In The Darkness
Ok, here's another chapter for you all, it's a little bit dark and different, esp. Severus's character some of you might not like for two reasons. NASTY SCENES COMING UP! IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEN DON'T READ!
If I may just take a moment out...
HOW COOL WAS THE GOBLET OF FIRE? I reserved tickets ages ago for it and wenton the day that it came out... My God it was brilliant... YEAH IT ROCKED!
--ahem-- Sorry about that...
Chapter 26
He held nothing back. He showed her all of it. She watched as the bond and friendship between Voldemort and Severus grew, watched the friendship between Severus and Lucius break as a result of Lucius's unspeakable jealously. She watched the untimely death of his mother and his almost utter indifference towards it. She watched in horror as he replayed his death eater activities, the murders, the torture, the way he laughed as people would beg for mercy at his feet as he hurt them more…
"But those are not my worst demons. Not by far."
He was leant on a tree, one hand propping himself up as he hung his head in shame at the thoughts that flooded his mind.
Hermione had felt the tears escape her eyes long before now, her heart truly bleeding for the people whom he had hurt and killed. She didn't know how much more of this she could bear, not just the things that he had done, but the way that he had truly enjoyed them. The way his cruel laugh had extinguished the small flame of hope in his victims eyes, the way he smirked as he watched the life pour out of a person, the way that he just simple washed the blood off his hands every night If they were not his demons, then what were? She shuddered to think.
"You're afraid. You're afraid of what you might see, are you not Miss Granger? Do you still want to see them?"
"I… I don't know…" He turned and walked forcefully towards her.
"You asked not long a go to understand me. To see the real me. Well here it is. I am offering to you! I told you that you would lose your views on the world, and on me… what do you think of me so far Hermione? Do you still want to understand me?"
She couldn't think of anything to say. He stood in front of her and began to raise his hands to her temple, but she backed away.
"I don't want to see anymore…"
"Oh but you must Hermione, you asked for it." He snarled. "You simply cannot stop now…"
"No, I don't want to see anymore!" She backed into a tree, her hands flat against the rough bark of it. He followed her movements to keep a small gap between them.
"It is not a matter of choice anymore, Miss Granger." He said coolly as his hands rose to her temples against her protests, and the world melted away for the last time.
Their world built up around them, only a few shades brighter than the sheer darkness that had previously enveloped them. Hermione stood on a country lane in the middle of a silent countryside. The lane was glistening with frost that reflected the cloud covered moon light, leading up to a small country house, dark in the moon's shadow save a single window from which the obvious dance of a roaring fire shone out from behind the thick curtains. A small group of death eaters were approaching. She followed them as they unlocked the door and crept inside, dark robes billowing around them. She watched as they set about disarming and torturing the family inside, the cries and vein attempts of escape something that she knew that she would never forget. She closed her eyes, her hands covering them in case they should open by accident. Until everything went unnaturally quiet, as much as it could given the circumstance. She let her fingers part and her eyes flicker open to see Lucius and Severus stood looking at one another.
"The Dark Lord knows that it your birthday, Snape. He wanted to get you a present. And what a better present than this for you!"
"The Dark Lord certainly knows how to please me, Lucius!" He laughed, pointing at the family that were bound by ropes and forced to sit on the floor. The husband, no older than 45, shouting obscenities at the intruders through the gag around his mouth, the wife, a slender woman of about 40, crying silently, trying desperately to break her bonds, her muffled voice trying to reassure her two children, a boy and a girl. The boy of about 17, his eyes searching for something, some way out, his mind working at a plan of escape, and the girl of barely 16, tears falling down her face, a small cut above her right eye slowly dribbling down her tear stained face.
"Tell him Malfoy!" An unknown member said to Lucius.
"Tell me what?" Severus said, slightly puzzled.
"Severus, the Dark Lord wishes to give you an extra special gift. I personally advised it for you, as I knew that you would enjoy it immensely." He flicked his wand and the gag from the young girl's mouth was gone, the sound of her crying now more prominent. Another swift movement and she was brought forward, hands still tied and on her knees, before Severus.
"You… you don't possibly mean…"
"Oh yes Severus. An extraordinary gift, wouldn't you say?" A quick flick again and a few items of her clothes were removed. The father and brother, screaming in protest into their gags, trying desperately to save her. Her bra and knickers were all that remained, her slender body frozen in fear as she felt the eyes of the other death eaters look greedily at her. Severus merely stood, numb, mouth slightly open in shook at what he was been asked to do. He had made it clear that he had never wanted to do that, he respected women too much (though he would never admit that); he could never take anyone against their will… He couldn't possibly… He refused to do everything that his father had…
"What a perfect specimen of a female…" Lucius began. "Perfect body, pert, full breasts, the most deliciously shaped mouth… and oh look… the most dazzling emerald green eyes I have ever seen…"
Dazzling green eyes.
A sudden flash of the newspaper, the feeling of when he had found out about his father's activates, knowing what he had done, and those eyes….
Goddamn you to Hell Lucius.
