Chapter 34

Anakin found himself walking through the village, trying to sort out his thoughts. The pouring rain did not deter him- he barely noticed it, his mind was in such turmoil. If this is how she reacts to learn about what happened on Polis Massa, what will happen when she learns about Mustafar? Am I only fooling myself thinking that she will ever be able to forgive me for what I did to her on that day? Should I just walk away now and spare her the trouble of pushing me away? He knew that in time the memories would return. They already were returning; it was only a matter of time before Mustafar came back to her as well. Am I foolish to think that those memories will do anything but make her resent and reject me?

Night was falling by the time Anakin found his way back to the Naberrie home. Although he had worn his hooded cloak, if had afforded him little protection against the rain, and he was soaked to the skin.

The house was dark when he returned, and he reasoned that the ladies of the household had gone to bed. He entered the house as quietly as he could, and took off his cloak, hanging it on one of the hooks near the door. He pulled off his boots, not wanting to track water through the house, and made his way through the dark house towards his bedroom.

Pulling his drenched clothing off, he found himself shivering. He proceeded to the fresher and turned on the hot water for a shower. Standing under the cascade of warm water, he ran his hands through his hair, the anxiety filling him. If only I knew what to do, he thought uneasily. If only there was an easy solution…

Padmé had been unable to fall asleep, and when she heard the sound of water running, realized that Anakin had returned. She had been disappointed to find him gone earlier, for she wanted very much to speak to him, to apologize for her shortness earlier.

She got out of her bed and walked to the door, hesitating for a moment. Maybe he won't want to talk to me, maybe he's angry with me for the way I reacted earlier…She reasoned that even if he were, she could not ignore him; he at least deserved an apology. Opening her door, she stepped out into the dark corridor. Tentatively she knocked on the door to Anakin's room. There was no answer. He doesn't want to see me…she thought. He is angry…

She turned to return to her room, when she heard his door open.

"Padmé?"

She turned back to see Anakin standing in the doorway. His hair was wet, he was shirtless, and a towel was draped around his shoulders. It was obvious that he had just stepped out of the shower.

"I…I hope I'm not disturbing you," she said.

Anakin shook his head, trying to determine what was on her mind. "You're not," he said. "Come in."

Padmé hesitated for a moment, and then stepped into the room. Anakin watched her as he rubbed his wet hair with the towel. "Something on your mind?" he asked.

Padmé turned back to him. "Yes," she said. "I wanted to apologize."

Anakin frowned. "What for?"

"I was rather abrupt with you earlier," she replied. "And I had no right to be, and I'm sorry."

Anakin was surprised by her apology. "You don't need to apologize, Padmé," he told her as he draped the towel over the back of the chair. "You had every right to be upset."

"But not with you," she replied. "I had no right to be."

"Padmé, please.." he began, the irony of her apology too much for him.

"Please let me finish," she said. "I was feeling angry because you weren't there when the twins were born," she explained. "And I was feeling resentful. But I know now that there was no way you could have been there, no way you could have prevented what had happened."

"And how do you know that?" he asked.

"My mother told me," she explained. "She told me how you'd been away at war when Luke and Leia were born, and how you'd been seriously wounded in battle. I had no idea, Anakin…and I'm sorry for thinking the worst of you."

Wounded in battle…he reflected. That isn't so far from the truth, is it?

"You needn't apologize," he told her again, taking her gently by the shoulders. "My place should have been with you, Padmé, no matter what. If I could go back and change what happened, I would. I…"

"Anakin, nothing can change the past," she interjected. "No matter how much we want to change what happened, there is no way to do so. And as much as I need to remember the past, I don't think we ought to live in it. Life is too short to have so many regrets."

Anakin nodded. "Yes, it is," he agreed. "So where do we go from here?"

"The lake retreat," she replied. "Unless you've changed your mind."

"No, I haven't changed my mind," he said. "Although I wondered if perhaps you had."

