Title: Outlaws2006 - Chapter Thirty-One: Spiderman
Rating: 15
Author: moonmajik and Tanya
Synopsis: Robin and his gang of outlaws, plus Guy of Gisnborne and the Sheriff, get swept 800 years into the future, to the year 2006, into the ladies bathroom of a Starbucks Coffee House. Follow their journey as they get to grips with their new surroundings. Based on the BBC's 2006 Robin Hood.
Pairings: Robin/OC, Will/OC, Alan/Djaq
Disclaimer: We do not own Robin Hood or any associated comments, such as "We go to Nottingham" or "Not being Funny, but..." Especially do not own the Sheriff. Damn. We do, however, own Charli and Tanya. In the later Chapters, there may be other characters that we own.
"Dare I ask what that is?"
"No, don't bother. Just get on it before it leaves us here."
The six outlaws and two girls stood in the Parisian station for the metro staring at the train that had just pulled up. They were about to board when Alan had stopped them all. "We need to move now, these things don't wait around." Tanya began to push them all forward. "And it's a train Alan, James and Vesper met on the train in Casino Royale, remember?"
" Oh, so that's what that was then?" Much said excitedly as they stepped inside.
"Yes Much, you get your first ever train ride today."
"Oh! Do you think maybe they'll let me drive it?"
Charli and Tanya looked at the man wistfully. "No, much. Not this time." Tanya said.
The metro doors quickly swooshed shut, causing Djaq and John to jump back in surprise, and the train began to move. Tanya let out a long sigh of relief and took a seat; they were finally on their way at last. It had taken them over an hour just to get the group organized and out of the hotel this morning. Getting to the actually tube station had been a complete nightmare and for a moment she had thought they were going to miss the train.
She was about to open her mouth to speak when she heard Much crying out in protest. "Somebody help me! Quickly! The doors got me!"
Charli shook her head in disbelief when she saw the Much's T-Shirt trapped in between the sliding doors. "For heavens sake!" She cursed.
Will sniggered. "Just leave him there."
"I HEARD THAT!" Much yelled. "Get me out of here now!" He began to panic. "I swear I'll never stuff food in my pocket again! Please!"
Charli took a hold of his shirt and began to pull, but he appeared to be stuck tight. "Sorry, my friend. But it looks like you could be stuck here all night." She laughed.
Much's face was horror-stricken to say the least. "I don't want to die."
"You're not going to die," Tanya rolled he eyes and shot Charli a warning look. "Charli is only joking with you." She rose from her seat and headed over to Much. "John, help me."
The two of them took a hold of his shirt and quickly yanked it from the doors. There was a sickening tearing sound as half of his t-shirt stayed wedged between the doors. "Ooh! Fantastic! Now I get to roam around Paris half naked!" Much complained.
"We'll buy you a new one," Tanya offered as she took a seat again.
"So, where exactly are we going again? I still can't say it." Robin took a place next to her.
"The Champs Elysee." She answered.
"Champs what?"
"Champs Zel-eeeeeze." She broke it down for him. "It means Elysian Fields in English."
"Ah right, I see. And…what exactly is at this Champs Zel-eeeeeze?" Robin tried to copy her.
Charli took a seat on the opposite side of the train along with the rest of the group. "It's a road really. A very long, famous, road that stretches nearly two miles. It's pretty and romantic and we're going to behave ourselves and walk along it like normal people do."
"Two miles!" Tanya suddenly moaned. "I didn't realize it was that long. Oh god! I hate walking!"
"Two miles is nothing," Alan interjected. "I have to walk at least five miles a day just for water, not to mention-"
"He's lying." Robin cut him off.
"I know." Tanya said simply. "Anyway, at one end of the two miles is the Arc De Triomphe, which is something really worth seeing."
"Arc De what?"
"You'll know what I mean when we see it."
The train slowed to a stop at Etoile Charles de Gaulle, situated at one end of the Champs Elysee. Tanya and Charli ushered the outlaws off as quickly and safely as was possible. They headed towards a set of steps and began to climb. Everybody was in check except for Much.
"Where the hell is he?" Charli turned and looked down. "Tanya, did we pass any cafes or restaurants back there?"
"Um…possibly…I don't know." She began to descend. "He can't have gone far."
"I'll kill him, I told him to stick together, and he never listens to me!" Robin shot past her, taking the steps two at a time. He returned several minutes later, dragging a disappointed Much with him. "Next time, we leave you."
"We should have left him this time." Alan chuckled as they finally reached the top of the stairs and emerged into the daylight.
