled as she recalled smugly suggesting that Pacey stand next to Dawson so there wouldn't be a height difference… I mean, you can't have a dwarf next to Dawson. He's six feet tall, she heard herself saying. She blushed, remembering how hateful she'd been to Jen that summer. Jen must have read her mind.
"Don't worry, Joey. This dwarf doesn't have any hard feelings about the past," she announced. Both girls laughed. "Wow. I never imagined that we would actually end up being friends."
"Um, I never thought I'd say this, but… I'll miss you," Joey admitted.
"Well, I've decided to go to Boston Bay, so I'll actually be close!" Jen exclaimed. "See you around?"
"See ya," Joey said, smiling to herself as Jen left. She looked at the picture again and sighed.
"I want you back, Dawson" she murmured to herself. Suddenly, Joey knew what she had to do.