She shook her head. "No, I haven't. It seems to me that we had something rather special, you and I. I'd like to try and remember it."

"Remember it?" he asked. "Or recapture it?"

Padmé was taken aback by his candor, and felt her face grow warm under his discerning eyes. The fact that he looked and smelled wonderful didn't make her any more comfortable.

"Is that what you want?" she asked softly.

"Do you even need to ask me that?" he asked with a smile. "You are a part of me, Padmé, you always have been. I want nothing more that to have my soul mate back, for that is what you are to me, Padmé, my soul mate."

Padmé smiled, the depth of the love he felt for her astonishing and even frightening her a little.

"The question is, Padmé," he said, taking her face in his hands. "Is that what you want?"

Padmé wasn't sure how to respond. Her mind was telling her to be rational, to be logical; was it wise to jump into something blindly? Yet she could not ignore the way she felt when she was with him, the attraction that she had been unable to deny from the moment he had first appeared in her life. But it was not just physical attraction that she felt; there was a connection between them that went beyond the physical chemistry between a man and a woman. It was as though they were destined to be together, as though they were …soul mates.

Anakin looked into her dark eyes, trying to read what was in her heart. He knew that she was confused, despite the attraction he knew she felt towards him. As difficult as it was for him, he knew that he needed to be patient with her, that to push her at this point would be a mistake. She knew how he felt; now it was up to her to decide how she felt.

"I don't know what I want," she finally admitted. "I don't know what to think; I am still so confused, so lost."

"I know," he said. "But perhaps you ought to rely on your heart, Padmé. What does your heart tell you?"

Padmé responded by taking his face in her hands and pulling him down to her. Anakin was surprised by her move, even more so when he felt her mouth upon his.

A myriad of emotions, a flood of fleeting images bombarded Padmé as she kissed her husband for the first time in twenty years. But one thing, one feeling predominated: it felt right.

As for Anakin, he felt as though he would awaken and find that he had been having a wonderful dream. To be able to hold his wife in his arms again, to kiss her again seemed impossible; and yet, here she was. Even more remarkable still was the fact that she had been the one to initiate their first physical contact in two decades. But despite this fact, Anakin knew that he could not give full vent to the feelings her kiss was evoking within him. The longing he felt her had not subsided in the twenty years that he was without her, and now that she was back in his life, back in his arms, it was only augmented a thousand fold. Yet, as difficult as it would be, he was determined not to push her. She was still so fragile, despite the enormous gains she had made.

"That was beautiful," Anakin said as he held her face in his hands. It had been he who had ended the kiss, something he could honestly not ever remember doing before.

Padmé nodded. "It was," she said. For a moment they merely stood in silence, looking at one another, the tension between them almost palpable. "Perhaps I should let you get to sleep," she said at last.

"Yes, we need to get an early start," he said, releasing her at once. She took a step back to put some distance between them. "Well, goodnight," she said.

"Goodnight," he replied. He stood and watched her leave. When the door had closed behind her, he sat down on the edge of the bed. He ran his hands through his still damp hair, knowing that it would a long time indeed before he was able to sleep that night.

Sixth planet of the Hoth System

"That's right, Leia; let go, use the Force."

Leia nodded and gripped the lightsaber tighter. She had been using Obi-Wan's weapon, since they had no materials to make her own. Obi-Wan was very impressed with Leia's skills; she had caught up to Luke in very short order. When the two of them sparred, it was difficult to decide who the victor was. Anakin will be very pleased with their progress, he reflected as he watched Luke and Leia. They are strong...very strong. Palpatine must never find them.

