EIGHT

Peter looked around the area he had shimmered into. He had been in the Underworld before but this was the first time he had ever been in bureaucratic central, as he referred to it. It was definitely not what he had expected.

It appeared to be one very massive chamber. The ceiling was several dozen feet above his head and the walls were so far apart he couldn't see them from where he stood. And most of the huge boulders that littered the chamber had been immaculately carved to resemble the buildings on a university campus. On most of the buildings were signs written in some strange language that Peter did not recognize. Probably some form of demonic language.

He wasn't sure exactly what he had expected but this was certainly not it. He watched as dozens of "students" moved around the chamber from one building another. Without knowing where he needed to go he headed for what looked most like some form of administration building. He wasn't sure how accurate he was. It had been a very long time since he had attended college.

As he entered the building he found several people moving through the building. To one side he saw windows that looked very similar to the teller windows in some older banks. Not knowing what else to do he stepped up to one of them. The young woman behind the window smiled at him and then opened her mouth. What came out was a series of screeches, howls, piercing wails, clicks, and popping sounds. The sounds were all mingled together and were so irritating Peter had to grab his ears.

"What the hell was that?" he asked when the young woman became silent.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said apologetically. "I didn't realize you weren't one of the students. That's demonclese, the traditional language of bureaucracy demons. It's what we normally speak here. I'm dreadfully sorry. What can I do for you, sir?"

"I'm looking for one of the professors. An Elbert Egbert Klinehopper IV. I understand he's Professor of Applied Theory and Rhetoric."

"Oh, yes, Professor Elbert," said the young woman, her face lighting up. "He's one of our most celebrated professors. Did you know he's actually the Source of All Evil? Well, he's on a leave of absence right now. But no bureaucracy demon has ever risen so high. The entire faculty is very proud of him."

"Yes, I guess they would be. Could you tell me where I could find him?"

"Well," said the woman looking at her computer, "it seems that Professor Elbert is in class at the moment. It should be over in a few minutes. And according to his schedule he doesn't have another class for a couple of hours. He'll probably be in his office. That's where he spends his time when he's not in class."

"And where is his office located?"

"Oh, that would be in the basic and advance theory and rhetoric building. It's out the door and to your right. There's a sign over the door. You can't miss it."

"I'm afraid I don't read this language. Whatever language it is."

"Why it's demonclese, of course. We have a class you could take to learn it. It's called 'Hooked On Beurhonics'. And our rates are very reasonable. For the basic class it only costs . . . ."

"That's okay," said Peter. "I just need to find Professor Elbert right now. Maybe I'll think about taking a class later."

"Okay. Well, go out the door and turn right. It's the second building down. Go in the front door and it's the third door on your left."

"Thank you," said Peter.

Peter followed the woman's instruction and found the office she had indicated. Inscribed on the door were some words in the same language as the rest of the campus. Naturally, Peter couldn't read it. Hesitantly he knocked on the door. He was glad the door was closed because the response he received was the same howling-screeching-piercing wails the woman had used.

"Professor Elbert?. My name is Peter Coleson and I'm afraid I don't speak demonclese."

"Oh, come in, come in," said a slightly squeaky voice from inside the room.

Peter opened the door and stepped inside. The room was piled high with books, papers, and folders all in various states of disarray. In the center of the room was a desk and behind the desk sat a figure that Peter decided must be Elbert.

The 5'8" frame was draped in a ghastly leisure suit that appeared to be burnt orange in color. The color clashed mightily with his red tinged skin. Though this conflict paled in comparison to the one created by the brilliant purple shirt that stretched tightly across a paunchy mid section. Black framed glasses with heavy lenses hung from his ears. His hands, though human in most respects, sported clearly demonic-like claws.

"Professor Elbert?" questioned Peter.

"Yes? Are you one of my students? You seem a bit old for one of my students. And most of the students here speak demonclese. I really don't understand how you could be a student here without speaking demonclese. It's sort of a prerequisite for most of the courses here. In fact, without knowing demonclese I don't see how you could understand . . . ."

"Please, Professor, I'm not one of your students," said Peter. "In fact, I'm not even a bureaucracy demon. I've come to see you on a rather important matter."

"Not a student? Well, this is a pleasure. We rarely have visitors here. In fact, I don't think any demon outside of bureaucracy demons have ever come to the university. Er, you are a demon, right?"

"Well, sort of. As a matter of fact, I'm really only about one-quarter demon, to be honest."

"Oh, that's a rarity," said Elbert. "There aren't that many partial demons around. I've known a few in my time. Not many, though. I even went through school with someone who was part demon. Well, he was mostly demon, really. He had a human somewhere in his background. But that was like decades before he was born."

"I'm sure that's all interesting, Elbert. You don't mind if I call you Elbert, do you?"

"Oh, of course not. I guess it's a good thing that's my name."

"Well, Elbert, I'm only one-quarter demon because my father was only half demon. A half demon I think you knew quite well."

"Really? That's odd. I don't know if I've ever known any half demons before. Oh there was that one a few decades back but he wasn't really half demon. He was half shifter, which isn't really technically a demon. They really aren't the same as a shape shifter, you know. They're kind of the same but not really."

"Oh, you knew him all right. In fact, as I understand it, you were related to him. And that means that you're related to me, too."

"Related to a half demon? I don't think so. As far as I know all of my relatives are full demons. I'm the only bureaucracy demon but the rest are all regular, full blooded demons to the best of my knowledge."

"Even Cole Turner?"

"Cole? Cousin Pudge? Really? You're related to cousin Cole?"

"Cousin Pudge?" questioned Peter.

"Oh, er, yeah. It was sort of a nickname I used to call him. So, you said you were related to cousin Cole?"

"Yes. He was my father. So the way I figure it that makes us second cousins."

Elbert just stared at Peter in surprise.