Chapter 8

"Congratulations, guys! That is Rivens' blood," Abby reported the next morning. The poster was conspicuously absent. Tim looked exhausted and was quiet. Tony kept stealing glances at him. He was concerned. "Too bad there weren't any prints."

"Yeah, too bad," Tim echoed. "Thanks, Abby."

"Tim?" Abby asked, uncertainly.

"I'm okay, thanks." Tim left, and Tony followed.

Again, there was an uncomfortable silence. Tim felt himself weakening. Last night, Sarah had been really frightened. She hadn't been able to wake him up, and when he finally did, he again had to flee to the bathroom. He hadn't slept the rest of the night, and he was tired.

"McGee? Did you hear me?"

"What?"

"I said that I'm not going to hold the elevator forever."

Tim blinked and realized that he was still standing in the hallway. "Oh, sorry."

"What's going on with you?"

"Nothing. We have to find who killed Lt. Rivens, but I don't know where to go next."

"Why is this so important to you? It's just another case."

Tim shook his head fiercely. "It's not just a case. It's real people, Tony." Tim's voice starting rising. "His wife is sitting at home, blaming herself because she didn't do something sooner. She's not going to feel better until we know, until she knows why it happened. She has to know that it's not her fault."

"Whoa, McGee. Chill out."

Tim was breathing heavily, and he felt his control slipping away. "Tony, stop the elevator."

"What?"

Tim started gasping. He didn't want to do this in front of Tony, but he couldn't stop it. At least, he didn't have to do it in front of the whole office. "Please, stop the elevator." He sank to his knees.

Tony stopped the elevator. "What's wrong?"

"Just–" Tim had to stop talking as he gagged. "Just give me second." He hadn't had time to eat again this morning, and he hadn't felt like it anyway, so he didn't actually throw up, but his stomach heaved and tried to turn itself inside out. Tony stood uncertainly. He didn't know what to do, and he didn't want to be in this situation at all. He couldn't see Tim's face, but he heard his voice whispering, "Breathe, breathe."

Finally, Tony knelt down beside Tim and said, "It's okay, McGee. Just calm down."

Again, that weak voice whispered, "I'm okay."

Tony laughed. "Yeah. Right. Take a seat." He sat down beside Tim and leaned against the wall of the elevator. After a moment, Tim followed suit although it was more of a collapse than a controlled motion. When he judged that Tim had calmed down enough to think, he continued, "McGee, if this case is affecting you so much, you should pull yourself off. If you don't Gibbs will."

Tim was resting his head on his knees. He shook his head. "I have to see this through."

"What if we don't find the guy?"

"We have to. She deserves to know."

"Who? Liz Rivens? Why does she need to know more than the other families?"

"Because she blames herself." Finally, Tim looked up. He looked terrible, but he was earnest. "Couldn't you see it, Tony? If Lt. Rivens hadn't been killed, they may have had a divorce or they might have worked it out. That doesn't matter to her right now. The thing is that she doesn't know what happened, and she feels responsible for not telling the police sooner. All she remembers now is that her last words to her husband were hateful and that her anger kept her from worrying."

Tony saw something in Tim's eyes. He could see that this was personal to him in a way, but that it wasn't the hangings that had done it. It was this widow. He nodded. "Okay, McGee. I'll go with you on this, but you have to acknowledge that we may not find the answers you want."

"I know." Tim stood up and started the elevator again. "Please, don't tell Gibbs about this."

"He'll probably figure it out."

"But he won't know for sure unless you tell him."

Tony hesitated. Something about the case was tearing Tim apart, but he needed to see it through. "Okay." Then, he smiled. "At least we don't have to clean up anything in here."

Tim managed a weak grin as the doors opened on the office.

"What took you two so long?" Gibbs demanded.

Tony shot a quick look at Tim. "Elevator breakdown, boss."

Gibbs didn't miss the look, but he didn't comment. They spent the rest of the day tracking down leads and hitting dead ends. Ducky couldn't confirm any intentional exsanguination on the older corpses, but he allowed for the possibility. Ziva and Tony went back out to the trail to look further along. They didn't make much progress beyond finding Rivens' car. It had been towed from the head of the trail after two days. No one had claimed it. Finally, Gibbs let everyone go home. Tim nearly collapsed as he walked into his apartment. He was shocked to find that it was clean. He heard Sarah's voice.

"Yeah, I think he just walked in." She walked out of the bedroom. "Tim, you look so tired. Mom's on the phone. She wants to talk to you."

"Okay." Tim sat down on the bed. "Hey Mom."

"Oh, Tim, you even sound tired. How's it been?"

Tim screwed his eyes shut to keep the tears from falling. "It's okay, Mom."

"No, it's not. It's been bad, hasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"I wish I could stop the nightmares, Tim. I just don't know how."

"I don't know how either, Mom. It's just a bad year. I'll survive."

"I'll call again tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you, sweetie."

"Love you too, Mom."

"Let me talk to Sarah again."

Tim handed the phone to her. He'd already told her not to tell Mom about how it had been, but this time he couldn't muster the energy to warn her again. He felt back on the bed and was asleep in seconds.

"He's asleep, Mom."

"How bad is it?"

"I've never seen it this bad. He really scared me last night, and he's so pale."

"I wish he'd talk to someone about it again. Does he talk to you?"

"No more than he has to. He didn't want me telling you anything."

"He's so... responsible."

Sarah laughed even though she didn't find it funny. "You make it sound like a bad thing."

"I know. I wonder if Tim even knows why he's reacting this way."

"I don't think he does, but what do I know? I'm just his younger sister."

"I'm glad you're there for him this year."

"Me too. Tell Andrew hello for me."

"I will. He sends his love."

"Good night, Mom."

"Good night, dear. Good luck."

"Thanks." Sarah hung up the phone and looked down at her brother. He almost seemed like the younger sibling when she saw him asleep. All the sternness he put on his face when he was awake slipped away. He'd always looked younger than he was and had to fight against his appearance. "Tim, wake up. You have to eat something for dinner."

"Hmmm?" Tim's eyes fluttered as he tried to drag himself back to consciousness. "What?"

"Dinnertime, Tim. You have to eat something even if you throw it up later."

"Well, that's comforting." He could always sound like himself even if he didn't look it. He sat up and together they made dinner. He only ate a little.

Sarah watched him. "Tomorrow's the day."

"I know."

"You should just stay home."

Tim shook his head. "I can't."

"Why not? You need the rest, Tim, and you know it."

"I have to finish this case. I can't leave it undone."

"It can wait a day."

"No, Sarah! It can't! I have to finish it." Tim stood and carried his plate to the sink. He stumbled into the bedroom and fell into bed. Sarah sat at the computer for a little while longer and then followed him. She was starting to fear that her brother was killing himself just like their dad had, only more slowly.