In the Darkness
Thats right, no hint nor preview... it's been long enough as it is... straight into it...
Chapter 28
The door closed behind her as she turned quickly to see the man leaning against the now closed door. They stood, looking at each other for a few moments, before he looked away. He took a breath and looked back at her.
"I didn't mean to… push you… so hard… I'm sorry…" He began. Hermione didn't say anything. "I have more explaining to do, don't I?" He asked himself out loud.
"Yes." She replied. "You do."
He sighed. He walked through to his private chambers, offering her a seat on the sofa as he poured himself a glass of something. He took a big gulp of it before pouring some more and sitting on the chair opposite her. They sat in silence for a few moments; he just sat, looking into the depths of the golden liquid that he sloshed around slightly in his glass.
"I, I don't know what to say… or where to begin…"
"Well I'll give you a starting point. How about answering why you've been completely ignoring me for the past 5 days?"
"I, I don't know. I didn't know what else to do." Still he stared into his glass.
"Talk to me, acknowledge me, not to make me feel invisible, that would have been an option."
"You're the first person I have ever let see anything like that, save the Headmaster. I, I thought that you would hate me."
"I told you before that I didn't hate you."
"I know… but how could I believe you?"
"You didn't trust me?"
"No… I did... But I didn't…"
"I think that the fact the whole school doesn't know what I know about you must count for something in the matter of your trust in me."
"It does. I've been a fool. I can't explain my actions. I know that they were wrong. I am sorry."
"Do you know what you have put me through for the past five days? Have you any idea?"
"I'm sure I have a minor comprehension…"
"I don't think that you do! I have thought of nothing but you! I can't get you out of my head! I've been going insane! I've felt emotions that I didn't know that I could feel all because of you!" He looked up at her. "Do you know what it is like to feel invisible? For someone who you care about to make you feel worthless, nothing, just completely invisible?" Severus's thoughts dashed back to his younger years for a moment.
"Yes."
"Then why would you want to inflict that pain on me?"
"I'm sorry…"
"Sorry isn't good enough! I want to know what's going on!"
"I don't know Miss Granger!" He said, looking away. He did know, but he wasn't going to tell her.
"Oh, oh so we're back to Miss Granger are we?"
"What?"
"We're back to 'Miss Granger' right? A strict student teacher relationship, nothing more?"
"Hermione, I…"
"QUIT FUCKING WITH MY HEAD!"
The shout echoed throughout the dungeons, bouncing off the walls over and over as if to remind Severus of the pure pain that coursed through her voice. Her hands lay palms down on the sofa from where she had slammed them down in anger
"What am I to you? Hm? An experiment? An ideal? Just someone to mess around with? Why are you doing this to me? You've shown me things that I never knew where even possible, made me feel things that I've never known! I glance behind me every few minutes to make sure that no-one is creeping up behind me, hide my wand under my pillow at night in case someone tries to come in and attack me, all because of the things that YOU have shown me! You've shown me the every worst of the world, and left me to deal with it alone! You crawl inside my head so that my thoughts are of nothing but you, you show me the very worst of you and I accept you, I still don't judge you, try to show you that there is good in the world, yet you still hurt me by treating me like dirt and throw me around, make my mind go crazy with thoughts of you, then you don't care to explain yourself! I've had enough professor!" She stood and began to walk away, back towards the door.
"W, where are you going?"
"I'm going back to my dorm, PROFESSOR, I don't need this shit anymore."
"Wait…" He was up and striding after her
"No, because it seems that you enjoy nothing more than to cause me physical and mental pain!"
"That is not true!"
"I believe that it is. Good night Professor!" She made for the door.
"No, wait…!" The alcohol in him fuelled him as he shot forwards towards her, one hand pushing the door shut, the other wrapping itself around her neck as his lips touched hers. Hermione was so shocked that she could do nothing but stand there. He let his hand drop to her shoulders, the other to her waist as he dragged his lips away from hers, his eyes still closed as he spoke.
"Please, don't leave, I am sorry, I truly am, but can you not see?" He opened his eyes to look at her. "How could I have noticed you? If I were to look at you I would do nothing but stare. If I were to speak to you it would only be to tell you how much I have been thinking about you, if I were to touch you it would only be to claim what I want to be mine, which I have no right to want! And how could I have let you speak to me when I know that the only words that will pass those lips will be ones of hate and anger towards me? It would have killed me. How could I have let that happen? If I cannot have something entirely I remove myself from the temptation… Please stay Hermione…"
Hermione froze. She knew that this is how he had felt for a long time, but the alcohol had helped him say it to her. She could smell traces of it on his breath, taste in on her lips…
Severus stood before her, desperate as to what she would say next, he could see her mulling everything over in her mind, yet her answer came almost instantly.
