Sorry for the huge wait! Finally chapter eight is finished. :3
Death Note (c) Tsugumi Ohba, Takeshi Obata, Shueisha, Madhouse, Viz, and probably some other people.
Series of Unfortunate Events (c) mainly Lemony Snicket.
LOOK HERE. Oh, and two things: have faith and remain calm. I mean this. Things are not what they appear.
The next few days were spent in relative peace. The Baudelaires and Mello continued researching. Little by little, Mello actually began to tell them what he was finding, so that they became convinced (wrongly, as you and I know) that he was absolutely trustworthy.
As they crossed the hallway from the cafeteria to the library one day, Klaus happened to look down the hallway, and what he saw made him gasp and grip Violet's arm tightly. "Look," he whispered in alarm.
At this point in the story, I find it necessary to tell you a different story, that of a young man who loved to go on picnics. On one bright Sunday morning, he looked outside and said to himself, "It's a Sunday morning, I'm not doing anything, and even better, the weather is beautiful! It's the perfect day for a picnic." So he made a lunch of cheese, crackers, and a simple salad, packed them all in his picnic basket, placed that in his car, and drove to his favorite picnic spot, which was two hours away. The weather remained sunny the entire trip, and this man was becoming very excited about his picnic. When he reached the picnic spot, he set out the blanket, and just as he was cutting himself a slice of cheese, the heavens opened, a phrase which here means, "it started to pour." So poor Murphy had to pack up his picnic materials and drive all the way home in the pouring rain.
It is because of this man that we have Murphy's Law: "Whatever can go wrong will, and usually at the worst possible time." Some insist that the "worst possible time" is right after you have concluded that nothing can possibly go wrong, and this, I'm sorry to say, is very relevant to the Baudelaire's situation. You may remember that during the previous chapter, Klaus remarked on the fact that Count Olaf was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps if he had known about Murphy's Law, he would have kept his mouth shut, and the next unfortunate event in the Baudelaire's lives would not have happened.
When their brother whispered, "Look," Violet and Sunny did look, and what they saw made them freeze in their tracks. At the end of the hallway stood a man talking to Roger. The man had a bandage wrapped around his forehead, which covered one of his eyes. He wore a t-shirt with a print that was indistinguishable from where the Baudelaires stood, and over that a pair of overall shorts. He wore shorts because his left leg was in a thick cast, and he was on crutches. He looked as though he was seriously injured, but the Baudelaires knew at once that this wasn't true. They knew that he was really wearing the head bandage to hide the fact that he had only one eyebrow, and they knew that the thick cast was to hide the tattoo of an eye on his ankle. As the man talked with Roger, a wheezy, sneering voice reached the Baudelaires' ears, and it was, I'm sorry to say, a voice the Baudelaires knew very well. It was the voice of Count Olaf.
"It's him," breathed Violet, staring down the hall in horror. "He's found us again."
"Dosu?" Sunny whimpered. She meant something like, "What should we do?", but her siblings had no better idea of what to do than she did.
Klaus turned to where Mello had been standing a few seconds ago. He started to whisper, "Mello, that's—" but stopped. Mello was there no longer.
In a low voice, Violet said, "He probably went into the library already. We should too, before Olaf sees us."
But before they could, Roger looked down the hall and saw the Baudelaires in another manifestation of Murphy's Law. "Vanessa, Kristian, Sammi," he called, smiling, "come over here. I'd like you to meet this man."
They considered darting into the library anyway, but, exchanging a look, they nodded resignedly, a word which here means, "knowing they had no other choice," and walked slowly down the hall and towards their nemesis.
As they walked closer, they found that the print on Olaf's shirt was actually a series of eyes, identical to tattoo hidden beneath his cast. It was a ghastly sight, but not half as ghastly as the sight of Olaf's one visible eye shining hungrily as the three orphans drew near.
"Hello, orphans," he greeted them, holding out his hand for them to shake.
Violet took a deep breath. Everyone in Wammy's House was so intelligent that she felt sure Roger would believe her if she explained Olaf's treachery. "Roger," she started bravely, "this man is—"
"Children," said Roger, speaking right over Violet, "this man is Alfred Canker. He has an offer that I'd like you three to hear. Would you step into my office?"
"But Roger—" Klaus began; but Roger had already turned and walked into his office. The Baudelaires were left alone with Olaf.
"After you, orphans," Olaf said in his raspy voice, gesturing with one of his crutches.
"Olaf!" Sunny hissed.
"What?" Olaf asked, tilting his head in faux confusion. "I'm not sure this baby speaks correct English yet. How pathetic."
"Our sister is not pathetic," Violet whispered back angrily. "She means that we know who you are, Olaf, and we're going to make Roger listen to us."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Olaf responded, his visible eye shining. "I'm just a poor man named Alfred Canker who was in a car accident. Robert will explain all of that to you, if you'll follow him into his office."
"Children?" Roger prompted from the office.
Resignedly, the three Baudelaires went inside; Olaf followed them. "Could one of you close the door for me?" he requested, feigning helplessness. "It's so difficult with my crutches."
The Baudelaires glared defiantly at Olaf, but when Roger instructed, "Help him with the door, Kristian; it's difficult to get around when one is on crutches," Klaus closed the door. Then he turned to Roger.
