◊ (The Feelings of Sacrificial Hearts ▫Part 2▫) ◊

Kurosaki Ichigo

Is it possible to see invisible tears, well I'm not sure but I think I can? Rukia's. I don't know why but I sense there is something deeper to every feeling she has, how can you have deep emotions that stretch beyond anyone else's and then have deeper feelings then that? I just kept holding her.

"Rukia, can you cry in soul society?" I asked her.

"No, you can not; but I swore when I was in that castle, I did. But no one could see them."

"So they're invisible,"

"Apparently," She said to me.

"So is it possible for me to see yours," She smiled and nodded.

"If I could sense my own, I suppose it's possible for you to be able to see mine, because I can sense my own too." She was so lost, like a stray dog. Would she ever find her way?

"Will you share with me whatever is hiding inside of you?" I asked.

"I don't know myself Ichigo, how can I share it with you."

"I don't know but you have feelings deeper than anyone in any realm." I said to her.

"I do, maybe if you asked questions, I could give you answers."

I nodded and smiled at her, she was trying but it wasn't good enough to know she had problems; I had to give her answers. "Why did you automatically trust me when you met me, and why were you so distant?" She was surprised to see me start from the beginning, but what better place then there.

"My lieutenant who's name I'd rather not mention to save me pain, well the second day of me joining his squad. It's a painful story but I'll share it with you if you want."

"I want to know to help me understand you," I said holding her, she was only crying invisible tears, her well of tears was dry but I could see she wanted to.

"The special unit of Squad 13 was sent out of a mission and then when they were found, they were all dead except my lieutenant's wife. She was alive but what we didn't know was she was possessed by a hollow. In one night, all of squad 13, minus me, the captain, and two loyal followers to our lieutenant were left."

"That's horrible Rukia," I told her, she nodded and I could sense she wanted to cry so much.

"Then we went to follow her, the two loyal followers were to run operations back at the room, while the Captain, Lieutenant, and I went to stop her and the hollow.

It turned out that when we got there; the hollow had returned to its normal form and killed her, the host in moments. While we were getting there.

I prepared for battle but my captain told me not to, there are two types of battles, ones for pride and ones for protection. That's what makes us a fighters different then hollows. He lost his soul slayer; it was an ability of the hollow to take away the soul slayer of anyone who touched him. Then the lieutenant he fought the man hand on hand; and was in extreme pain, bleeding all over the field, it was horrible."

There was nothing I could say now, some how in all her pain, she managed to create more tears, maybe it was dinner but she was crying I could actually see them now, I felt the cold wetness of them down my back.

"He didn't stop, and then the hollow decided to take over the lieutenant. The captain told me to run off and save myself. I did at first but when I saw he'd kill the captain I stopped and turned around, then my lieutenant killed lunged himself at me, and killed himself so he wouldn't hurt anyone else." She was whimpering and crying, and she stopped.

I held her as close to me as I could, "Rukia, Sh, it's all over now. It's all over."

"No, no it isn't; it's haunted me every day for almost 100 years Ichigo, 100 years, you don't get to be alive that long!" She yelled. I held her head in my chest, the pain she felt, it wasn't her sacrifice it was his, but she was tortured because of her witness to it. I stroked her hair and let her calm down.

"He jabbed himself purposely into my sword, I was covered in his blood, I had never seen blood before, but I was covered in my lieutenant's blood, Ichigo. He was one of the two friends I had ever had in my new life. And within two days of meeting me… he died… right there… it front of me… in my arms." She was crying so uncontrollably it hurt. She was in panic mode and scared. "I cried… he was gone… just there… he was just playing with me hours earlier… he wasn't there… I killed him." She was more like a child then anyone I'd met. She didn't understand she was a child at heart. I held her like a father would his daughter. Whoever though she was ready, was a complete idiot!

"Rukia, he killed himself, not you. Only by your sword did he die."

"You don't get it… he died there… right in front of me… it would be like me dying right now… in your arms. You'd blame yourself… wouldn't you?" I didn't need to think about it, yes, I'd blame myself.

"I would but that wouldn't make it right," I said calmly.

