To all my readers: THANK YOU so much for your reviews! They are so encouraging. It's exciting to see that so many people are amused by this crazy brainchild of mine. Much love.
If you've ever had the misfortune to have been led on a guided tour, I'm sure you will agree that they are, for the most part, entirely worthless. The paths the tours take are usually unnecessarily convoluted, and the guide, while he or she may mean well, is often thoroughly tedious and does not or can not answer the questions you most want answered. Just last week, for example, I was taking a guided tour through an art museum, and though the guide did explain to me the origins of many paintings, she failed to mention the secret code embedded in one of them, and gave only a vague reply when I asked for details on the matter. And, despite my obvious curiosity, she whisked me away to the next part of the tour before I had had ample time to study the painting.
I'm sorry to say that the Baudelaires experienced a somewhat similar experience as they followed Roger around the Wammy's House. Roger led the three orphans out of his study and into the hallway. He pointed to his left. "Directly to the left, we have a bathroom; beyond that is one of our two classrooms and the cafeteria. On the other side of my office, we have a room in which the children study various physical disciplines."
"Physical disciplines?" Klaus asked as they followed him down the hallway in that direction.
"Yes, Kristian, here at the Wammy's House we like to emphasize physical as well as mental abilities. Many students pursue the study of various martial arts in their spare time, so you may see them sparring with each other in here during independent study time."
The Baudelaires glanced at each other. There was nothing particularly wrong with learning martial arts, of course—the phrase "martial arts" here describes physical disciplines, many of them Asian in origin, that can be used to protect oneself in a time of danger or to focus one's mental strength—but it seemed strange for an orphanage to have a room specifically for such a purpose. However, before they could inquire into the matter, Roger turned to the other side of the hallway and told them, "Across the hall we have the other classroom. This will be your classroom, Vanessa, Kristian, and Sammi."
The door was open, and they peeked inside. It appeared to be a normal classroom, with several rows of desks facing a blackboard. If anything, it looked a little boring—there was nothing decorating the walls—but before they had time to draw any real conclusions, Roger had moved on again.
"Next we have our library," he told the children, opening the next door along the hallway and gesturing for them to step inside.
As the Baudelaire orphans did so, they gasped. The library could not have been better. It had everything they had ever appreciated about any library, and nothing that they had ever found unattractive about one. It was enormous and well-lit. Comfy chairs, desks, and tables were sprinkled throughout, perfect for reading and studying. In one corner sat a cluster of computers, ideal for researching or playing computer solitaire. And, of course, there were bookshelves everywhere, in the center of the room as well as lining the walls, all of them packed.
"Ogu," Sunny muttered, by which she probably meant "This is utterly amazing."
Roger smiled knowingly. "Do you like it, children?"
"It's beautiful," Violet replied sincerely, and Klaus nodded, unable to speak.
"Thank you," Roger said. "I think you'll find it quite enjoyable and helpful. To give you a quick run-through of our organizational system, all the fiction books are arranged along the walls in alphabetical order by the author's last name. In the center of the room, we have our nonfiction, arranged by subject." He started down the rows, pointing out where various subjects were located: computer manuals, criminal proceedings, philosophy, psychology, theology, criminology, languages, mathematics, mechanics, agriculture, home economics, law, cooking, museums, geography, history. The Baudelaires' heads spun as he strode down the library, reciting the topics quickly. It had been quite a while since they'd seen such a large library, organized so nicely, and with so many different subjects. It reminded them of their parents' library which, unfortunately, had burned to the ground with the rest of their mansion, all that knowledge lost.
As they passed the last row of the library (extraterrestrial worlds), they were surprised to see a boy, maybe a little younger than Klaus, kneeling on the ground, building a tower out of wooden blocks. His hair, a peculiarly pale shade that was almost white, fell over his face and hid it from view. He didn't look up as they approached.
"Oh, Near, hello," Roger said. "Shouldn't you be at dinner?"
"I wasn't hungry," the boy replied offhandedly. "Besides, I'm almost finished." He placed a final block, a green semi-circle, on top of the tower. The Baudelaire siblings could see that he had put a lot of effort into the structure; it was well-constructed and balanced, possibly the best block tower they'd ever seen. But as they watched, the boy removed a single block from about halfway up the tower, and the entire thing collapsed loudly. This didn't seem to bother him at all, though, and he calmly cleared a space and started rebuilding.
"Children, this is Near, our top student at Wammy's House," Roger told the surprised siblings. "Near, these three are Vanessa, Kristian, and Sammi, our new students."
