A conversation between old friends
A/N: This is my first fanfic and it is between Brooke and Peyton. I hope you enjoy reading it and reviews would be very welcome. I love one tree hill and I love Brucas so this is hope for the future and closure between friends.
After returning from her date with Chase, Brooke Davis returned to the apartment, she found no one home and decided she wasn't quite tired enough to sleep. Too many things were running through her mind. She had just had a very hectic day and went into the bathroom to have a long relaxing bubble bath.
When she got out of the bath feeling more relaxed she changed into her comfiest pair of pyjamas and sat on the sofa. Her and Chase had being getting a lot closer over the past couple of weeks and she really enjoyed spending time with him. They were both rather different but he made her happy, there was an understanding between them both as they had both suffered heart ache and it had changed them. Despite all that she still felt like there was something holding her back from truly committing to the relationship. Her feelings for Lucas had gone or at least the feelings on the surface and although she would always love him because he was her first love she didn't hold out much hope for the two of them. She could see he and Peyton were happy together and she was almost pleased for them, but she still had something to do before she could truly move on.
As she sat their thinking about the past and her current situation the door to the apartment opened and Peyton walked in.
They both sat their participating in small talk when a serious look appeared on Brooke's face "We need to talk"
At that Peyton looked up with a curious look on her face
"Peyton you know I love you, and our friendship means a lot to me but I think there are some things we need to address, things we never really talked about before. If we don't talk about them now then we are just hiding away and I'm not prepared to do that"
"Ok I'm listening"
"I need to know if you understand why I was so angry when you told me you had feelings for Lucas, its in the past now but I just need to know"
"Eeerrm…I think I do but maybe you'll feel better if you explain"
"Lucas will always be in my heart just like you will and after the first time we broke up I felt so betrayed, in the end we overcame that but you know I've always felt insecure…he chose me and that made me feel so happy and I knew he loved me and I loved him so much but that didn't change what had happened. As far as I was aware you loved Jake and you had no interest in my boyfriend so there was no reason for me to feel scared, he loved me and I believed him but at the same time it was when you were unavailable. When you told me your feelings I couldn't bare the thought that eventually history would repeat itself if he found out. I also couldn't believe you were choosing him over me again, you had said you weren't going to hurt me again and we had always said hoes over bros but you seemed to have forgotten that for the second time. You were supposed to have known me better than anyone, we were like sisters and I just couldn't take it. If it had ever come down to it no matter how much I loved Lucas I would have chosen you over him because you're my Peyton, maybe you meant more to me than I did to you. I understood the second kiss although it still hurt I don't know what I would have done if you'd have died so I'm just glad he was there for you again but you both lied to me and went behind my back again. Lucas was in love with me but he loved you and I accepted that. Me and Lucas were going through a rough patch but I never stopped loving him, I probably never will, when I told you I didn't miss him it wasn't because I didn't love him or because I didn't want him with me it was because for the first time I didn't need him, I was fine being independent for a bit. I didn't think I'd have to explain my feelings to my best friend. I understand you were trying to be honest with me and I believe you wouldn't have told Lucas what you felt but the situation felt all too familiar and my heart couldn't take it. Nobody knows more than me that you can't help who you love but did you consider how I would have felt knowing that you loved him too, especially considering your past. I still wish you hadn't told me after all ignorance is supposedly bliss"
Peyton had sat their listening to what Brooke was saying and her face showed a look of understanding, at the same time there was sadness in her eyes. She remained silent but nodded her head for Brooke to continue.
"After the wedding I realised that despite the fact we loved each other, for the moment we were not meant to be together. It hurt me so much telling Lucas we were over but I knew it was the only way we could ever fully work together. I knew that the only way we could ever be together and be truly happy; the only way to completely remove my insecurities was for Lucas to choose me, to choose me over you. I felt like I needed the reassurance. Part of me also felt that by saying goodbye to him when it was on my own terms, it would be a lot less painful than if he left me, that was another mistake but I had to do it. I knew the risk and I had to accept that when you told him how you felt, he could feel the same. As you know that's what happened. I see how happy you make each other so I can accept it; not that I have a choice, it's just harder than I ever thought"
Brooke stood there without saying anything for a while and a single tear fell down her face.
"My 18th birthday I felt so alone, I had lost my boyfriend and my best friend and everyone else had their own problems and my parents as usual were out of the picture. I had pushed you away but I didn't forget our past so as usual I went to the mall in the evening; I wanted to see if you had remembered and if you still cared enough to show. You were there but you weren't alone. I saw you but neither of you saw me. At that moment my heart felt like it had broken all over again. My worst fears were coming to life right in front of my eyes and it was because I had let it. Lucas tried to be my friend but after my feelings were still there I couldn't risk it, I couldn't risk falling even deeper for him and making it harder to move on, so I carried on pushing him away. I hoped he'd still fight for me but instead he told me I wasn't the girl for him and I lost all hope. Maybe I should have fought for him but it would probably have being a losing battle. When you said you hadn't told Lucas about your feelings, you said it was because I hadn't dated anyone since Lucas, but that wasn't true. I had dated someone but they ended up betraying me too, it wasn't love it was just that I needed someone and once again I was left alone. We can't change what happened even though there are so many moments where I wish I could. I would change Jake leaving so you two could have being together, I would change the shooting so that it never happened and you two weren't left alone, I would change the day Lucas stopped letting me in and I would go back to the day we were so happy, I would change everything so that our friendship hadn't being put at risk but like I said we can't change what has gone so there is no point looking to the past, we have to the look to the future and learn from our mistakes. You are my best friend and Lucas is my first love, look after each other, I can live with you two being together as long as you both are happy and it is what you both choose, because then maybe all the pain will be worth it. Everyone has suffered and I just hope those days are behind us"
Peyton stood their speechless for a moment, then she grabbed Brooke into an embrace and they held onto each other for a long time. "I'm sorry I risked our friendship, I love you B.Davis and I never meant to hurt you, I hope you know that"
"I know you didn't but it still hurt all the same…I do love you P.Sawyer"
Brooke left Peyton standing alone as she walked into her bedroom; she grabbed a book from under her bed and began to look through it. Pictures of her and Lucas where they were once so happy as well as letters with declarations of love filled every page. Memories of words once spoken were running through her mind and she couldn't help going back to the day when Lucas told everyone that he was the guy for her and the night where he had said that it was her he loved not Peyton. She could only wonder where it all went wrong and try to hide the doubts that maybe her relationship with Lucas was based on a lie.
She had lost a part of her heart forever to the boy she gave a rats ass about and to that day she still did. There was no changing the past, she could only go on and see what would happen. Her and Chase were getting along so well and she even felt like she was falling in love with him but it wouldn't be the same as with Lucas, in her heart she knew that she wouldn't ever love anyone more that she loved her Broody. At that moment she couldn't help remembering something she had once told Lucas, those who are meant to be together always find there way in the end. After all everything happens for a reason she was just yet to find out what that reason was.