Title: Outlaws2006 - Chapter Thirty Nine: Dining With Robin Hood
Rating: 15
Author: moonmajik and Tanya
Synopsis: Robin and his gang of outlaws, plus Guy of Gisnborne and the Sheriff, get swept 800 years into the future, to the year 2006, into the ladies bathroom of a Starbucks Coffee House. Follow their journey as they get to grips with their new surroundings. Based on the BBC's 2006 Robin Hood.
Pairings: Robin/OC, Will/OC, Alan/Djaq
Disclaimer: We do not own Robin Hood or any associated comments, such as "We go to Nottingham" or "Not being Funny, but..." Especially do not own the Sheriff. Damn. We do, however, own Charli and Tanya. In the later Chapters, there may be other characters that we own.
"What exactly is this?"
"It's a haunted house," Tanya began to explain as they moved forward to the front of the queue. They took their seats again, four to a cart, this time Will and Charli got in with Robin and Tanya.
"What exactly is a haunted house?" Much called from the cart behind.
"You'll see!" Tanya called back without turning around as they slowly moved into the dark building.
"Is it a good idea to leave them alone together?" Charli asked as the carts turned side ways to take them passed a mirror. Tanya grinned as a green ghost appeared on the back of their cart, Charli squealed as Will grabbed her arm in shock. A second later there was a strangled cry from Much and a shout of "WITCHCRAFT!" and then "John! Get off me!"
"Nope, but it's too late now. Let them have a scare," Tanya chuckled. "I think the whole thing is rather amus-ARGH!" Tanya screamed as she felt something on her neck and practically jumped from her seat. She squinted at Robin in the dark and could just about make out his grinning face. "You are going to die, Locksley. NOT funny!"
"Wasn't me," the man protested. "You said this place was haunted right?"
Charli chuckled at Tanya's reaction as the cart swung round the corner. "It will be if she kills you."
"You're full of shit. Leave me alone. You scared the crap out of me! And-why are you not even scared?" Tanya folded her arms across her chest.
"And why are you SO scared," he scooted closer to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. "None of it's real."
"How do you know that?" Charli asked. "You're from 1192, you're supposed to be the ones who are superstitious, not us."
"John is the superstitious one. I'm the voice of reason and - OH MY!" Robin jumped half a mile when a 'ghost' swung down from the ceiling at them, and amidst the screams of terror from the other cart, Charli and Tanya burst into hysterical laughter.
"Right, Mr. Voice of Reason." Charli cackled.
The cart continued its way around The Haunted Mannor, Robin moved closer and closer to Tanya and was practically sat on her knee by the end of the ride. Charli had found a way to distract Will from the horrors of the ride by simply kissing him, one kiss had turned into a full scale make out session, which later, when it was time to get off the ride, created a problem as the two were inseparable.
Tanya swore at some point that she heard Much crying in the cart behind her. Alan and Djaq seemed to be giggling away and Little John was deadly silent.
"Charli," Tanya poked her friend, who waved her away. "It's time to get off now. We have our dinner reservation!"
"Food!" Much leapt out of the cart, tripping over Alan, who had started to clamber out of the cart at exactly the same moment. Tanya rolled her eyes at the speed Much could move when someone mentioned the word dinner. Charli and Will finally dragged themselves away from each before walking with the rest of the group hand in hand towards the main street.
It was beginning to get dark now and the temperature had dropped slightly. "We should have brought some jumpers, especially if we want to see the fireworks after."
"Fireworks?" Much asked carefully. "What does that entail?"
"It sounds painful." Djaq and Alan were walking hand in hand, her head against his shoulder. Tanya raised her eyebrow at the sight of them. What had happened in the haunted house? Nudging Robin in the arm, she slyly pointed over in their direction.
Robin grinned and shrugged. "Must be this city." He kissed her temple tenderly.
"In answer to your question Much, fireworks are like a rocket that contain gun powder, they explode in the air into pretty shapes and colours."
"Gun powder?" Djaq suddenly piped up. "Like Greek fire?"
"I thought we agreed to forget about that." Will said sharply, looking over at her.
Djaq looked slightly sheepish, but Robin jumped to her rescue. "We never said we would forget about it, just that we would burn the ledger. And we did." His tone was slightly forceful. "Djaq is free to think about it as Much as she wants."
Djaq shot Robin a grateful smile, and Tanya looked at Charli having no clue what they were talking about, as they headed toward the restaurant they were going to be eating in. "So, what's for dinner?" Much asked as they walked through the double doors to the restaurant.
Tanya grinned at him, while Charli spoke to the waiter who materialised. "Guys, this is Michel, he is going to be serving us tonight."
Michel nodded a greeting. "Bonjour Mademoiselle, Monsieur's. I would like to introduce the character you will be dining with...Robin Hood." The giant fox they had met earlier appeared, waving. Charli and Tanya stared at each other incredulously. Out of all the Disney characters they could have got, it had to be Robin Hood.
"Oh my god." Charli shook her head.
"Yeah I second that," Robins jaw tightened, looking less than impressed. Will and the rest of the gang on the other hand found the whole situation rather amusing.
"At least it isn't the Rooster," Charli crowed to Alan, finding the funny side after the initial shock had worn off. Alan just glared.
They were shown to their table, each of them taking a seat, the giant fox needing two. Robin continued to stare at it, as if the oversized animal was some kind of tough competition. "I'm Robin Hood," he murmured to himself, "not you."
Much snorted. "Either way, he's a damn sight better looking than you."
Tanya frowned. "I beg to differ."
"Thank you." Robin looked smug. "What exactly does 'I beg to differ' mean?"
"It means she disagrees!" Charli rolled her eyes. "What do you think?"
"Oh I see," Robin looked at Tanya and smirked. "Thank you...again."
"What would you like to eat?" The waiter asked them.
Charli placed her hand round Much's mouth as he started to tell him exactly what he wanted. "French Bread and Pate to start. Tanya, main course?"
"Um..." Tanya pondered over the menu, Robin's head leaning in close to hers. She looked sideways at him. "Can you even read?"
Robin's eyes narrowed and, snatching the menu from her, continued to look over the list before looking up at the waiter. "I'll have raw steak please." He folded the menu back up and handed it back to Tanya. "Do not underestimate me."
"Wouldn't dream of it." Tanya grinned. "Ill have the same. Only cooked."
Charli chuckled as she watched the rest of the group struggle to choose their choice of food and in the end she had to order for them, only after persuading Much that he couldn't have one of everything yet again. "What about you, Will?" She said quietly to man who sat silently beside her.
"I don't know." Will glanced down at his menu. "I'll have what you're having."
Charli shrugged and ordered for the two of them. Just when the waiter was about to walk away, he turned to the giant fox. "And what would Robin of Locksley be eating this evening?"
Robin's jaw tightened, his lips set in a tight white line. "There is only one Locksley." He said through gritted teeth.
"Robin," Tanya hissed. "Shut up and lighten up!"
"No," he hissed back. "He is pretending to be me! No one pretends to be me and gets away with it!"
"Actually," Alan pointed out. "So many people pretend to be you that hardly anyone believes us when we tell them that you are actually you, if you get what I mean?"
Robin kicked Alan hard under the table. "Shut. Up."
"What's the matter with you? Frightened of a little bit of competition? Worried that the 'fox' is gonna steal your lady?" He continued to joke.
Much coughed several times. "That's exactly it." The whole table began to laugh.
Tanya grinned, but Robin looked exasperated. "Will you lot just shut up! I know where Tanya hid the weapons, I can kill you in your sleep!"
"We all know where Tanya hid the weapons." Much pointed out, at the same time that Djaq revealed. "I know ten ways to kill you with one movement, and you're worried about weapons?"
"Anyway," Alan pointed out, rubbing the spot where Robin had kicked him. "We are in France, where are you going to get the weapons from?"
"I don't know!" Robin defended. "Maybe HE has some!" He pointed rudely across the table at the fox that, in turn, stared back at him.
"Robin, if you point your finger across me again, I'll bite it," Charli said, calmly eyeing the digit he was waving under her nose.
Robin quickly placed his hands back down under the table and lowered his eyes. The rest of the gang continued to chat, mostly recounting the day's events and what else they were going to do whilst in Paris. "Tomorrow, I think we should go to Versailles." Tanya added.
