Title: Outlaws2006 - Chapter Thirty Two: The President of Jupitor
Rating: 15
Author: moonmajik and Tanya
Synopsis: Robin and his gang of outlaws, plus Guy of Gisnborne and the Sheriff, get swept 800 years into the future, to the year 2006, into the ladies bathroom of a Starbucks Coffee House. Follow their journey as they get to grips with their new surroundings. Based on the BBC's 2006 Robin Hood.
Pairings: Robin/OC, Will/OC, Alan/Djaq
Disclaimer: We do not own Robin Hood or any associated comments, such as "We go to Nottingham" or "Not being Funny, but..." Especially do not own the Sheriff. Damn. We do, however, own Charli and Tanya. In the later Chapters, there may be other characters that we own.
"Much!" Charli appeared behind Much's shoulder. "Leave the nice tourist alone, okay? Pardon Madam," she pulled him away.
Much sulked as he was dragged back towards Will, Djaq and Alan. "She was lovely. You ruined my chances."
Charli shook her head in disbelief. "Much! She was French! Did you even understand a word she was speaking to you?"
"In matters of the heart, you do not need to speak the same language." Much sighed. "Hey, where's John?"
"It helps!" Charli grinned, pushing him towards Alan and Djaq. "Go and annoy your friends for a while. And John is downstairs, " she answered his question before letting out a long sigh. She ran her hands through her hair, already tired and knowing things were going to become all the more stressful.
She glanced over in Will's direction and caught him staring at her. His lips twitched into a small smile and he crooked his finger at her, telling her to come and join him and leave the others to their own doings. Grinning back, she did as she was told, heading over and leaning on the barrier next to him. Placing her head on his shoulder, she sighed and yawned.
"I like it here," Will wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her a little closer. "Like you mentioned. It's very...romantic." He eyed her from the side, his smile growing all the more.
"Mmm," she smirked. "I know what I'm talking about."
Will looked around, checking that that no one was looking in their direction (he'd always had that little bit more decency than Robin) and pulled Charli into his arms. "Care to elaborate on that?"
Charli raised her eyebrows, a small teasing smile on her face. "Well, I dunno about that..." He rolled his eyes in such a perfect imitation of her that she had to laugh. "Maybe later though," she leant in and whispered in his ear.
"Oh no." Will whispered back.
"What?" Charli looked slightly stricken.
Will smiled. "Now."
"Oh..." Charli gasped. "But I just told Tanya and Robin off for kissing back there..." She trailed off when she saw the look Will was now giving her.
He pulled her closer. "Forget Tanya and Robin," he ordered.
"Okay...forget Tanya and Robin," Charli murmured, her eyes not leaving his lips as they drew closer to her own. Right then, he could had declared that he was the President of Jupiter and taking over the planet earth, and she would have agreed with him, and as he closed the distance, pressing his lips against hers, she wrapped her arms around his neck.
Charli began to count in her head, knowing that at any moment now they would be interrupted and have to separate; she was actually quite surprised when nobody did. 'Make the most of it then, you're in Paris,' she told herself, deepening the kiss more. She felt Will respond in a way that made her blush, and prayed that nobody was watching them.
Will turned the two of them around, pressing Charli's body into the barrier. The wind picked up around them as his tongue slipped into her mouth. Charli, a little stunned at first, enjoyed the sensation and kissed him back with as much force. She moaned as he slipped his hands around her waist, pulling her closer to him, both of them forgetting where they were until something soft hit the back of Will head.
He pulled away, a mixture of lust and now murder in his eyes, as he turned to see what had interrupted them. "This had better be good." He seethed.
Much smirked. "Can I have my jumper back?"
Will growled, his hands quickly moving to his waistline to grab were his axe would have normally been. "I'm giving you five seconds to start running."
"Will!" Charli looked mad as well, but she grabbed his arm. "All you have to do is threaten his food supply, I thought you would have known that by now."
Much's face fell. "No! I'll take the axe any day! Or better still, I'll just leave you alone," he began to back away. "Where are Tanya and Robin anyway? They should have returned by now. This is not fair. I wonder if the fair lady from earlier is still here?" He looked around.