"But you can have me entirely." She said simply, looking back up at him.
Severus just looked at her, astonished. Had she just said that? Or had he imagined it? Was his mind so tormented by her that he had begun to hear the words he wanted her to say in his head?
"Hermione, I can't…"
"Would you ever hurt me?" He looked at her deeply.
"Never."
"Would you ever take what I was not willing to give?"
"My god, never."
"Then why can't you?"
"I… I don't know what to say…"
"Then don't say anything. You've said exactly what I needed to hear." He just looked at her, puzzlement written across his features. She smiled a faint smile. "Kiss me." His eyes widened just slightly as he took her lips with such force that it nearly made Hermione gasp. They were so close, Hermione trapped between the door and the man pressing down on her small frame that it almost hurt. Eventually they had to breathe.
"Hermione I want you… I want you so badly…" She smirked.
"Believe me I'm not exactly trying to fight you off me…"
"No Hermione. I mean I want you." She looked confused. "I want you entirely. I want everything that you are, and all that you will become. I want everything."
"Severus, I…"
"I will ask for nothing more from you. But I must have you completely. If I cannot have that, then you must leave now."
"I..I…"
"It is a lot to give. I will give you a few days to consider it if you wish." He wished that she would consider it, because her answer right now would surely be no. He pulled himself away from her and walked back into his private chambers, and stood in his living room.
What the hell had he done? She would have left by now, running away back to her friends to tell them all about what he had said, about his true weakness… Foolish old man! What the hell were you thinking! Tomorrow you will be the laughing stock of the school, confessing you're undying love for a student…
A small click of the door closing behind him broke him from his thoughts as he spun around.
"You still don't trust me? Your hands are curling into fists by your sides." He stood, gob smacked that she was there. She walked over to him slowly and stood in front of him. "You still don't trust me?"
"I am such an idiot… I almost let you go…" He whispered against her lips just before they kissed again.
Ok, I am not even gonna start with how sorry I am for not writing... I don't even have any excuses...
OK, BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING ABOUT OUR SEVVIEKINS BEEN OOC, I would just like to say that I think that Severus and the Phantom from POTO are very similar. As characters I think that they feel the same kind of pain and solice. So the Phantom can realise love, as can Severus. Phmf!
Ok, replies!
ConciaJames- A little bit of romance for you maybe?
screwtheperfectlife- Love the name! Sorry!
Amelie D- Yeah, Ginny is ace!
Virgo Animus- Ok, Thanks for the long review! I love em! As for what is really going on with him... hm I have a loada theories, but I don't have aol. I got MSN, mail me if you want it and we can chat... am gonna take a gander at some of your writings, if ya dont mind! xx
Mirlanthiriel- Erm, sorry! I know it took a while... blush
I Love Nerds 919- The peanut dance? Man I would love to see that!
ardsmair- Thanks!
LoonLoopyWerewolf- Man, where do you think of these names? Ok, there wont be any more cliffies, I will try!
actinggirl93- Hehe, cliffies rule when you're the writer! However as a reader I hate them!
musicangl07- Thank you! Yay!
superspunky7- Thank you! I'm really honoured that this is the only one that you read! Thank you!
Katie and Rosabella- LOL, Your grammer wasn't bad! I'm sure that mine is a lot worse! Am sorry, hope that this answers a few questions!
icerelief2004- I guess that i've not been forgiven then huh?
Inu-yasha-luver-gurl- HEY! Lucius doesn't suck! He's fairly attractive and a true bad boy! He makes a brilliant bady! Please, take deep breaths, try to calm yourself... thank you though! I love your reviews
triss33- Thank you! I hope that you like this one!
Mr Rusty Ryan- Dude, Leng! Get out of my head! puckers mouth, makes a strange smacking noise AM GONNA TELL EVIE'S MOM NOW! I mean it's cute... but it's not right... honestly I go to the gym every day for an hour...
bassclarinetgirlandtheyrock- LOL! Your name was a behatch to type! Thamk you my love!
Akasha Ravensong- Thank you! 6 WEEK OLD? Mind you, he/she won't be that young by now... opps, guess it has been a while since I've updated...
MAN! I am so sorry, but I can't reply to everyone, I am tired and need to sleep... SORRY! I LOVE YOU!