Chapter 37

Anakin was up early the next morning. He made his way out onto the terrace and stood in meditation, his hands behind his back. Being around Padmé had always been so soothing to him; being with her in this beautiful place that held so much significance for him was like a balm to his soul. He savored the feeling of the gentle morning breeze upon his face. The most commonplace things, like feeling the wind in his hair, like having hair, were still so incredible to him. He knew that after twenty years of living in that hellish nightmare, he would never take any of those simple things for granted again.

Padmé found Anakin standing on the terrace, facing the lake, his hands clasped behind his back. Looking at him, she suddenly had a flash of him standing there years earlier; his hair was about the same length, though he was broader now. She remembered that he had been very worried about something…what was it?

"Good morning," he said, turning to her as he sensed her presence. "Did you sleep well?"

Padmé nodded, still trying to grab a hold of the memory that was dancing around within her mind.

"What is it?" he asked, seeing the pensive look on her face.

"I'm just remembering something," she told him. "When I saw you standing there just now, it brought to mind an image of you standing in that same place years ago….you were upset, worried about someone…"

"My mother," he told her. "I remember what you are describing. I'd had a nightmare about my mother the previous night. We left for Tatooine later on that day, but I was too late to save her."

Padmé nodded. "I know," she said softly. She walked over to him. "I'm sorry," she said, putting her hand on his arm.

"Your memories are coming back more frequently," he observed, pushing the thought of his mother's death from his mind, forcing himself to smile. "That's great."

"I had a dream last night that I am quite certain is a memory of being here with you," she told him.

"Did you?" he replied. "Tell me about it."

Padmé walked over to the railing and looked out at the lake as she gathered her thoughts. "You were riding on the back of some sort of woolly beast," she said. "I don't remember its name."

"A shaak," he told her as he joined her. "You remembered that?" he asked with a smile.

"You mean that really happened?" she asked.

He nodded.

Padmé smiled. "You fell, and I thought you were hurt, and when I reached you, you were laughing. I started hitting you," she said with a laugh.

Anakin laughed too. "I remember that day very well. Did you remember what happened after that?"

"Yes," she told him. "I remember how we kissed," she said. "I remember trying not to give in to the way I was feeling about you, but being unable to resist you. That feeling was very apparent in this dream, very real. I think I must have been in love with you as long as you were with me, only I didn't want to admit it. How foolish of me."

Anakin smiled. "No, not foolish; just sensible. You knew how hard it would be for us to be together and you thought you were doing the right thing."

"Perhaps," she said. "But obviously in the end my efforts were in vain. You managed to sweep me off my feet."

"It wasn't easy, believe me," he told her with a smile. "You can be very single minded, Padmé."

"I get the impression that you are very much the same way," she countered.

Anakin laughed. "You are starting to remember, aren't you?"

She smiled. "So it seems. Are you hungry? I think breakfast is ready."

"I am," he said. "Perhaps we could go out to that meadow after breakfast. It might trigger more memories."

"I'd like that," she said. "Good idea."

A gentle breeze greeted Anakin and Padmé as they reached the meadow later on that morning. The tall grass brushed against their legs as they walked, the vista before them as spectacular as Anakin had remembered.

Anakin turned to look at his wife as she stopped to survey their surroundings. Something was coming back to her, he could tell by the expression on her face. "You remember this place, don't you?" he asked.

Padmé nodded. "Yes," she said, a smile forming on her face. "I do. This is exactly how it looked in my dream last night," she told him. And then it struck her; it looked exactly like the place in her nightmare as well. Now that she realized that this place was indeed real, it made her wonder how much of the rest of the dream was real. No, it can't be real, she reasoned. Anakin is here, he's alive…he's safe.

She walked over to look at the water fall, her back to him. "It's so beautiful," she said.

Anakin walked over to her and stood behind her. "We used to have picnics here," he told her. "Remember?"

"I think so," she replied, her mind trying to work through the details of the recurring dream despite her efforts to dismiss it. "Tell me, is there a marsh nearby?"

Anakin shook his head. "No, the land is too high. Why do you ask?"

"I've had a dream about this meadow, but there is always a marsh nearby," she explained. "It is the nightmare that I've had so many times. It's a relief to know that it was not an actual memory too."

Anakin nodded. "Was the marsh significant?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, frowning as she remembered. "Very much so."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked, putting his hands on her shoulders.

Padmé frowned, trying to decide if she wanted to spoil the peaceful, happy moment she was having with him by discussing her disturbing dream.

"No," she decided at last. "I don't," she said. "Not because I don't want you to know, I just don't want to spoil the lovely time we're having."

Anakin smiled, and, tentatively, put his arms around her waist. "We've had many wonderful times here," he told her. "I don't think I've ever been as happy in my life as I was when I was with you, here. This was one of the only places where we didn't need to hide how we felt about one another, where we could simply be a married couple, and not have to worry about anyone discovering our secret."

Padmé nodded as she relaxed against him, her eyes on the rushing waters in the distance. "That was difficult, keeping that secret, wasn't it?" she asked.

"Yes, it was," he told her. "It was very frustrating sometimes, not being able to show you how I feel if we happened to be together in public, or not being able to live with you openly. But for the times we were together, it was all worth it."

"I'm sure it was," she replied with a smile. "I'm starting to see why you were able to break down my reticence, Anakin."

Anakin raised his eyebrows and looked down at her. "Oh really?" he asked.

She nodded, as she turned to face him. "Yes," she said, reaching up and stroking his face. "I'm falling in love with you all over again," she told him.

Her words were so unexpected, and quite beyond his wildest hopes. Will she still feel this way when she remembers everything? He thought, will she still love me when she learns about the monster that I've been for the past twenty years?