You chose this family, this girl. You were the only person who knew about that, the only one who knew that I could never hurt a girl with green eyes if I looked at them. You knew this; you chose this family because you knew that I wouldn't be able to do it. So that I would disgrace myself in front of the dark Lord, so that you could become his favourite…"
"You can thank me later, Severus." Lucius whispered in his ear as he slowly walked to stand with the others, leaving Severus in front with the girl by his knees.
"I want you all to leave."
"Oh no, Severus. Please, we want to hear her scream."
"Then you can from outside."
"We want to know that it is real…"
Severus looked down at the young girl before him. She was barely 16, her mousey brown hair tied messily in a ponytail though strands had escaped and now fell down the side of her face. Her creamy white skin was free from scars, not marked in any way, untouched by anyone before. Her deep green eyes flashed with nothing but true fear as he knelt down in front of her, her back straight, trying to make herself taller, less afraid, but he was a lot taller, broader than she was. She whimpered quietly, trying to obey her orders to be silent. His face softened as he heard her almost silent plea, please don't hurt me, I beg of you. She looked up at him as she spoke, those green eyes boring into his own, trying hard to keep calm as she pleaded with him to let her family go, take her but let them go. A cold voice snapped him back from the forest within her eyes.
"My dear, he will take you, whether you like it or not. You and you're family will die anyway, but not just yet."
She continued to look at him, and he at her. She noticed the subtle change in his face as he masked his pain with difference, and she managed just in time to brace herself before he roughly pushed her down, forcing her to the floor. He pushed her legs open with his knees and knelt between them, unzipping his trousers, trying to block out her desperate cries, a cry like no other that he had ever heard. He pulled her knickers to her knees, revealing the soft honey curls that hid her from his view. He had to battle with his stomach to keep himself from vomiting as he pulled his manhood out, the cries and muffled screams of the family growing louder, the smirks and laughs from the death eaters becoming more apparent, and the fear that he saw within that poor girl's eyes and the realisation of how cruel the world could be was nothing compared to her screams of pain as he took her innocence, physically and psychologically.
Towards the end he had to force her head to the side away from him so that she couldn't look at him. The other's cheered him on, their chants matching his rhythm. He thought that he couldn't possible derive pleasure from this, he would never be able to finish… But nothing but pain and utter disgust could be heard from his sob as he emptied himself inside her…
The rest of the memory was a blur. Nothing but raw disgust and self hatred floated around in the mist of grey that was the memory. He roughly pushed Malfoy out of the way as he left, was subjected to intense pain she they stood before Voldemort… then a blur again… His skin red raw and in some patches bleeding from where he had scrubbed himself in the almost burning hot shower so intensely as he sobbed to himself… Stumbling to his old school and begging to see the Headmaster, entering the office as he poured his sins to his old school teacher Albus Dumbledore, confessing the world to him as he swore that he would never do such a thing again, promising never to go back to the old ways…
The world melted into darkness again, and rebuilt itself back in the forest. Severus's hands were still by Hermione's head. He knew that she would be crying, he had heard her in his memory.
"You sick, sick man! You freak, perverted, vile, disgusting creature…." She began.
"Yes I know, there is nothing that you can say that I don't already know that I am" he sighed. He looked up at her tear stricken face, lowering his hands to touch it gently.
"Don't you dare touch me! Don't you dare!" She shouted. "So that's why! That's why you pushed me out! You sick pervert, you didn't know if you could contain yourself with me!"
"I would never have raped you, Hermione. However, I did not want to take another's innocence…" She noticed how he flinched slightly at the word raped.
"How could you? How could you…. That poor girl... her family…"
"I didn't exactly have a choice."
"There is always a choice! How could you… You shouldn't have! You should have said no!"
"They would have killed me!"
"Then you should have let them, you're worth nothing more!" There was a shocked pause as silence fell between them."
She was silent. Undecided. She knew that he didn't want to do it. She could see the pain in his eyes. She knew that he truly hated himself. Could she hate him too? Was he really a different man now? She looked up at him, knowing that he was looking down at her. He had just shown her everything. All because she had asked him to. He had shown her his torments, his demons. And yet that cool mask of nothingness was back.
"So now you know. You wanted answers and I gave them you. So what will this be? The unraveling of the complex Potions Professor? Another snippet of information to add to your vast library of information that you undoubtedly have inside your head? "
"Don't be like…"
"So what do you think of me now? I saw you flinch more than one occasion. Will you still be there for me? If I were to kiss you now, would you kiss me back as passionately as you did last night? Or would you draw back in fear, knowing now what evil has passed through these lips? Would you still be willing to give me your body, knowing how I had taken those before you? Will you look in my eyes and feel pity, curiosity? Or fear? Do I sicken you? Do I frighten you?"
She paused. Did he sicken her? Did he make her afraid? Had he changed from the man that he was? Was he someone else, a new man fighting his demons? Or did he just truly sicken her? Frighten her?
"Do I frighten you?"
A pause.
"No."
"Well I should. You have seen the man that I am."