"Much!" Charli growled as Will wrapped his arms back round her waist. "Repeat after me. I will not terrorise any more tourists by chattering to them in a language they don't understand."
"I would never terrorise anyone, especially a lady!" Much protested.
"Yet you insist on terrorising me!" Will glared at him, his arms still around Charli's waist; couldn't the man take a hint?
"Your not a lady" Much pointed out. "At least, I hope your not..."
"Much! Get lost!" Charli threw his jumper back at him. "Go and annoy Alan for a change!"
"Alan already sent me away from him."
"I'm not surprised." Charli grinned as Will decided to ignore Much, and leant down to kiss her neck. "Just GO! Find Robin and Tanya; make sure they still have their clothes on!"
Much walked dejectedly away, muttering to himself, and Will looked up at Charli, his eyes twinkling. "Now, where were we?"
"Probably not a good idea here Will." She muttered.
Will looked around to discover that Charli was indeed right; there were now several people casting funny looks over in their direction. "Oops." He chuckled. "I guess we got a little carried away."
"A little?" She leant her head on his shoulder and sighed contentedly. "Do you think Robin and Tanya do still have their clothes on?"
"We're so going to get arrested," Tanya mumbled into Robin's mouth, they had not moved from the stair wall for at least ten minutes. "I am going to be thrown into some Parisian jail and rot there because I was caught being seduced by Robin friggin' Hood...either that or they'll throw me in a mental home..."
Robin pulled away and looked at her, his eyes wide. "Seriously, I can't believe you're still talking! Don't you get hints?" He kissed her jaw line. "Shut. Up."
"Sorry," she murmured, throwing her head back so she could give him better access to her jaw. She was about to apologise some more when she realised that would be more talking. This wasn't like her; Tanya usually had her head screwed on pretty straight and knew what she was doing. This man practically reduced her to jelly.
"I think you should choose the mental hospital." Came the dry, humorous voice of Charli. "But at least you have still got your clothes on."
The gang, minus John, were standing on the steps above them, Will with his arms around Charli's waist and Much looking a little put out.
"How long have you guys been stood there?" Tanya ducked from under Robin's arms. She tried her best to straighten herself out, tidying her hair in the process.
"Long enough," Allan grinned cheekily.
Tanya blushed furiously as Robin smirked at his friends. "Get lost, the lot of you."
"We'd love to, but Charli says we have to go on that two mile walk down that street now."
Tanya groaned. "I hate walking!"
"Well, I love it!" Much bounced on the step. "Can we go? Let's go! Oh, can we get food and drink along the way too?"
Charli rolled her eyes as she began to walk down the steps along with Will and the others. Much eyed Robin. "I swear, I've never seen my Master behave like this before," he stated as he walked past the young couple. "He's all over the lady like a rash."
"That's because the man doesn't get time back at home. He does have other worries on his mind, remember?" Djaq pointed out. "Let the man have a some fun. Especially now that Vaysey and Gisborne are back in England."
"Yeah," Robin agreed as he took Tanya's hand and led her down the steps. "Djaq is right. Let Robin have some fun." He chuckled.
"You seem to be having every bodies fair share of fun," Much mumbled as they reached the bottom of the arch and headed back toward the road.
"What's that supposed to mean, Much? Are you suggesting that want to kiss Tanya too?"
Tanya, who had been in a world of her own, still thinking about her actions only a few moments ago, stopped in her tracks and looked at Much. Much, whose jaw was now on the floor, grew bright red and began to stutter. "I would never, master! I meant…" he looked at Tanya. "Not that I would never consider it, because you are lovely but…"
Robin narrowed his eyes. "Dangerous ground, Much, very dangerous." He warned as they walked back over the pedestrian crossing to begin their two-mile walk down the Champs Elysee.
"No! That came out wrong! I'd never kiss her!" Much tried desperately to excuse himself.
"I know…she would never kiss you anyway." Robin scoffed.
"Robin! That's awful! Tanya swatted his arm.
