A/N: Usual disclaimer: I don't own, and intend no infringement.

A/N2: Slight spoiler for movie The Usual Suspects.

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Nightmares

"No, NOOOOO!"

Elizabeth jerked awake as John's fist collided with her nose. He was still thrashing as she sat up.

"Stop it! Stoooooooop." His hand began to claw at his chest.

"John, John! Wake up! It's just a nightmare!" She grabbed his hand to keep him from hurting himself, while placing her other hand on his face.

John's eyes flew open, and Elizabeth was astonished to see tears there. He was panting, hard, as if he had run several miles.

"Elizabeth?" he whispered.

"Yes, John, I'm here." She released his hand and settled back beside him. She reached out to stroke his arm, his face, anything to offer comfort.

John sat up abruptly and swung his legs out of the bed, sitting on the side, scrubbing his face in his hands and then running his hands through his hair. Elizabeth reached out and touched his back. Feeling him tremble, she reached around to hold him from behind, saying, "It's going to be OK; it was just a nightmare."

"Yeah, but it really happened," he replied, shaking off her arms.

"Tell me."

"No, Elizabeth. Only one of us needs these particular images. I'm not going to inflict my nightmares on you."

"If it was the wraith I already have those images," she said. "Talking about it could help."

"Drop it. Elizabeth!" It was said in his commanding voice, a voice he rarely used with her. Standing up abruptly he headed toward the bathroom, shutting her off by shutting the door and turning on the water.

Elizabeth was stunned. In something of a daze, she got up and began gathering her clothes. Her first inclination was to leave. He obviously wanted to be alone to deal with this. He had rejected all her help, and it was hard not to see it as a rejection of her. She put on her t-shirt and moved back to the living room.

They had put out the candles, but the lights of the city still came through the balcony windows. She moved over to the balcony, seeing again the dinner he had prepared, the table where they had eaten, the space where they had danced.

"What constitutes a special occasion?"

"… showing you how much you mean to me."

She put down her clothes and went out to lean against the balcony railing. She had known John was a complex man. Just getting him to share some of his history had been difficult, and she still felt there was much she didn't know. Their relationship was still new even though it was based on two years of a strong friendship. The question was whether or not she could deal with him in this mood. Could she convince him to allow her to be strong sometimes?

She heard the water turn off and the door open. After a moment, she heard a drawer slam shut. He was still angry.

She moved back over to the bedroom and paused in the doorway. John was seated on the side of the bed in his boxers. Once again, he had his head in his hands. She approached him slowly, unsure of her welcome.

Kneeling in front of him, she reached out for his hands.

John's head jerked up. His eyes were empty, and his face reflected his anguish. "I thought you'd gone," he whispered, his voice rough.

She held his hands in hers, and gave a comforting squeeze.

"No, John, I'm still here. I thought about leaving since you seemed to want to be alone. But I was afraid that if I left now, we'd never work through this."

He looked down again, gripping her hands painfully.

"John, do you remember when you had the nightmares after your father was attacked by the wraith.?"

He nodded without looking up.

"You said to me that you didn't want your nightmares for public consumption."

"Yeah, that sounds like something I'd say."

"John, if you consider me as part of the public, we're never going to get anywhere. You have to be willing to let me help you, to be strong when you aren't."

His head was still down, but he drew her hands, still in his, to his chest. "I've always been alone at times like this." She almost couldn't hear him he spoke so softly.

"You don't have to be unless you want to be. And I know that sometimes you may need to be alone. But right now, I think you need to share this experience to put it behind you, and I want you to know I'm ready to listen and help."

She released one of her hands and reached for his chin. Gently she raised his face to meet his eyes. The strain still showed, but there was an acceptance as well.

"So why don't you lie back down and tell me."

He leaned back, making room for her beside him. She leaned against the pillows while he wrapped an arm around her waist, resting his head on her chest. Gently she stroked his hair.

"Now, John, tell me. What happened to you? What is happening in your dream?"

"I'm being fed on by a wraith. Only in the dream, he doesn't stop, and he doesn't give me my life back."

"Tell me how it felt."

He was quiet for a moment, then, gradually, haltingly, he began to tell her what had happened. "It felt, …, like, …, everything positive or good was being sucked out of me along with the years of my life. I never realized that wraith take more than just years. They feed on the life force, and that includes all the positive feelings, like hope and love, and they leave nothing but pain. Not just physical pain, though I've never felt anything so bad. It hurts in my soul." He paused and raised his head to look at Elizabeth, and she could now see the pain echoed in his eyes. "I no longer regret killing Sumner. I think that's what he was feeling when he looked up at me before I shot him." John paused again, burying his face between her breasts. "After the last feeding, when he left me to attack the Genii, I didn't want to survive. I told him, when he came back, to finish it. That's when he gave my life back."

