In the Darkness

Chapter 31

Severus stormed through his classroom, slamming the door behind him with such force that the solid stone dungeon walls seemed to shake. He took the first thing that his hand happened to find, a cauldron, and launched it in front of him at nothing in particular. Furiously he grabbed the next thing he could find and launched it in the same direction, feeling slightly more satisfied when he heard it smash angrily against the wall. He was furious, how dare he! How dare he! How dare that, that WHELP touch her! Replaying that moment in his head made his stomach lurch with anger and his skin crawl with disgust. He couldn't think, he could barely see, his anger was clouding every sense that he had, any logic or rational thought was gone, and all that was left was this red mist of fury that turned any thought into that of severe torture and pain for that, that, that BOY for even breathing the same air as her….

Instinctively he turned and stormed into his private chambers, his body leading him to his Fire Whiskey sat, just begging to be opened. He did so, sloshing the amber liquid into a tumbler and downing it right there, repeating this 3 times, each time filling the tumbler up to a quarter full. On his fourth shot he slammed the glass down, still clutching the glass bottle. He took a deep breath, feeling the warm liquid begin to burn his throat slightly. Knowing that he had already had too much, he poured a small measure into the glass and walked to sit in his armchair, throwing himself into it. He felt the alcohol begin to relax him already, knowing that his slight intolerance to alcohol and the lack of food in his stomach would cause him to get very drunk very quickly if he wasn't careful.

His mind began to clear and the mist began to dissipate. For the first time in a while he began to think clearly. That boy had kissed Hermione. Hermione had looked shocked and disgusted; he knew deep down that she hadn't wanted to receive that from Potter. Potter. The name was bitter upon his tongue. Like cheap wine the name offended his very senses. Potter. The Boy Wonder. The Saviour. With his good looks and obvious charm, talent on the Quidditch field, it wouldn't be a surprise if Hermione DID like him. Potter was just like his rotten father. In every way. Everyone loved James Potter! Oh, look at me, with my chiselled features and cocky attitude and my group of friends who are willing to die for me! With all the attention from the teachers, the students, the women….

Severus sighed. He had never been very popular with women. They always seemed interested in him. Well, that would be the brooding dark features. He was an enigma that women like to think they can solve. Many briefly tried, until they realised that he was not an enigma, that was just how he was. Cold and spiteful, full with hatred and animosity towards the world. He didn't want female attention anyway. Why have a female when he would have to treat her like dirt. After all, that's what his father did. That was what the death eaters did.

There was only one woman that he… liked… Lilly Potter. With those eyes of sparkling green and her soft ivory skin… she was so kind… yet all he did was throw it back in her face… as ever, too proud to admit that he had a softer side, a caring side. What a fool. And of course, she could not resist James Potter's perfect charms. Like father like son. Soon Hermione would fall for that dopey schmuck, and there was nothing that Severus could do about it.

Severus, she loves you. She said so herself. And you love her. She has accepted you for who you are. Can you not just accept that? Can't you just admit that you are in love and that you want to be with this woman? To look after her, to care for her, to protect her?

Of course I can. I want nothing more than to protect her and care for her. But she will never give herself entirely to me.

She already has.

She deserves the best. She should get it. I cannot give her that. I can't. POTTER can though. The perfect little couple. I cannot protect her, only put her in danger.

She deserves to be happy. And she is happiest when she is with you. And visa versa. Why can't you just accept happiness?

Because…

Because what?

Because I will never truly be happy! I will never truly believe her! I will always be waiting for her to realise what a mistake she has made and leave me, alone and broken-hearted! Why set myself up for something that will eventually just fall through? She would leave me, when she realises what a monster I am. It is only in the innocence of youth that she is so forgiving and kind. She knows no better!

She knows what she wants. She wants you. And you want her. So enjoy it while you can. She may come to you in a month and tell you that it is all over, she wants someone younger, who she can actually walk hand in hand with down the street instead of having to hide. If she did do that, you must let her go. But know that you were loved, if only for that month. Know that you were happy for that month. Enjoy it, and have no regrets.

No regrets…

Severus didn't hear the click of the door to his private chambers opening. He didn't hear the soft footsteps slowly trod closer and closer to where he was sat. Too encased in his own thoughts to think of anything else. Anything else but her.