"Alas, my Master is right though."
"Aw Much, you shouldn't put yourself down like that," Tanya smiled. She let go of Robin's hand and walked over to Much, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. She winked playfully at him. "Just ignore Robin. I'd kiss you any day."
Robin's mouth fell open this time. "You don't mean that…do you?"
"Jesus Robin, can't you take a bit of fun, lighten up!" Tanya told him off as she took his hand again. "Much is very nice, but he's not my type." She whispered to him.
"Oh really? What is your type?" He whispered back.
"Will. But Charli would kill me." She deadpanned. The two continued to bicker back and forth as they made their way down the broad avenue. Much complained on several occasions that he was hungry and thirsty but they refused to stop at a café for the time being. If Much had his way, he would have called at everyone they passed.
As the group of outlaws walked through Champs Elysee, Alan caught Djaq's hand. They had been quiet for some time as they strolled along. Nothing much had been said between them about the kiss they had briefly shared, but it appeared that they had reached an understanding. Even though they had been becoming pretty close since they'd arrived in 2006, apart from the one kiss, nothing had really happened until they had reached Paris. It was as if the city had drawn them together somehow, along with Tanya and Robin and Charli and Will paring up too.
"I swear I never saw a road this long before," Tanya whined. She did appreciate the beauty of the place, she really did. But this avenue was just huge.
"You've never been to Iceland." Charli muttered, rolling her eyes at Tanya's whining. "Highway One. The longest road I have ever been on!"
"Iceland?" Much asked.
To the girl's surprise, it was Will who answered. "Its a country."
"I'm confiscating that globe when we get back!" Charli teased. "You seem to have developed an obsession."
Will shrugged. "I think it's interesting."
"Yeah that's because you're boring. Anyone who's interested in wood has to be boring." Alan laughed.
"At least I don't lie all the time." retorted Will.
"That just makes me interesting!"
"No, it makes you a complete lying idiot." Will shot back before turning to Charli and smiling. "Oh and please don't confiscate the globe."
Alan stuck out his tongue at the back of Wills head. "Saw that."
"How?"
"I'm a lot cleverer than you, that's how."
"You underestimate me my friend." Alan turned and winked. "Robin didn't let me join his group because of my good looks."
Will shook his head in amazement. "Unbelievable. If I remember rightly, Robin saved your neck from the noose, and you ran with us."
Tanya, who was strolling hand in hand with Robin, smirked at him. "You saved his neck?"
"Quite literally."
"And yours!" Alan was outraged.
"Yes, but Robin and I had already been acquainted for years! The reason he was in Nottingham in the first place was because of my brother and I. YOU just happened to be there because of you're big mouth. Rochdale! I'm from ROCHDALE! Not Locksley!" Will mimicked.
Tanya looked over at Charli, a lost expression on her face. "What are they talking about?" She mouthed.
Charli shrugged. "I don't know, but I am definitely confiscating that globe. He knew where Iceland was. I didn't even know where Iceland was until I was actually there..."
Will and Alan continued to bicker back and forth, much to everyone's annoyance, as they continued their walk. They had strolled at least a mile when Much suddenly wondered to one side and threw himself down onto a near by bench. "I really need...a drink now..." He said, more than a little out of breath. "Please."
"How can you be so unfit?" Tanya stared at him. "YOU live in a forest! YOU make a living running away from bad men wearing all black! Surly you can walk for two miles without dying!"
"He's not dying" Robin deadpanned.
"I beg to differ, Master." Much looked up from the bench at Robin, who appeared to look a little bored with him. "May I point out that the heat here is slightly warmer than it is back in Sherwood?"
"Hardly," Charli scoffed. "Maybe by like, a degree or something."
"Much," Robin rolled his eyes. "Stop being lazy and get up. John here is twice you're size and he's not even sweating."
"I wouldn't count on it" Djaq muttered from where she was standing next to John. The large man glared down at her, and she quickly squeaked and hid behind Alan.
"Okay guys, let's keep moving. Much, I promise, the next cafe that we find, we'll stop and grab a coffee. I must admit, I do need one too."