"The last words he said were 'Captain… thank you so much for letting me fight.' Then he said 'Kuchiki, I put you in terrible danger by making you go along with my selfishness. I'm sorry, it must've been hard. Thanks, because of you, I can leave my heart here.' Then he died… in my arms." She was crying extremely loud but I don't think anyone cared, I know I didn't and I was holding her, who ever he was reminds me of me. (Irony, extremely sad irony.)

"You said something more didn't you?" I asked her.

"Yeah I did. I said 'No, I haven't done a single thing worthy of thanks; the only one I saved was I.' that's all I'd ever be worthy of, doing nothing. That's why… you remind me so much of him, so much it hurts. I'd never be worthy of being saved, if it cost a single person blood."

"Rukia?" I asked; she was lost within herself.

"Ichigo, I'm not worthy of your care, your love, your compassion, your protection, and you. I will never be worthy of anything more than myself. And I am worthless." She said crying, and running down the street.

"Rukia!" I yelled for her.

∆ (Park) ∆ Kuchiki Rukia

I heard Ichigo calling me, but I ran anyway. I sat under a tree. It was all true, what I said, what he said. But what made me feel better what me taking the blame. I don't know why but that would make me feel better.

I've never met someone who wanted to take the blame for anything, especially not someone else's death; but I do. I didn't understand but I did. I wanted his death to be my fault, but somewhere inside of me, I knew it wasn't. I knew it was that hollows.

It was a true turning point in my life. That was when I began a life as a sacrificial heart. I really hadn't thought of me at the beginning as a sacrificial heart, but I realized that I was. Becoming a Soul Reaper meant being sacrificial. I guess I thought that meant you had to choose to want to die, like he did.

I never saw it like that, killing your self if it was best for others. I didn't believe that I'd ever need to do that, or see that for, another matter. Tears fell out of my eyes, I thought I was done crying, but I guess you're never quite done crying. I thought I had cried enough that first time when I saw him dies.

I heard that in Soul Society, Soul Reapers can cry once, only once. When it truly mattered; but I'm sure you could anytime you wanted if you had strong enough will but it seemed I couldn't then.

Why did I come back? What did I wish to accomplish? Why did he want to die on my sword? Why did he say thanks? Why could he leave his heart here? Do I only love Ichigo because of him? Did I love him? Do I love Ichigo? Why did this happen to me? Why was I brought there? Why was I asked to come? Did he know what would happen? Did he plan this when he brought me? Is that why he was sorry? For using me as a tool in his plan?

I know one thing for sure, I'm confused and I want the answers to my questions. I could feel the cold, wetness around me. It wasn't my tears. It was the rain. It was truly ironic how it always rained when I cried.

"Why do you hurt me so?" I yelled to the sky. I fell weak to the ground.

Kurosaki Ichigo

I sat there in a tree, she was really weak. I didn't know why but I needed to find out, she just collapsed asleep right there. She was in so much pain; her poor heart can't even bear it.

I jumped out of the tree and landed on the ground and picked her small wet, cold body that was dripping wet off the ground and I kissed her head. "It will be alright Rukia, I'd never hurt you." I said in her ear. I saw a small smile on her face.

"Ichigo, I'm confused."

"Yeah you're confused, normal people don't run off in the poring rain." I answered her and laughed.

I walked to our house and picked the door open. Everyone walked over to us, they saw me run out. I decided to use the door not the window. "Is she alright?" My dad asked.

I shrugged and looked at her. "Her body is fine, just a bit wet and cold. It's her mind that's suffering. I'm putting her on lockdown. Orihime, would you mind getting her into some dry clothes?" I asked Orihime.

"No Ichigo, I'm glad to help her."

Who could answer my questions on Rukia? Maybe, just maybe, Renji could or Yoruichi or Urahara; they all might now but which one could I easily go to. Yoruichi!

"Odis, make sure that Rukia doesn't leave this house, make sure that she doesn't do anything because of what happened in her world; she's feeling guilty and she might kill herself, so watch out." Everyone gasped as I carried Rukia into her room, and laid her down. "I will find out how to help you answer your questions."