Elizabeth waited, but he didn't say any more. She continued rubbing his scalp.

"Have you talked to Kate yet?"

"No, I can barely tell you. I don't think I can tell this to Kate."

Elizabeth moved her hand to stroke the soft area around his temple. "OK, whatever you want. But keep it in mind if these nightmares keep happening. Would you let me hold you so you can get some more sleep?"

As she slid down in the bed, he buried his face in her neck. He was trembling again, just a little. Elizabeth stroked his back as his breathing began to even out in sleep. Softly, she said, "I love you John Sheppard," and received a slight squeeze in return. As she settled herself for sleep, she wondered if he would ever be able to put these particular demons out of his mind.

The next time Elizabeth Weir awoke, the sun was beginning to come through the balcony and the stained glass of the windows. She knew where she was and turned slightly to see John curled up next to her. They had shifted at some point in the night, but he was still curled toward her with one arm loosely around her waist.

His features had relaxed some in sleep, and he appeared to be resting easily. Easing her way out of bed without disturbing him, she headed to the bathroom, completely missing the gentle beep of her headset left in the living room.

"Zelenka to Beckett. Dr. Beckett, have you seen Elizabeth?"

"Beckett here. No, Radek, but there's a meeting in a couple of hours. Is something wrong?"

"No, it's just that I can't reach her or Sheppard and I have this new device that could be an engineering manual of sorts."

Carson Beckett paused, considered his recent observations of the two leaders, and decided he might need to intervene. "Well, I haven't seen either of them, but I have to give Colonel Sheppard one more checkup, so I'll go looking. Should I have one of them call you?"

"Yes, yes, that would help. I will need Colonel Sheppard to activate it since Rodney is not here. So, you'll let me know?"

"Aye, or I'll see you at the meeting. Actually, could I help you with that?

"Do you have time?"

"Yes, Radek. I'll stop by your lab on my way to check the colonel. Beckett out."

"Thank you, doctor. Zelenka out."

Dr. Beckett collected his small medical pouch and set out to check on his prime patient, confident they would prefer him to interrupt them rather than Zelenka.

After activating Zelenka's device, he stopped by the control room to have them pull up the internal sensors to see if he could eliminate any areas. He noticed that they weren't in their quarters, and he was beginning to wonder how to narrow down the life signs when he noticed two dots at the very edge of the living area. Nodding to Chuck, who was back at the controls, he started his trek to find the missing leaders.

Elizabeth had returned from the bathroom freshly showered, but still loath to wake up John. She began stoking his hair again. He moved into the caress and she placed a gentle kiss on his temple. Gradually, he woke up.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" She moved to give him room to stretch.

"Good morning. Yeah, I did. Could be due to the great head massage I got."

"Did you know you have a widow's peak?"

"Damn! My secret's out," he replied, sliding up in the bed and reaching for her. She moved to curl up next to him.

"Are you telling me you wear your hair that way because you have a widow's peak?" She reached up and pushed all his hair back off his face, revealing the slight point in the middle of his forehead.

"Well, actually it's because of the cowlicks, but yeah, I'm not real fond of the idea of looking like Keyser Söze." He grabbed her hands and rubbed his head, returning his hair to its usual state.

"I've seen that movie, and you don't need to worry." She moved up beside him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Still, no need to advertise it." He kissed her forehead, closing his eyes and reveling in the feel of her and the smell of her shampoo. He was about to tell her she was over dressed when the door chimed.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "Who knows we're here?"

"I guess anyone who checks the sensors. I haven't told anyone about this place," replied John, reaching for a pair of sweats. John opened the door as they walked into the living room.

"Colonel? Are ye OK?"

"Carson? What's the problem?"

"Well, ye weren't answering your earpiece. I told Dr. Zelenka I would find you since I needed to give you a checkup anyway."

John looked around and found his earpiece on the table. Grinning sheepishly, he put it back in his ear while Elizabeth did the same. "Can we do the checkup here?"

"Aye. Just sit down and I'll take care of you right away."

"John, I'm going to go ahead and get some breakfast and get to work," said Elizabeth, moving toward the door.

"Lunch?" he said. Carson gave him a dirty look since he was listening to his chest.

Elizabeth smiled as she opened the door. "Sure. Later." She winked at him as she left.