Pushing those thoughts far from his mind, Anakin pulled his wife closer to him, bending to kiss her. Padmé wrapped her arms around his neck, welcoming his kiss and returning it equally. There was no hesitation this time, no awkwardness as there had been mere days earlier. This time, their kiss was one of lovers, one of passion and longing.

Flashes of memory bombarded Padmé as she felt Anakin's strong hands run through her hair as he kissed her, filling her with a familiar and undeniable feeling of longing.

Anakin knew that if he did not put an end to their embrace, he would not be able to prevent it from spiraling out of control. And as much as he wanted it to continue, he knew that until she knew the entire truth of what had happened, it would be wrong for him to do so.

His seeming reticence confused Padmé, and she looked up at him as he pulled back. "Ani?" she said. "Is something wrong?"

Anakin looked at his wife, the regrets and guilt filling him. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "So sorry for everything."

Padmé frowned. "What are you talking about?" she asked. "What are you sorry for?"

Anakin sighed. "There's so much that you don't know, Padmé," he said. "So much about the past that…"

Padmé put a finger over his lips. "Stop," she said. "We're not going to dwell on the past, remember?" she reminded him. "We're going to rebuild our lives, together."

He nodded, feeling utterly torn. She wanted him as much as he wanted her, she wanted their life together again; but how could their lives be simply resumed after all that had happened? Surely the memories of Mustafar would return, it was only a matter of time. How would she be able to dismiss the past once they did?

"I want that more than anything," Anakin told her, holding her face in his hands. "I want you more than anything. I …I just don't want…"

"Anakin, listen to me," she said. "Whatever has happened in the past, the fact that you searched for me, and are wiling to face that past with me is tremendously significant; it shows me the depth of your love and commitment to me, it shows me how right I am to trust you and believe in you and what we had together. I want that again, Anakin; more than anything."

Her words were too much for him, and he could not prevent the tears from filling his eyes. He pulled her to him again, holding her tightly as the tears ran down his face. "How did I live without you?" he asked her, as the twenty years of agonizing loneliness and pain pouring forth. And how will I live if you push me away now?

Star Destroyer Executor

Darth Ferreus had spent the month since his promotion living life to the fullest, and taking complete advantage of his position as commander of the Imperial fleet. He had delegated the job of finding the Rebel base to his first officer, a somewhat pompous man by the name of Kendal Ozzel. Ozzel hated Ferreus; the dark lord would have to be a fool not to know it. But it didn't bother him; he was used to others hating and envying him. Ferreus relished the fact that he was Ozzel's superior officer, a man nearly twice his age with at least ten times his military experience. But he isn't a Sith, Ferreus realized, though he himself was still trying to come to grips with the mysterious aspects of his new apprenticeship. He was adept at using the Force, but he was a lazy man, who would rather have others do his work for him.

Were it not for his unusual skills, Palpatine would have killed him long ago. As it was though, he had no choice but to stomach the young man's insufferable arrogance. But that did not preclude the possibility of striking fear into the black heart of his new apprentice.

Having been informed, rather smugly, he couldn't help but notice, that the emperor demanded he make contact, Ferreus made his way to the audience chamber that had been created just for the express purpose of communicating with his dark master. He could feel the fear slowly spreading within him, cold and sickening. The Executor was no closer to finding the Rebel base now then they had been a month earlier, and Ferreus was certain that he was about to be blamed for that.

Bracing himself for his master's ire, Ferreus knelt before the giant holographic image of the emperor as it came into focus before him.

"You wanted to speak to me, Master?" Ferreus asked.

"Why yes, I did," Palpatine replied, his voice laced with sarcasm. "I understand you have been enjoying yourself lately, Lord Ferreus," he continued, his yellow eyes narrowing with anger. "And that you have used the Executor as your own personal brothel."

"That isn't true," Ferreus tried to protest, but was interrupted by the iron grip of his master's invisible fist around his throat.

"Do not lie to me," Palpatine hissed. "I have heard all about your licentious behavior, all about your debauchery," he continued. "I don't give a damn about your personal needs, Lord Ferreus. You are my servant, and I gave you an order. You have not found the rebels yet, and I demand to know why."

Ferreus fell forward onto his hands as Palpatine released him. He rubbed gingerly at his throat. "It…it's a very big galaxy, my master," he replied at last.

"Is that your excuse?" Palpatine barked. "That the galaxy is big??"

"Well, it is…"

"SILENCE!" Palpatine shrieked, blasting Ferreus with a bolt of energy. "You have unlimited resources at your disposal! Do not tell me that you cannot find the Rebels whose technology is a fraction of the Empire's!! Surely there are radio transmissions that are unaccounted for somewhere in the galaxy. Trace them!"

"My lord, there are literally millions, billions of transmissions sent each day," gasped Ferreus, beginning to think that his master was indeed quite mad. "How are we to know which ones are from or to the Rebel base?"

Palpatine stared at the pathetic excuse for an apprentice before him. If he did not need Ferreus so much he would take great pleasure in killing him right here, right now. Vader would not dare question me this way, he reflected. He had honor, and he was intelligent…perhaps too intelligent he decided, remembering Vader's treachery. "Find a way," he said at last. "I will not brook any more excuses, Lord Ferreus. Find a way to trace them, or I will find a new apprentice."

Ferreus did not reply, but merely bowed in response as the image of the emperor faded from view. He rose unsteadily to his feet. Damn you, Palpatine, he thought angrily, adjusting his sable cloak. I will not let you treat me this way and get away with it. One day you'll pay for this humiliation.

With that, Ferreus left the audience chamber, and made his way to the bridge, determined to make his officers pay for the foulness of his mood.