Tanya dug out a pocket map and unfolded it. She studied it for a few minutes before looking up and around her. "Right, well we're at the end of the avenue which holds the Arc De Triomphe, which should be-"
"What is THAT?" John boomed. Tanya followed the direction of his eyes, the same direction the rest of the gang seemed to be looking in too.
"That, John, is the Arc De Triomphe."
"It's beautiful," Will stared in amazement at the huge stone archway that stood in the centre of a busy looking roundabout.
"Yes, it is," Djaq agreed.
"Well, let's go check it out, then we can start walking down the avenue."
"Wait!" Alan stopped dead. "I'm not being funny but, if you think for one minute I'm crossing over that road there, you're out of your mind." His eyes widened in fright when he saw the amount of vehicles speeding around the arch; his fear confirmed when a car smacked straight into the back of another.
"Alan, it's perfectly normal, trust me. There's a smash every minute roundabout. We on the other hand, will take the pedestrian crossing, unless you want to die of course."
"Oh, but where would be the fun in that?" Robin's eyes sparkled mischievously.
"Don't even think about it! You'll use the pedestrian-ROBIN!" Tanya screamed as she watched the man sprint towards the road and out into the street. She threw her hands over her eyes and peeked between her fingers as he narrowly, but somewhat skillfully, dodged each car. He was over the road in about one minute, grinning and waving at them from the other side. "AND NOW I'M GOING TO SCALE THE ARCH!" He yelled over, laughing.
"What. A. Complete. Idiot." Tanya said through her teeth, completely seething.
"Not to mention that fact that if he climbs the Arch he'll be arrested."
"Not being funny, but I thought we were trying to avoid that." Alan watched, shading his eyes as Robin examined the arch.
"Avoid the arch?"
"No, the police."
"We were," Charli groaned. "Tanya! Do something! I don't want to get arrested in a foreign country!"
"What do you mean do something? You do something!"
"If you leave it to me, the plan will involve running away," Charli warned, and Tanya groaned this time.
"Quick, everyone! Over to the pedestrian crossing. Before he actually hurts himself!" The group ran towards the crossing and waited impatiently for the flow of traffic to stop to allow them the cross. When it did, they ran across and skidded to a halt below the arch just as Robin started to climb.
"Robin of Locksley!" Tanya shouted. "Get your ass down from there this instance!"
Robin looked down at her, annoyance written all over his features. "No."
"What do you mean, no?" Tanya spluttered.
"Wish I'd brought pop-corn," Charli muttered in an undertone to the others, and Djaq immediately look round.
"Pop-corn? Where?"
Characteristically rolling her eyes, Charli turned back to Tanya and Robin, one of whom had her hands on her hips, the other was glaring down defiantly. "You'll get arrested!" Tanya warned. "And ruin the next four days for the rest of us. And when we go home, you'll have to stay here. All alone." This did not seem to faze Robin outwardly, although he really did not want to be left in France on his own, it was now a matter of principle. "Robin! Get down!"
"I've been on my own before you know." He climbed a little higher. People were beginning to notice the irate British girl shouting up at a crazy man climbing on the Arch, and tourists raised their camera's to take pictures.
Leaning across to a Japanese couple, which were happily filming the incident, Charli asked. "If I give you my email address, can you send me a copy of that?"
Tanya would have laughed at Charli's comment if it weren't for the fact that Robin was still playing monkey man. "Robin! If you do not come down from there right now! I'll never kiss you again!"
Robin snapped his head round suddenly and looked down at the girl. "What? You don't mean-" He was unable to finish his sentence when he lost his grip and fell. He landed heavily on the floor, limbs sprawled everywhere. Tanya, shocked, worried, and just down right angry, ran forward and knelt at his side.
"You, are the worlds biggest ass!"
Robin, who lay on his back, staring at the sky, pouted his lips. "I just fell and nearly killed myself and you're SHOUTING at me?"
"Master! Master! Are you okay?" Much screamed as he ran over.
"See!" Robin pointed out to Tanya. "He shows concern. That's real love." He went to get up, cringing when he noticed a nasty graze on his elbow.
"His is a different kind of love. Just because I'm shouting at you doesn't mean I don't…" Tanya regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. "What I mean is…I care for you and…even if I do shout at you…a lot…ugh! You shouldn't be climbing things so high!" She turned on her heel, feeling extremely flustered, and stalked back to Charli who seemed to be crying with laughter as always. Much had now joined Robin; he could sort his Master out for all she cared…the obnoxious idiot.
"Did you hear what she just said?" Robin got to his feet and tried to study his injured elbow the best he could.
"Yes. That you're the worlds biggest ass, I heard." Much smiled.
