Three Little Words Chapter 8: Letting Go, a criminal minds fanfic

Author's note: Okay, I sort of made myself cry while writing this chapter, so you might want some Kleenex. Although, I tried to end it on a slightly optimistic note. Don't kill me please!

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Three Little Words

Chapter Eight: Letting Go

By Ann Parker

It was almost 11 pm by the time he got back to her house to check on her. He hoped that had been enough time, he didn't know how much more of this he could take, as selfish as that sounds. It was eating away at him just like it was to her. Gideon was close to getting information out of the terrorists, but they had gotten as far as they could for the night so he had ordered Reid to get some rest. Although Reid had a pretty good idea that Gideon knew he might not; he knew where Reid was going to go. When he pulled up to her house there was another black SUV in her driveway. He noticed faint lighting in the living room as he approached. Once he reached the door he could hear two voices yelling and sighed. David had beaten him here. Good, at least he had come to see her. He quietly cracked the door open with the intentions of serving as a mediator if needed, but ended up just eavesdropping.

"Damn it, Michelle, you think I wanted this assignment?" David asked, he voice probably a little louder than he intended. He was standing in the middle of the room and Michelle was pacing in front of him. Cooter seemed to be on guard, apparently not really caring for the man in his living room. Reid noticed she had changed and more photos were spread out on the floor.

"Did you think I wouldn't understand if you had just told me the truth? I'm a general's daughter for crying out loud! I understand the concept of rogue missions where the end result is uncertain," she argued back.

"I didn't know if I would ever come back or if I'd even be allowed to come back if I survived. I didn't want to you live your life not knowing. I wanted you to be able to move on," he answered, his tone gentler.

"Why choose a drug overdose? Was the addiction completely faked? Why put our marriage through that if you knew you were just going to leave? Why, David, why?" she asked, stopping in front of him and meeting his eyes.

"I did become addicted for awhile, just not as long as you thought. My CO figured it out a few months before you did and ordered me to get help. I was just about to tell you when this assignment landed in my lap. I thought it would be the easiest way." Reid bit his tongue when he heard that. This man clearly didn't understand what that did to her.

"Putting me through agony for months, pushing me away, that was what you thought would be the easiest way?" Her voice was soft, hurt. Reid watched as David put his arms around her. She didn't make any effort to stop him.

"I realize now that was a mistake. I'm so sorry, Michelle," he stated as she looked away. He turned her head to meet his gaze. "I never stopped loving you." He bent down and kissed her, both oblivious to the other person in the room whose heart was breaking. Reid felt like he was going to be sick. He was losing her. Did he ever really have her to begin with? He turned to leave when he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Michelle pushed David away just like she had to him earlier in the day.

"No! You can't just waltz in here and expect me to fall into your arms! I can't do this," she turned away from David and that's when she saw him. "Spencer," she whispered. Reid took a deep breath and stepped forward.

"I, uh, came to see how you were doing," he stated, trying to fight back his emotions. Cooter walked over to him and pawed at him, as if he knew the human next to him was sad. She didn't know what to say and neither did he. They didn't notice David look back and forth between them. Had she actually moved on?

"I better go," David whispered and left them alone. Reid noticed her gaze watch him leave; he saw that she partly wanted to go after him, but didn't.

"Spencer, I…" her voice cracked and she stopped. This was killing her, being so torn between two men she cared deeply for. She had spent the day after he left going over photos, memories, of her and David trying to come to terms with that morning. She hadn't decided whether or not to forgive him yet, there was still the shadow of those feelings remaining. She had also spent it thinking about how she felt when she was with Spencer. She still hadn't figured out what to do and the confliction was written all over her face. As was the pain. Reid saw them both. They were obvious, even without his profiling skills. It was also killing him – seeing her like this.

