A/N: Hey everybody, another chapter. Sorry it took a while, but here it is, finally. My internship in Oslo is officially over now and I'm back home. While I was having mixed up feelings about that until the day I left, I'm fine where I am right now. It's good to be home, to be around my family and my friends. And slowly everything is getting back to normal. Partially, it's almost as if I haven't left, but there are still a lot of pictures on my computer and a lot of memories in my mind. And that will never go away. I got a lot of review on the last 2 chapters, so I assume you liked the drama I put in the story. This chapter is mostly to understand why Luke did what he did and how he's dealing with it…Don't forget to let me know what you think!
Thanks to my wonderful beta for proofreading!

Chapter 12 Understanding his side

Luke drove around for hours, not knowing where to go. He had to think. He was honestly pleased when they found out about the baby, but twins was the last thing he was expecting. He had no idea how he could handle two babies at once. He liked being a father, and he liked Lucan as a baby, but he was so happy he was getting a little bigger now, able to express himself better. He had become better at the whole parenting thing, and he learned that Lorelai was right all along, while he was worried when she was pregnant with their son. But that was just one baby, now he was getting two. Plus the care of a toddler, that thought was just a little two much. In his astonishment he forgot about everything else that happened. All he could think about was raising two kids at the same time. That thought blinded him from everything else around him.

He ended up at the cemetery in Stars Hallow, not knowing how he got there. He stepped out of his truck and walked the path leading him towards the grave of his parents. They were buried next to each other, like his mother always wanted. He wanted to be buried next to Lorelai, when he died some day. Hopefully that day would stay away for a long time though, for the both of them. They had so many good things going on in their lives, and he suddenly felt the need to share that with his parents.
The walk to their grave took him about five minutes. He kneeled down in front his mother's first, placing a kiss on his fingertips, and then laying his fingertips on the tombstone. Even though he was young when his mother died, he still remembered her clearly. She was such a smart and beautiful woman. She taught him so many things. He smiled, remembering them. "Hey mom." He sighed, feeling a little uncomfortable to talk to a stone, knowing his parents wouldn't hear him. He turned to his father's grave instead, clearly remembering the day his father was buried. He could still feel the pain in his chest as he thought back to that time. He shook his head, knowing that both his parents wouldn't want him to be there, while he had somewhere else to be. But he still refused to think of the events earlier that day, as if the shock of the news blew those memories out of his mind.

Knowing it wasn't a good idea to come here, he turned around and walked back to the truck. He drove around for a few more hours and ended up at the diner. He didn't want to go home.

"Hey." Jake looked up when he saw his boss walking in.

"How are things going around here?"

"Just fine. Lorelai called a few hours ago though, she wants you to call her."

"Okay thanks." Luke walked upstairs to his old apartment. He looked around and saw Lucan's crib in the corner, and some of his toys on the floor. His old bed was still there too. He knew he had to call Lorelai. He was sure she was worried. He picked his cell phone out of his pocket and turned it on. Soon he received the message that he had two voicemail messages. He dialed the number and listened to the messages. He sighed when he heard Rory's voice telling him that she brought Lorelai home. Then he heard Lorelai's voice, when the second message started playing. She sounded sad and hurt, and even the 'I love you' at the end of the message didn't sound real somehow.

Suddenly he hated himself. All the previous events of the day came back. How Lorelai fainted, how worried he was while they waited for the ambulance and when they took her to the hospital. How relieved he was when they told him she was going to be okay. He left her at the hospital. Without money, without a phone. He still wasn't sure how he could handle twins, but he knew that he had to make things right with Lorelai. He dialed the number of the house and waited for someone to pick up.

"Hello? This is Rory."

"Rory, it's Luke."

"Hey."

"How's your mom doing?"

"Depends on what you're talking about." Her voice sounded harsher than she intended.

"Both ways I guess."

"She has a headache that's bothering her. She slept for a while. I woke her up after four hours, and I just checked on her after I made her dinner, and she fell asleep again. She's going to be okay. But in the other way she's a mess Luke. She's afraid you're going to leave her; that she has to raise the kids by herself. She's angry at you for leaving her at the hospital, and more than that, she's hurt."