"No, you twit. After that," he grinned as he looked over at Tanya who now appeared to be yelling at the rest of the outlaws for no apparent reason.
"No," Much looked at him, a little bored.
Robin brushed Much off when he realized just how disinterested the man actually was. Instead he concentrated on the figure of Tanya stood with the rest of the gang. He that what she'd just said had been a slight slip of the tongue, but it had still intrigued him and perked his interest all the same. The fact that she had practically turned and ran from him in a fluster brought a smile to his face.
"Much," Robin frowned when he realised his friend was still flapping about. "Be quiet! I'm okay." He tore his eyes away from Tanya for a moment to study his elbow again and winced when it stung faintly; no permanent damage anyway. He had suffered far worse in the past. Falling from heights was not an everyday occurrence for the man. It's just that Tanya's words, even though he was sure she had only been jesting about never kissing him again, had shocked him momentarily causing him to lose his grip.
"You two!" Charli yelled over breaking into his thoughts. "Do you actually want to go to the top of the Triomphe or what?" She eyed Robin warily. "Using the stairs though this time, Spiderman."
"It has stairs?" Robin threw his hands up mockingly. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Spiderman!" Much shivered, ignoring his Masters sarcasm. "I hate spiders. What is Spiderman anyway?" He asked as he and Robin joined the group again.
Tanya, ignoring Robin the best she could for the time being, rolled her eyes. "It's a half man, half spider. What do you think?"
Much stared at Tanya in disgust as she described the origins of Spiderman. "Half spider...half man? What kind of deranged person are you?"
"I didn't come up with it, so don't call me deranged!" She headed over to the base of the stairs of the Arch. "I'm not the one from 1192 walking around in jeans with moldy fries in my pocket." She mumbled to herself.
"Hey Tanya, wait up!" Charli jogged after her, motioning for the rest of the guys to follow her. "You'll love the view from up here. Although, not as spectacular as the Eiffel Tower."
"Eye-full-Tower?" John repeated. "What's the Eye-Full Tower?"
"Not Eye-Full, Eiffel." Charli spelt it for him. "It's a...big...tower thing," she said lamely. "One that you can go right to the top of. Its really beautiful, really..." she cast a sly look at Will. "Really romantic."
Will was already climbing the steps slightly ahead of Charli but his head shot round at her words and, smiling, he caught her eye. "You'll see it when you get up here anyway," she continued.
Robin, who was now at Tanya's side, also tried to catch her eye at the mention of romance, but Tanya only scowled at him. "Forget about it, you ape. And if you even THINK about trying to climb that tower, you'll be in deep shit."
"Ewww," Alan pulled his face as he and rest of the outlaws began their ascent. Charli grinned, leaving Alan with John, Djaq and Much, and bounding up the stairs, slipped her hand into Will's.
"That's disgusting Alan," Much told him.
"Tanya said it!"
Tanya chuckled and called back over her shoulder. "It's just a saying." Glancing sideways at Robin, she tried her best not to smile, trying to stay annoyed with him. She noticed him nursing his elbow and shook her head. "Here, let me see that."
Robin stopped in his tracks and stuck his elbow out to her, pouting like a five year old. "It hurts." He lied.
"Well, you only have yourself to blame." Tanya scolded as the rest of the group pushed past them on the staircase.
"Race you to the top!" She heard Charli call, and then there was the rush of feet on the stairs as everyone sprinted as fast as they could for the top.
"So childish," Tanya murmured as she watched the outlaws take the steps two at a time, leaving her and Robin alone. She took the sleeve of her sweater and dabbed Robin's elbow clean as best as possible. "You'll live." She shrugged but stopped when she saw him grinning down at her.
"You're not even in the slightest bit of pain are you?" Tanya shook her head at him. "You just wanted some attention!"
"No." Robin disagreed. "I just wanted some privacy so I could do this." He leant forward, trapping her against the wall. Tanya was about to protest, but soon realised that they actually were alone, and so relaxed into the wall, letting him take control of the situation for once.
Placing his hands on the wall either side of her; Robin pressed his lips against hers. She relaxed into the kiss. Things had just started to get heated when they were interrupted by Much, who stuck his head round the corner. "Charli sent me to ask you whether or not...now what was it she said? Oh yeah. 'Are Romeo and Juliet joining us'?"
Tanya threw her head back against the wall and sighed. Robin, on the other hand growled. Leaving his hands on either side of her, he turned his head and glared at Much. "Go. Away. Before. I. Hurt. You."
"You don't mean that," Much bounced on the balls of his feet happily. "You've threatened much worse before, remember that time in the Holy Lands when you threatened to shoot me if I didn't stop singing!"
"Much!"