"Ooh yeah. I like Versailles." Charli nodded, smiling. "They have the best street sellers there! Do you remember that hat with the umbrella on it? I think we should get one for Robin." Tanya's glare told Charli quite plainly that should she try it, she would kill her.
"Okaaay...how about one for Much instead? Little John? No...Anyone?" Charli looked around the table. "Boring," she muttered.
"What are we to do on the last day then?" Djaq piped up, knowing that they still had another full day after that.
"We can chill out on the last day-" Tanya began.
"Chill out?"
"Relax, do nothing. And then perhaps go out for a meal that night?"
"Escargot?" Charli suggested knowingly at her friend.
"Escargot."
"Es-Car- What now?" John raised an eyebrow.
"Is it food?" Much piped up. At Charli's nod, he seemed happy enough.
"Well anyway, I'm looking forward to just doing nothing," Will sighed as he placed his arm around Charli's waist and pulled her closer. "I'm more tired now then I ever was living in 1192."
"I don't think we can just do nothing," Charli said as she was nearly pulled off her seat by the outlaw. "I think it's physically impossible with you six."
Much, Alan, Will and Robin plastered the most innocent smiles on their faces. John shrugged, admitting defeat and Djaq only rolled her eyes. "You're not wrong."
The food arrived and the group happily ate together, along with Robin the fox that sat quietly in the corner, apparently a little put out that he was not the centre of attention for a change. It was Much who everybody waited for as he finished up what was left on everybody's plates, down to the very last crumb. He let out a huge sigh and wiped the sweat from his forehead before releasing a huge belch.
"Much!" They all cried together.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly.
"Rude!" Tanya muttered.
"Chav…" Charli grinned, and the girl threw a bread roll that had escaped Much at her.
Much's jaw dropped, staring at the piece of bread that now lay on the table. After several minutes, a wide grin began to form on his face. He picked up the piece of bread and hurled it back. "Take that!"
"No!" Charli reached out to catch the bread, but succeeding in knocking it off course so it hit Robin. "No food fighting!"
"There's no food left to fight with," Alan pointed out.
Robin rubbed at his nose where the roll had hit him only moments ago, murmuring a few words along the lines of 'weapons' and 'death'. "Can we go now?" Tanya whined a little. "Would like to watch the fireworks."
"Fireworks...Greek Fire?" Djaq looked hopeful, and when Charli nodded, a smile appeared on her face. Will looked dubious.
"It can't hurt anyone Will." Charli smiled. "Don't look so scared."
"Yeah, beside, it's not like anyone can use it against us while we're here," John pointed out, a brief reminder of the Sheriff and Guy sweeping across the table. Still, they were pretty much safe in Paris, all the same.
"He's right," Robin agreed. "As long as no one uses it against us."
Tanya looked sideways at him and frowned. "Um…no one really uses it against anyone today. If we want to blow people up, we can just press a button and wipe a whole city out in a second."
The six outlaws all stopped what they were doing to stare at Tanya in shock. "Come again?" Djaq's eyes were like saucers. "Did you just say a whole city?"
Charli shook her head. "Great, Tanya. Now we're going to be responsible for a nuclear melt down in Nottingham 1192."
"What?" Tanya shrugged innocently. "It's not like they can get hold of weapons of mass destruction anyway."
"Tanya, with these guys, ANYTHING is possible."
"Weapons of mass destruction?" Robin murmured.
Charli groaned, hitting her head with the palm of her hand. "Robin no! Weapons of Mass destruction are kind of frowned upon in the civilised world."
"Okay people, enough about killing off the worlds population. Let's go and watch the fireworks." Tanya rose from the table and turned to the giant fox one last time. "Robin? It has been a pleasure." She pulled him into a huge hug and kissed him on his large cheek.
"Yeah thanks," Charli giggled as she paid the bill and made for the exit, the rest of the outlaws following.
Tanya took Robin's hand and held back. "Robin?" She turned to the man. "Aren't you going to say goodbye to your friend?" She indicated the fox.
Robin glared, giving Tanya a look that said 'you'll pay for that later'.
"What?" She looked at him innocently, "don't you know it's rude not to say goodbye?"
