Chapter 2
Yee Haw! It's time for another round of Monster Catchers! Um…yeah.

The crew jumps out of the vehicle that brought them to Besaid. A helicopter has already landed there and Rufus gets out.
The crew is hesitant to greet him, but Wakka runs up to him without a pause. He grins maniacally.

"RAAR! I'm the ICE CREAM BEHEMOTH!"

Rufus shoves him out of the way. "You stop that immediately! Ahem!"

Everyone lines up to hear the mission. "Welcome everyone, I see you have recovered well from last time's Malboro attack."
Rikku kicks a small stone and shrugs. "Well not really, ever since that attack. Without the proper spells to heal with some of us have some…unusual side effects still lingering."

Yuna scratches her head. "Really, because I feel just fine." Suddenly she lets out a high piercing scream. Everyone winces but says nothing. Yuna bats her eyes as if nothing happened. Rufus unplugs his ears. "Right, that's good. Listen up! I have a few words to say to you about our first show. You all are in big trouble for using restricted magic spells." He says this looking at Lulu.

Lulu throws her arms up in the air. "I had no choice!"

Rufus puts a hand up. "Silence! You also killed a flan. That's coming out of your pay."

"Aww, cripes!" Lulu growls.

"Speaking of your pay," he continues, "I'm taking a 4,000 gil cut for additional resources. This will cover the permit to shoot here and-

"New weapons?" Rikku asked hopefully.

"No, another cameraman. Folks, meet your new team member Jecht." Everyone's spirits sink as the old man comes stumbling out of the helicopter. He grins and raises a flask at them. "Hey, check this out! You guys got yourselves a star." He walks over and snatches up a camera. "Okay, let me turn this thing on."

Tidus stares at him in horror. "What? You can't do this! Not my old man!"

Jecht spins around and frowns. "You're here? Hey- Braska! Long time no see!" Jecht walks over to Braska and slaps him on the back. Braska gives him a polite smile, but inches away from him. "Hello Jecht, it has been a while…a long time. Here let me help you set up."

Lulu shakes her head in disgust. "As if this one wasn't enough, we've got another pervert aboard." Zone stands up and blinks with slight offense. "Aw, come on. If you would just give me a chance I can prove to you I'm more than just a perv- I mean-that's not what I meant to say-it's just-
"Zip your fly up." Lulu mutters as she walks away from him.

"Oops!"

Jecht notices Lulu and zooms the camera in. "Whoa!"

Yuna taps Rufus' shoulder. "Um do I get a special spell thingy too?"

"You have potions and Phoenix Downs, don't you?" He replies dusting off his shoulder.

"Uh, okay."

"Hey, what about summoning Aeons?" Rikku asks, already knowing its hopeless. "Hmmm, we will have to make up a contract before we can allow them on the show." Rufus says.

Lulu throws down her water bottle and points a well manicured finger at him. "You know what? You're crazy! How are you going to get Aeons to sit down at a table and discuss a contract? That's just ridiculous!" Rufus shrugs. "Well, then that answers that. No Aeons. That's all I have for you. Oh!" Rufus walks over to a chest and pulls out a grey bag. "Here is your bag of spells. DON'T waste them." He hands it to Lulu. She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, dandy."

Rufus walks back as the helicopter started up. "Okay everyone get started. I want those monsters alive." The helicopter takes Rufus up in his trademark exit. "I'll be watching you."

Braska hoists the camera onto his shoulder. "Alright everyone, let's get into position." Zone turns the mike on. "Test, test…one, two, three. Uh, guys can I ask you something? I know I don't make 4,000 gil, I guess it's because I'm just the sound guy, but who got the cut?"
Lulu glares at him. "We all did. No one here makes 4,000 gil." Zone sulks. "Oh, great."

Jecht shrugs. "Well no matter, at least I got what counts." He takes a sip from the flask and tucks it back into his jacket. Tidus shouts at him. "What do you think you're doing? You're getting drunk on the job!"

Rikku begins the show and offers her best smile to Braska's camera lens. "Well, here we are in Besaid looking for the native monsters in this region." Wakka jumps in. "Yeah, hey mom we're home!" Rikku circles around and continues. "Anyway, our mission today is to find a Dingo, Condor, and a Water Flan. That's sounds pretty easy, right guys?"

Wakka spins his ball on the tips of his index finger. "No problem."
Jecht nudges Zone. "Hey, kid what's this job like anyway."
Before he can reply Tidus snaps back. "Hey 'Dad', just work the camera okay?"

"Shut up, boy!"

Rikku pops a tic tac in her mouth and shakes her head as she closes the top. "We're gonna have to make our rations last."
"When do we get to Besaid?" Yuna asks Lulu. Lulu pats her head softly. "Don't worry about that dear, just turn around and pick up your staff."
"Okay." Yuna turns around and bends down to reach for her staff. Suddenly she stands up straight and turns to Lulu. "Oh Lulu, guess what?"
The gothic girl lets out a sigh. "What is it?"

"I'm not wearing any underwear. Look!" The brunette lifts up her dress before any protests and flashes the team.

AAAAAHHH!!!!