"Severus…."

The sweetest sound broke him from his thoughts, his head snapping up to see her stood by the door, hands clasped together against her stomach, a worried expression on her face. He nodded his head just enough to acknowledge her before hanging his head again.

"Severus… are you ok?" He smiled to himself. Stupid woman.

"I have just witnessed the most awful sight." He said slowly, pausing to take a deep breath. "I have just witnessed a young, fop of a boy, whose neck I could very easily snap, kiss the woman whom I adore. I heard him mention that they are in fact 'dating'…"

"No, no that's not it at all, you don't understand…"

"Oh I understand perfectly well, Hermione…"

"No you don't! I didn't want him to do that! Please, you must believe me…"

"Pmhf…"

"Please, please believe me, I would never… I didn't want him to…. I just couldn't…. Please Severus, I only ever want to kiss you…."

Serverus stayed still.

"… I don't want anyone else! Please, please believe me…."

Severus looked up. His angel. He could see the emotion written all over her face. He did believe her. As a matter of fact, he wasn't even angry with her. He was just taking it out on her. He sighed.

"I know that you don't, Hermione." She quickly walked towards him and fell to her knees before him to look up at him, taking his hand in hers.

"I don't want anyone else. I am so sorry…" He squeezed her hand in reassurance.

"No, don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault." She looked up at him with tears forming in her eyes, as brown as the Earth, as pure as skies. He put his glass down and with his free hand he cupped the side of her face gently.

"I love you so much, I thought that you would hate me…."

"Hermione, I could never hate you."

"I could never hate you!" She replied, trying to keep the tears from flowing again.

"Oh i'm sure that you could…" He replied, smiling slightly.

"No, no I never could…" She leaned forward to gently kiss his lips, his hand moving to her waist as she kissed him. With one swift movement he pulled her onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her, holding her so close. She put her head on his shoulder, enjoying the closeness of him, the sound of him smelling her hair, letting her hands run up his back gently.

"I only want you…" She whispered.

"Then you shall have me." He whispered back, making her smile slightly. Lifting her head to see him, she looked into his dark eyes, stroking his face as he closed his eyes against the softness of the palms of her hands.

"I'm sorry if I upset you, Hermione." Severus said, his eyes still closed. "It was not my intention, and it never will be. I was just so… jealous… and angry… Merlin I could easily wrap my hands around that boy's neck…"

"Severus… don't… What he did, I, I don't agree, and I certainly didn't enjoy it… but it made sense…" Severus's eyes flew open, rage beginning to form within them. "No, no, I mean, if you think about it, everyone thinks that me and him are dating now right? So no-one will ever suspect us…" Severus considered this.

"Yes, I will admit it is quite practical. However, I do not want to see any public signs of affection towards him…"

"Severus I may well have to hold his hand…"

"Well I just won't allow that!"

"Oh really? And what exactly are you going to do about that?" He considered this for a moment.

"I am going to gather you up in my arms and run away into the sunset with you, leaving all of this behind…" Hermione laughed.

"Ha! You wouldn't, you couldn't! You love Hogwarts too much!"

"I most certainly do not…."

"Oh yes, but you do. Don't lie now, I can tell…"

"You cannot tell…"

"Yes I can! I can tell that you would never actually do that!"

"Do what?"

"Pick me up and run away into the sunset with me!" Severus remained silent.

"I would want you to." She added quietly. He sighed. He should not have mentioned that at all.

"Come now, I expect that your lessons will soon be starting…You don't want to be late and have to test your acting abilities…" She smiled.

"You know, you will always have a part of me. No matter what happens. You will always have that tiny part of my heart."

"And I shall not forget it." They smiled, kissing again before she climbed off him, waiting for him to stand so she could hug him. He may not be the most sensitive man on Earth, and he may not be able to put his feelings into words, but she knew that the man whom she was so close to now, loved her like she would never be loved.

"No regrets, Hermione?" She smiled against him.

"No regrets."

I am so sorry that I haven't updated for so long! I have just been so busy, and I didn't have any direction! this chapter is a little soppy, I know, but it had relevance to the rest of the story. I now have the ending planned out!!! Thanks as always fro reading, just bear with it, the next few chapters are going to be belters!!