Goodbyes

Alterra, as they called the planet that was home to Atlantis, spun lazily outside the jumper's front window.

"It's beautiful," said Colonel Edward Sheppard, softly. He had jumped at the chance of one more ride in the jumper. When John said he wanted to take his father into space, he was even more eager. Now, riding in the co-pilot's seat with John at the controls, he seemed mesmerized by the view.

John smiled softly, remembering his own complete joy at finding the small ships and having them respond to his every thought. His sling had been replaced with a figure of eight bandage that held his shoulders back but gave him the freedom of movement to operate the jumper controls. Beckett had been reluctant to let him go, but after sufficient assurances that they wouldn't go off world, he capitulated with the usual grousing. John was glad he had insisted on doing this one last thing for his father.

"You know, I applied to the astronaut program."

John glanced quickly over at his father. "Really? You never said anything."

"By the time you came along, the slots had been filled long ago and I got over my disappointment."

"Yeah, I considered applying for the shuttle program but there were so few slots I didn't think it was worth it. Glad I didn't now," he concluded, looking at the stars that were more brilliant in the clear vacuum of space. "I would probably never have made it to Atlantis."

"It's funny how things work out. Your mother and I wanted children so badly, and we got you. And I've never regretted it."

John was silent for a moment. "But we had our problems. We've hardly spoken in the last twenty years."

Edward sighed. "I know. And if I could take it back, I would. I think it was a combination of losing your mother suddenly, handling it badly, and the regular stresses of you becoming an equal and not just a son. I just took advantage of the long absences our careers created and never forced the issue." He paused, looking down. "I regret that now."

There was a pause before John said, quietly, "You're sure you didn't feel differently about me because I wasn't your real son?"

"John, you are my real son in every way but genetic." He stopped a minute and chuckled. "In fact, I remember your mother looking at you and saying you had my stubborn streak. I responded that you had her eyes. She looked at me funny, then I realized what I had said. We had a good laugh at that." He paused again. "We rarely remembered you weren't ours genetically."

He paused for a moment, studying his silent son. "This really bothers you, doesn't it."

John concentrated on setting the autopilot while he thought of his response. When he was satisfied that the jumper was stable, he turned slightly in his seat to look at his father.

"Well, yeah, in some ways it does bother me. But before I go on, tell me why you came to the SGC?"

"I told you. Landry came to get me."

"Did he say why?"

"Uh, well, he said I should know what you've been doing for the last two years."

John thought about that a minute as well as the timing of the visit. "Am I right that you'd been at the SGC for about three days before we saw each other?"

Now Edward stopped to think. "Yeah, that sounds about right. John, what does this have to do with your adoption?"

John looked down at the dialing device, convinced he knew what had happened.

"I've been wondering about the timing of your visit, and I think it has something to do with what they asked me to do for them in exchange for coming back to Atlantis. They didn't know I was adopted at the time."

Edward was silent, watching his obviously uncomfortable son. "And?"

"They wanted to keep me on Earth. It seems the International Oversight Committee became nervous when they couldn't find anyone to operate the chair when the wraith arrived. Then I show up with Rodney, and we take care of things. The usual bureaucratic military result was to try to keep me on Earth."

Edward let out a low whistle. "I somehow don't think you would have accepted that very well."

John gave a half laugh. "No, I wouldn't. So, Landry came up with a compromise." He paused again and took a deep breath. "I still have trouble talking about it." Another pause. "He asked me to become a sperm donor so they would have more people on Earth with the gene."

Edward was stunned.

"You can close your mouth, Dad."

"I thought the gene therapy was going to take care of that need."

"Well, it appears the folks with the gene therapy can't operate the ancient equipment as well as I can, so they wanted the real thing. The upshot is I've fathered children I will never see." There was a strange hitch in the last part of that speech, and John suddenly found something fascinating on the floor of the jumper.

"I see," said his father. "So you've been wondering how I felt as a father to a child that wasn't my biological son."

"Yeah, something like that."

"John, it's not exactly the same thing. The families that receive your, uh, donations, for lack of a better word, will be providing half of the genetic material. So the child will be the flesh and blood of the mother at least. Are these families with other children?"

"I think three of them had children. There were two childless couples who had been going through fertility treatments."

"Well, for the ones with children, your child will be incorporated into a family. I know the Air Force. They will have checked on how those kids were treated before they accepted the family in the program. In the case of the childless couples, you know your child will be wanted. Fertility treatments can be very draining, and a couple has to really want a child to go through with them. I don't think you need to worry about those children. Not only will they be genetically special, they will hold a special place in a family that wants them badly, much like you did with us," he concluded, softly.

There was another pause between the two of them. "But that still doesn't explain why they would have wanted me to come. They didn't tell me anything about this plan of theirs."

"Well, um, that may be my fault. I was upset when they first asked, and I may have said some things that implied our relationship wasn't the best."

"Oh?" He wasn't going to let John off the hook after a statement like that.

"Uh, yeah, I said something about not wanting any little unwanted or, uh, unloved Sheppards running around without fathers." The dialing device was once more fascinating.

Edward was quiet for a moment digesting this. "And you think they might have jumped to the conclusion that you were unwanted, unloved, and fatherless?"

"Um, maybe."

"Do you still feel that way?"

"What happened happened, but I think I can put a different spin on most of it. I understand more about the military now, and I know a lot of the absences weren't your fault. I definitely don't feel that way now."

"Well, I guess that's all I can ask for." Edward looked away into space. He had many regrets from his life, but the biggest was his relationship with his son. He was thankful he had been given this second chance.

"I also had trouble with the donations because you drilled it into my head to be responsible and to take precautions. This just seemed wrong to me."

"You were sixteen when I gave you that lecture, John. You'd just been on your first date and had come back with your t-shirt on wrong-side out and a stupid grin on your face. What was I supposed to think? You needed to hear that then, but not necessarily now."

John had a half smile on his lips. "Yeah, she was something else. And I remember going out and buying a year's supply of condoms after that lecture." They both smiled at the memory.

John turned serious again and looked up at Edward, wanting to see the truth of what he said. "Do you think I was wrong to provide my DNA?"

"No. You provided a service to your country, your planet, and at least two very grateful families. Why is that any different than giving your life? I know you've been willing to do that."

That gave him pause. "So I guess I gave the gift that keeps on giving?" he quipped.

Edward smiled, glad for the release of some of the tension that had built up in the jumper. "Yes, that's one way to put it." He looked out the window again then suddenly turned to John with a shocked look on his face. "That means I'll have some grandchildren I won't see."

John nodded. "Exactly. Now do you see why I'm still upset?"

Now Edward nodded. "I understand. Do you mind if I speak to General Landry about this when I return? I'd like to know more about their intentions."

"Actually, I'd appreciate it. And let me know if you get any information." John had turned back to the controls and was initiating the heads up display to show their reentry trajectory.

"Uh, John, since we're discussing serious things, and we won't have much of a chance to do so for awhile, I was wondering if you'd like me to return Corporal Williams's ashes to his family. After all, I was technically in command when he was killed."

John thought about that for a moment. "You know you can't really tell them what happened."

"I realize that. I thought it would be something I could do for you since I'm going back to Earth anyway."

John looked over at his father and saw the seriousness in his face. He knew he would handle the notification correctly, so he nodded. "Thank you. I would appreciate it if you would do it. It might be some time before I get back again."

Edward nodded. Their orbit had taken them around the planet again and they were seeing the sun rise over the ocean. He decided there was time for one more important question.

"OK, last question. What's the situation between you and Dr. Weir?"

John blushed, but he realized that after Edward had witnessed their kiss on the balcony, he would have to be curious. "Well, we're still not sure. As part of the deal for my DNA, General Landry agreed to some changes to the fraternization policy that I suggested. Essentially, it is OK to have a non-professional relationship as long as it doesn't mess anything up. That opens up a way for Elizabeth and me to, well, be together, I guess."

Edward studied his son's profile. John wasn't smiling. If anything, he was concentrating, but not on the jumper controls. "This is serious for you, isn't it."

"Yeah, it is." He checked a few more settings then paused and glanced at his father. "I think I love her."

Edward could see the sincerity in John's eyes and smiled at him. "Well, then good luck, John. I got to know her while you were unconscious. We shared the late shift for a few nights. She's an amazing woman."

"That she is, sir." His half smile was back, almost as if he were pleased to have his father's support.

"So you keep me informed on how things go, OK?"

John smiled at him. "I guess that's OK."

Edward smiled back as John began a long, slow descent to the city followed by a quick set of loops and a corkscrew before he got there. They were both laughing by the time they got back to the jumper bay.

Two days later, John was headed toward the gate room, carrying the ashes of Corporal Williams and a small flat black box with his good arm. His father had been on Atlantis for a total of five weeks, but John still felt that he had only just begun to show his dad around. When he got to the control center, he found his father already there, talking to Beckett, Teyla, Ronon, and Rodney. His duffle was at his feet, ready to go. Wasn't that man ever late? John shook his head, wishing he had gotten that habit from him. Elizabeth was coming down the stairs to join them.

"You know, you could stay another week. We call back every Friday."

Edward Sheppard looked at the military commander of Atlantis, his son. "I know, but I've already been away longer than I had planned. I should get back."

Beckett held out his hand to the older colonel. "It's been a pleasure. Come back any time. And thank you for not requiring my services."

"Thanks, Carson, and thanks for taking care of my son. I know he can be a handful."

"Aye, but we wouldn't have him any other way."

"I beg to differ," said Rodney, also shaking the older man's hand. "After all, if he'd just be more careful, I would have more time in the lab to solve the really important problems rather than pulling his fat out of the fire and sitting around the infirmary waiting for him to wake up."

