I remember coming on to and searching to see if anyone had dared to attempt a Doyle/Nadia fic. after the episode where Doyle tells Nadia that she stood up to the doctor when it counted, (sorry, I can't remember which hour that was. LOL.) because that episode was what made me become a shipper of these two. And, sadly, at the time, no one had. But in the days leading up to the finale, I was surprised – and delighted! – to see that people had started writing some. And those writers out there (Remembrance Lane, Jesus.Lives, The Youngest Rider, etc.) are magnificent. :) I am so glad that we are all inspired by each other!
So, I give you MY own version of the D/N one-shot. I hope that you all enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own 24, Fox, or Doyle or Nadia. If I did, they would have been together already. Aha. I do, however, own Amanda and Julianne. Don't take them, because they're pretty cool.
Amanda Peterson hated her job sometimes.
And this was one of those times.
Maybe he had been quite a nice person, but from what little she saw of him, she assumed that he was more tough and calloused than gentle-spirited and good-natured. Though, she figured that he had to be this way in order to do his job properly. She didn't know the type of person he was before, but she knew him now. Or at least, she had somewhat known him from the first few hours that she had been on her shift. She had seen him for four hours lie on his bed with bandages over his eyes, snapping at every nurse that would walk in and try to attend to him.
She knew that he must have hated it. He was a stubborn person, and let his pride become his Achilles' heel. He insisted on doing things himself – eating, drinking, moving around the room – and God only knew that it pained Amanda to see him this way.
She had only heard about him briefly, through snippets of conversations between the doctors and nurses, and the few visitors that roamed the hospital halls. She knew that his name was Mike Doyle, and that he had been in the field when his injury had occurred. And he hated being reliant on others to help him. Amanda leaned against the doorframe and tucked a curl behind her ear. She wondered why – why was he so afraid to let others help him?
She thought that she knew what the answer was. He hated being vulnerable. She sighed and watched Mike knock over his dish and curse aloud. Shaking her head, the woman watched as Julianne, a pretty blonde nurse fresh out of medical school, walked in and gingerly picked it up for him. Mike's body grew tense and she could visibly see how frustrated he was with his blinded state. Amanda didn't know all of the details, but knew that Agent Doyle may never see again, and if he was, by some miracle, able to regain his sight, it would only be in one eye.
And she realized at that very moment why he was so frustrated – his life had shattered before him, and though the nurses tried to tend to him, he knew – in his heart of hearts – that being blind would hinder him in a much deeper level. His life was his eyes. His job required his eyesight. And he had lost that. And there was nothing left. Amanda shook her head sadly, as Julianne flung open the door and brushed her way past Amanda, nearly knocking the latter off her feet. The blonde paused in her step and turned to face the other nurse.
"Amanda, can you please go in there and…"
Amanda shook her head. "No, no. I've seen how he acts around everyone else, and I am not about to try and help someone who doesn't want to be helped."
Julianne pursed her lips together and narrowed her steel-blue eyes at the other woman. Amanda knew that she was being defiant, especially to the new nurse, but she couldn't…she couldn't deal with someone who didn't want help.
After a moment's hesitation, Julianne shook her blonde head. "Fine," she answered coldly, "I'll tend to him." Amanda continued to stare at the other woman. "But you're going to have to go deal with this woman visitor who hasn't left her chair in the hallway in close to four hours."
"What woman?" Amanda asked in confusion.
Julianne merely pointed a finger down the other end of the hallway. The blonde muttered angrily under her breath and walked down the hallway. Amanda watched the nurse leave, and then stared at the other end of the hall. She took a deep breath, looked to the ceiling for a brief reassurance, and proceeded to find out who the mystery woman who wouldn't leave was.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Nadia had suffered through the worst day of her life, only to be struck with another four hours of hell.
She ran a hand through her hair and exhaled slowly. If she wasn't careful, she would start crying. And she couldn't cry. No one was supposed to know that she cried. She had to be strong – mainly for everyone else, but especially for herself. And so, she tried to not think about the pain, hoping to numb her mind with the busyness of the hospital staff. Nurses in pastel green scrubs darted around, trailing behind the doctors in billowing white lab coats. And as Nadia inhaled and exhaled slowly, she felt a hot tear slip down her cheek. Hastily wiping it away, she blinked and stared ahead of her. So much for numbing myself, she thought bitterly.
