Date: 10th May 2007

Title: Repercussions
Author: Kazavid
Chapter: 4 / 9

Series: None
Rating: M
Pairing: John Sheppard / Other
Archiving: None
Warnings: Sexual Content
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Yes
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis and its characters do not belong to me.
Summary: While Beckett tries to assess Sheppard's injuries, Sheppard remembers some painful memories from his past.

Repercussions

Chapter 4

When Nicole got back to her quarters, the headache that had gone, returned with a vengeance, along with the painful memories, memories that she'd managed to keep suppressed for the past three years.

She tried to sleep, but it was hopeless, trying to stop the memories from surfacing, just made her headache worse. She decided to have a shower, maybe the hot water would relax her tense muscles. She stood beneath the shower, tried to relax, tried to forget everything, but the memories came anyway.

ooooo

FLASHBACK

NICOLE – McMURDO AIR FORCE BASE – ANTARCTICA

Section D Facility

Nicole arrived back at the Base in the early hours of the morning, she'd half expected Sheppard to be there, but wasn't unduly concerned when he wasn't. Sometimes he stayed at the Base, especially when he had a lot of work to do. She used one of the snow mobiles to get to D Facility, where she found only one person awake, David, a young data analyst.

"Was your trip alright?" he asked her, smiling, his overly long blonde hair in desperate need of a cut, she thought.

"It was OK if you like that kind of stuff, me though, I'd rather be doing something else." she said, grimacing.

"I don't suppose John liked it either."

"John wasn't with me, why would you think he was?" she asked.

"I thought he'd gone with you. I mean we haven't seen him for over a week." David told her, surprise in his voice, and an odd smile on his face.

"He probably has a lot of flying to do." she told him.

"Sure, well now that you're back, I suppose we'll be seeing a lot more of him." David said, his mood dropping slightly, at the thought of seeing Nicole and John, together.

Nicole smiled, David had a slight crush on her, and she'd tried to let him down gently, but he still seemed to harbour feelings for her.

"I hope so." she said, letting David know that she was looking forward to seeing John, and hoping, that David would concentrate on someone else.

She left David and went to her room, she dropped her stuff on the floor, undressed and got in to bed to sleep.

ooooo

The next morning, she went to eat breakfast, she saw Colin.

"Hi, nice to see you back." Colin said, "I suppose we'll be seeing more of John, now that you're back?" he laughed.

"I thought he came over when I wasn't here?" she asked.

"He does normally, but we haven't seen him since last week." he told her.

Nicole frowned, She wondered if something was wrong, she decided to visit the base to find out.

ooooo

Nicole got off the snow mobile and entered the door leading to the main hall of the Base. She was greeted by a few of the military guys who were stationed here, all throwing some joky remark at her, asking her if she was 'slumming it', and how come she was visiting them, didn't one of theirs usually visit her.

She spotted Steve standing across the room, leaning his elbows on the desk, talking to the female soldier who was behind the desk.

"Steve!" She shouted over.

He turned and looked at her, she saw him lower his head, and turn his head away.

"Can I have a word with you." She asked, as she got closer to him.

"Sure, Nicole, what is?" He asked, giving her a big smile. But he didn't look relaxed.

"I was just wondering if everything was alright. If John was alright?"

"Why do you ask?" He countered her question, with one of his own.

"I've been away for two weeks, and I just got back. They guys at D Facility were just saying that they hadn't seen him, I was just wondering if he was OK?"

Steve grimaced, then looked around, to see who was around.

"Nicole, you know were not supposed to say anything, to anyone, about what goes on around here, even to each other."

"Yes, I know that, but all I'm asking is if he's alright?"

"He's fine, as far as I know." He said.

"What do you mean, as far as you know?"

Steve grabbed her elbow and lead her outside, not stopping till they stood by the snow mobiles.

"Look all I can tell you is, and don't go saying anything to anyone else, or I'm in big trouble."

"I won't say anything."

"John's been transferred somewhere else..."

"Where?"

"I honestly don't know. But I do know that he won't be back." He told her, saw the shock on her face. "Didn't John tell you he was being transferred, he did say he was going to tell you?"

"No he didn't mention anything about being transferred." Nicole managed to say.

"Sorry, you shouldn't have had to hear it from me, John should have told you himself."

"Yes, he should have." Nicole said, her voice low.

"Are you alright?" Steve asked her, he expected a bit more of a reaction from her.

"I'm fine." She said, but she didn't look fine, Steve didn't know what was going through her mind. But he sure as hell knew she wouldn't normally be this calm.