"These are nice quarters, Colonel. Are you moving?"

"Not just yet, Carson, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't advertise them around."

And John Sheppard settled back to endure Carson's ministrations.

Dear John –

Thanks for the heads up on Rodney. I managed to see him briefly before he left. You didn't tell me the theory issue was with his sister. She's very different from him. I'd be interested in your thoughts since I hear she's heading back to Atlantis with him.

Things here are as usual. There is a lot of worry over the Ori, but I'm not cleared for all the reports. Suffice it to say that Sam Carter is still going in to work a few times a week and everyone is looking for a solution.

Yes, I'm still in Colorado. Jack and Sam seem to like having me here, and I admit I feel closer to everyone.

Now that you're out of the infirmary, STAY OUT. And stop worrying Elizabeth.

Dad

Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard chuckled as he reread his father's latest email. It had arrived during the weekly call-in the week before the Daedalus docked with Jeannie Miller. Since then, he'd had the opportunity to observe first hand how different she was. Which is not to say she couldn't hold her own: she definitely didn't put up with anything from Rodney. In fact, John was sure he and Ronon had at least six weeks of blackmail material, not to mention the endless joy of using Rodney's real first name.

Dear Dad –

I've met Jeannie, and you're right: she's different. However, it was great to have her. She kept Rodney on his toes since she is as brilliant as he. She also gave us lots of dirt. The best was that his first name's Meredith. As you might imagine, we're having a field day with that.

Dr. Zelenka thinks Jeannie is great, too. He's so used to McKay's insults that he found Jeannie refreshing and did anything she asked.

Their little project kept us on base most of the time in the last month. Ronon, Teyla, and I used the time to train recruits and do a little more exploring of some of the closer areas.

The project is over, now, and Jeannie is on her way back on the Daedalus. It seems we used up most of our power, so she had to take the long way home. She should be there soon. Be sure to ask her about Rod, or read the report. I can't put it in an email.

Glad you're in Colorado. If we get a chance, we'll come by, but they don't let us get home very often.

I haven't been in the infirmary for the last four weeks. Am going for a record.

John

Jeannie Miller stared out the window at Earth, hanging in space. She wasn't sure she could believe what she had been doing for the last three months: two three week trips between galaxies, not just between planets, and over a month in the lost city of Atlantis. It seemed surreal, or at least science fiction.

"Mrs. Miller to the bridge," came over the ship's intercom, and she grabbed her duffel and headed up to take her leave of the Daedalus and her crew.

Colonel Steven Caldwell turned toward Mrs. Miller as she entered the bridge. "Ready to go home?"

She smiled. "Yes. It's been great, and interesting, and wonderful, but I miss my family."

Caldwell smiled. "I can understand." Turning in his chair he continued, "Lieutenant, is Hermiod ready?"

"Yes, sir, on your mark."

"Fine. Mrs. Miller, we are going to beam you into the SGC since we don't want to disturb your neighbors. Also, there will be a short debriefing."

Jeannie nodded. "Yes, I expected that. Colonel, thank you for everything. Your crew has been very helpful to this neophyte."

Caldwell nodded, smiling again. "Hermiod, whenever you're ready."

"Yes, Colonel."

A bright white light enveloped her, and suddenly she found herself in the gate room of Stargate Command. Colonel Samantha Carter approached her.

"Welcome home, Mrs. Miller."

"Jeannie, please, Colonel."

Sam Carter smiled. "OK, Jeannie, and I'm Sam. I'm here to escort you to some temporary quarters so you can relax if you need to." They began walking down the halls of the Cheyenne Mountain complex to the elevator. "I assume you want to get home soon, so we thought we'd hold the debriefing in about an hour. You're booked on the first flight out tomorrow morning, and you should be back in Toronto by 4 tomorrow afternoon."

Jeannie nodded at the plans. "Thanks, Sam. I appreciate you understanding that I just want to get home to my family. Speaking of family, something seems to have changed since you first came to visit me," she responded, glancing at Sam's obviously gravid belly.

Sam blushed slightly. "Yeah, I've really started showing in the last couple of months."

"So when are you due?"

"Still three months or so."

"But, …"

"But I look like a house?"

"Well, I wouldn't have put it that way, but you seem like you should be further along."

"Triplets. In fact, this is the only day I'm in this week since the doc has told me to take it easy."

"Wow!" They'd reached the elevator by this time, and Sam pushed the button for the on-base quarters.

"Have you and your husband considered another child?"

"Yes, we wanted one, but Madison brought home mumps from school, and Caleb hadn't had them, so …" She left it hanging, letting Sam draw the obvious conclusion.

