Miniature Bacon Strips
a Fullmetal Alchemist style parody of William Shakespeare's Hamlet
by BridgitKiido
Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist was (and is still being) written by Hiromu Arakawa. Hamlet is a play written by William Shakespeare. I am neither of those people.
Act 1 Scene 2New characters featured in this scene (Role: FMA character + description):
King Claudius: Envy, a homunculus with the ability to transform. Also known as the annoying palm tree, because his favored form has a hair style that looks very similar to palm fronds. The reason why this character is so well liked escapes the Authoress' sense of logic.
Queen Gertrude: Gracia Hughes, a calm and caring housewife. Well, calm whenever Envy isn't pretending to be her husband.
Cornelius: Scar, an Ishvallan man who is wanted for the deaths of several State Alchemists. He holds a grudge against them for massacring much of his homeland.
Voltemand: Scar's unnamed brother, a peaceful Ishvallan man.
Laertes: Alphonse Elric, a boy turned armor turned boy again. He probably would have some objections to this whole thing, but the Authoress is giving him a free kitten for participating, and he loves kittens.
Polonius: Van Hohenheim, Alphonse's father and an accomplished alchemist himself. He isn't a very good father though, as he has been away for around ten years or so.
Hamlet: Elysia Hughes, Maes and Gracia's daughter. She is a very sweet girl, though a little bit overprotected by her father, and would never ever angst at all. Ironic, as she has been casted as the most depressed and insane character.
"So, you're saying that Fuhrer Roy Mustang is planning an attack on this land?" Envy asked impatiently, tapping his foot as he sat in the throne that had been hastily put up. After receiving annoyed nods from both Scar and his brother, he continued, "In that case, go somehow make sure that it doesn't happen." After Scar and his brother nodded and left the room, the former making several curses, Envy turned to Alphonse. "And now, what wouldst thou have, Alphonse Elric?"
Alphonse, however, did not respond, as he was too busy petting the two kittens that he held in his arms: one grey one named Timmy, and one significantly younger, orange one. He was muttering to the latter, "So, what should I call you? It has to be something that goes well with Timmy…"
"Ahem," Envy cleared his throat, which got Alphonse's attention.
"Your leave and favor to return to France," the boy replied. "I want to go see Noa, after all. I haven't talked to her in a while, and I want to know what's been happening with her."
Envy thought this over for a minute before replying, "As long as Hohenheim says it's fine, I will let you do that."
"I'm fine with it," Hohenheim replied quietly, standing off to the side.
Envy stretched out in his chair. "It's good to be king." It took him a minute, however, to notice that Elysia and Gracia were also standing close by; the former was dressed in all black, and the latter was holding a random bag of flour. "Ah, it's you guys. What's wrong, Elysia? Why are you dressed in black?"
Elysia replied, "You can't have forgotten him already, could you? Just because those really mean people buried Daddy doesn't mean he's not coming back! And yet here you all go forgetting that he ever existed…"
Envy waved it off. "Come on, Elysia. It's been a month already. Yeah, he died, it was sad. That's over now."
Gracia took a stern tone. "Now Envy, leave Elysia alone. It's been hard, losing her father like this." She sighed. "It's been hard on me too."
Envy continued to wave it off. "Whatever. Mourn if you want; I really don't care. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a feast in my honor. Finally, I'm getting the recognition I rightfully deserve." He left the room with a smirk, and the Elrics and Gracia were obliged to follow, leaving only Elysia left in the room.
Elysia, now alone, pulled out a packet of paper. "Let's see… Soliloquy number 1. O, that this too, sullied flesh would… melt? I don't get it." She read a little bit farther before bursting slightly into tears and running over to the side of the room and pulling Gracia back in. "Mommy, Mommy, I don't get it. Why is this Hamlet guy so intent on killing himself? Why would someone do that?"
Gracia looked over the paper quickly before forlornly smiling and, kneeling before her daughter, replying, "Elysia, honey, here Hamlet isn't talking about planning to kill himself. He's reminding himself that he isn't allowed to do that. There's a big difference."
"Really?"
Gracia nodded.
"Okay, Mommy," Elysia replied, and Gracia, with her work done, left the room once again. Then, of course, who should enter but Sheska and Nina, who was now riding on Alexander.
"Hey Elysia, guess what?" Nina called out before dismounting from atop her canine friend.
"What is it, Nina?" Elysia asked.
"I saw your Dad."
"Really? When?"
"Just this last night. He's been haunting the hallway where the Briggs militia is currently being stationed. Do you want to come tonight and see him?"
"Sure thing!"
"Okay, see you tonight then?"
"Yep, see you then!"
Sheska watched the exchange and could only say, "Um… wasn't I supposed to have a line or two in there?"
Author's Note: The bag of flour thing? That was from a role-play I once participated in called Lifestyles of the Full and Metal. Somehow, the bag of flour that Gracia purchased during that role-play managed to become the mascot. She also wound up going extremely mentally unstable…