The Skywalker twins circled one another, using the Force to anticipate the move of the other. Although Leia had the disadvantage of being much smaller than her twin, she made up for it with passion. Her brow was furrowed with concentration as she worked to parry her brother's attacks. She is so much like her father, Obi-Wan reflected. The same passion, the same stubbornness. He worried that these same personality traits might make her more prone to the temptations of the Dark Side. With all the adversity that she was dealing with in her life right now, Obi-Wan needed to make sure that Leia's progress was monitored closely, and that as she learned to use the Force, she was not tempted to succumb to the same temptations that had destroyed her father. It concerned Obi-Wan that Leia had refused to talk to her adoptive father, her anger towards him was tremendous, and it had Obi-Wan worried.

"I think that's enough for today," Obi-Wan said at last. "Tomorrow we'll go over that new stance again."

Luke and Leia were not disappointed that their master had ended the session. It was grueling work, particularly when their training sessions were tacked onto the end of an already exhausting day. Still, both considered it the best part of the day, and looked forward to it avidly.

"May I have a word with you, Leia?" Obi-Wan asked as she and Luke prepared to leave the small makeshift gymnasium.

"Of course," Leia replied. "What is on your mind, Obi-Wan?"

"You are," Obi-Wan responded. "I'm concerned about you, Leia."

Leia frowned. "Why?" she asked simply. "I thought you said my training was progressing very well."

"And it is," Obi-Wan assured her. "I am very pleased, very impressed with your dedication and your abilities, Leia. Your father will be very proud."

Leia smiled at this. "I miss him," she said. "I hope we can meet our mother soon."

"Yes, I'm sure she wishes the same thing," Obi-Wan replied. "Tell me, Leia, do you also miss your other father? Your adoptive father?"

Leia frowned. "No," she replied flatly. "I don't."

Obi-Wan did not need to be Force sensitive to know that she was lying. "Are you being completely honest with yourself, Leia?" he asked gently. "For I sense that you seem rather uncertain."

Leia looked at him. "He lied to me, Obi-Wan," she told him, her dark eyes full of anger. "He deprived me of the chance to know my real mother, and left her to rot in that medical center for twenty years! I will never forgive him for that."

Obi-Wan nodded. "It is understandable that you would feel angry about being deprived of seeing your mother," he conceded. "But be certain that you are not misplacing the blame for that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that if you were to give Bail Organa the chance, I'm sure he would explain his motivation. He loves you Leia, as much as if you were his flesh and blood. Have you given him a chance to tell you his side of the story?" Obi-Wan asked.

Leia turned away. She did not want to hear his side- it may deprive her of her self-righteous anger. She needed that anger; it made the pain of spending a lifetime away from her true parents and her twin brother a little easier to bear. Anger meant protection, it shielded her from heartache.

"No," she said at last. "I haven't. I don't want to hear anything he has to say."

Obi-Wan frowned, shaking his head. "I sense great anger in you, Leia," he told her. "Anger leads to the Dark Side. You are so much like your father; you cannot dare risk allowing that anger to fester within you. You must let go of it, you must speak to Organa."

Leia frowned but did not respond. "I don't need him," she said. "I have a father, my real father. I have no place in my life for a second one."

"Leia, surely you can see what an illogical point of view that is," he told her. "Bail Organa raised you; he nurtured you and protected you like his very own child. Surely you don't mean to say that means nothing to you."

Leia was beginning to waver, and Obi-Wan could sense it. "Surely you have enough love in your heart for both of your fathers."

The constriction that had begun to form in Leia's throat prevented her from speaking. Under Obi-Wan's unwavering discernment, she could feel her anger giving way to grief, to shame, and to regret.

Obi-Wan sensed what she was feeling, and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Why don't you try to reach your father on Alderaan?" he suggested gently. "I'm sure he would be most pleased to hear from you."

Leia nodded, brushing an errant tear away. "I know he would," she said quietly. She looked up at Obi-Wan. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you for helping me see my way through my anger."

"You are my padawan, Leia," Obi-Wan reminded her with a smile. "It is my job to do so."

Leia smiled, and then gave Obi-Wan a hug. "I know, but thank you all the same."