"I'm so sorry. Can I talk to her?"

"I'll see if I can wake her up. Just a sec."

"Thanks."

Rory walked into her room, and saw the broken cell phone lying on the floor. She sat down next to her mother on the bed. "Mom?"

"Rory?" Lorelai opened her eyes. "Is it four hours later already?"

"No, I think you've been asleep for half an hour or so. But Luke's on the phone."

She stared at the phone in Rory's hands. "I'm not sure if I want to talk to him."

"Just listen to what he has to say, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'll leave you alone to talk. I'll see if I can make Lucan some dinner. Does he like macaroni and cheese if I put it in the blender?"

"Sorry I never came out to eat."

"That's okay. I'll see if he likes it, and if not, I'll make him something else."

"There's some food for him in the fridge. All you have to do is heat it up."

"Okay, I'll do that then." She handed Lorelai the phone, then walked out of her room, closing the door behind her.

"Luke?" Lorelai's voice was even, not showing any emotion.

"Lorelai. I'm sorry."

"I bet you are. You left me Luke. You left me in the hospital, with no money, no phone. How did you expect me to go home? Walking?" Even though she promised herself to stay calm when he finally called, she couldn't. Knowing that he was okay, all she felt was anger.

"You called Rory right?"

"Yeah I did. So she had to miss a class because you couldn't leave me some money for a cab? That's the least you could have done if you decided to leave me at the hospital."

"You're angry."

"I'm not sure what hurts more. That you left me, or that you left because we found out we're getting twins. Stupid me for thinking that it's a good thing. To think that our family would definitely be complete when the twins will be born. So it's going to be a little more work? I thought we could handle it, together. I guess I was wrong."

"You're not wrong. I just… I need some time to process all this."

"It will take six to seven months before they get born. I think that's more than enough time to process."

"I know. I know….."

"What? It's not enough? What do you want from me Luke?"

"Nothing. I just need some time to process."

"You already said that. Where have you been all day?"

"Driving around mostly. Nowhere in particular. I ended up at the diner where Jake said you called and asked to call you back, so I did."

"Do you even care about how much you hurt me Luke?"

"Of course I do."

"It doesn't feel like you do. You know what. Don't bother coming home tonight. I don't want you here. Stay there at your clubhouse and process all you want. I don't care."

"Lorelai."

"I'm serious Luke. You better stay there so you can sleep in an actual bed. Don't think you'll be sleeping in a bed when you come here."

He sighed. "Can I call you tomorrow?"

"Call me whenever you have decided what you want. Don't bother calling me before that." And with that she hung up. In her anger she wanted to throw this phone away too, but since she already broke one, she figured she'd better not. She looked at the ceiling and yelled in frustration. "UGHHHH."

Rory came running in the room. "Mom?"

"I hate him, you know that? This is not the man I married."

"What happened?"

"He needs more time to think about it. It will be what, seven months before the babies are born? How much time does he need."

"Oh mom…"

Lorelai closed her eyes. "I can't believe this is happening. How can he do this? I thought I knew him. I don't recognize him anymore. How much can happen in just one day?"

"I don't know. A lot I guess."

"Yeah I guess. Well, do you still have some macaroni and cheese left for me?"

"Yeah I do."

Lorelai got off the bed, picking up her broken cell phone. "I guess I have to buy a new one."

"Looks like it."

-xxxxxx-

Luke hung up the phone in frustration. How did that phone call end up so wrong? He wanted to call Lorelai to apologize. To tell her that he was coming home, and that he knew they'd find a way to handle all this. Instead she told him she didn't want him to come home, and he knew it was his entire fault. He had no idea how he could change things, how he could make them better. He looked around the apartment, and knew he couldn't stay there. The walls were coming at him suddenly. He stood up, grabbing his car keys out of his pocket and walked downstairs.

"Hey boss. You leaving again?"

"Yeah. Can you close the diner for me? And maybe open tomorrow? I'm not sure if I'll be here."

"Sure, no problem. I'll arrange things with Caesar and Lane."

