Title: Outlaws2006 - Chapter Twenty: How Long Have You Been In My Bed?
Rating: PG
Author: moonmajik and Tanya
Synopsis: Robin and his gang of outlaws, plus Guy of Gisnborne and the Sheriff, get swept 800 years into the future, to the year 2006, into the ladies bathroom of a Starbucks Coffee House. Follow their journey as they get to grips with their new surroundings. Based on the BBC's 2006 Robin Hood.
Pairings: Robin/OC, Will/OC, Alan/Djaq
Disclaimer: We do not own Robin Hood or any associated comments, such as "We go to Nottingham" or "Not being Funny, but..." Especially do not own the Sheriff. Damn. We do, however, own Charli and Tanya. In the later Chapters, there may be other characters that we own.
Tanya stirred, the light breaking through the bedroom window telling her it was time to get up. It felt like she had only slept for a mere ten minutes and she had never wanted a lie in so much in her entire life. Burying herself back under the blankets to get cosy, her mind was too tired to take any notice of the body pressed tightly against her from behind.
She leant back and snuggled closer into the warm embrace of the person, enjoying the moment, her brain not actually putting two and two together yet that there was someone else in the bed with her. She knew she'd have to get up soon though. "Five more minutes," she murmured to herself.
"Yes, five more minutes," came a deep husky voice in here ear. Tanya's eyes shot open as realisation hit her; there was man in her bed, a little too close for comfort too. She screamed, moving backwards out his embrace and promptly falling on the floor with a dull thump.
"Well, there's no need to scream," He said, crossly, rubbing his ear as he sat up and stared down at her. "Are you ok?" Robin grinned mischievously. Tanya just stared at him, open-mouthed. Words failed her as her anger began to build up.
"What the hell are you doing!" Tanya yelled as she remained on the floor.
"Sleeping" Robin said innocently. "Or I was, until you screamed!"
"Huh? What…how long have you been in my bed?" She continued to shriek, and looking down at her state of undress, grew even more infuriated.
"All night," Robin shrugged, not phased by the whole event.
"You're shitting me aren't you?"
"I'm what?" Robin looked confused at her choice of words as he pushed back the blankets and rose from the bed. Tanya, who was also about to get up from the floor, froze as he stood before her. Not only had he climbed in to bed with her the night before, but he was also wearing bear minimum.
"I…am…going…to…kill…you," she said through gritted teeth, trying to ignore his bear chest as much as was humanly possible.
Robin laughed and reached out a hand for her to take; Tanya did not accept it. "You can't just go around hopping into bed with women whenever you choose! It's indecent and…God! You're aggravating!"
Robin grinned. "I liked sleeping with you, you feel good…smell nice too. And when you do that little snore thing, you sound so adorable…"
Tanya opened and close her mouth several times, words unable to escape her. She could feel her cheeks slowly starting to burn, her anger rising too. "I do not snore." Was all she could say.
Robin crouched down and leant in towards her, touching her face with his fingers. "Yes, you do," he whispered. "You also talk in your sleep…Robin, oh Robin-"
"You lying little…" Tanya cut him off with a sharp slap to the chest. She pushed him back, finally getting to her feet. "Believe me, you've over stepped the line this time. You call yourself an honorable gentleman; you supposedly fight for what's good and what's right, for your people in Locksley? Yet you have no idea of how to treat a woman! You're disgusting! I'm sure you'll die a sad lonely old man." She spat as she threw on her dressing gown to cover herself. "Stay away from me."
Robin, once again, was amazed at how much she knew of him, but her words had stung him slightly; maybe he had gone too far this time. "Tanya, wait! I'm sorry!" She was already half way out the door when he ran after her.
The outlaws had been sat at the dining table in the living room, eating their breakfast when the bedroom door burst open. Each of them stopped what they were doing to look over at Tanya, who had suddenly emerged enraged and being chased by a half naked Robin.
"What do you think he did this time?" Alan asked casually, taking a sip of his orange juice.
Much shrugged nonchalantly. "Knowing my Master, he probably proposed marriage to the lady."