"Well thanks for telling me the truth, I appreciate it. But I'll get back now." She said, and moved towards the snow mobile.

"Look, I'll drive you back."

"No, I'm fine, I can do it myself."

"Nicole, I am not letting you drive that thing back on your own." He told her, mounting the snow mobile, Nicole got on behind him and held on.

ooooo

Outside of D Facility Nicole got off the snow mobile, and thanked Steve.

"Are you sure you're alright." Steve asked her again.

"Do you really want to witness the water works Steve?" She asked him.

"I wouldn't mind, if you need a shoulder to cry on." He told her, but he didn't look like he relished the idea, at all.

"You're a good friend Steve, now go back to the Base, and finish chatting your receptionist up." She told him.

"I promise you the next time I see John, I'll hit him for you. It's more than he deserves, for not telling you." Steve told her, just before he hugged her. "And if you need a shoulder to cry on, you know where I am." He added.

"Thanks, you may be sorry you said that." She told him.

Nicole didn't want to talk to anyone, so she went straight to her room, looking around the room she noticed the note pad on the desk. She looked down at it and saw the few words written there, 'I'm being Re-Assigned'. That's all he'd managed to write, Nicole couldn't believe it, was it supposed to be a note, an explanation of where he was. It felt like an insult, he hadn't even bothered to write a proper letter, or even sign it. She ripped the piece of paper from the pad and ripped it to bits, then dropped it in the bin.

ooooo

END OF FLASHBACK

For three years she hadn't cried once over John leaving like he had, at first she'd just felt numb, then she'd gotten angry, but she'd never cried, not even when she'd found out...

No, she stopped herself from going there, she couldn't handle that right now. She could feel the tears running down her face, blending in with the water, it took a long time before the tears finally subsided. When they did, she felt totally drained of energy and emotion, but eventually she managed to fall asleep.

ooooo

The next day, she stayed away from the infirmary, she didn't want to go anywhere near it. She found Janet and they spent the day just taking in as much of Atlantis as they could. And all the gorgeous looking guys who seemed to be everywhere. Janet had her eye on four guys, and couldn't make her mind up, which one to pick. Nicole just wished she could join Janet, but she wasn't in a very receptive mood at the moment.

ooooo

It was very late in the evening when Nicole, found herself again, outside the infirmary, hesitating over whether to go in or not, but that decision was taken out of her hands as Doctor Beckett came up behind her, and asked her if she was going in.

"You here to see Colonel Sheppard?" He asked.

Nicole just nodded.

"He's asleep, but you can sit with him for a while." He told her.

He was asleep, and Nicole didn't know if she should stay or go, she wasn't really sure why she was here. It had been three years since they'd last seen one another, he may have someone in his life, she didn't know. She looked down at him, he didn't look as pale as he had yesterday.

She couldn't stop herself from reaching her hand out and stroking her fingers across his chest, the light sprinkling of hairs across his body, tickled the palm of her hand.

"You're back. Now see that's why I know you're not real, because there's no way you'd be stroking me, like this." He told her, smiling at her.

"I wouldn't?" She said.

"No, that's my dream, and you do a lot more than stroking." He told her, grabbing hold of her hand, he kissed her palm.

Nicole blushed.

"See, there's another thing you'd never do, blush. I've only seen you blush twice before. Once when Steve almost caught us making love on the snow mobile, and the other time when I asked you..." Nicole put her fingers against his lips, to shut him up, turning to look at Beckett, to see if he'd heard him, John grabbed hold of her hand.

"So this is definitely a dream." he said, lifting her hand, and kissing her fingers.

"Now you're supposed to kiss me." He told her, then watched to see what she'd do.

He still had the power to charm her, and Nicole couldn't resist, she bent down and pressed her mouth over his, kissing him. She felt his hand cupping the back of her head, as he deepened the kiss, drew her lip in to his mouth and stroked his tongue against the moist skin. He groaned as his tongue stroked against hers, he couldn't get enough of her. When the kiss was broken, both of them where breathing a little more harsher, a little more faster.

"I have to go." Nicole said, reluctantly, but she could see that he was tired.

"You'll come back." He asked.

"Yes, I'll come back."

"You promise." He said, frowning as the word nagged at his subconscious for some reason.

"Yes, I promise." She told him.

ooooo

Sheppard

FLASHBACK

John was lying in bed beside Nicole, his mouth against her neck, "Sorry... I know I promised..." he murmured against her skin. He pulled her tightly against his body, closing his eyes he pressed his forehead against her, and cursed his inability to keep the promise he'd made to her.

TBC...

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo