Title: Outlaws2006 - Chapter Forty-Three: Tequila
Rating: T
Author: moonmajik and Tanya
Synopsis: Robin and his gang of outlaws, plus Guy of Gisnborne and the Sheriff, get swept 800 years into the future, to the year 2006, into the ladies bathroom of a Starbucks Coffee House. Follow their journey as they get to grips with their new surroundings. Based on the BBC's 2006 Robin Hood.
Pairings: Robin/OC, Will/OC, Alan/Djaq
Disclaimer: We do not own Robin Hood or any associated comments, such as "We go to Nottingham" or "Not being Funny, but..." Especially do not own the Sheriff. Damn. We do, however, own Charli and Tanya. In the later Chapters, there may be other characters that we own.

Much, Djaq, Alan and John walked down one of the busy streets of Paris that was littered bar after bar. Unsure of where to go exactly, they stood in the middle of the pavement for several moments just looking around. "Well this sure isn't Nottingham 1192," Alan laughed nervously.

"Its a bit bright." Djaq looked around in awe. "I mean, how do we know where to go?"

"We just pick an inn," Much decided, looking around uncertainly. "Like, that one?" He pointed. The three outlaws followed Much's direction, pointing to one of the brightest buildings in the street.

"I'm game." Alan shrugged.

"Let's go then," Much said after Djaq and John had given their consent too.

They walked across the street and presented their passports to the rather large 'guard' standing at the door, who chattered at them in French before gruffly demanding "I.D." As they passed, the bouncer looked Much up and down slightly provocatively and winked.

"I did not like the way that man looked at me then." Much murmured as they finally entered the bar. "It was almost as if-" Much stopped short when he noticed that there seemed to be a lot of men about. "Unusual."

"Ah your just paranoid." Alan clapped his shoulder. "Now, lets see about getting us some ale."

They made their way to what was obviously the bar, and Alan leaned on the surface, asking for three mugs of ale, trying to look as if he had been doing that sort of thing all his life.

"No ale here," the bar man grinned. "What will you have instead?"

"What do you recommend?" Came Alan's reply. The barman studied him for a moment, before pouring three shots of Tequila.

"What's that then?" Much asked as he noted the salt and lemon along with the drink.

"You've never had a Tequila shot before?" The bar man asked in surprise.

"No," Djaq piped up. "I'm Muslim, and they're from Outer Mongolia."

"Oh...I see..." the man looked at them strangely, "Well you sure don't look Mongolian. Anyway, let me show you how to drink these. You place the salt on your hands like so-" he demonstrated. "Lick it, knock the shot back, and then suck the lemon quickly. Voila!"

"Knock the shot..." Much looked somewhat bemused. "Honestly, its like they speak a different language here."

"Technically they do," Djaq said.

"Oh ha, ha, you know what I meant." Much rolled his eyes as he picked up the salt and eyed it warily.

"Go on Much, you first," Alan grinned, leaning back against the bar. "You're game to try anything that looks like food."

"This doesn't look like food." Much pointed out, but he shook out a little salt onto his fist and picked up the shot glass. "Here goes." He licked the salt, pulling a face, threw the shot down his throat and then sucked the lemon, before coughing. "That's nasty!"

Alan followed suit, knocking back the shot and sucking the lemon. He shook his head and grimaced at the taste before yelling loudly. "Whoooooooooo! That was GREAT!" He shouted.

Djaq stared at him looking slightly scared as he grinned round at her. "Djaq, you have to try this!"

"No thank you."

"Fine," he sulked.

"I do not need to drink myself into oblivion to have a good time!"

John picked up the shot and eyed it warily. "Um..."

"Drink it John!" Alan grinned as he beckoned to the bar tender. "And get us three more!"

"Oh, keen on my friends?" Came an approaching voice. The four outlaws turned their heads from the bar, their eyes widened as a funny looking man wearing a tight sparkly t-shirt and hot pants approached them. "Hi there! Looking good! You boys up for some action tonight?" The four stared at him, but he appeared to only have eyes for the Saracen. "Or perhaps just you!"

Djaq's eyes widened in horror; even though she pretended to be a man most of the time, she was still a woman at the end of the day. And even though it was a man telling her she looked good, the fact that he thought she was a man was a little worrying. "Um..."

"He's with me!" Alan cottoned on, stepping in front of the woman protectively.

"I am?" Djaq glanced worriedly at Much, who had already drunk the other shot that the barman had placed in front of him and was now looking around the bar with a funny expression on his face.

"Hey guys! There's no women in here!" He waved his hand. "And look, when I do this, my fingers go all blurry."

"Of course there's no women in here," the funny looking guy with hot pants laughed. "Why would there be women in here?" He continued to stare at Djaq.

"Because it's an inn." John came to stand between Djaq and the man as well. "Who are you anyway?"

"My name is Daffyd...and who might you be, you big strong man you. " He looked John up and down suggestively.

"Hey!" Much said, unsteadily walking forward and poking his finger's into Daffyd's chest. "That is MY big strong man, so BACK OFF SISTA!"

"Oh frisky!" Daffyd growled. "Sista is it now? You should watch those fingers of yours. I may just bite them off." Alan snorted and Daffyd looked over in his direction. "And just who might you be, blue eyes?"

"My blue eyes!" Much protested, now giddy from the percentage of alcohol he had consumed. Alan rolled his 'blue yes' and pulled Much away from Daffyd.

"I think we should get out of here." Djaq suggested. "I don't think this is a typical 21st century inn..."

"What makes you think that?" John boomed. "You know they don't have women in the inns in 1192 as well."

"Yes, but the men do not try to woo you either, let's go!" Djaq suggested.

"They usually have barmaids," Alan pointed out. "Look around, you big strong man you, do you see any barmaids?"

John did as he was told, his eyes sweeping the bar; Alan was right. There was not one barmaid in sight. "Ok..."

"Can we go now?" Daffyd was sliding closer and closer to Djaq, who was now completely hiding behind Alan and Much by this point.

"Leaving," Alan narrowed his eyes at the man as they began to move away and make their way towards the exit.

"Where are you going?" Daffyd pouted, as he began to follow them out, his eyes glued quite obviously to Djaq's bottom.

"Somewhere else." Alan said firmly. "Where you will not be!" He pushed Djaq in front of him so she was barred from Daffyd's view. "John?" The man growled menacingly, taking a step forward. The bouncers, sensing trouble, came over and quickly sorted the situation out. As they restrained Daffyd, the outlaws quickly made their escape. As they were hurrying out of the building, they heard Daffyd shout, "Yeah, well anyway, I'm the only gay in THIS village!"

"What is a gay?" Much slurred, as John had to take a hold of him before he fell.

"Couldn't you GUESS?" Alan scoffed.

"That was scary, having man like me, thinking that I was a man..."

Much began to giggle. "He thought you were a man...and he was a man...and he liked you-WAIT! I get it now!"

"Yes Much, well done," Alan said as they made their way to another bar, making doubly sure that their were women there this time.

"This is more like it!" Alan grinned, looking around. Djaq elbowed him in the ribs. "What was that for?" he gasped.

"You know exactly what it's for!" She narrowed her eyes at him. "Behave yourself. Or I will send you packing back to that 'Gay' bar."

Alan made a large exaggerated tutting sound. "Spoil my fun then." He moaned, but his eyes grew wide again when this time, a petite looking woman approached them wearing a tiny skirt and tight fitted low cut top.

"Hey there! Would you gentlemen like a table?"

Much's jaw hit the floor, as he took in her appearance. "Um...we...um..."

"He means yes." Alan nudged him. "Shut your mouth Much," he added in an undertone. "Um...there are four of us."

The girl laughed. "Yes, I can count." Her eyes flickered over to Much. "Come on, this way."

The four outlaws followed the woman to a table, Much not being able to take his eyes off her, and she seated them. "What's you poison?"

"I beg your pardon?" Much said in horror.

"What are you drinking?" The girl asked again slowly, her eyes flickering back over to Much.

"Oh...right...for a minute there I thought you wanted to murder us...I'll have a Tequila-make that three. Guys?" He grinned at his friends.

The girl laughed, highly amused by the strange blond mans humour. "Right...is he serious?"

Alan shrugged. "I'll have a tequila, unless you can recommend anything else. Much will be drinking tequila's all night. John?"

Much nodded his head a little too enthusiastically as he grinned cheekily at the barmaid. "I'm Much by the way. What's your name?"

"Claire." She giggled back in a thick French accent. "Are you from England?" She asked.

"Why yes," he grinned. "Nottingham 1192," he said proudly.

The rest of the outlaws cringed at his words, half expecting the young girl to run away thinking he was crazy. To their surprise she laughed at him all the more. "You're so very funny." She commented. "How long are you in Paris for?"

"I go home tomorrow morning," Much said sadly.

"That is a shame," Claire sighed. "But maybe later we can have a drink together, yes?"

Much sat up in his chair, feeling suddenly very happy. "Why, that would be lovely, thank you-"

"Um yeah! This all very nice," Alan interrupted the pair. "But I'd really like a drink tonight!"

Djaq nudged him in the stomach. "Alan!" She hissed. "Leave them alone."

Alan rubbed his stomach as Claire seemed to come back to the room, look around and then hurried of too get their drinks. Much turned around to his friends, grinning.

"I think she likes me," he said confidently.

"Maybe...she's practically naked though!" John said in shock.

"I hadn't noticed," Much said calmly, his eyes flicking over in Claire's direction for a fraction of a second. "Beside, you know me to be the type of man who sees past the flash of a woman."

Alan started laughing. "Yeah, that's what we know you as," he said sarcastically.

"I'm serious!" Much said defensively. "I happen to think that Claire is a very lovely lady and-"

"Oh Claire is it now!" Alan laughed harder.

"What else would it be?" Much flared up.

"Do you two have to argue? We are supposed to be having fun!"

The two men stopped to look in Djaq's direction, before they could say anything, Claire had returned. "Your Tequila's guys." She placed four small shot glasses down onto the table.

"Um...I do not drink." Djaq smiled politely, noting the extra glass.

Claire looked at her and shook her head. "This one's for me anyway." She picked up the glass and winked at Much. The outlaws held up their shots, and knocked them back as if they had been doing it all their lives.

"Hey," Claire reached for Much's hand. "I'm on my break, come on. Show me a good time."

The rest of the group nearly spat out their drinks as Claire pulled him up from the table and dragged him over to a larger open space where a few people appeared to moving about. The music, if that's what you wanted to call it, was loud. "Um...what are we doing?" Much asked, a little confused as to why she had dragged him away from his friends.

"Dancing, of course!" Claire laughed as she took hold of his waist and pulled him close to her. Much's eyes widened in shock as she began to gyrate to the music against him. "Really now...milady..."

Claire laughed. "Milady? What, are you like, from the Middle Ages? Come on, relax," she placed her hands on his hips. "Dance!"

"But...this is NOT dancing!" He shook his head. "I would much rather-"

"If you have never danced like this before then you haven't lived," Claire moved closer to the man, wrapping her arms around his neck. "It's like having sex with your clothes on, don't you think?"

Much's mouth fell open. "What-sex...sorry?" He stuttered.

She leaned away from him slightly. "You have had sex...?"

Much scoffed. "Of course...um...what is sex?" He asked quite innocently.

Claire would have laughed if it were not for the look on his face. "Oh dear..." She chewed on her bottom lip.

Much's expression turned slightly defensive. "What?"

Claire's arms were still around his neck. "Not only are you a virgin, but you know nothing about sex..." she moved closer to him. "Most unusual, but a challenge none the less."

"I don't understand."

"Let me show you," Claire rolled her eyes, finally pulling his head down so that she could kiss him. Much let her lead the kiss in the beginning, his hands dropping to rest on her small waist. It was after several moments the kiss intensified and Much, realising that he was enjoying the moment a little too much, pulled her hard against him.

She gasped and pulled away slightly. "Get the idea?" She murmured, before his lips hungrily landed on hers once more.

"Well would you look at that?" Alan smirked from where he sat sprawled on his chair, one arm draped across the back of his chair. He smiled as he watched the pair on the dance floor before his eyes flicked over to Little John. "Only you left now. We're counting on you not to let us down my friend."

John rolled his eyes. "You'll be waiting a long time Alan. I love Alice..."

"What she won't know won't hurt her."

"I'll pretend you didn't day that!" John growled.

"You do that," Alan grinned. "I'm going to get us more drinks."

Djaq watched as Alan rose from his chair and stumbled away to the bar. "Forgive him and his rudeness, Alan does not think with his head at times."

John chuckled. "I do know that Djaq..." He looked over at the man and watched as he stood yapping away at some woman at the bar. John pulled his face.

"Do not worry about that," she said, noticing the look on his face suddenly. "Alan could be married and have children and he'd STILL flirt with a woman. In his nature."

"I wasn't worried...I was just wondering where he got all his money from."

"Knowing Alan, he could have gotten it from anywhere." Djaq grinned. "But Charli gave it to him, incase of emergencies."

"She gave money to Alan?"

"Yeah...I think the girl's logic needs considering..."

"Yeah I think it does! I mean, a prime example. She gave him the money for emergencies and he's spending it on ale."

"This IS an emergency!" Alan defended as he returned to the table again, this time carrying three bottles of something.

"What you got there?"

"ALE!" Alan held the bottles up, a proud look on his face. "I found real ale! Well...Budweiser or something but the lady told me it was the equivalent!" He took a swig from one of the bottles, grimacing as it went down. "Ugh! Or not!"

Djaq rolled her eyes, and turned back to the dance floor while Alan placed his bottle on the table, glaring at it with an annoyed on his face. "I'm glad that Much has finally found a little romance at last." She said.

"Romance?" Little John snorted. "Much wouldn't know romance if it bit him. That's not romance."

"Okay well...I'm glad that Much has found someone to...fondle?"

"Harass!" Alan laughed.

"True…" Djaq acknowledged with a nod. "But I don't think she minds all that much."

It was a whole half hour before Claire and Much finally managed to separate themselves, the young woman claiming that she had to get back to work before she was fired. Much commented on her choice of words, saying that being 'fired' sounded awfully painful, before kissing the lady goodbye and heading back over to the table to stares from his friends.

"What?" He glared at them, taking his placed, picking up the bottle and taking a swig. "WHAT IS THAT?"

Alan was about to comment on Clare but instead changed his mind. "That, my friend, is supposedly ale."

"That's not ALE!" Much pulled his face.

"Hey, I agree with you!" Alan held up his hands smirking.

"Well, I like it." John shrugged, taking a sip.

"Yeah but I'm guessing that you'd drink anything," Much commented.

"As opposed to you who EATS everything?"

"What's wrong with that?" Much once again found himself defending. "Is this pick on Much day?"

"No, its pick on Much night."

"Very funny." Much said dryly, drinking from the bottle. "Ugh! I have to stop doing that! It really is disgusting. Get more Tequila's!"

"I want one of those!" Alan's eyes fell on the next table, where a girl was drinking a very interesting cocktail. The rest of the outlaws followed his gaze, each of them looking at the strange drink. "Um...go ask her what it is..." He ordered Much.

"I'm not going, YOU go!"

"OK I will," Alan said as he walked over. Djaq shook her head in amazement as he chatted idly with the women before casually walking back. "Okay, which of you guys would like a sex on the beach?"

"Oooh sex? I want sex!" Much said a little too excitedly.

"I beg your pardon?" Alan said, he being a little more clued up than Much.

"Claire said...What?" He trailed off as Alan raised an eyebrow at him.

"What did Claire say?" He pushed the man.

"Alan!" Djaq warned him but he quickly held his hand up.

"No wait! I wanna know," he turned his attention back to Much. "What did she say to you?"

"Ummm…" Much suddenly felt uncomfortable. "Nothing Alan. Mind your own business and order the drinks!"

"Much doesn't know what sex is," Alan murmured to himself as he headed back over to the bar. Much's jaw dropped open. "I have an idea! And that counts!"

"Alan! You've drank enough!" Djaq called over to him, ignoring Much.

"I have barely started." He grinned, ordering the drinks and carrying them haphazardly back to the table. "Here we go! Don't know what those long thin things are though..."

He looked over in the direction of the others girls again and noticed that they seemed to have them in their mouth. He copied their actions, and placed his lips over it. Nothing happened.

Djaq rolled her eyes. "You're supposed to suck."

"How do you know that?" The straw in his mouth obstructed his words. Djaq rolled her eyes and looked to Much for support. But Much's attention was on Claire as she served a table a little way away. John had ignored the straw and drained his glass in one go...

"I, unlike you, have common sense," she retorted.

Alan watched her over his glass as he sucked on the straw. Djaq smiled despite herself...

"So are you going to dance with me?"

"Are you trying to be romantic, Alan A Dale?" She giggled.

"No, not trying." He placed his drink down at pulled her to her feet. He kissed her passionately on the lips.

Djaq pushed him away slightly. "You're drunk and you taste like Alcohol." But she didn't pull out of his grasp.

"I'm drunk and you taste like..." he looked up at the ceiling for a minute as if in thought. "Actually, I don't know, let me retry," he lowered his lips to hers again.

"Alan!" This time she did pull away. "Your a little scary drunk!"

"But Djaq..." Alan whined.

"But nothing!"

"I love you...I've loved you since the moment I met you."

"You thought I was a guy when you met me." Djaq pointed out, although there was a hint of a smile on her lips

This time it was Much who sniggered, pulling his eyes away from Claire just for one second. "You loved her even when you thought she was a guy?"

"Well...maybe not since the first time..." He spoke slowly, trying to dig his way out of the hole he had fallen into. Djaq rolled her eyes. John, on the other hand, sighed in annoyance.

"Bloody hell Much! Go over to her! Anything than having you sat here staring at her!"

"I am NOT staring at her...all the time..."

"Hey, I wanna get out of here." Alan said suddenly. "Lets get out of here. Kidnap Claire - she can take us around Paris."

"I am not going to kidnap anyone! I strongly disagree with that kind of behaviour." Much frowned.

"Yeah Much, it was a joke. Why don't you go ask her instead?"

"Ask her what?"

Alan rolled his eyes. "To. Come. With. Us." He enunciated.

"To where?"

"Are you even on the same planet as us?"

"Planet? What?"

"Forget it."

"He's starting to sound like Chanya and Tarli," Much sulked as he watched Alan march over to Claire. A hurried conversation proceeded, and he arrived back with he woman on his arm.

"Right, Claire has finished her work for the night, she is going to come with us," He said as a matter of fact.

"We're leaving?" Much asked feeling a little confused.

"Lord! How much have you had to drink?" John asked in surprise.

Much held up his hand and began to count on his fingers. "Um...eight...nine..." He held up four fingers. "I'm not too sure," he hiccupped.

"Don't worry." Claire smiled. "He'll be safe with me. Where do you gentlemen want to go?" She grinned slyly. "Moulin Rouge?"

"Moulin WHAT NOW?" John asked.

Claire laughed. "You've never heard of the Moulin Rouge? I swear you guys really are from the dark ages! Never mind, it's boring anyway these days. I know somewhere you'll like. Let's go."