∆ (Yoruichi's House) ∆

I knocked on her door constantly for hours at a time. "Hello Ichigo, is there something you need from me?" She asked in her female form.

"Yeah, I have some questions about Rukia's past, in soul society."

"I'm sure she'd rather you ask her, yourself." Yoruichi replied.

"If she would then I wouldn't be here, she just cries about it, and suffers."

"Then come on, sit down." She opened the door and sat down.

"What about her past?"

"Her lieutenant's name,"

"Ah, that is a very big question on its own; her lieutenant's name is… Shiba Kaien."

"Now, I know his name, so he was lieutenant of the 13 squad and very popular, right?" Yoruichi nodded.

"He was a married man; he would have been about 200 when he committed suicide. He was the oldest son of the Shiba Clan and was and equal to the Kuchiki Clan."

"So he's noble blood, they ever hold it against her?" I asked.

"No, no one did, except maybe her. Everyone knew what happened, they would never say that it was her fault; not even his parents would say that and if we talked with him, he wouldn't either. They all knew he killed himself for the best of the squad, everyone knew. Except her,"

"So Rukia is being too hard on herself?" I asked.

"Yes she is, but has she told you it yet?"

"I wouldn't know, she said a lot but yet again, I'm not sure what you're talking about either."

"Then I guess by her not saying a name, she hasn't showed you a picture of him; I doubt she has one anyway. They're quite rare but here." She opened a book to a page. 'Shiba Kaien'.

"No way, this is not him, it can't be?"

"It is, trust me, that what I said when I saw you. I first saw you, I thought you were his reincarnation; I knew from your rebellious attitude, that you couldn't be, but I could be wrong. You never know with these things."

"I'm not sure either but he looks like me, except his behavior is different, he's very by the rules, and noble. I don't really care for that stuff. "

"Yeah, your personalities are quite different in a lot of aspects; but are those the only things?"

"No, I need to understand her."

"And you think I can help?" She responded.

"Yes, because you would know why she would want to not be saved. It got on my nerves so much. I cared for her, loved her; and she wanted me to leave her to die."

"You're definitely one sacrificial person Ichigo; you risked your life, your friends' lives and hurt and or killed so many people just to save her."

"What can I say?"

"You doubt if she loves you back." She answered.

"Yeah, I guess that's right. How do I know?"

"There are many ways a girl shows her love for you; here's a list." I was surprised she kept a list of these things but maybe she knew I'd want to know and there they were: (A/N: This is a list on paper the italic underneath it are his thoughts.)

1. She says so.

She's said it a few times to me, but she's only been back a little while so I guess that's how it goes. That's true.

2. Her parents like you.

She doesn't have parents but the people who take care of her and protect her think I'm acceptable, except her brother but he's evil so he doesn't matter but those who protect her like me.

3. Her eyes say so.

Rukia's eyes seem to say everything, and that's another thing they say. Her eyes say she's happy to be with me, and she loves me and she's so happy to see me and is so entirely at peace when she's with me.

4. She wants to talk with you just to hear your voice.

I live with her so she really can't talk to me but sometimes she'll call my name just to hear me talk to comfort her and hear me talk.

5. She caters to you.

She definitely does that, I could ask her for anything and she'd be more than happy to get it for me but she does that as a sort of repayment. But she's always been happy to help me with things and care for me. Think of all she's done for my family, and me.

6. She tells you how content she is.

She sure tells me exactly how she feels, and she is open with me, and tells me how she feels about everything and she's honest with me and caring about how I respond.

7. Her friends say she does.

She doesn't have many girl friends but Yuzu, Karin, Orihime, Chad, and Ishida all say she does as well as Renji did. I guess that's why he gave up on her, because she fell in love with me.

8. She confides in you.

Boy, does she sometimes, sometimes she'll run off to be alone but she does that because she's afraid to burden me. She always finds her answers through me, and her happiness.

9. She tries to make you happy.

She has always tried extremely hard to make me happy, not to be a burden, to help me along with everything. She's love to be out of my life so she could just be less of a burden but I'd never allow that.