"Thanks." Luke walked outside to his truck and started driving. He ended up in front of Sniffy's. He got out of his truck and walked inside. Maisy greeted him almost immediately.

"Lucas. What brings you here?" She gave him a hug. "Where's Lorelai?"

He closed his eyes. He had no idea how to explain where Lorelai was, and how he messed things up with her.

"Luke, are you okay?"

"No, not really."

"What happened?" Maisy took him by his arm and lead him to the private area. "Sit down and talk."

Luke did as he was told and looked up at Maisy. "You'd be so disappointed in me if I told you."

"Try me."

"Lorelai's pregnant. Sorry I didn't tell you guys sooner, but the last few weeks have been crazy. Anyway, this morning I was at the diner when I got a phone call from one of her employees saying that something was wrong with Lorelai so I went over there. She fainted and hit her head and they brought her to the hospital. It turned out to be a mild concussion, nothing serious, fortunately. Then her OBGYN came to do an ultrasound to see if the baby was okay, and soon she told us there wasn't only one baby, but that we're getting twins."

"Lucas that's great. Congratulations. I…" She stopped when she saw the expression on Luke's face. "What happened next?"

"I freaked out. The thought of taking care of two babies at the same time was just too much. I ended up walking out of there, leaving her behind. I didn't even look back when she called my name. I left her there with nothing. No money, no phone. Nothing. Rory had to pick her up from the hospital, missing a class in the process all because of me. I'm an idiot."

"What did you do after you walked out?"

"I drove around for hours. I ended up at the cemetery and suddenly felt the urge to tell my parents about my life. But I couldn't do it. The thought of talking to some stones made me uncomfortable so I left. Plus, I knew my parents wouldn't want me there in the first place. Especially with everything going on right now. I ended up at the diner. Jake told me Lorelai called, so I called her back. She was so mad and so disappointed. I have no idea how to make things right with her."

"Just talk to her. Tell her what you told me. Lorelai is a very understanding woman."

"I don't think she'll understand this. I really hurt her this time Maisy." He shook his head in despite of himself.

What's done is done Luke. You just have to go home now and make up with her."

"She said she doesn't want me to come home."

"Honestly, I don't think she wants anything more than for you to come home. Just go and see if you can fix things. She's pregnant. Stress isn't good for her right now. You don't want to wait a night so she can cool off. She's only going to worry more, thinking that you're really going to leave her."

"I would never leave her, or the kids."

"Then go and tell her that son."

"But…"

"Let me tell you a story." Maisy smiled, remembering the moment. "What you did today? The same thing happened to your father when your mother was pregnant with Liz. You were the sweetest baby in the world, and your father loved you more than anything else. But the thought of having two kids freaked him out. He came running in here and had a long talk with Buddy before he went home to make up with your mother."

"What happened?" Luke didn't know this story.

"She told him she was pregnant. They were planning on it even, and he liked the thought of having a second child, but when your mother was actually pregnant he started to realize what it meant. How big the responsibility was going to be. And he freaked out. Buddy managed to calm him down in the end of course. Saying that he was blessed enough to get two kids and poor William suddenly felt so guilty, because Buddy and I, well you know. But Buddy told him not to worry, but to go home and make things right with your mother because he wanted this child to be okay. Even then we already loved you as if you were our own children Lucas, and over the years that feeling became even bigger."

"It feels like you are my parents. Both of you did so much for me after my parents passed away. You have no idea what it all means to me."

"I think we have a pretty good idea. But you have to go home and talk to your wife."

"Thank you Maisy."

"That's what I'm here for Lucas. You can come here anytime, day or night. You know that."

"I do. It means a lot to me."

"I know it does. Now go."

"You're kicking me out." He gave her a small smile.

"Yes I am. And you better go soon, before I hurt you."

"I don't want that to happen." He stood up and hugged Maisy. "Thanks again."

"You're welcome Lucas. Come visit soon okay? It's been a while since we've seen that gorgeous son of yours."

"Will do." He started walking and reached the exit when he heard his name. He turned around and stared in the eyes of Maisy.

"Congratulations son."