Obi-Wan watched with a smile as she ran out of the gymnasium, pleased that, in some respects, Leia Skywalker was more like her mother than her father.

Naboo-Naberrie home

Padmé found herself walking in a field of long grass and wildflowers. High above her, the summer sun shone brightly in the cloudless sky. From where she stood she could see a magnificent waterfall, its rushing waters casting up spray for several meters into the air.

She turned to her companion who walked along side her, a tall, tremendously handsome man with eyes that rivaled the summer sky in their intense shade of blue. He smiled at her, and took her hand in his as they walked through the tall grass. She felt her heart skip a beat when he smiled at her. He was her world, her soul mate, her lover and her best friend; her Ani. Their time together was always so short, but they always made the most of it, the passion between them unquenchable.

As they walked along, the grass gradually gave way to a marsh, as the waters from the nearby river encroached upon the land. It began to get difficult to walk, each step she took increasing in difficulty.

"Ani, let's get away from here," Padmé said, starting to grow fearful that they would be trapped. "We can't go any further."

"Sure we can," he said. "This way," he said, venturing off in a different direction. "Are you coming?"

Padmé shook her head. "No, Ani, I don't want to go that way – there's no way out."

But Anakin would not listen, and continued into the quagmire, not heeding his wife's warnings. Soon he was almost out of her sight, and she began to panic. "Anakin, where are you?" she called. He did not answer, and so she called louder. "Anakin!"

She ventured forward, swallowing her fear. Anakin needed her, she felt certain of it. She continued to call him, scanning the horizon for him. And then she saw him. "Anakin!" she cried. He was trapped in the quagmire up to his waist.

"Ani!" she cried. "Hold on!" She tried to get to him, but she could not get to him in time. He was disappearing before her very eyes. She was too late; she was not fast enough to help him. "Anakin!!" she screamed, "Anakin!"

Anakin awoke to the sound of his wife calling his name. He sat up immediately, his heart pounding in his chest. Did I dream that? he wondered as he listened intently for the sound of her voice. When he heard it again, he jumped out of bed and ran out of the room.

Padmé was tossing and turning in her sleep when he burst into her room. She was still crying his name when he reached her bedside and took her by the shoulders.

"Padmé, wake up!" he implored, shaking her gently. "Wake up!"

Padmé opened her eyes, and looked around the room, which was still dark save for the light that came in through the open door. She looked up at Anakin, and seeing his face, made the connection to the dream she'd just had, the dream that she'd had more times over the past twenty years than she could recall. "Ani," she said softly. "You're alright!"

"Yes, I'm…" he stopped as she threw her arms around his neck and held him tightly. He was surprised, but returned her embrace, holding her gently, stroking her long hair against her back. "I'm okay, Padmé, I'm fine."

She did not reply, but merely held him tightly, as though afraid to let him go. Anakin could feel her trembling in his arms. Was this the dream that had haunted her all these years? The one that Palo had tried hard to repress? She was dreaming of me…Anakin told himself. She was dreaming of me, that's why that bastard wanted it to stop, that's why he wanted her dreams repressed.

"It's okay, Angel," he said soothingly. "It was just a dream."

Padmé finally pulled back and looked at his face. She ran her hands over it, as though convincing herself that he was real. "You're okay," she said at last as she started to calm down. "You're safe!"

Anakin nodded. "Of course," he told her.

"I thought I'd lost you," she told him. "In my dream ...I lost you. I tried to help you but I was too late…you were gone…" she stopped as the memories of the dream filled her mind once again.

"You haven't lost me," he assured her. "I'm right here, I am not going anywhere. I promise you, Angel; I swear to you."

Padmé nodded, believing him and yet still shaken by the dream.

"Just hold me, Anakin," she said softly, her eyes filling with tears again. "Please."

Anakin pulled her to him, holding her tightly as she buried her face against his neck. I will never leave again, Padmé, he vowed silently. Never. I am yours and you are mine, now and forever.