"Uh oh, she needs caffeine-ow!" Robin was cut off with a swift whack in the arm. "Why do you always insist on hitting me?"
"Because you're rude. Let's go." She pulled Much to his feet before leading the others away again. She shot Robin a surprised look when she heard him mumbling the words rope and tree under his breath.
Charli heard the same words that Tanya did, and choked on her next mouthful of air. "If Tanya gets bondage, can I have jelly babies?" She asked, and evil smirk on her face once she recovered from her shock.
"Charli!" Tanya choked this time, shooting her a warning look before blushing immensely.
"What?" Charli sent an innocent glance at Tanya. "I like Jelly Babies. And I know you like bondage."
"I do not..." Tanya began to sputter but couldn't find the right words.
"What? You like the idea of being tied to a tree?" Robin grinned wickedly at her.
The rest of the outlaws looked at them blankly, having not heard Robin's original comment.
Tanya imitated a goldfish as she looked helplessly from Robin to Charli and then back to Robin. "Wha...how did we even get on to this?"
"You called me rude...which I can be if you like..." Robin's grin widened tenfold.
"Okay STOP!" Djaq yelled, placing her hands over her ears in a dramatic fashion. "Can you save that for another time please?"
"Yeah, like when we aren't in France." John agreed, although he had tucked his hands under his armpits to stop the sweat patches showing.
They moved along the Champs Elysee, heading down to the other end, which held the Egyptian Obelisk from Luxor. "What is that?" John shaded his eyes from the sun, looking at the tall object that sat in the distance. "It looks big, whatever it is."
"Oh a cafe!" Much yelled before either Tanya or Charli could answer, heading off to the left to the small restaurant with tables and chairs outside.
"Its an Obelisk" Tanya told John, waiting for the cry of Witchcraft. When it didn't come, she chanced a glance at the man, who was still peering through the sun haze at the object. The other outlaws and Charli had followed much to the plastic table and chairs, leaving the two of them in the street.
"It looks beautiful," John smiled before looking back at Tanya. "Can we see it up close?" He asked.
"Sure, we're heading that way anyway. In fact, we've been heading that way for the past mile and a bit. Let's grab a drink first."
"Yeah. Tanya?"
"Uhuh?"
"What's an obelisk?"
"I wondered when we would get to that," she smirked as they joined the others at the cafe counter.
"It's an Egyptian monument, something they built thousands of years ago in...Egypt."
"Oh...Will, where's Egypt?"
"Near the Holy Land." Will answered right away.
"Really?" Robin looked around. "I never saw it"
"Well you wouldn't, would you?"
"I don't know." Robin glared at Charli, who rolled her eyes at him.
"Before you start arguing, don't." Tanya cut in. "I'll take a double cappuccino please." She said the shop assistant. "You lot are stressing me out with your globes, Holy Lands and bondage talk. Sort your own drinks out."
"Je voudrais diabolo menthe, sil'vous plait." Charli couldn't resist the opportunity to show off her French in front of the outlaws.
"What did you just say?" Much blinked at Charli several times. "I hope you ordered me a drink."
Charli rolled her eyes. "Make that two," she told the waiter in French.
"Much! Order you're own drink and don't be so cheeky." Robin shot Charli an apologetic look.
"I cannot speak in this...French though."
"They DO speak English too Much," Tanya rolled her eyes as she took her cappuccino and grabbed a seat, Robin following her.
"Yes but he can have a diabolo! He'll like it." Charli grinned. "Anyone else want one? Its a traditional French drink, everyone else drinks it here."
The outlaws warily raised their arms. "Awesome," Charli clapped her hands together before turning back to the assistant. "Make that seven then."
"I'll stick with my cappuccino" Tanya said.
"I would like some Jelly babies." Charli grinned maliciously at the waiter. "Ow, Tanya!"
"I hope you choke on them," Tanya snarled before turning on Robin. "And YOU can stop laughing too! If I ever catch you anywhere near me with a piece of rope I'll string you up with it." Alan and Will frowned, Will unconsciously raising his hand to rub his neck and Alan shaking his head in horror.