"Thanks." A big smile appeared on Luke's face as he started walking towards his truck.

-xxxxxx-

When Luke arrived home he ran into Rory and Lucan in the living room. "Hey."

"Dada." Lucan smiled and extended his arms towards his father.

Luke smiled at his son and took him from Rory. "Where's your mom?"

"In my room. She didn't want to be in your bedroom. She told me to take your bed, and if you showed up you could take the couch. But I can take the couch. It's no problem."

"I just want to talk to your mom. Is she still up?"

"Yeah I think so."

"I better go see her then."

"I don't know if it's a good idea Luke. She's really upset." Rory crossed her arms in front of her.

"I know. And I'm the one that caused it, so I'm the one who should make it right. You can go back to school if you want."

"I think I better stay here in case you hurt her again."

"I won't. I'm here to make things right with her."

"That's what I thought you intended to do with that phone call too, but after that she was even more hurt than before."

Luke sat down on the couch, looking defeated. "I know. I called her to apologize, but I don't know what went wrong. I'm so sorry for what happened and I really want to make things right with your mom. It's not good that she's stressed now she's pregnant."

"You're the only reason she's stressed right now. The last time I talked to her before today she was only happy, even with the heavy morning sickness."

"Don't you think I know that?" He wanted to raise his voice out of frustration, but changed his mind when he realized he was holding Lucan. "And that's why I have to make things right with her. I don't want her to be stressed; I want her to be happy."

Rory looked at her stepfather and saw that he meant it. She had been so angry at him for hurting her mother the way he did. Even though she tried to stay positive in front of her mother, from the inside she was filled with anger. But seeing him like that, the look in his eyes, she couldn't stay angry at him anymore. "Why don't you hand me Lucan so you can talk to her?"

"You don't have to take him. We're going to be okay, I promise. I'd be happier if you'd go back to school now. I know that you missed a class for her, and I'm sure you have a lot of homework waiting for you."

"Are you sure? I can stay here."

"You've done so much already. I'm so sorry for everything."

"It's okay. Just go and make things right with her okay?"

"I'll do my best."

Rory gave Luke a hug. "Good luck."

"Thanks. I guess I'll need it."

"Just show her that you're okay with everything, and then she'll come around. She's just scared and is hiding behind her anger."

"I know."

With Lucan still in his arms he walked into Rory's room. Lorelai was asleep on the bed. Dry tearstains were visible on her cheeks. His heart broke, knowing he caused them. He sat down on the edge of the bed, letting his hand slide over Lorelai's cheek. When she didn't wake up he called her name. "Lorelai."

She woke up immediately at the sound of his voice. "Luke?" She pushed herself up in bed quickly, feeling dizzy immediately. She took a minute to regain herself while Luke just stared at her. When she noticed he had Lucan in his arms, she pulled him away from him, into her lap. The boy looked at his mother confused while she pressed him against her.

Luke swallowed. "I'm so sorry Lorelai. I'm so so sorry."

"I told you not to come here. Why don't you just leave me alone? I want to sleep. Rory's here to take care of Lucan and to wake me up when she has to, so I don't need you."

"I told Rory she can go home."

"Then sleep on the couch, or upstairs for that matter, since Rory won't need the bed, but leave me alone. I don't want you here right now. I'm too angry at you."

"Listen, I know I was a jerk today, but I want to make things right. I'm sorry about…."

"A jerk? I think that's a little lightly. You left me Luke. You left me in the hospital with no money and no phone. How was I supposed to go home? Walking?"

"I wasn't thinking. I'm an idiot."

"I can understand that you freaked out by the thought of getting two kids at once. I understand that it will be a lot of work and that the thought is scary. But I hate you for leaving me there." Knowing that he was there now and that things would be alright, she couldn't control her anger. She couldn't just forgive him. He hurt her more than he could possibly imagine.

He looked away when she told him she hated him. He knew that she had every right to say that, he hated himself. "Let me bring Lucan to bed. It's late. Did he eat?"

"Yes he ate. And I'll bring him to bed myself. What if you suddenly realize it's too much work and run away again, leaving him all alone."