The pregnant colonel quietly assessed her fellow scientist. "Have you considered other options?" They were exiting the elevator by this time, and Sam led her to a nearby guest room.

"You mean, adoption or in vitro with donor sperm?" said Jeannie as Sam opened the door. "Yes, but I haven't had the heart to bring it up." She paused as they entered the room, looking at Sam in shock. "Is that how you ended up with triplets?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, we waited kind of late to start this so we were left with that option. Jack still wasn't sure he wanted to do it, but then a, uh, project came along that we could help out with."

"Project?"

"Yeah, in fact, I was wondering if you might be interested."

Jeannie sat down on the bed, and Sam began to tell her about the project to increase the occurrence of the ancient gene on Earth. Later, after a visit to the infirmary, Jeannie Miller called her husband who caught a plane for Colorado the next day. It seemed she would be staying at the SGC a little longer.

Hi John –

Hope things are back to normal, more or less. Colonel Carter is going in only once a week, now, and mostly for a checkup, but she still seems healthy. They've got me working on a nursery. I did mention they are expecting triplets, right?

General Landry asked me to tell you that another family has been added to the original group. The mother is a scientist and you know her. I think I'll stop there.

Sorry about the power problem. I know that means it will be harder to get back and forth, but I've heard about the intergalactic bridge you folks are working on. I'll be around the first time you come through. Maybe we can get a beer.

Well, more later.

Dad

John Sheppard just stared at his father's latest message. Carter having triplets? Another family with a female scientist he knew? They wouldn't, would they? He put the mail away, trying not to think of the ramifications.

Hi, Dad—

Thanks for the note. No, you hadn't mentioned triplets. I hope General O'Neill is ready for that.

I sure hope the new family is not the one I think it is. I would never hear the end of that from some folks around here.

The power problem means we're back to searching for those power modules I told you about, so all the teams are doing quick recon in as many places as possible. If we find natives, we send back a negotiating team and move on to the next address. Speaking of which, I have a team overdue, so my folks are headed out to see what happened. I just wanted to get this done before we left since the Daedalus gets here tomorrow and I'm not sure when I'll be back.

Yeah, I know, stay out of the infirmary.

John

Well, they found out what happened, and the same thing almost happened to them. The ride back to Atlantis on the Daedalus gave every member of the team time to reflect on their own worst fears, especially since they had just relived them. For once, John was the only one not hurt in some physical way. No one mentioned emotional hurt, yet.

The team was beamed down directly to the infirmary, and Lorne and Elizabeth entered as the infirmary staff were assisting Rodney and Teyla into beds. Ronon was twitching but was allowing the infirmary staff to check his bandage. Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, patient extraordinaire, was, for once, in the role of waiting around.

"So how are you?" said Elizabeth, pausing by Rodney's bed but including Teyla in her question.

"He shot me!"

"Yes, Rodney, I know, but how are you now?"

"Well, I guess I'm recovering, but my team leader shot me!"

Ronon looked over at Teyla and raised an eyebrow.

Teyla smiled then, raising her hands to her face, she said, "He shot Rodney!"

"Bastard," said Ronon, with a grin at Sheppard.

"That's it, no more South Park for you two," said John, moving to stand at the foot of the two beds. "In fact, I think I'll get out of here for awhile and let you tell the story yet again." With that, he left the infirmary and took off at a run in the direction of the south pier.

Lorne glanced at Elizabeth, then looked directly at Rodney. "You need to stop saying that, you know."

"Why? He never stopped picking on me about destroying three fourths of a solar system. . ."

"FIVE SIXTHS," said everyone present.

"OK, OK, details. Still, I've heard about it often enough."

"Yeah, but the military really frowns on friendly fire, and those involved rarely get over it." He paused. "And now that I think about it, I don't think the Colonel has ever been involved in such an incident." He looked toward the door Sheppard had exited. "Um, I think we should probably give him some space to deal with this."

Ronon nodded then looked at Rodney. "Think of it this way. The man is a marksman yet you're still alive. Some part of him didn't want to kill you." The Satedan stood up, exchanging another glance with Teyla. "I think I'll go get cleaned up as well."

"Don't you need that dressing changed?" said Beckett, raising his own eyebrows at a patient attempting to escape.

"They changed it on the Daedalus." With a final nod to everyone, Ronon headed out.

"Think he'll go after Sheppard?" said Lorne into the silence that followed.

"Most likely," said Teyla. "Sometimes Ronon is the only one John will listen to, at least on some matters."