"OH YEAH!" Jecht hoots in the back ground.
Lulu snatches the other girl and forces the fabric down. "Put your dress down! Here wear these." "Those aren't mine."
"They're mine, just put them on for now." She hands over the black pair of panties. "Braska! Tell me you're getting this!" Zone whispers to the older man. Braska is busy filming Rikku.
"Getting what-HEY!" Zone tries to snatch the camera away from him. "Come on, just let me see it for a second."
"Sorry Zone, but monsters are approaching and fast. Everyone let's begin." Braska manages to pull away from the eager teen.
Zone sniffles in defeat. "Lulu's panties."

Tidus starts after the Dingo. "This one's mine. Come on, Yuna!"

Yuna nods and picks up her staff. "Okay, here I go. " She swings blindly and connects with her target. "Hiyaa!"
"Ow!" Wakku rubs the top of his head where her broken staff head hit him and bounces to the ground.

Tidus has already gotten the dingo. "Take this!" His slash attack hits the dingo and it fades away. Rikku shakes her head. "It's weird how they just do that. Where do you think they go?"
"To a little cage under the big red top." Lulu retorts.

Yuna holds a hand up to her forehead. "Whew! I'm tired, Kimarhi it's your turn." She sits down on the ground as Kimarhi shakes his head at her. Tidus grunts. "Huh, a water flan, Lulu this is yours."

Kimarhi keeps the flan back as Lula sighs and starts to rummage through her bag of spells. "Let's see what's in here….What the hell?" She growls and pulls out a cream colored pouch cover with smiley faces. "Here! Tickle Spell!"

The pouch explodes as it connects with the water flan. It begins to jiggles furiously making a weird noise. Everyone pauses for a moment, not knowing what to make of the situation. Lulu crosses her arms over her chest with a look of, 'what the hell are you staring at?'
Braska shouts over to Jecht. "Make sure you're getting this Jecht. I don't see your recording light on." Zone walks closer to Braska. "Hey, I've got some music for this."

He presses a button on a remote controller and two speakers begin to blare Cajun Bluegrass. Kimarhi stops and throws a look of fury at Zone.

"Hey! GRRRRR!!"

Jecht had snuck up behind Lulu who in her disgust threw down her bag of spells and refuses to participate. "Those things are pretty impressive. Those are spells in a bag, huh? YOINK!" He snatches one out of the bag and walks over to Auron. "Hey what's your name again?"
He sighs. "Auron." "Hey just your name, not your life story." He laughs at his own joke as Auron looks on with slight annoyance.
He recovers and offers a blue pouch to him. "Wanna drink?" He holds up a water spell.
Auron leans away from the cameraman that smell of alcohol. "I don't think that's a wise decision."
"Suit yourself," Jecht brings the opening to his lips. "SSLLLUUURRRPPP!! Mmmm, tasty! Man that's designer quality stuff, not that crap bottled up in a reprocessing factory. See, it's just water after all."

Auron snatches up the bag just to get the guy off his back. "Alright, thank you Jecht." He takes a big swallow and begins to gag. Jecht lets out a raspy laugh. "Ha! Ha! Ha! You idiot I only pretended to drink it! You fell for it!"

Auron can't answer and continues to cough and choke. He falls over. Rikku looks over with concern. "Auron what's wrong?"
Tidus throws a look of suspicion to he father. "What happened?" Jecht shugs. "I was only trying to help Lulu get rid of the stuff."
Lulu spins around and picks up her bag. "Then I hope you're getting this because I'm doing this as hard as I can." She gives Jecht the finger.

"Ooh, saucy!"

Auron drags himself over to Braska. Kindly, Braska offers him a vial. "Here drink this, don't worry it's just a remedy. Sit over there and get better." Auron nods and swallows the tingly concoction, while Braska turns his attention to the fighting team. "You guys, stay focused. Two more monsters have caught whiff of us. Rikku, swell timing! Tidus, good reflexes! Go get them gang!"

Everyone turns to him and smiles. "ALL RIGHT!" They shout in unison.

Zone shakes his head in wonder. "Wow, You sound like their coach or something." Braska smiles. "Well, you've got to give moral support. Sometimes that's all you've got. It's always good to encourage."

Zone wipes a tear away. "Gosh, that's so moving. I wish I had a dad like you." Jecht overhears and butts in. "Hey, I'm a dad too! That's my turd over there."

"Shut up and don't call me names!" Tidus shouts back.

"But look at him! Hey wiener, your eyeliner is smudged! Heh, heh!"

Jecht laughs with him. "That's good!"

Lulu points to the sky. "Watch out! A condor's heading our way!" Wakka jumps up and down. "My show now, watch this!" He throws his blitz ball at the big bird and it explodes in puff of feathers. Rikku moans. "Wakka! Now we're gonna get in trouble!"

Wakka blinks in confusion. "Huh?"

"How the heck did that happen?" Tidus walks over to his blitz ball friend.

"I-I…don't know. I'm sorry man."

"It's okay, don't worry Kimarhi got one for us." Rikku gave Kimarhi a thumbs up. The blue furry comrade bows. "You are all welcome."