"How do you do?" the pale boy murmured, still without looking up, absorbed in his building.
"How do you do," Klaus replied, a little stiffly.
"How do you do," Violet repeated in the same tone.
"Odo yow."
Nodding as if satisfied, Roger opened a door that led back into the hallway. "Come along," he said to the Baudelaires.
They followed him out of the magnificent library and up a flight of stairs. "Upstairs we have our individual rooms. We have about twenty-five students here at Wammy's House, and all those over age seven have their own room. Those under seven share rooms in pairs. That means, of course, that Vanessa and Kristian, you will each have your own room, and it is up to you three whether Sammi will share with one of you or with another student."
"Kyodto," Sunny said, and Violet nodded.
"Sammi can sleep with one of us," Klaus agreed.
"Very well," Roger replied. "In that case, Vanessa, here is your room." He opened the first door on the right to reveal a small room containing a bed, a desk, and an empty bookshelf. "I hope it is to your liking. You may keep books that interest you particularly in your room."
"Thank you," Violet said. It was a nice enough room, and she could already see the bookshelf filled with books on mechanics and inventions.
"Kristian, yours is right next to hers," Roger explained, and opened the door to reveal a room that was much the same.
"Thank you. It's very nice," Klaus said, though most books tended to interest him, so he wasn't sure one bookshelf would be enough.
"Good. I'm glad you like it. In that case, there is just one more thing." He suddenly turned very serious and pointed to the end of the hallway. The Baudelaires followed his gesture with their eyes. "At the other end of this hallway, there is a stairway to the attic. The attic is the one area of Wammy's House that is off-limits to the children. You must never go up there, unless it so happens that I give you express permission. Is that understood?"
Violet and Klaus, though mildly confused, nevertheless nodded. Sunny, however, asked in an embarrassingly distinct tone, "Whynot?"
"Sunny!" Klaus exclaimed, and Violet was quick to apologize to Roger. However, he simply waved the apology away.
"It's fine. We consider curiosity to be a valuable asset here at Wammy's House," he said with a gentle smile. "There are various reasons that the attic is off-limits, not the least of which is that it's a horrible mess, and not entirely safe."
Sunny nodded her head.
"Well, then, if there are no more questions, that concludes your tour of the Wammy's House. The other children should just be finishing up dinner now. Would you like to go meet them?"
The Baudelaires looked at each other. On one hand, it is usually polite, when joining a new group of people, to introduce oneself as soon as possible. On the other hand, the Baudelaires had had a long day, and the one child they had already met had not been particularly friendly. If the others were like that as well, it would be easier to deal with them after a full night's sleep.
"I think we'll just go to bed early," Violet replied. "Thank you again for everything."
"It's our pleasure," Roger replied. "Sleep well. If you talk at all before going to bed, remember to use your new names. It will help you adjust faster."
"All right," Violet said. Roger smiled at them one last time and started down the stairs. The Baudelaires looked at each other, and with one mind (a phrase which here means, "at exactly the same time, as if they all shared a brain") went into Violet's room and sat down on the bed.
"So, Vanessa," Klaus said, using his sister's new name and not liking it much. "What do you think?"
"Well, Kristian," Violet replied, equally uncomfortable with the new name, "there are some strange things about it, but I think we'll be fine. It seems like we'll be safe here, and any organization with such a varied library can't be all bad. Besides, at least this time Sammi won't have to perform secretarial duties while we're studying."
"Dainam!" Sunny shrieked, which meant something along the lines of "Vanessa and Kristian, I don't want to call you by fake names! You're my siblings!"
Klaus patted her on the head fondly. "I know, Sammi, but we should respect their traditions. It'll only be for a little while, anyway, and I'm sure we'll get used to it. That white-haired boy treated his fake name as perfectly natural."
"Near, you mean?" Violet asked with a slightly amused expression on her face. "What kind of name is that anyway? Isn't 'Near' an adjective?"
"It's a preposition, actually."
The three sat together for a moment. "Did you notice that he only gave vague answers to our questions?" Klaus pointed out.
Violet shrugged. "Well, it isn't polite to pry. Maybe some of our questions will simply have to go unanswered."
Sunny was going to agree, but a tiny yawn emerged from her throat instead.
"Sammi's tired," Violet said, looking at Klaus. "All three of us should go to sleep. Sammi, want to sleep with me tonight?"
Sunny nodded, so Klaus bid his sisters good night. All three Baudelaires changed into the pajamas that Wammy's House had provided (they were white, and very comfortable), slipped into bed, and dreamt uncharacteristically optimistic dreams.