"Roger, we need to tell you something about this man," he said levelly. "He's—"
Roger did not seem to care what Klaus had to say. "Vanessa, Kristian, and Sammi, Alfred Canker has offered to adopt the three of you."
"No!" burst out all three Baudelaires at once, horrified.
Roger frowned at them. "Now, I know this is sudden, children," he said sternly, "but that does not give you a reason to be rude to Mr. Canker. He has had a very unfortunate life recently."
"But Roger—" Violet desperately tried to interrupt.
"Vanessa," he replied with a frown, "and all of you. I want you to listen to this man's story before you make any hasty judgments."
The Baudelaires looked at each other, frustrated, and fell silent. It was clear that Roger was not going to listen to them until they had heard Alfred Canker's phony story.
"How has your life been misfortunate, Mr. Canker?" Violet asked, unable to keep a hint of sarcasm out of her voice.
"Oh, well you see," said Mr. Canker, his face contorting in an obviously fake effort to hold back tears, "I was recently in a horrible car accident. It was terrible. I was just driving my black car along, minding my own business, when suddenly an enormous truck crashed into us from behind." He stopped and covered his face, his lower lip wiggling exaggeratedly. "It was awful. Our car rolled over several times, knocking me out. When I woke up, there was a large gash in my head, which is why I'm wearing this bandage, and my left leg was broken, which is why I'm wearing this cast. But the worst part of all…" Mr. Canker gave a series of sobs that were so fake that even Sunny was not fooled for a moment. He placed his hand on where his brow would be, shielding his face from Roger—and then his eye began to shine, as if he were about to tell the violent punch line of his favorite joke.
"The worst part is that the twins I had previously adopted were dead."
The Baudelaires' stomachs dropped. "You monster!" Klaus cried in horror.
"Keet!" shrieked Sunny, meaning, "What have you done with the Quagmires?!" The Quagmires were triplets, not twins, of course, but adults seemed to have a hard time understanding this.
"Children," Roger reprimanded, a word which here means, "protested in exasperation," "I have told you multiple time to be polite to Mr. Canker. This poor man has lost his children and is obviously distraught, but you have responded to his story by shouting at him. That is an incredibly rude thing to do."
"But Roger, this man is Count Olaf!" Violet explained at last.
"Olaf?" Roger tilted his head, seemingly quizzical, at her. "You must be mistaken. This is Alfred Canker."
"My sister is not mistaken," Klaus replied firmly. "She is correct. This man is Count Olaf, and he hasn't been in a car accident at all, at least not since he tried to take us away from Uncle Monty's house. He is wearing that bandage to cover up his one eyebrow, and the cast to hide the tattoo of an eye on his ankle."
"Gingar!" Sunny added, which meant, "He wants to adopt us so he can get his hands on our fortune!"
"That baby doesn't make any sense," Mr. Canker said, "but at the moment, neither do the other two children. Who is Count Olaf? Why would I be him?"
"Please forgive them, Mr. Canker," Roger apologized. "These children's lives have also been misfortunate; Olaf is an evil man who wishes to obtain the fortune their parents left them, so he keeps following them wherever they go."
"Oh, I see. Well, as much as I'd love to assuage their fears," Mr. Canker said, using a phrase that meant "prove them wrong to calm them down," "I am medically required to keep both my cast and my forehead bandage on until a doctor gives me permission to remove them."
"Of course. We would never make you take those off," Roger said calmingly. "The children should apologize for their outburst."
"Roger," Violet pleaded, ignoring Mr. Canker for the moment, "when he said that the twins he had previously adopted died, he might have meant the Quagmires—he must have done something to them! We have to find them!"
"The Quagmires? Vanessa, you are confused," Roger said. "The Quagmires are triplets, remember?"
"Olaf always calls them twins," Klaus explained. "Roger, you have to listen to us. This man is Count Olaf. If he adopts us—"
"If he adopts you, you will live a peaceful and safe life with him," Roger interrupted firmly. "I'm sorry, children, but I think you may be slightly paranoid about Count Olaf. It's understandable, considering all you've been through, but you must realize that there are some adults you can trust. I will contact Mr. Poe this evening and arrange for him to come and sign the adoption papers. You may go."
With sinking hearts, the Baudelaies saw that it would be useless to argue with Roger any further. They stood and trudged out of his office. So down-hearted were they that they didn't notice Near sitting right outside the door, playing with a Rubik's Cube. Nor did Alfred Canker notice the white-haired child when he left the building for a bar. But Near noticed all of these people go by, and once they had left, he knocked once on Roger's office door and went in.
"What should I tell L?" he inquired. "Mello's been once already, but I'm fairly certain that he only knew Olaf was here."
"He's calling himself Alfred Canker," Roger answered, "and his plan this time is to adopt the Baudelaires. The Baudelaires know, of course, who he is, but they don't know that I know."
"All right."
"Also," Roger continued with a slight grimace, "he hinted that he may have murdered the missing Quagmire triplets, so perhaps L would like to look in to that."
"I'll tell him."
"Thank you, Near."
You didn't really think I'd make someone from Wammy's House that stupid, did you? I'd never slander Roger like that.