"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "I'll leave you to it, although you should be moving along, the view up here is rather splendid Robin! You'll love it! You can see the Eye-Full Tower and it's-"
"Much! Go! We'll be one minute!" He cried. "For the love of god!"
"Huge!" Much finished, before dodging Tanya's handbag, which Robin threw at his head. "Going!" He darted back up the stairs, grinning.
"Now, where were we?" Robin turned back to Tanya, who pouted.
"That was my bag!"
"It will get over it." Robin lowered his lips back to hers.
Tanya was lost in the moment again, unaware but not really caring anyway if people were passing them on the stairway. Her hands wondered slowly up and down his back, then to his hair, and lastly down across his chest and to his trouser line.
"Uh…um." There was a dry cough from the star well, and Robin groaned and pulled away from her, turning to face Charli, who was leaning against the wall opposite, arms folded across her chest and one eyebrow raised.
"What?" He groaned. "Go away, please."
"No." Charli shoved him away and took hold of Tanya's arm. "Stop sexually harassing my best friend and get your ass up here now. You're missing half of Paris!"
"Sexually harassing?" Robin mouthed, looking outraged, as Charli pulled Tanya away from him and up the stairs. Tanya caught hold of his hand and, grabbing her handbag that was on the floor still, pulled him after her, laughing at the expression on his face.
"Wouldn't be such a bad thing...oh god, what's wrong with me?" Tanya moaned. "One minute I hate him, the next I'm up against the wall with him, wanting him to harass me sexually."
"Hate is a strong word," Robin squeezed her hand. "And I know you don't mean it anyway." He said just as they reached the top of the stairwell. "And I like being up against the wall with you," he leaned close and whispered; sending small shivers through Tanya's body.
"Robin! Look!" Much beckoned. "The Eye-Full Tower!"
"For the last time, Much! Its not the Eye-Full tower!" Charli shouted.
Alan and Djaq were looking out over the Seine and John was sat on the floor with his back to the view, muttering under his breath. Tanya threw him a strange look, and Charli whispered. "He's been like that since we got up here, I think he is afraid of heights. Which is weird, because he was fine on the plane."
"Yeah, but you don't really feel like you're flying at thirty-five thousand feet when you're on a plane. It's different." She sympathised and headed over to John, pulling Robin along with her seeing as he didn't want to let go of her hand. Kneeling down at his side, she tried to comfort him the best she could.
"John? Are you okay?" John glared at her, and continued muttering to himself. Robin looked on in concern.
"Maybe somebody should take him back down?" Tanya rose to her feet and looked around; everybody seemed to be pre-occupied. Djaq and Alan were admiring the view, a little loved up. Charli obviously wanted a moment with Will whilst they were up there and Much...Much appeared to be yapping away to some poor lady on the other side of the arch. That left either her or Robin. "Damn."
"We both will." Robin volunteered, smirking slightly. "Come on John, we are going down!"
"Down...yes...down..." John muttered as both Robin and Tanya helped him to his feet and began a slow descent.
"So...do you really care about John and his fear of heights? Or are you just using it as an excuse to get me alone again?" Tanya said to Robin who was stood on the other side supporting a mumbling Little John.
Robin's jaw fell. "Would I do such a thing? I happen to care about John, I'll have you know…" He paused and grinned wickedly. "The alone thing just happens to be an added benefit."
"John, are you alright?" Tanya asked as they reached the bottom, while hitting Robin's arm hard.
"What? Oh fine." The man said vaguely.
"John!" There was a yell from above, and they all looked up to see Alan leaning over the top, waving flamboyantly at the three of them. "You've shrunk!" Tanya knew that if John had been a man of 2006, he would have flipped Alan a finger at that point.
"Do you feel better now?" Tanya asked him.
"Yes. Thanks." John looked slightly embarrassed, glaring up at Alan. "You can go back up, Ill be fine."
"No, we'll stay- whoa!" At John's words, Robin had pulled her back into the stair well. "Robin! You're like a friggin' dog on heat! Are you gonna to let me see the view from the Arc De Triomphe today or what?"
Robin shook his head as he pulled her half way up the steps and pressed her into the wall again. "No." He grinned before beginning an assault on her neck with his lips.
Tanya giggled and tried to push him away. "You know we can get arrested for this...indecent exposure for all the children around."
"What children?" Robin protested as he looked around. "I see no children! Now be quiet, you talk too much." Too prove his point he kissed her, pressing her back against the wall.
She let out a gasp as his hands slid round her waist, her body reacting to his touch automatically as it arched outwards, pressing tightly against his own. "Oh my," she murmured.
Robin smirked down at her. "Oh my indeed."