Alan nearly spat his drink out. "Judging by the look on her face this morning, I think he did, and she's not too happy about it either."
Charli and Will were stood in the kitchen over the cooker, making more breakfast. She was about to throw some more bacon in to the pan when Tanya stormed in closely followed by an eager looking Robin.
"What happened?" Charli asked a little unconcerned. "Are you two fighting again?"
They both started speaking at the same time causing Charli to throw her hands over her ears. "Do you mind?" She yelled. "It's still early." Will continued to cook the bacon, not really taking any notice of what was going on.
"I woke up this morning to find HIM in bed with me!" She thumbed over to Robin. "Did you know about that?"
Charli looked at her, and then to Robin and smiled. "Not until I woke up, no. Then I saw you cuddled up together and you just looked so sweet. I couldn't disturb you."
"Charli!" Tanya shrieked.
"What? You had your hands all over him."
"I was asleep," she defended, "I didn't know what I was-"
"See," Robin cut in. "She said we looked good together...and you had you hands all over me."
Tanya turned and glared at him. "Look! If you want to get into my knickers, you're going the wrong way about it, trust me. Not that that's ever going to happen anyway, but that's beside the point. If it ever did though…God! What the hell am I saying?"
"I have no idea," Robin shook his head. "But I like the sound of it."
Tanya growled and picked up a large kitchen knife that lay on the counter, pointing it at him threateningly. "Whoa!" Robin warned, holding his hands out in front of him.
"Rule number one," Charli took the spatula from Will and stirred the bacon round the pan. "Never piss her off in the morning."
"Give me that!" Robin was upon her in two large strides and expertly wrestling the knife form her hand, making sure not to hurt either of them along the way. "Are you mad? You could hurt somebody with this!"
"Really? I had no idea," Tanya replied dryly, still seething.
Robin threw the knife back onto the counter before turning on her. "Okay, let's go." He bent down and scooped her up, throwing her lightly over his shoulder. "Smells great by the way, Will. Keep it up," he grinned before casually walking the two of them back into living room.
"Rule number two," Charli grinned. "Be persistent and she will eventually crumble."
Tanya let out a long huff and blew her hair out of her face, giving up the fight and just going along with him. She had never known a man who was so relentless before and she hadn't yet decided whether or not she liked it. Hopefully he would disappear back to 1192 soon so she would never have to find out.
"Something definitely happened last night." Alan eyed the pair as he carelessly chewed on a piece of toast. He watched as Robin placed Tanya down onto the settee and then sat besides her too.
"Yes," Djaq, who was watching also, agreed quietly.
Much snorted this time. "Actually, nothing happened. That's just the way my Master acts. He thinks just because he kissed her yesterday and then got into bed with her last night, each time without her permission I must stress, that they are now an item. He's been acting strange since we arrived. It is his way of dealing with it. Do not try to understand him. Just go along with it."
Alan and Djaq looked at Much with their mouths wide open. It was Little John who shook his head and rose from the table. "No, I do not think so. If he does not leave that poor woman alone within the next few minutes, I'll not only knock him out but make sure he never wakes up again."
Robin looked across the room at John and frowned. "Nonsense John, I do no hear the ladt complaining?"
John spluttered. "Not complaining? So you don't count being threatened with a knife complaining then?"
"I get threatened by knifes every day," Robin shrugged before turning back to Tanya. "It is part of every day life."
"I will knock you out" John told him grimly. "I've done it before. I have no qualms about doing it again!"
"Okay guys, I have new gifts for you,!" Charli and Will bounced back into the living room carrying a plastic bag. "Yesterday, when we were at Robin Park, Tanya and I bought new mobile phones for you!"
"Mobile phones?" Much took the offered phone from Charli, who passed one to Djaq and Alan. Robin took his from the bag and passed one to LJ. "Why do we need them?" Much was holding it at arms length, examining it. Alan, a little braver, pressed one of the buttons and then promptly dropped it when it beeped.
