Chapter 44

Padmé arrived in Theed later that afternoon. She had been considering her options throughout the long trip, and had made a decision.

Jobal was shocked to see her younger daughter walk through the door, particularly since she was alone.

"Padmé! What are you doing here?" Jobal asked, walking over to meet her. "Where is Anakin?"

"He's still up at the lake retreat," Padmé replied. "I've left him, Mum," she told her. "I remember everything now, and I don't want anything to do with him."

Jobal frowned "What?" she cried. "I don't understand! What happened? What did you remember that was so terrible that you'd leave the man you so obviously adore?"

Padmé did not reply at first, but Jobal could see in her eyes how devastated she was.

"Padmé, what is it?" Jobal asked gently, taking her daughter's hand. "Tell me what happened."

"Oh Mum," Padmé said as the tears filled her eyes. "He…I…" she put her face in her hands and broke down, the grief finally getting the better of her.

Jobal wrapped her arms around her daughter and held her close as she wept; knowing that right now that was all she needed. In time Padmé would calm down enough to tell her what happened, but for now, she just needed her mother, and a shoulder to cry on.

"Here now," Jobal said a little while later, handing Padmé a cup of tea. "A good cup of tea is always good for what ails you," she said with a smile. She sat down with her daughter. "Do you feel like talking now?"

Padmé sipped at the hot tea. "I think so," she said finally. She sighed, and then looked up at her mother. "I know now why I had amnesia," she said. "I know what happened to me on the day the twins were born."

Jobal nodded. "I see," she replied. "Does it have something to do with Anakin?"

"Yes," Padmé said quietly, staring back down into her cup. "It has everything to do with him. He…he tried to kill me, Mum. On the day the twins were born, Anakin choked me."

Jobal could not respond for a moment, her daughter's words had shocked her so. "What?" she cried. "He choked you?? Padmé, you can't be remembering correctly! Anakin loves you! He would never do such a thing!"

"I thought that too," Padmé replied. "But it's true, Mum. He turned on me, he thought I'd betrayed him, and he tried to kill me for it." She looked back up at her mother. "There's so much about him you don't know, Mum," she said. "So much I didn't remember until just today. He turned to the Dark Side, and for the past twenty years he has been Darth Vader. He was instrumental in the slaughter of the Jedi, he has committed such acts of cruelty and barbarism…" she stood up, becoming agitated again. "And he tried to kill me…while I was carrying his children."

Jobal sat in stunned, horrified silence. "Oh, Padmé," she said at last, feeling a chill go down her spine. "I…I don't understand any of this! How can that good, decent man who was here just days ago be Darth Vader? Why would he go to all the trouble to take you out of that place and help you remember your past if he had done all those things? Surely he knew you would remember them too."

Padmé had thought of that, and she was at a loss to understand why he had wanted her to regain her memory if that memory entailed Mustafar. "I don't know," she said at last. "I don't begin to understand. All I know is he stole twenty years of my life from me," she said bitterly. "And robbed me of my children. My children, who I have not seen since they were seconds old."

"I'm so sorry," Jobal said, looking up at her with tears in her eyes. "I can only imagine how you must feel. What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to find my children," Padmé said turning to her mother. "I need them, Mum, now more than ever."

Jobal nodded. "Yes, of course you do, just as they need you. Where will you go to find them?"

"They are not together right now, unfortunately," Padmé replied. "Luke is on Dagobah, which is closer. I will go there first. I will not let any more time slip away from me, Mum. Too much time has been lost, time that I could have spent with my babies. It is time to be a mother to them."

Jobal smiled. "Now that sounds like the Padmé I know and love."

Padmé spent a restless night in her old bedroom. The images from that horrible day on Mustafar bombarded her relentlessly. No wonder I blocked out what happened on that day…she reflected as she tossed and turned in her bed. I wish I could do so now...

Finally sleep came, but it was a restive sleep, rife with images of her husband's face. She didn't realize it but in her sleep she called his name several times, just as she had in the days following the birth of their twins. Their one night together had unlocked the memories of so many nights just like that one, and they were like torture to her now. Her mind could not reconcile the man she remembered from those tender moments with the monster who had turned to her with murder in his eyes and in his heart. Who are you, Skywalker or Vader? Jedi or Sith? Lover or monster?

Padmé was not the only one who spent a restless night. Anakin had wandered aimlessly around the lake retreat for the rest of the day, feeling lost and alone. Where do I go now? He wondered. What is the purpose of my life now that my angel has rejected me? The thought of joining the Rebel Alliance had crossed his mind; it would be perfect revenge against the Empire and its loathsome emperor to add his enormous strength to theirs. Yet, given the way he was treated the last time he was in their midst, it wasn't too likely that they would welcome his assistance. So where then? Where?

Sleep was hard to come by that night; the memories of his wife were too fresh in his mind to allow it. The memories of the previous night were like torture to him now, and he cursed himself for his weakness. Perhaps if things had not escalated to that point her anger would not have been so great. But how was I to resist her? After twenty years without her, how could I possibly stop what happened? He hadn't wanted to stop it, if he was to be totally truthful. He had wanted her from the moment he first saw her wandering in the gardens of the institution she was in. It had been exceedingly difficult to resist her all this time. But he had, because deep down he knew that this would happen, that she would be furious and push him away. And that is exactly what had happened.

At least I have my children, Anakin thought as he tossed and turned in the large, lonely bed. Leia…my sweet Leia, what would I do without you? He realized that were it not for his daughter, he may have spent the rest of his life in darkness. Her acceptance of him, her faith in his humanity had been key to his redemption. She loved him, warts and all, and it was that love that kept him from slipping. Can Padmé find that sort of acceptance in her heart? Can she learn to love me again after everything I did to her?