"No. I have seen the man that you were…"
"Are you happy with what you have seen? The weakness of the great, unbreakable Potions professor? Well, now you know. You alone know my motivations, my fears, my past."
"Yes! I know your past! That was the man that you were not the man that you are now!" She took a few steps towards him and lifted his head gently so that he was looking at her.
"Why are you still here? How can you stand to even be near me?" He asked, his voice uncharactiscally quiet and uncertain.
"Because I like the man that you are now. And I want to get to know him better. We all have demons in our past, some more than others. But you can't let them control your life. You are a different person now to what you where back then." His voice was shaky as he took in a deep breath.
"How can you bare to touch me?" He whispered. She sighed, holding the side of his face.
"I can forgive you for showing me what you did. I can even forgive you for doing those things. But can you forgive yourself?"
His black eyes searched hers, as if he was looking for an answer. A question he had never been asked before, and he didn't know what to say. His brow was creased in the same way it would be if he were to cry, his eyes searching for something, anything to take the pain away.
"No." He whispered simply.
Hermione suddenly had the most overwhelming urge to cuddle the man stood before her. He was so vulnerable, so afraid of himself… she had never imagined that she would see him like this. She through her arms around his neck, putting her head into his chest as she hugged him tightly. After a few moments he wrapped his own arms around her small waist, holding her closely, his face buried in her mass of brown curls. From a distance, anyone would think that he was crying. And for a moment, Hermione swore that she felt a single damp strand of hair where his eyes had been.
Ok,I know, nasty Sevvie, BUT HE WASYOUNG! WE CAN'T HELP THAT! And I know that he seems likea bit OOC, But i think that he is battling his demons, and at the end of the day people, he is human just like the rest of us! His indifference to lifeis just a way to stop the painof his true emotion! I know, I am talking bullshit now... but just smile sweetly and nod your heads.
Here are the replies to all my lovely reviewers!
BabyRith15- I'm glad that you think it's real. Thanks!
Misty Eyed Pixie- (Great name by the way!) I know, he's been through a lot...
The Fideal- --blushes-- Thank you! I alway thought Severus would have a dark past. But Gerry is tasty, I mean, in the Phantom of the Opera... That voice... that intensity... my god I need to sit down...
Angelic Bladez- Gob smacked? Wow! Thanks! The good stuff will be coming, but I have to get this stuff out of the way, you know how it is!
I LOVE FRED WEASLEY- LOL, cheers!
bebla- I chuckled at your review, "a whole new can of worms?" Brilliant! I am gonna try to quote that in this fic somewhere!
LovelyLene- I have come back to it after a lot of time off... I've haven't really agreed on a lot of people's views of Severus's past, I know that it's open to interpretation, and I aint saying that I am right, i'm just saying that a lot of it I don't agree with... if you know what I mean..
Fairy of Fire and Fury- Thank you! Sorry that this wasn't as long, I will get the rest longer, I swear!
Rouge- Wow. Thanks! The changing POV is a personal thing, some people like it, some don't, what can I say! I don't know if you'll like this chappie though, I mean Sevvie is a bit off... but it shows a different side of his character that I think he definitly has, fighting his past and all that, which is why it's easier not to have emotion at all... erm... did that make sense? Just ignore me!
ss-slythrin- You came from where? But thanks!
rat-gal2000- Aw! No tears please! --hands over the tissues--
Snaoe-is-da-bomb- I'm happy that you like my ideas... but you should really eat or sleep or something... you know?
screwtheperfectlife- Eventually... they might be...
ffg- ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT!
SmeagulTheWeasul- God I love cookie Dough... I ate like a whole roll of the sugar one to myself when I was in the US last.. --ahem-- Thank you!
daffodildragon- Oreos are good. Thank you!
Joani- I love these reviews! Glad you liked it, thanks!
Chrissy92- Thank you! I am so happy that people can see these things happening and that it fits Snape!
Mr Rusty Ryan- What, can't I see your body anymore? And my Kote Men was just terrible... I mean Keith's do was wide open... cherry brandy and me don't go well together...
icerelief2004- wow, wow, WOOOOOOOW... I cannot be comapre to JK. Not even in the same league, hell it aint event he same sport! Thank you, it was a very touching review. It honestly was.
Leah- Thanks!
Kathryn Isabella- What a fabulous name!Thank so much!
Akasha Ravensong- Thank you! Here it is for you!
Anarane Anwamane- Thanks!
Tiny Toni- Your RILLY happy? Wow! lol, thanks!
Lady Darcy- OH YES HOW MUCH DID GOBELT OF FIRE ROCK? it was ace, I mean... --ahem-- please dont get me started... Thank you!
HaloGen182- Loved the review. POTO is ace. That is such a cool thing to say that you've done! I;m wanting to down down next year for my 18th and watch the show!
Murphyangel-Thank you! I love it when people use the word intense!
superspunky7- Wow. Thanks! I don't know what to say... GODDAMN YOU'VE MADE ME SPEECHLESS!
JameseMalfoy- Erm, thanks? lol!