10. She tries to look her best for you.

Rukia's limited on what she wears but she wears the best she's got for me. I guess she tries her best and she's always dressing extremely beautifully.

11. She finds your quirks charming.

She for strange reasons finds the strangest things about me funny, and she loves me for them. I don't know why she would, I mean they're things no one else would like but she does. Like how I don't listen to her meaningless complaints about saving her. She thinks that's nice; while others would do something about it.

12. She trusts you.

She trusts me with her life, she told me that once. I would trust her with mine as well.

"Ichigo, you done thinking yet? It was only 12 things." Yoruichi complained about.

"I had to think in depth about them, sorry for taking to long." I said pouting.

"It's fine, but maybe you should talk to her about it."

"Do you think she loved him?"

"No, I don't think so, seeing as he died about 20 years ago. He was a lot older than her, married and at that point he freaked her out and I don't think she was really into guys that much then."

"So you don't think she likes me because of him?"

She laughed, "Of course not, especially not after what you two have been through together. I don't think she'd fall in love with someone who had used her the second day they had been friends, scared her to death, killed himself in front of her, and brought her into a battle against himself. I don't think even she's that stupid. You're quite different then him actually but in some ways you're the same. Except your different then him, much different. I'm sure you'll figure out the difference."

"Yeah, I can see them. I don't think I'd let her anywhere near a fight like that. Especially not when I knew what was going on before I went into it, he told her to come along."

"Yeah, he thought it would be alright, he didn't think it would end like that, but he knew it would in the end."

"I think he's a horrible person to treat her like that."

"I think you, him, and Rukia should have a talk."

"What, I thought you said that he's dead."

"Dead spirits return to the human world, his soul is in a normal body."

"But would he remember,"

"Rukia knows the kido to reinvoke a soul for a period plus he's only 2, I doubt he'd remember regardless of that."

"I think we should do that," I said returning to my house.

∆ (Ichigo's Home) ∆

I could hear her sobs, I know why. She wanted out, just like when I captured her before. "Ichigo, is that you?" She asked sadly, this brought a smile to my face, her need for me. That's definitely a sign.

"Yeah Rukia, it's me." I opened the door to see her lying against it. I smiled at her and she looked miserable. I sat down next to her and held her. "Rukia, I know about him and everything, its okay. Let it all out, come on." I told her and she smiled and let the tears fall out but not cry, she didn't cry. I guess she was right, that you can't cry in soul society, only sob and she was exceptional at that.

I held her in my arms, and I didn't know if I was supposed to. I felt like I was invading her space like this, but wasn't she letting me? I guess she was but I was still taking advantage of her? But I was helping her. There was no way to justify this. I was touching Kuchiki Rukia, but she didn't care cause I was helper her; there is nothing wrong with this.

"Do you love me?" She asked me, with tears still in her eyes.

"Yeah, it's pretty obvious I do Rukia. I risked all our friends' lives, and my own, killed and injured all those people, just to save you, one person; but for some reason that one person you, meant the entire world to me." She was starting to cry again.

"You're not supposed to cry, even if you are happy." I said wiping her tears.

"I love you too Ichigo." She had that wonderful smile on her face. I loved that smiled, it was everything I had worked to fix.

"I wrote this for you, Rukia. I wrote when we were in Soul Society and I was bored. I thought you deserved to have it." I don't know why but I carried this piece of paper everywhere I went, I guess since she left to remind me.

You've been hurt by unhealing pain and sadness

So together let's carry each other's indelible pasts

Don't give up on living

I'll hold your hand

Will I lose them some day

I want to protect you and your fading smile so,

Even if the resounding voice that calls you shall wither

Even if it's scratched away by the winds that blow with the

I will find you

You, who've been hurt by unspeakable pain and sadness

Don't say things like "I can't laugh" or "I hate people"

There's meaning to everything that's to happen in the unseen future

For now, you're fine as you are, I know a time'll when you'll realize it

You and me, two are spoken

One day, we'll understand each other

These are copyrighted lyrics, not mine.

"Ichigo, this is beautiful." I smiled.