Anakin reached over to the second pillow in his bed, and pulled something out from under it. It was the negligee that Padmé had worn the previous night. He brought it to his face, trying to capture the scent of her on its silken fabric. Closing his eyes, he kept the garment close to his face as he drifted into a restless sleep.

Star Destroyer Executor

Firmus Piett had always been a man who valued his honor above all else. For him, a man without honor was a man who could not be trusted. Darth Ferreus was such a man. And now Piett found himself in the unenviable position of having to answer directly to him, to do his best to appear to respect a man whom he secretly despised.

Ozzel had despised Ferreus; but he had been open about it, and it had cost him his life. Piett was not about to make that same mistake. If he had learned anything in his years as an Imperial officer, it was how to hide his true feelings. This skill would serve him well now, of that he was certain.

Another message had been detected originating in the Hoth System. Piett was by now certain that the probe droid they had sent out days earlier would give them the proof he needed, proof of the existence of a Rebel base in that system. He had not yet informed Ferreus of his suspicions; the last thing he needed was to be proven wrong and have Ferreus decide to 'punish' him for his error. No, he had decided to wait and see. Should he prove to be correct, then he would inform the Dark Lord.

After all, it did not seem like Ferreus was particularly interested anyway, he spent such little time on the bridge. Perhaps he felt now that Ozzel was dead, and had been made an example to the rest of the crew, he could continue his life of ill repute without fear of anyone spying on him.

"Admiral, I think we've got something sir," Captain Reyal informed Piett as the admiral arrived at the bridge. "The report is only a fragment, but it's the best lead we've had."

"From the Hoth System?" Piett asked.

"Yes sir," Reyal replied. "I think we've got them, sir."

Piett nodded, and then followed Reyal to a monitor where the faint yet recognizable image of a power generator was seen amidst the blowing snows of the sixth planet of the system. A power generator could only mean one thing: humans.

"I think you're right," Piett said. "Set your course for the Hoth System at once, Reyal, and have General Veers ready his troops."

"Right away sir!"

Naboo-Naberrie Home

Padmé woke up early the next morning. It had been a rough night for her; what little sleep she had managed to get was full of Anakin, which made putting him out of her mind next to impossible.

Ryoo was already up and eating breakfast when Padmé entered the kitchen.

"Good morning," Ryoo said. "How are you this morning?"

"I'm alright," Padmé said, kissing her niece on the cheek. "Didn't sleep much, though."

"I'm not surprised," Ryoo replied. "Grandmum told me what happened. I'm so sorry, Auntie Padmé."

Padmé merely nodded as she poured herself a cup of tea.

"What are you going to do?" Ryoo asked as Padmé joined her at the table.

"I'm going to see my children," Padmé told her. "I'm leaving this morning for Dagobah."

"Dagobah?" Ryoo asked. "That's nothing but back water, a big swamp."

Padmé nodded as she sipped her tea. "Yes, but it is also where my son is training to be a Jedi," she replied. "And I have been apart from my children too long, Ryoo. I won't let another day pass without being with at least one of them."

"Where is Leia?" Ryoo asked.

"She is with the Rebel Alliance," Padmé explained. "In the Hoth System. I'm not sure going there would be wise; I would hate to be the reason they are discovered by the Empire."

"Perhaps you can arrange to meet her elsewhere," suggested Ryoo. "I'm sure she is as anxious to meet you as you are to meet her."

"Yes, I know she is," Padmé replied.

Ryoo studied her aunt, wanting to ask her something, but not wishing to upset her.

"Can I ask you something?" Ryoo said at last.

"Of course," Padmé replied. "What is it?"

"How do you know when you're in love?" she asked. "I think I may love Jarred, but I'm not sure."

Padmé smiled. "There's no mistaking that feeling, Ryoo," she replied. "How do you feel when you're around him?"

Ryoo thought for a moment, a dreamy expression in her eyes. "Well, I feel sort of tingly inside, almost like butterflies. Sometimes I can't stop thinking about him, sometimes just the sight of him makes me giggle like an idiot…when I'm not with him, I feel like…like…"

"Like a part of you is missing?" Padmé offered.

Ryoo nodded. "Yes, that's it exactly!" she replied. She sighed. "Does that sound like love to you?"

Padmé nodded. "Yes," she replied softly. "It does."

Ryoo could tell that Padmé was thinking of her husband, and regretted bringing the whole subject up. "I'm sorry," she said. "It was thoughtless of me to ask you such a thing right now."

"Don't apologize," Padmé replied, standing up to refresh her cup. "I know exactly what you're feeling, Ryoo. It's a beautiful thing to be falling in love."

"You still love him, don't you?" Ryoo asked.

Padmé looked at her niece as she sat down, startled by her question. Did she love him still? Would his betrayal hurt so much if she didn't?

"Yes," Padmé replied at last. "I love him. I think I always will, Ryoo. But that isn't enough, not after what I learned yesterday."

Ryoo thought about that for a moment. "Are you sure it isn't?" she asked as she stood up. "Seems to me that the kind of love that exists between the two of you ought to be able to conquer anything." She glanced at her wrist chrono. "Time for me to get going," she said. She bent and kissed her aunt. "Have a safe trip," she said. "And come home soon."

"I will," Padmé said as she watched her niece leave. Love isn't enough to save you, Padmé, only my new powers can do that…Anakin's words jumped to mind in light of the conversation she'd just had with Ryoo. Perhaps love might have saved us then, Anakin, but it can't save us now. Perhaps nothing can.

Placing her empty cup in the dishwasher, Padmé returned to her room to start packing, pushing the thought of her husband out of her mind again.