"I would never do that, and you know it. He's my son and I love him, I would never leave him."

"So what about these two huh?" She shook her head. "Do whatever you want Luke, but just leave us alone." She stood up and walked out of the room, straight upstairs into Lucan's room. "I'm sorry buddy. I promise your daddy and I will make up, but I'm not ready for that yet. I'm just too angry at him right now. I know you don't understand anything of what's happening here, and I hope you won't remember either." She kissed the boy on his forehead. "Come on. Let's get you out of these clothes and into your pajamas. It's been a long day."

Lucan listened intently to his mother, as she continued talking to him. "When I told your daddy I was pregnant with you, he was so shocked he didn't know what to say. He was just staring at me, and when he finally started talking he kept asking me questions to confirm what I just told him. But by the time I started to freak out, afraid he wasn't going to like having you, he started smiling. He was soo happy." Lorelai smiled, remembering the moment. 'Maybe this was just like that, only it's bigger so he freaked out more than he did then'. She sighed, not wanting to think about it for a while. She knew that when she went back downstairs, Luke would be there and they had to talk. So if she wanted some time to regain herself, it had to be here, with Lucan.

She picked a pair of pajamas out of his closet. "Do you feel like wearing the blue ones with the cars?" She looked at her son, who smiled. "I'll take that as a yes." She took of his clothes, changed his diaper and helped him in his pajama. Then she sat down in the big rocking chair Luke made for her, with Lucan in her lap, and looked around. Every piece of furniture in the room was made by Luke. She remembered the day he showed it to her. She was so amazed by all of it. She knew how much time it must have cost, and the work was so secure and precise. She shook the thoughts out of her mind. She was still angry at him and didn't want to think about all the nice things he did for her. The things that showed his love for her, and for Lucan and Rory. Instead she picked up a book and started reading until Lucan fell asleep in her arms.

-xxxxxx-

Downstairs Luke moved into the kitchen. He didn't want to be the first thing she saw downstairs. He knew she needed space and if he was in the living room, he would be invading that space. Being in the kitchen, he tried to remember the last time he ate. Breakfast, when he made oatmeal for both Lucan and him. He remembered how Lorelai had to run into the bathroom when the scent entered her nose, causing her to throw up once again. He walked to the fridge and opened it. There was a big bowl of macaroni and cheese. He figured that was what Rory cooked for Lorelai. He hated that she didn't have something healthy to eat, but shook the thought out of his mind, knowing that all of this was his fault. Afraid to make anything that would smell and could possible cause Lorelai nausea, he made himself a sandwich instead.

He sat down at the kitchen table and started eating. He kept replaying the events of the day in his mind, hating himself more and more every time he thought of it again. He never thought he could be the guy who left his wife because she got pregnant. Technically that wasn't the case, but it still felt the same. He tried to think of a reason why getting twins would be so bad, and for the first time that day, he couldn't think of any. Even though Lucan kept them awake for hours during the night, he loved everything about that baby stage. Having a kid that depended on him so much, that couldn't be without him. It felt just so great. Ever since they decided to have another kid, he couldn't wait to have that again. And now he would have it not only with one kid, but with two at the time. If it felt great with one, how would it feel with two? He tried to think if there was a word for it. He smiled, knowing that Lorelai would be able to come up with one.

He didn't know how long it was, when Lorelai finally came downstairs. She walked straight into the kitchen. "I thought you left."

"Why?" He looked at her.

"Because you weren't in the living room."

"I told you I'm not going to leave again. I meant that."

"Uhuh." She sat down at the table with him, knowing that they had to talk at some point.

"I made tea, do you want some?"

"Sure."

He stood up and walked to the counter. He took a cup from the cupboard and filled it with steaming tea. "You have every right to hate me. I hate myself right now." He turned around to look at her. "I don't know what happened today. When Doctor Elder said we are getting twins something snapped and I freaked out so much that I forgot everything around me. I forgot about you." He closed his eyes and put his left hand to his temple, applying pressure trying to ease the headache that was forming. "I forgot about you. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for doing that. This morning when Michel called me, my heart stopped. I ran all the way to the Inn, with Lucan in my arms. When I walked in and saw you lying on the floor, my heart stopped again. I was so worried. I don't know what happened that made me forget all of that, but I know I can never forgive myself."

