Reasons Why Sasuke Doesn't Shop With Naruto… Anymore
Summary: Title says it all. AU
Disclaimer: Me no ownee Naruto.
Warning: Extreme asinine reasons!
One day Sasuke received angry mail from their local Walmart. It read:
May 30, 2007
Re:
Mr. Uzumaki Naruto: Multiple Complaints
Dear Uchiha Sasuke,
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Uzumaki
Naruto has been
causing quite a commotion in our store. We
cannot tolerate this type of
behavior and have considered banning
the entire family from shopping in
any of our stores. We
have documented all incidents on our video
surveillance
equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling
from
the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr.
Uzumaki
have been compiled and are listed below.
15 Incidents
caused by Mr. Uzumaki Naruto has done while his spouse is
shopping:
1. November 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms
and randomly put them in
people's carts when
they weren't looking.
2. December 2: Set all the alarm
clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3.
December 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the
restrooms.
4. December 19: Walked up to an
employee and told her in an official tone,
Code
3 in Housewares... and watched what happened.
5. January 4:
Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a box of cup ramen
on
layaway.
6. February 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. February 15: Set up a
tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd
invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the
bedding
department.
8. February 23: When a clerk asks
if they can help him, he begins to
cry and asks 'Why can't
you people just leave me alone?'
9. March 4: Looked
right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
and picked
his nose.
10. April 10: While handling guns in the
hunting department, asked
the clerk
if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. April 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. May 6: In
the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look"
using
different size funnels.
13. May 18: Hid in a
clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled "PICK
ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. May 21: When an
announcement came over the loud speaker,
he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those
voices
again!!!!"
15. May 23: Went into a
fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile;
then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in
here!"
Sasuke
stared in sheer disbelief.
"HOW
COULD YOU NARUTO? MY POOR TOMATO JUICE!"