"Isn't he cute?" Yuna giggles.

"He's like one of those indoor/outdoor pets." Zone smiles goofily. Kimarhi throw down his spear. "That's it! Kimarhi will kill you!"
Lulu holds up a hand. "No Kimarhi I'll kill him first. Then I'll revive him and then you can kill him."
Zone jumps back and gulps.

Instead Lulu reaches into her bag and squints harshly at the water flan that has recovered from its laughing fit. "Let's finish this! Tarred and Feathered Spell!"

She throws the black pouch with feathers on it at the flan and a splash of tar and burst of feathers covers the flan. It struggles for a moment then disappears.

"You got it!" Rikku chirps jumping up and down.

"All right!" Tidus threw a fist into the air.

"Now we're going to get paid!" Rikku spun around. "What are you going to buy, Rikku?" Braska asked the young girl. She blinked and blushed. "Um, I was thinking of buying a present, for someone."

"I think we should buy our own upgrades." Tidus replies. Rikku's eyes widened. "Shh! We might get in trouble for saying that."

Wakka doesn't listen to her. "I want better stuff too!"

"Kimarhi wants a ticket out of here." He mutters to himself.

"I want underwear, Lulu's panties get stuck up my butt." Yuna says wiggling her rear end.

Zone is sitting cross-legged on the ground. "I want the super deluxe special edition of summer girls slumber party weekend magazine."

"I'd love a stay at a nice inn. A decent one." Lulu runs a small comb through her hair.

"Um well, that's all nice but guys? I'm going to say something and I don't mean to be rude, but what stinks?" "Any number of things?" Jecht added with a chuckle. Tidus was about to snap at him when he sniffed the air. "Wait…That stink is a bit familiar."

Rikku sniffs and then plugs her nose. "Yeah, he's right…" She gasps, "It can't be!"

A slimy noise comes from behind them. They all turn around and Wakka shudders. "That can't be possible! Malboros don't live here!" Jecht stares at the huge creature. "You got to be kidding!"

Wakka recovers and aims at the Malboro. "I've got the first shot."

Rikku shields herself. "No! Wakka let's just get-

He strikes the Malboro. It becomes furious and opens it's wide mouth to spew out the putrid gas that covers the entire field.

BAD BREATH!!!!

Tidus is the first to get hit with the attack. He opens his eyes and finds himself in a strange room. The walls are dark almost black but they have a green shine to them as he walks forward. He looks towards the front of the room. A malboro is sitting on a strange throne of wood and onyx. Tidus gasps. "What's going on?"

The Malboro nods. "You are in the house of Malboro."

Tidus lets out a squeak and points to it. "You can talk!"

"Yes." Malboro nods again. "Um…Okay, why are you doing this?"

"Your boss is an evil man. He only wants to capture all monsters so that we can be tortured and killed for profit." Tidus rubs the back of his head. "Gee, man I'm sorry…but this guy owns us! He's really powerful and we survive off his pay!" The Malboro brought up a tentacle to rub his chin. (Tidus didn't know he had one.) "Hmmm, it appears his treachery runs deep."

"We're really sorry. Is this why you attack us?"

"This is the only way to speak to you humans." As he speaks, the image begins to fade away. "Wait! Will we meet again?" Tidus shouts, but he cannot hear the answer as everything fades to black.

Meanwhile, Rikku finds herself being picked up by Braska. "Oh, Lord Braska you're so sweet. Can I get you more tea?"

Braska smiles. "uoy knahT"

Rikku looks at him with confusion. "I'm sorry I couldn't understand."

".yako stI"

Rikku's eyes begin to water. "You're talking funny. You're making fun of me, aren't you? I knew it!" Braska shakes his head. "!yllair, ti ton staht, oN"

Rikku sniffs. "Somehow I knew it!" She begins to cry. The kind man puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. ".yrc t'noD"

Zone was passed out and Jecht was picking his pockets. Kimarhi stood paralyzed and sick to his stomach. Tidus comes out of nowhere. "Hey guys listen up I-

He spots Wakka and gapes at him. Wakka's head is a blitz ball. "Don't ask." He said from within the ball.

"Uh, I got to tell you the Malboro is trying to enlighten us! We must be exposed to the gas for them to speak to us."

"Somehow I hope not." Wakka replies. "Hey," Rikku snaps out of her crying fit, but gasps when she sees Wakka. "I said don't ask!" He replies.
"We need to get out of here!" She continues. Lulu steps over to them. Tidus looks over at her. "What happened to you?"
"Nothing, I was just over there. Let's grab everybody that's out of it and get out of here."

".ereh revO" Braska motions to the van, somehow he got everything packed up and started the engine. Wakka runs up to the driver side a slaps him on the shoulder. "Great idea! I don't know what you said, but we should all hop in this van and burn rubber!"

"?uoy ot deneppah tahW"

"HUH?"

Everyone piles in the van. The Malboro watches silently as the sun sets behind him.

Notes- Whew! These stories are so long, but I have such fun coming up with them. Still, another chapter done. What is King Malboro trying to do? Will they have more successful captures? How did Wakka's head become a ball? Stay tuned!