Lorelai stared at her husband. The time she spent with Lucan eased her anger. It was out of her system and all she felt now was sadness. "I called Rory and she took me home. Part of me was hoping you'd be here when we came home, but part of me knew you wouldn't be. I was still disappointed when I got confirmation of that. I was so worried. I thought you left me for good."

His eyes shot open wide and he stared at her in shock. When he recovered he took a few big steps back towards the table. He put her mug in front of her and sat down, pulling his chair close to hers. He took her hands in his. "I would never, ever leave you. You hear me, never."

Lorelai's eyes filled with tears, and they spilled when she tried to blink them away. "I was so scared. I really thought you were going to leave me, Luke. Leave me all alone to raise 3 little kids. I know we're going to be fine if we do it together, but I can not do it by myself. I just can't."

"You don't have to. We're in this together. You were right this morning you know. It will be twice as much work, but we'll get twice as much love too. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I'm sincerely happy about this now. We're getting two kids. If there would have been any doubt that with one baby our family would be complete, I know that with two there won't be."

"Really?"

"Absolutely." He smiled. "I married you because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know there will be good moments and there will be bad. The whole situation today is a bad moment, but what we got out of it, that's definitely a good thing. I love you so much Lorelai."

"I love you too." She leaned forwards and rested her head on his shoulder; his arms went safely around her.

"When I was at my parent's graves, I couldn't help but think that's what I want too."

"What?" Her head shot up. "You want us to die?"

"Dear god no." He realized his mistake. "50 years from now, when we're old and grey and have our great grandchildren walking around, and we pass away, I want us to get buried next to each other. I want to be beside you for the rest of my life, and after that."

"I like that." She smiled at him and placed a soft kiss on his lips. "Just don't tell my parents because they want me to get buried in their family grave. They are even willing to move some weird uncle to get you buried there too. I'm sure."

"What? You can't move people after they've been put to rest."

"I know, and don't worry. I don't want to be buried there. When the time comes I want to be buried here, in Stars Hallow. This is where I belong, next to you."

"Good." He smiled. "You know, I am more like my father than you'd think."

"How so?" She looked at him curiously.

"When my mother found out she was pregnant with Liz, he took off. He totally freaked out at the thought of raising two kids, even though she was planned. He ended up at Buddy and Maisy's just like I did, and he talked to Buddy and he calmed him down. In the end my dad ended up feeling guilty of course, because Buddy and Maisy never had the luck of getting a kid themselves, but they were okay. They loved me and Liz as if we were their kids, and spoiled us as much as possible."

Lorelai smiled. "They are really nice people."

"Yeah they are."

"I wish I could have met your real parents, but it feels like they make up for it."

"They do. There are many things I couldn't have done without them."

Lorelai leaned in and kissed him again. "I couldn't have done many things without you. I know it's not the same, but true anyway."

"You don't need me. I'm lost without you however. I'm so sorry about today Lorelai."

"I know. It's okay. Let's forget about what happened, and focus on the future. Now we're having two kids, the house problem is even bigger."

"No it's not. We can add two rooms, one for each baby. We'll make one of the rooms into an office first so we can work from home and take care of them here when we want, and when they get older and both want a room of their own, we can give one of them the office."

"Sounds like you thought it through."

"At some point I started thinking rational and practical. It took me a while to get there though. I'm sorry."

"If you say it one more time…."

"Sorry, I won't say it anymore."

She hit him.

"What?"

"Nothing. She kissed him. "What time is it?"

He looked at his watch. "A little after nine."

"I can't believe how tired I am."

"Then let's go to bed. It's been a long day, and I still have to wake you up every four hours."

"Good luck with that." She smiled.

"Yeah, yeah." He smiled back.

"Come on." She stood up and took his hand in hers.

"I thought I had to sleep on the couch tonight?"

"So did I, but you just got yourself promoted to the bed."

T.B.C.