John rolled his eyes. "Oh, puleeze! Like you never hit the infirmary."

Edward laughed, having learned to appreciate Rodney's and John's interaction, and turned to Ronon. The Satedan just nodded and Edward nodded back, a sign of mutual respect.

Teyla walked up to Edward and placed her hands on his shoulders. Fortunately, Edward had seen this gesture before and was able to respond as she placed her forehead on his. "I sense in you a true friend, and I am glad to have had the opportunity to know you."

"Thank you, Teyla. I, also, have enjoyed getting to know you. I will miss our sparring matches."

Finally, Elizabeth stepped forward. "Colonel Sheppard, I want you to know it's been a real pleasure having you in Atlantis," she said, formally, extending her hand.

"Thank you, Dr. Weir," Edward responded, equally formal as he took her hand. Then he surprised her by pulling her to him in a bear hug. "Thank you, Elizabeth, for everything."

Elizabeth was only surprised for a moment. She hugged him back, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Edward, for being here."

"Yeah, John, you really need to stop occupying that bed in the infirmary. You're giving the young lady gray hairs."

"Yeah, I'm trying. I'm just not sure why these things keep happening to me."

Elizabeth quirked an eyebrow and looked back at Edward. "Sometimes I think there is a band of evil people who like to sit around just thinking up mean things to do to him."

"Dr. Weir, it's time," called the technician.

"Thank you, Chuck." She looked back at Edward one more time. "Come back if you can."

"I'd like that," he said, giving her a smooch on the cheek as she pulled away from him.

She turned to climb the steps to the control room.

John finally walked up to his father and handed him the urn. After Edward had put it carefully next to his duffle and straightened up, John handed his father the black flat case. "Uh, Dad, I want you to keep this for me." His father opened it, knowing what he would find inside: John's medal. "I won't have occasion to wear it here, and I have the ribbon for my uniform anyway. I don't want it lost, so I thought the safest thing to do would be to give it into your keeping."

Colonel Edward Sheppard studied the symbol of his son's heroism and leadership. He looked up at a man who was becoming comfortable with command but who still worried about the large burden of the safety of his expedition. He knew his son was up to the task.

"Sure, I'll keep it for you. But that means you have to come home to get it."

John smiled at the implication. His father wanted some assurance he would come home. "I'll do my best, Dad."

John turned to the control room. "Dial Earth."

The gate lit up and the chevrons started lighting up one by one. As the worm hole was established, Edward Sheppard let out a similar sigh. "I don't think I would ever get tired of seeing that, knowing what it means."

Up in the control room, Elizabeth established contact with the SGC. "We're sending Colonel Edward Sheppard back, so please open the iris."

"The iris is open, Dr. Weir. Send him when ready."

"Acknowledged," she said, looking up at John and nodding.

John turned to his father, a little uneasy. "I feel like we barely got to know each other again."

"I know what you mean. At least now we can write, or email. Guess I'll have to finally hook up a computer," said his father, also uncomfortable.

Teyla, sensing the tension between the two men, grabbed Rodney and Ronon and led them away with Carson.

"Yeah," said John, looking at his father's discomfort, then at the ground. Suddenly, he threw his arm around his father, giving him a bear hug, or as much of one as he could with one arm. His father was stunned a moment, then returned the gesture. "I love you, dad," he whispered, almost as if ashamed, "and I'll keep in touch this time."

"Thanks, John. Always remember I love you, son, and you always have a home."

Pulling back, John's eyes looked suspiciously bright as he glanced at Elizabeth, still in the control room. "That's good to know, but I think you understand now why this is home?"

His father grinned. "Yes, I can see its attraction." Slapping him on his good shoulder, the older man leaned over to place the medal box in his duffle, then picked it up along with the urn. "Good luck, John. I'll see you soon." He turned to the event horizon.

"Thanks, dad. Take care."

Edward Sheppard stopped just at the gate and turned for one more look around. He caught Elizabeth's eye in the control room and smiled at her nod. His son's face was the last thing he saw as he stepped through to Earth.

"General Landry, Colonel Sheppard just stepped through. I am now transmitting our reports of the last week."

SGC, Cheyenne Mountain Complex

"We've received your reports, and Colonel Sheppard has arrived safely. Thank you, Dr. Weir. Landry out."

General Hank Landry looked up as Colonel Edward Sheppard stepped off the ramp at the SGC. "Colonel Sheppard, please report to the infirmary."

Edward looked up and nodded at Landry before he began to make his way to his medical check.

Landry was in his office later when Edward knocked on the door. "Everything check out?"

"Yes sir, they took good care of me, so there was nothing to worry about. Sir, do you have time right now, I have a few questions."

Landry pushed away the report he had been reading and gestured to a chair in front of his desk. "Of course, Colonel. What can I do for you?"

Edward Sheppard sat down, fully prepared to find out exactly what the Air Force had in mind for his grandchildren.