"Because, as smart as you guys are, this is 2006...and... well to be perfectly honest...you're not smart. At least not in this century anyway. If you get lost, or need any help, all you have to do is call us...using these..." Tanya explained but only earned a scathing look from Robin
"What?" she said, in response to his look. "Face it Robin. Your not that smart in our world" She indicated Much, who was holding the phone to his ear upside down, Little John, who was refusing to touch it and Alan, who was happily pressing all the buttons to make the phone beep.
"I am going to get annoyed with that constant beeping, Alan!" Charli, ever the organized, was writing down the numbers.
Robin pulled a face and began to sulk as Charli handed the phone numbers out to every body. "These are the phones numbers. If you dial each of the numbers in this order, you will be able to speak to that person on the other end of the line...do you understand?"
Alan and Djaq nodded in agreement, much still looked like the phone had grown two heads and John had yet to pick it up.
"Where is mine?" Will stepped forward.
"Ah, well" Charli looked a bit sheepish. "I used my dads credit card to by the phones, and um... apparently he has placed a limit on the amount that can be spent in one day. So I could only buy five phones..."
Will just shrugged, not actually too bothered about the situation. "Do you have on, Charli? Maybe I can share with you?"
Charli smiled at him, Tanya rolled her eyes. "Awww, ain't that just the sweetest thing."
"Can we not share them?" Robin tried.
"No, Locksley. You're special, you get your own."
"Oh don't tell him that" Tanya groaned. "As if his head wasn't big enough already!"
"Talking of big heads" Charli grinned, "Did you guys like the film last night?"
There was a collective groan from the outlaws.
"What?"
Alan quickly headed for the kitchen along with Djaq. "You have started something now, we'll be back later."
"Where is everybody going?" Tanya asked as she rose from the seat.
"Oh no you don't" Robin pulled her back down. "You didn't tell me anything about Prince of Thieves! It was amazing! I was such a hero!"
Little John got to his feet and followed Djaq and Alan. Will and Much looked very much like he wanted to join them, but Charli had sat herself down in Wills lap, and was holding tightly to Much's arm.
"Come back, I'm interested to know what you thought of the film about yourselves!" She continued.
"What she means is... Don't leave us!" Charli cried as Much pulled himself out of her grasp, and made a break for the kitchen. Robin meanwhile, was still ranting about how good he had been in the film.
Tanya tried to pull out of his grasp, but Robin held her tight. "I thought I was amazing. It's good to know that I get help the people of Locksley in the end and the Sheriff...thought I had problems with Vaysey. He was a right piece of work. Managed to get the better of him in the end though...I looked great as always...I especially liked the part where I went swimming naked under the waterfall...
I'll try that sometime I think...not sure about my accent though...it had a strange twang to it..." Robin frowned.
"Oh, that reminds me!" Charli gave a start, eager to turn the conversation away from that particular train of thought. "We are going swimming today! Tanya, what time did we book for?"
Tanya finally swatted Robin's hands away and climbed out of his lap. "We booked for 12 noon and it's now," she glanced over at the clock. "Ten AM. Gives you plenty of time to try out the new gear you bough them Charli," she winked.
Robin ignored her comment and stared at Tanya with a grin. "Excellent! Do I get to swim naked then?"
At his comment, there was a loud "No" from the Kitchen, and the group of Outlaws all stuck their heads round the door, looking stricken.
Robin rose from the sofa, looking completely stung. "Why not?"
Will shook his head and took hold of Charli hand. "You are unbelievable."
"Yes Master," Much headed back into the living room with a hand full of biscuits. "Why don't you think with your brain for once instead of you-"
"Okay!" Charli cut him off. "Let's get the swim wear sorted for you and then I'll show you all how to use your new phones."
Charli stood, pulling Will to his feet, and the two of them disappeared, leaving Robin to squabble with Much over the biscuits. They re-appeared to find Tanya had separated the two friends and confiscated the biscuits
"Right" Charli was carrying two carrier bags. "Here, have your swimming trunks boys" grinning, she pulled out five pairs of Speedos, in a variety of colours.
"I might as well be naked!" Robin grinned, picking up the Speedo's she passed him. "Ow!" He disappeared under the four other pairs, as his men threw their swimwear at him