Instead, Nadia decided that walking around might do her some good. She stood from her chair and crossed her arms in front of her chest protectively and paced slightly, focusing on the light streaming in from the hospital's windows. And she wondered how she got to where she was. How did she survive? Another tear escaped Nadia's eyes and she stared ahead of her with a fixed cool gaze.
She was guarded.
It was probably because that was her personality. When Nadia was in charge of something, regardless of how trivial it was, she always gave that task her heart – she put forth the effort to make it the best project that it could be…and to have the best outcome. But after Bill was fired from CTU, and she was placed in charge, that all changed.
She realized that being put in a position of authority caused her to become more fragile and vulnerable than she had ever thought was possible. She now made decisions that did not only impact her, but whose consequences would affect hundreds of others.
And she blew it.
Nadia paused in her pacing and abruptly resumed her sitting position in the chair. She buried her head in her hands and let the tears freely flow. In the past twenty-eight hours, she had been through interrogations, nuclear bombs, confessions of love, Milo's death, presidential orders, doubts about her authority, and now Doyle's injury was the icing on the cake. A part of Nadia wanted to believe that she shouldn't feel guilty for the events that had taken place at CTU…but the larger part of her kept replaying Milo's death over and over again. The image of her friend taking a bullet for her haunted her mind, so much so that she shivered as she relived those moments.
And then, there was Doyle. He was the one who attempted to convince her that letting Jack talk to Audrey was the right thing to do. He was the one who reassured her that she stood up to Doctor Bradley when it counted. He was the one who made her smile after he made that remark. He was the one who kept telling her that she was a good leader. He was the one that she worried about when he went into the field. He was the one who was blind now…and all because of her.
Nadia heard footsteps and looked up to see a woman with curly auburn hair approaching her. The woman stared at Nadia momentarily, and stopped in her tracks. It was evident to Amanda that the woman she was staring at had been crying. The young nurse inched her way forward and took the seat next to Nadia.
"I'm Amanda Peterson," the nurse said, extending her hand slowly towards the woman. Amanda studied the other woman's empty eyes for a moment before Nadia placed her hand in Amanda's.
"Nadia Yassir," the woman replied slowly. Amanda nodded and released the woman's hand, heart aching for the poor soul next to her. For a minute, Amanda was at a loss for words. In the awkward silence that followed, however, the nurse managed to think of something to say.
"You…you work at CTU, then, I assume?" Amanda asked slowly. Nadia snapped her head away from where she was staring distractedly at a hospital bed.
"Yes."
Nadia's attention returned to the inanimate object, and Amanda immediately wished that she had decided to stay and tend to Doyle. At least that would have been a more productive use of her time.
"…you know him then? Mr. Doyle, I mean…"
Nadia, this time, did not meet Amanda's gaze and simply nodded her head in affirmation.
Amanda bit her lip and pressed on. "Would you like to see him? The pain medications have worn off slightly, so he won't be as drowsy as he was a few hours ago. But, you're welcome to visit him…if you'd like."
Nadia stared at the floor and then looked at Amanda. "I don't think he'd want that. But thank you."
Amanda knew that Nadia was about to get up from her seat and leave. And she knew that once she left the hospital, there would be no coming back. And that's what Julianne had assigned her to do – to go check on the woman who had been waiting around the hospital since Doyle had arrived. Julianne would have been pleased to know that Nadia had left and that there would be room for other visitors to sit if necessary.
But Amanda knew that Nadia wanted to stay.
"Please stay," Amanda blurted out as Nadia rose to her feet. Nadia faced the nurse with a puzzled expression on her face.
"Excuse me?"
Amanda took a deep breath. "Doyle is impossible. He won't let anyone help him. He's stubborn and prideful and hard to try and tend to." Nadia just continued to stare at Amanda and the nurse pressed on. "But there's something about him that I just can't place, and I realize that he may not be all that terrible and that there is possibly someone who cares about him and I wish that particular person could go in there and just talk to him for a few minutes and my God I'm rambling and I don't know why, and maybe I should just shut up now."
Amanda exhaled and buried her face in her hands dramatically. Nadia, unsure of what to make of the nurse, sat down slowly. The pair sat in silence for a moment, before Nadia spoke up.
"Have you ever had a day from hell?"
Amanda looked up at the woman and saw that her face was serious and determined. "I think that after everything that happened yesterday, we can all say that we have."
Nadia shook her head, and turned her body to face Amanda. "No. I mean, the kind of day where your heart feels like it's shattered into a million pieces and nothing that you can ever do will fix that."
