Cameron looked over just in time to see House say something to Wilson before Wilson walked out and over to his office. She hadn't even noticed him come in earlier. Looking at the clock, she was amazed to realize that more than an hour had gone by. At least I got through most of his mail, she thought. She took the last letter from the printer and placed it into the folder. Putting her IPod away, she steeled herself for another frosty exchange. "Better get this over with," she said as she walked to his office, folder in hand.
"Better get what over with?" he asked.
"What? Have you got supersonic hearing now? Or can you read minds?" She thought how utterly dangerous the latter would be. "I got through most of your mail. These are the replies to the lecture requests – and yes – I denied them," she answered before he could ask.
"Now who's the mind reader?" He took the folder from her and for just a brief second, their hands touched. Instinctively, they both pulled back. House opened the folder and picked up his pen to start signing.
"I did want to ask you about this one though – it's from the University of Hawaii Medical Center and I thought…"
"I'm sorry" he said quietly, not taking his eyes off of the letters.
Thinking he had not heard her, she repeated herself, "I said I wanted to ask you about this one it's from the…"
"Cameron, I heard you – that's not what I'm sorry about." He stood up, took a deep breath and sighed. She could see something in his eyes that she had not seen before. "I'm sorry I hurt you…..with the cancer thing. It was never my intention."
"House….I….."
"I'm no good at this, so you've just got to let me finish."
She nodded silently and he continued.
"We've been through this before. I'm an idiot, I'm an ass and I say cold and stupid things. But, it's just who I am. Look, you've known all along that I had feelings for you and you were right when you said I didn't know how to deal with those feelings. But I still don't know how to deal with them. If I push you away you're hurt, but if I let you in, I'll end up hurting us both. I feel like I'm caught in a lose-lose situation – and you know how much I hate to lose."
As Cameron stood there taking this all in, she could feel the tears start to come. Oh no, no, no! Don't cry! Don't cry! Don't cry. She repeated this over and over in her head, like a silent mantra to her heart and soul.
He continued. "I'm not going to change. Too much has happened for me to change now."
"House, I don't want you to change."
"Maybe not now, but you will. You'll want the picket fence and the 2.5 kids and I can't promise you any of that. Not now and probably not ever."
Allison stood shaking her head. "No. What I want is the man who is standing in front of me right now, not the promise of what might be down the line. I don't want to fix you, because as you are, right now, you are complete for me and you are what I want."