Robin stepped forward, not wanting to create a scene and start an argument in the restaurant. He looked at the fox and plastered the biggest fake grin he could muster across mouth. "Robin," he forced out. "It's been a pleasure."
"There," Tanya smiled smugly as she took the outlaws hand and led him out of the restaurant to catch up with the others. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"
"Good lord!" Much practically yelled as he fell back, the sudden loud explosion shocking him and the rest of the outlaws too. The fireworks had been going on for a good ten minutes now when a rather large rocket had exploded high above them. The outlaws had found a small patch of grass and had perched themselves there to watch the spectacular display of events.
"Witchcraft!" John bellowed again.
"No John, Greek Fire," Djaq corrected.
"Actually, no. It's gunpowder." Tanya said as she watched the array of bright green and red sparks falling down. All heads turned in her direction, eyebrows raised. She shrugged and smiled. "If we're gonna be really technical here. Greek fire is actually Bitumen…tar...I don't think you've discovered that yet…anyway, getting back to the fireworks." She coughed.
Djaq looked a little crestfallen for a moments before turning to Tanya to enquire into the matter more The two girls fell into a deep conversation for a while, the Saracen woman wanting to know more about this 'Bitumen'. The rest of the outlaws, including Charli, craned their necks as the fireworks exploded one after the other for the next half an hour.
Tanya looked up and smiled, about to comment on the last rocket that had just been lit when she caught Robin staring at her in the corner of her eye. "What?" She whispered.
"You." He said simply, his eyes half closed and a little glazed.
"Me?" She smiled, blushing slightly.
"Yes you." He took her hand in his and pulled her closer.
"Me?" She teased him again, feeling awful because she knew he was trying to be serious with her. Tanya coughed and straightened her face. "Sorry."
He turned to face her, forgetting that the rest of the gang where there for a moment, and took her face in his hands, studying her features lovingly. "Tanya…I-"
"Oh for god's sake, can't you two do that some other time? There are other people present!" Charli interrupted. The rest of the gang laughed as Tanya blushed furiously and Robin pulled away, coughing uncomfortably.
"You can talk," Tanya retorted, indicating the position that Charli occupied, sat in-between Will's legs and leaning back into his chest, his arms wrapped around her, their hands linked together. Charli glowered back and turned her attention back to the exploding fireworks. A Catherine wheel had been lit, and then another, and another, and the spectacular display captured the attention of the other outlaws.
Will leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "Lets get out of here."
Although the idea appealed to her very much, and despite his tug on her hand, Charli shook her head. "Behave Will," she grinned as he groaned quietly and kissed the area of skin just below her ear. "Watch the fireworks. See! Pretty!"
"I'd rather watch you," he muttered.
"Well, we don't always get what we want," she said, although the wide grin on her face told him otherwise. "So suck it up and watch the fireworks!"
"What's the time?" Tanya yawned from her new position enfolded in Robin's arms.
"Time you bought a watch." Charli muttered, feeling too lazy and comfortable to dig around in her bag to find her phone, her head resting under Will's chin.
"I don't see one on your wrist," Alan frowned. "Why say that when you don't have one yourself?"
"It was just a joke."
"Well I didn't think it was too funny myself."
"How do you know where a watch goes?" Charli ignored him, questioning what he had just said.
"Duh!" Alan rolled his eyes.
"Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted by you two, I was thinking maybe we could get going. I'm about ready to drop here," Tanya yawned again.
"But the wirefirks!" Much moaned, pointing up at the exploding entertainment.
"Fireworks," Charli's correcting of Much's talking mistakes had become automatic, but he just glowered at her. She glared back. It was definitely getting late, nearly the end of a long two days. Looking around at the tired faces, Tanya made the executive decision to not do anything on at least the last day.
"We have to go, we have to be up early to catch the bus out to Versailles tomorrow!" Tanya said, but made no move to get to her feet.
"Oh History!" Charli grinned, ignoring Tanya's comment, focusing on what she considered the most important aspect. "I can teach you lot all about French History! Marie Antoinette and Let them eat Cake!"
"Cake!" That of course, was Much. "Where's the cake?"
Tanya groaned. "Home, now!"