Amanda nodded slowly. "I lost a child once…she was a patient. I was an intern at the time, and I watched this little girl, who was no more than five years old, die. Not because of anything that she did wrong. It was because someone decided to drink and drive. It was the hardest day of my life, to watch them call the time of death for a girl who was just playing in her front yard. The car came up over the curb and hit her as she was playing with her hula hoop. I never think that I will get over that day. I still see that little girl's face sometimes..."
It was Nadia's turn to nod now. "I…I lost a friend today…because I was too scared to stand up for myself. He stood up for me, and…and they killed him for it. I don't think that I can ever look at myself the same way again. It's my fault that he's dead. I hesitated, and…"
Amanda looked sympathetically at Nadia. "What happened…you can't blame yourself for it. I don't know all the details of what you went through, but I've been down that road, trust me, and blaming yourself will do nothing. You can't live in the past. This friend of yours, he or she doesn't blame you for what happened. You need to believe that…"
Nadia wiped her eyes and Amanda continued. "And, if you're running away because you think that you caused Doyle's injury, then you need to realize that everything happens for a reason. You blame yourself for thing that you can't control, because it makes you feel like you have control. Please, don't do this to yourself. We all have days from hell, trust me. And soon, if you keep blaming yourself for events that are outside of your control, you will have weeks and months and years of hell."
Nadia exhaled and ran a shaky hand through her hair. "I…I don't think I can do this."
Amanda put her hand on the woman's shoulder and jerked her head slightly down the hallway. "I'll come with you."
Nadia stared at the woman momentarily, before making the decision to rise. Once on her feet, Nadia took a deep breath and walked down the hallway with Amanda.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Amanda peered into the hospital room and motioned for Nadia to enter with her. Amanda turned around and saw Nadia's somber face peering at the hospital bed. With a reassuring arm on her shoulder, Amanda nudged the CTU employee forward, towards Doyle's bed.
"Who is it?" Mike snapped.
Nadia turned around and looked to Amanda for help, but the nurse merely looked at her companion with a short nod. Nadia took a hesitant step forward and spoke up.
"It's…it's me."
Mike hastily attempted to sit up. "Nadia? Is everything alright?"
Amanda watched as Nadia inched closer to the bed, hesitance evident in every step that she took. For a final time, Nadia turned around to lock eyes with Amanda. And the nurse merely smiled, and for a fraction of a second, Nadia smiled briefly back. The nurse bowed her head and ducked out of the room where she nearly collided with Julianne. The blonde peered into the room for a moment and then fixed her attention back to Amanda, rubbing her temples slowly.
"Amanda…"
Amanda held up her hands and politely interrupted Julianne. "I know that I was out of line before, and I just want to apologize for it. You didn't deserve that. Especially after the day that everyone had yesterday."
Julianne appeared less tense after Amanda finished, and spoke slowly. "I…I lost my best friend yesterday. She lived in Valencia. It was the longest twenty four hours of my life, and now I'm here, trying to deal with sick and dying people, and it's just…a lot to handle."
Amanda put a hand on Julianne's shoulder and drew her into a hug. "I'm so sorry. And I know that this sounds cliché, but it will be alright. Definitely not today, and more than likely not within the next few weeks, but slowly, you'll be able to deal with this. We'll all get through it…together."
Julianne sniffed and a tear escaped her gentle eyes. "You think that's what Agent Doyle needs?"
Amanda pulled back from the hug and cocked her head to the side, smiling genuinely. The two women turned and stared through the glass window. "Yeah, I think that's exactly what he needs. And I think he found it. I just hope he's not dumb enough to let it slip away."
………………………………………………………………………………………………………
"Why are you here?"
Nadia sighed and looked at her hands. "I…I wanted to apologize to…you."
Nadia looked over to the bed and saw Doyle's confusion etched on his face. "Apologize for what?"
"For everything that happened yesterday," Nadia explained.
"Nadia…"
"No," Nadia insisted, rising to her feet. "just let me finish. I have to apologize for not listening to you yesterday…for not listening to Jack…for being too afraid to do anything that might be out of line. Look at where it got you…" Nadia paused and added softly: "Look at where it got Milo."
"Nadia," Mike replied in a stern voice, "what happened yesterday to me was not your fault. What happened to Milo…that was not your fault either. You can't blame yourself for that…"
"Damn it, Doyle, it is my fault!" Nadia burst out, hot tears stinging her eyes. "If I hadn't been so scared to step up like a good leader would, Milo would still be alive!"