Elizabeth had listened to this exchange with growing concern, now wondering exactly how John was. "Well, I have to get back to the paperwork this mission created. Get well soon, you two. And Rodney, take it from a professional talker. Sometimes less is more." With that, Elizabeth left the infirmary to return to her office.

When she got to the control room, she asked Chuck to pull up the life signs indicator for the city. As the many blips came up on the screen, she could see two dots moving quickly around the perimeter of the south pier, obviously running. Evidently Ronon had joined John in his self-imposed prescription. She thanked Chuck and moved on to her office and opened her laptop. She figured she needed to get through her paperwork now since John might need to talk later.

When she next looked up, it was eight o'clock at night. She closed her laptop, realizing John had not come by to get her for dinner. He rarely missed except when away on a mission, so she went out again to the control room. Chuck was going off duty, but he stayed around long enough to pull up the scanners again. Elizabeth gave a sigh of relief to see the lone dot on their balcony.

"Thanks, Chuck. I think I'll call it a night."

"Yes, ma'am. We'll see you tomorrow," he nodded, headed off to get dinner.

Elizabeth went back to her quarters, grabbing the last of her chocolate stash. Picking up two sandwiches and two juices in the mess hall, she headed for their balcony where the scanners had registered one life sign.

He didn't move when she opened the balcony door. "Hey, you missed dinner."

He was standing at the rail with his arms braced against it, leaning forward as if studying the water below. "I know. Wasn't hungry."

She approached him, giving him some space just in case. "I brought a sandwich in case you'd care to join me." She put it down on the small table they had moved out there then she sat down on the bench and began to open her own sandwich. The silence stretched between them, but Elizabeth knew she shouldn't break it.

Finally he sighed and turned around, moving over to the bench. He dropped down beside her and picked up the sandwich, picking at the wrapper without interest. The sun had set long ago, and in the starlight, she couldn't see his face.

"I've never harmed one of my own men before, especially someone I'm supposed to be protecting, let alone a good friend." His voice was low, and if Elizabeth hadn't been right next to him, she would have missed it.

"I realize that. In fact, you go out of your way to save your people, even at the risk of your own life. But John, you weren't in control of your actions."

"I should always be in control of my actions," he responded forcefully. "I've been trained to kill, and if I'm not in control, I'm too dangerous to be around."

"John, this was a freak thing. We lost four other men to that device. Just be thankful we didn't lose your team as well."

The silence descended again. She finished her sandwich and he finished half of his.

"Did you hear what I was reliving?"

"No, what?"

"A time in Afghanistan. I was behind enemy lines with a wounded soldier. I tried to get him out." He stopped there.

"And?"

"He didn't make it."

Turning toward him, she reached out and took his hand. "John, sometimes you have to forgive yourself."

"Maybe, but I really need Rodney to forgive me."

"And he will."

"Yeah. Right."

"You won't know until you ask."

John looked at her. "You heard him. He's totally freaked out that I shot him." He looked away again. "I'm not sure he'll ever forgive me." He wadded up his sandwich. "I don't think he'll trust me again. I may have to transfer him to another team if that happens."

"No, you won't have to change the team. He will trust you again. After all, you trusted him again."

John looked at her again with the first hint of a smile she'd seen since he got back. "Yeah, I did. Maybe if I remind him he will see some parallels." He stood up, anxious to move. "I'll just have to see, but I think I'll wait until he's out of the infirmary."

Elizabeth stood as well, reaching into a pocket and pulling out a slightly soft chocolate bar. "Good, let's eat on it."

John looked at the candy and then at her again. "You were really worried about me, weren't you. You even hit up your stash."

"Yes, I worry about you. But I also trust you."

He reached out and took the candy. About to open it, he hesitated and put it in his pocket. "No, I think I'll save it to sweeten the talk with Rodney."

"Good idea. And maybe it should be sooner rather than later. You know he hates the infirmary." She turned to the door then paused. "I think I'll head back to my office to finish off some reports."

"Want me to come by and remind you to go to bed later?"

"If you feel like it." She took the few steps necessary to bridge the distance between them and gave him a light kiss on the cheek. As she pulled back, he reached for her and hugged her tightly.

"Thanks for listening."

"Anytime." She kissed him again then left the balcony.

John contemplated the stars for a little while longer then made his way to the infirmary. He had a chocolate-covered apology to deliver.

TBC

A/N: This is the last of the tags. I thought of writing the apology but this was a long chapter. One more chap. and the epilogue to go. Thanks for all the reviews. They are greatly appreciated, and I use some of the suggestions.