Charli laughed, leaning her head weakly on Will's shoulder. "Okay guys, I mean Robin, lets stop tormenting Tanya now."
"Yes, let's stop tormenting Tanya," the girl said as she took a sip from her coffee. "I came here to relax, and all you do is pick on me."
"That's because you like to rise to the occasion, it seems." Alan piped up.
Tanya glared over at the man. "Shut up! You don't even know me!"
"I do." Charli waved her hand. "And you do rise..."
Will kissed her head. "I thought you were going to leave her alone."
"Oh...yeah..."
Tanya sat and drank her coffee in silence, sulking at the table. Robin sat staring at her, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Alan, Djaq John and Much had gathered round the next table to chat quietly amongst themselves and Will and Charli had disappeared completely.
Tanya tried to ignore Robin for as long as she could, but then sighed in exasperation. "I'm going to the ladies room. Try and behave! And stay here!"
She got up from the table and headed over to the ladies toilets. When she was finally round the corner and out of sight, she cracked a huge smile, thinking back to the previous conversation she had with Charli and Robin. In all honesty, she wouldn't mind being tied to a tree, or anything, if it involved Robin. She was just never going to admit that, at least not in front of Charli anyway. Speaking of her friend...where the hell had she disappeared to?
Charli was nowhere to be seen, but a deep voice behind her made her jump. "Robin!" She hissed without turning round. "I said stay!"
"You know I don't take orders from anyone," he grinned as he moved closer to her. He took her by the shoulders and turned her around, pushing her up against the toilet door in the process.
"Oh hell, I really do need to pee," she eyed him warily. "You don't have rope do you?"
"Why, do you want me to have rope?"
"Charli isn't an idiot you know, she does know what she is talking about!" Tanya's eyes grew wide. She had not just said that.
Robin's eyes mirrored hers. "So she was right then?"
Tanya, like the day she had met him, wished for that giant hole to come and swallow her up. She quickly made up the first excuse that popped into her head. "I on the other hand, have no idea what you're talking about. Leave me alone." She turned and tried the door handle, but it wouldn't open. "Shit!" She cursed becoming more and more flustered by the minute.
"You're doing it all wrong." Robin laughed as he took the knob and opened the door first time.
Tanya stared at him. "You've been practicing!"
"I have not!"
"You have!"
"I have not." Robin followed her into the toilet. Tanya was about to protest and kick him out when she stopped in her tracks. He grinned at her. "We're all alone-"
"Ssh!" She cut him off, placing a finger to her mouth. Narrowing her eyes, she headed over to one of the toilet cubicles, the only one with the door shut. She shook her head before getting down on her knees to look under the door…just as she'd thought. Two sets of legs.
Robin joined her on the floor. "What are you looking at?" he whispered.
Tanya pointed under the cubicle. "This person has four legs." When Robin continued to stare at her blankly, Tanya rolled her eyes. "People don't have four legs Robin. There are two people in there."
"Who?" Robin looked at her blankly.
Tanya stared at him. "How can you be so clueless? Who was missing from the table?" Still she received nothing but a blank stare. "And I thought you were clever. Remind me again how you lead your men?"
Before Robin could bite back. Charli's voice sounded from the other side of the door. "Tanya. I know you're there. I can hear you."
"Really?" Tanya replied sarcastically. "And I thought I had managed to perform that cool spell in Harry Potter. Are you coming out?"
"Are you going away?"
"Not until you come out."
"Not gonna happen. You and Robin had you're fun. Sod off."
"What does this mean...sod off?" Will's voice drifted out to them as well. Robin's eyes grew wide as it suddenly clicked who was in the cubicle.
"It means GOAWAY!" Charli answered for him. "Before I hurt you."
"Will," Robin spoke up. "Why are you in there with Charli?"
Charli groaned and there was a thump. She had obviously just hit her head on the door in despair. Tanya was staring at Robin in disbelief. "Are you blind?"
"No actually, there's a door blocking my view."
"Smart ass." Tanya muttered. "Charli, Will, come out!"