In the Darkness
Ok, so sorry that I haven't updated for ages! I have been SOOO busy! I have two chapter for you all, to make up! SORRY! They are even slightly longer... I have been up ALL NIGHT doing these, and I am so tired, so please excuse mistakes!
Chapter 21
Professor Severus Snape turned over in his sleep early the next morning, stretching out his arm over his king sized bed, subconsciously wishing that his wandering fingers would touch a lock of hair or a patch of warm naked flesh, anything to prove that he had done the things that he had dreamt of last night. He breathed out deeply when he found nothing, not truly expecting anything or anyone to be there anyway; there never had been and there probably never would be. Without warning he pulled the covers of himself, exposing his bare skin to the cold dungeon air, instinctively tensing slightly and pulled himself up, rubbing his face to awaken the senses. He swung his legs off the bed, the soles of his feet hitting the cold floor. He got up and walked slowly towards the bathroom, not knowing for sure what day it was.
Sunday. It was a Sunday morning.
The thoughts of what had happened last night came flooding over him like a tidal wave. With his mind silent and still, he could revert back to normal thinking mode. He assessed the situation.
He had kissed Hermione Granger last night. Oh dear.
From the beginning he thought over the events of the night. From the beginning, when they had met in detention, to meeting in the tower, to him finding her outside his classroom…. Everything after that was not worth thinking about at this time. Not just their actions, but their emotions too.
He had assessed the situation, and realised the potential severity of it. He then thought of a potential plan of action.
She would need some kind of explanation….
"DAMN IT SEVERUS, WHY ARE YOU DEIGNING YOURSELF?" He screamed at himself. "You remember how she tasted? How she felt, how she was? You remember her light that shone onto you? That voice… that voice that had sung to you…. For you…. And yet you still insist on living alone?"
"No way. Absolutely no way. Do not even think about that. I am alone, and I always will be. That is how I like it…"
"Do you?"
"No. I don't. But that is the way things have to be."
"Fine. But do not treat her like she is machine. She is a human with feelings and emotions that you have breeched. You took advantage of her. She deserves more than an automated response from you." He sighed. He was right.
He had her for a lesson on Monday. He would have to get things cleared by then. He would speak to her after the lesson, and clear things up once and for all.
He pushed her out of his mind and remembered the reason why he was pushing her away. The beast was asleep within him, and he began to feel an ounce of calm once again.
The day passed all too quickly for Severus. His mind was distant and not focused, perhaps from the previous nights affairs, or maybe because he hadn't eaten all day. He had kept to himself in his rooms, not wanting to speak or to see anyone. Yet he needed fresh air, his body longed for it. All day he had breathed the fumes from his many potions that he had brewed, and now his lungs begged for release. Knowing that most of the students were down at Hogsmead and had been since noon, he decided to take a quiet walk around the grounds in peace, while the students weren't about. Draping his cloak around his neck, he stalked quickly outside, stopping as the cold air slapped against his face. Like a splash of cool water to his senses, his thoughts cleared for a second, and he could think clearly.
He began to walk around the perimeters of the grounds. Letting his thoughts take over once again he let his body take him wherever it wanted to go. The cool mid morning breeze was refreshingly cold to the exposed skin of the face and hands, his jet black hair been swept backwards as it ran over his scalp.
"Why are you even negotiating this? She is a student. Nothing more."
"Then why am I still thinking about her?"
"Because she gave you something that no-one else has ever given you. A piece of her honest and innocent soul. She let you in, as you did with her. She will take you for who you are, nothing more, nothing less. She opened up to you in a way that no one else ever has. She trusted you."
"No. She is a young, innocent girl, with most desirable attributes. It is my old self coming back to haunt…."
Severus stopped dead in his tracks. No. No, he had not just thought it. He had never considered her physical… features… before in that light. Had he?
"Why can't you just admit it Severus? You like her in a way in which you cannot describe. It is not lust anymore, although it never truly was because you would never dream of hurting her. It is not love, because that would be impossible. It is a mutual understanding, so deep that you will probably never understand it."
"But I did want to hurt her. When she was there, in my arms…"
"You stopped yourself. Can't you see that you would never do that to her? Don't try to tell yourself that she means nothing to you. She doesn't mean everything to you, but do not try to compress the feelings of concern and compassion that you have for her."
Severus let out a deep sigh. This was all too much. He had never had… feelings... like this before. Perhaps in the folly of youth, but those had been long since forgotten. These new and alien feelings could not be helped, or suppressed. He weighed up the bad points. She was a student. An underage student, well, not in the wizarding world. Student teacher relations are illegal. He was a slimy, greasy bat with a cold, dark past and an even darker soul. He was a nasty, spiteful person. She was a Gryfindor! Despite all of this, the thoughts of her in his arms, the tear struck face as she bore her soul to him, the feeling of her been so close to him, her voice that surrounded him… she was intoxicating…
Wait. What if she had given him some kind of a love potion? She was bright enough; there was no reason why she could not make it. That must have been it! Why had he not considered it before? Of course, that was what it was!
Yet he had felt this as he had heard her sing. That possessive feeling of protectiveness, he could almost hear her vulnerability…
He continued to walk, pondering and considering these thoughts. The clouds were now beginning to part, and the sun shone down over the grounds in streams of selective light. He, as always, kept to the shadows. He crept past the light, hiding in the darkness of the boundaries of the Forbidden Forest, and the despair of his own mind.
He had no idea how long he had been walking. Only that he had stopped, and stood gazing into the blackness of the Forbidden Forest, searching for the answer to his problems in the dense thickness of shadows that was the forest. It was only when he heard students laughing and talking that he realised how long he had been stood there. So distant he had been, he did not even hear three young students approach him.
"Professor?"
He quickly spun around, and found himself looking down, well, not exactly because he was almost the same height as him, but the green eyes of the Boy-Who-Lived.
"Professor, are you alright?"
"Potter, my affairs and my life have nothing to do with you."
"I didn't ask for your life story, I asked if you were ok." He couldn't be bothered been anger for his cheek. He had better things to think about.
"10 points from Gryfindor, for your blatant cheek." Was all he said, turning his back to them to tell them that the conversation was ended. He heard Potter talk as he walked away
"So much for something wrong with him Hermione. You're too considerate you know, why you'd care for him I don't know anyway…" Then her.
"Harry, how dare you…"
"Miss Granger. Your detention tonight will be at 8 o clock, instead of 7. Do not forget, I do not want to spend anymore time with you than what is absolutely necessary." He knew that she would be confused, because he had cancelled all of the detentions last night. He would explain everything to her tonight.
Ok, sorry, little in depth... please, tell me what you think!