He knew what he needed to do. He didn't want to, but he felt it was the right thing to do. He took another deep breath. He couldn't believe what this day, this one singular day, had turned into, but there was nothing he could do to change that. All he knew was that he didn't want to be the cause of her agony. He didn't want her to make a decision she'd regret. He didn't want to be what she'd regret. She had given him so much that he couldn't stand the idea of this ending bitterly. He walked over to her and pushed some of her hair out of her face, gently caressing her cheek in the process.

"I think we need some space." She opened her mouth to argue, but he put a finger on her lips. "I know you're conflicted and I don't want to be the reason for your pain. I couldn't live with that, I love you too much." Tears were starting to form in both sets of their eyes. "If you love something, set if free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." He pulled her to him and placed a quick kiss on her forehead before turning away and rushing out the door. He vaguely heard her call his name, but just got into his car and drove away. He didn't hear her sobs. He didn't hear her cry harder than she had when she found out David was dead. Harder than she had that morning when she found out he was alive.

He didn't even know where he was going, just away from the pain. He had a brief urge for the drugs, something to push this pain away and that was when he knew he shouldn't be alone. If one really good thing came out of his therapy, it was that he learned to lean on others when he needed help. Before he knew where he was going to go, he found himself in the parking lot of Morgan's apartment complex. He was so focused on heading to his best friend's door that he didn't notice he had parked next to Ester. He didn't notice the soft music coming from Morgan's apartment when he knocked. It didn't even register when Morgan opened the door with his shirt untucked and half of the buttons undone. It took everything he had just to cross the threshold into the room.

"Reid, what's wrong?" Morgan asked, his voice full of concern. He opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. Morgan steered him over to the couch and sat him down, choosing to sit on the coffee table in front of him. "Spencer, talk to me." By this point, Garcia had emerged from the kitchen and sat down next to Reid.

"I…I let her go," he whispered, the tears beginning to fall. Morgan and Garcia exchanged looks. They should have seen that coming. Garcia pulled him to her, hugging him tightly.

"Oh, Spencer," she whispered, letting him cry on her shoulder. "It'll be okay."

Reid pulled back, angry at that comment. "How can you say that? I just let the woman I love slip through my fingers. Why, why, why did I do that? Some genius I am." He held his head in his hands and they could see his back shake from the sobs. Morgan moved to the other side of him, rubbing his back.

"You did what you did because you're a good man, Spencer," Morgan stated. "You're letting her work through this and make her own decision."

"For what it's worth, I think she'll come back you," offered Garcia after a few minutes. Reid lifted his head and looked at her, bewildered.

"How can you possibly know that? I saw them kiss. There is so much history between them," he stated, his voice low and raspy from the salty tears.

"Exactly, history. What you two have is in the present and in the future," she replied, her voice tender. He simply looked at her like she had grown a second head. "Call it woman's intuition, Spencer." She smiled at him and he let out a strained chuckle, leaning back on the couch.

"If only there were any scientific evidence that that actually existed," he whispered, closing his eyes. He suddenly realized how exhausted he was and yawned slightly. He had cried himself out. He didn't see his two friends exchange looks. They were still trying to process what had happened. Not what had happened between Michelle and Reid tonight, but what had happened here. In light of that morning, what happened with Michelle, although depressing, wasn't exactly a shock. But the fact that Reid came to them, well Morgan anyway, wasn't something the young man would have done a year ago. Then again, it had been one hell of a year. He was finally letting them in and not keeping everything stored in that big head of his.

"Reid, why don't you get some sleep? Things will be clearer in the morning," offered Morgan.

Reid opened his eyes and looked at, for all intensive purposes, his big brother. "Is it okay if I stay here?"

Morgan smiled, "I insist." Garcia and he both got off the couch. She set a pillow down and gently pushed Reid so he was lying down when Morgan covered him with a blanket. They began to walk away when Reid spoke again.

"Guys," he started, making sure they were looking at him. "Thank you."

Garcia walked over to him and kissed his forehead, "anytime, sunshine. Now get some sleep." Reid smiled faintly, closing his eyes and slowly everything went black.