"If Milo hadn't stepped up, you wouldn't be alive."
"…I don't know if that would be such a bad thing right now," Nadia muttered under her breath. She turned her back on Mike and began to walk towards the door, tears streaming freely down her face.
Suddenly Nadia felt a hand grab the back of her wrist and pull her around. She gaped and stared as Mike's hand remained firmly on her wrist. She was upset, frustrated, guilty, but…but there was something else at the moment that she was feeling. Her heart began to beat louder as she moved back towards the chair beside Doyle's bed. Nadia did notice, however, that Mike's hand was still around her wrist, the grip less firm than it had been a moment ago.
"Sit, Nadia."
Nadia did as she was told, and watched Mike release her hand, to which she – strangely – felt a bit disheartened about. "Milo," Mike began, "was someone who I think you knew I didn't like. But I know that he meant something to you…and I know that he wouldn't want you to blame yourself like this."
Nadia stared out the window and brushed her tears hastily away, jaw set and determined.
"…I know that you maybe – uh – loved Milo, so I should be the one apologizing for all of those rude remarks I made to you earlier yesterday…"
Nadia craned her neck to look at Doyle. "Milo and I weren't together. I told him that I…that I needed time to sort everything out…" Nadia's thoughts reeled in her head. Of course, she failed to mention that Milo suggested she had feelings for Mike.
"Oh."
Nadia sensed that Mike was somewhat ashamed at his conclusion that Milo and Nadia were together, and so she spoke up hastily. "But I should really apologize for not listening to you and Jack," she said, staring at her hands.
Mike shook his head. "You did what you had to do. That's all. I can't blame you for being a good leader. You didn't waver in your decisions, and I respect you for that."
Nadia felt her cheeks flush. "But that decision…it cost you your eyesight, Mike."
Mike visibly softened at the use of his name. "What happened yesterday was no one's fault, Nadia. Sometimes…things just happen. I don't blame you for my eyesight any more than Milo blames you for what happened to him."
Nadia sighed and rested her hand on the bed. So, Mike didn't blame her after all that had happened? It didn't make sense to her. He should have been cursing her out the door, and yet…he wasn't.
"If anyone should be apologizing, it's me. After everything I said to you yesterday…and what happened in the interrogation room..."
Nadia shook her head, forgetting that Mike couldn't see her. She felt a lump rise in her throat. "No. You were just doing your job, Mike. I don't hold anything against you." Mike's face softened into a small smile. "In fact," Nadia continued after taking a deep breath, "it was your reassurance that helped me get through yesterday."
Mike reached out and placed his hand over Nadia's. Nadia stared solemnly at the bandages over his eyes, knowing that he couldn't see her, and felt the tears begin to fall again. God, how she hated crying…but she attempted to cry softly so that Mike wouldn't hear her. Mike slipped his hand under Nadia's smaller ones and gave her fingers a reassuring squeeze. With her free hand, Nadia wiped away the remaining tears.
"I'll get through this, Nadia. You don't have to worry about me," Mike assured her, laying back slowly into a reclining position on his bed. Nadia nodded and regretfully let go of Mike's hand, helping him get settled in. As she rose to her feet, she leaned over Mike's body and brushed his blond bangs with her fingertips.
"Thank you…for everything, Mike," Nadia replied genuinely, her voice retaining some of her leadership tone. A smile flickered over Doyle's lips momentarily, and Nadia placed her hand over his, stroking his palm with her thumb.
Julianne frowned in confusion and checked her watch.
"It's been ten minutes, and he seems to be so…calm now," the blonde mused. Amanda smirked and pointed a delicate finger at Nadia, standing over Doyle with his hand comfortably beneath hers.
"It's because of her."
Julianne nodded thoughtfully, and a smile danced on her lips. She began to walk down the hallway and paused in her step, spinning around to face Amanda.
"Hey, Amanda," Julianne called. Amanda diverted her attention from Doyle's hospital room so she could look at Julianne. The blonde smirked. "…tell Nadia…that she's welcome to come back any time she wants."
Amanda's face lit up into a smile and she let out a barking laugh as Julianne shook her head and walked down the hallway.
Ta-da! The first D/N fic I have written. So, tell me what you think. Did you like it? Well then, comment away! And if you like my writing style, feel free to check out my other works. :)