"Yeah it is but that's how I felt, when I saw you it hurt me to see you like that, in pain and unhappy. I'd do anything to have that back. It's a poem based on those sayings I'd tell you."

"Yeah, I noticed." She said smiling.

"Rukia, I love you too." I said, I don't think I've ever said it directly to her, so I thought she deserved it.

I held her in my arms, and I realized that she was asleep in my arms. I was leaning against the door and I had her in my arms. She was sitting on my lap and had her head against my chest, happily smiling. I wish I could pause this moment, and take a picture of it and keep it forever.

After a while of enjoying her company I realized she'd need her well deserved rest so I knelt down with her in my arms and stood up and set her on the bed. I covered her up, took a last glance at her and walked out.

∆ (Kitchen) ∆

"Ichi-nii is Rukia going to make us dinner; I'm hungry and she wasn't feeling well, she was all red and weak so I told her not to worry about it but I didn't make anything and I'm really hungry and the things we have here are all things I can't make." Yuzu said holding her stomach. That was Rukia, thought ahead with exact proportions.

"I really don't think she'd been up to it, she's asleep. She's only been asleep for a little while and she needs rest but we'll find someone to cook." I told her.

"I could, I mean I have low spirit energy and I never make much but if Rukia can, I can." I hoped this wouldn't turn out a mess.

¤ (15 Minutes Later) ¤

"Okay now to see if I really can cook," Odis said looking at the meal.

"I would hope so, since I'm hungry." Yuzu said.

"Me too," Karin added.

"Well here it is," Odis said serving us all the food.

Karin and Yuzu ate the food as well as Odis but for some strange reason I decided not to eat it, Dad was off at a meeting so he didn't eat then they all went back to their normal lives, and then to sleep.

¤ (4 A.M.) ¤

I awoke for some strange reason and went into the kitchen to see a girl sitting on the counter with her legs hanging over the edge. She was reading something, and grabbing things from the shelf. She climbed up to reach the highest one, and stuffed it in the pocket of her robe.

She began to climb down, but lost her balance and she was falling incorrectly; backwards with her arms and legs in front of her. She wouldn't be able to regain her balance, maybe if it was from a bigger height but that small difference, she'd hit before.

I moved swiftly and caught her. She smiled as I set her down on the ground. "You should have just asked for me to get something for you, instead of scaling the walls." I informed her.

"I didn't know you were up or I would have asked; plus, I quite enjoy climbing." She laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"So Rukia, you have plans for the weekend?"

"Do I have plans for any day?" She asked me.

"Is that rhetorical?" I asked her.

"No, but I was suggesting that your question was." She said smiling at me.

"I'm going to take you to finally clear your mind of your guilt. I'm going to be the one to show you your worth in the world and yours, and why you can't leave me and why I have to save you." I said.

"Thanks Ichigo, that would be great but what if you can't?"

"That was a rhetorical question, about I'm going to try and prove your worth; you always have and always will have worth. Did Renji tell you before that you are always out of others never yourself and that you think that everyone looks down on you, and you try to carry too much of a burden." I stated.

"Yeah he did, then he told me that you and him would carry the burden for me, since he didn't see it fit I do it all on my own."

"And that's the truth, all of it. You need to see how amazing and precious you are to everyone. Your worth is amazing to a lot of people. You just need to see it yourself." I informed her.

"You really think that?" She asked.

"Of course I do, haven't you paid attention for the last year?" I asked.

"I've been out of it a lot but yes, I have."

"Then you know that you mean a lot to a lot of people. I think that you care much too for others and not about yourself, you can care for others but others can't love you if you don't love yourself."

"When did you get so smart about these things?" She asked.

"I don't know, since I met you it's just been coming to me." I answered.

She was smiling and happy; I needed to make sure she never cried again. I wouldn't let her. Neither I, nor anyone else would hurt her or touch her again; she is mine to love and protect from anyone who would hurt her.

Sacrificial means you're all for others, nothing for yourself. It means that you'd die for the better of others. The only difference between sacrificial death and suicide is love. – ©Girl of Light Writter: Aniecä