A/N: Thanks for all of you who reviewed. I was in a bit in a rut but I think I worked through it last night/this morning. Hopefully the next few chapters will come quicker than the last. Questions, Comments, Anything I need to clear up, let me know!

Lorelai, Age 21

Lorelai picked up her tan coat and slipped her arms through it, buttoning it up. She put on her mittens and her scarf and walked outside, taking a deep breath. She loved the cold more than anything in the world, and any day there was snow was always the best day of the year. She could walk for hours and hours just breathing in that cool, crisp air and walking through the pure white snow. She loved when the snowflakes landed on her tongue and she loved when she came back and her cheeks were red. She loved curling up in a chair near her fireplace with hot chocolate and the remote after she'd nearly frozen herself to death.

As she walked down the streets of New Haven, she thought over her future. Her first semester as a senior was nearly ending. It was already December, and exams were approaching. Pretty soon, Lorelai would be graduating from Yale with a degree in Business. She'd already gotten a call from a woman in a town right outside of Hartford, asking her to help run a small inn called the Independence Inn. She'd accepted it, of course, even though it was a bit below the income she was expecting. She knew she'd be happy there, and that was all that really mattered.

"Lorelai, wait up!" she turned at the sound of a man's voice. She smiled when she saw him. Alex Parsons had been her friend since her first day at Yale when he'd accidentally insulted her by talking about how overrated the Bangles were. She'd managed to convince him otherwise, and ever since they'd been nearly inseparable. Lorelai had never thought of him in a romantic way until this year. Laura had developed a slight crush on him over the summer when she went home to Hartford and he came to visit, and ever since then she'd started giving him a second look. She wasn't competing with Laura, it was just that when someone starts talking about how amazing another is all the time, you tend to take notice. And boy, had she taken notice.

She slowed down and smiled at him. "Hi" she greeted him, and smiled big when he handed her some coffee. "My savior." She grinned and sipped the coffee, letting it roll over her tongue smoothly. Drinking coffee was almost an orgasmic experience for Lorelai, except in Lorelai's opinion, drinking coffee was even better.

He smiled at her. "Hi." She couldn't help but take in how cute he looked when he smiled because his dimples showed up. She bit her lip ever so slightly and looked down at her feet. "I love the snow." He said, making conversation. "I know you do too."

She smiled back. "It's so beautiful. Snow reminds me of how perfect the world should be." He looked at her, nodding her to continue without saying anything. She turned around. "Footprints remind me how much we ruined it." She smiled softly at him and knew he understood. She'd told Alex about her secret this past summer when he'd come to visit Laura and Lydia. She, Laura, and Lydia each had one secret that they had promised not to tell anyone else unless the other two said it was okay. It was their way of assuring their friendship and the importance they held in each other's lives. Besides, if Laura and Lydia didn't sign off on Alex, she couldn't either. Although, it didn't really seem to matter since nothing had happened yet.

Lorelai turned around and kept walking, imprinting the snow with the patterns on her boots. She thought about how much her life had changed since she was in high school. Lydia and Laura were at Princeton and Harvard and Lorelai was at Yale. God had played them a funny hand because while they'd all applied to the same three schools, God had each of them accepted to a different one, forcing them to separate. But, nothing could separate the power of sisterhood.

Lorelai was excited about graduating because it meant that she'd see Lydia again soon. Lydia was offered a job to teach English at one of the finest prep schools in Connecticut, which happened to be located in Hartford. Laura was going to graduate school to become a psychiatrist, but she'd assured Lorelai and Lydia she'd be moving back to Hartford as soon as she got her degree. Both Lydia and Laura had men in their lives that were about to propose. Sometimes Lorelai felt left out; she desperately wanted a boyfriend, yet she could never seem to find one that she was willing to risk herself for. Well, until Alex.

Lorelai sighed and looked up at the dark sky. "Do you ever try and count the stars?"

"No."

Lorelai looked at him. "Okay. Good. Because you might count wrong and then you'd…. count wrong." She kicked herself inside. Pull yourself together, Lorelai.

Alex chuckled next to her and kept walking. As they neared the street where his apartment was, she took slower steps. He slowed down with her and when they'd reached his street, he simply turned and kept walking next to her. She smiled at herself. Of course he'd keep walking. He's Alex. He's going to walk me home and then say he'll see me tomorrow in class. He's a gentleman. That's why you like him, Lorelai.

She looked down at the ground. As she was walking, she felt something tug at her hand. She looked down and saw Alex's hand wrapped across hers, waiting for her to return the gesture. She stared at it for a moment, and then smiled and closed her hand around his, unsure of what it all meant.

"I lied," Alex said. Lorelai looked at him, confused. "I counted some stars." She laughed.

"Oh really? How many are there? I hope you didn't miscount."

"Three."

She looked up at the stars and started to count. "Alex, there are definitely more than three."

He looked at her. "You're counting in the wrong place."

She looked at him, puzzled. "Try counting in your eyes," he said, smiling at her. She smiled back. She looked around her and noticed they'd reached the front of her dorm building. "Goodnight, Lorelai."

"Goodnight Alex," she said softly. She turned and walked up the steps to the door, smiling the whole way.

"Lorelai?" he called out.

"Hmm?"

"Let's count the stars together tomorrow, too." She smiled. "It might take a while, so I'll pick you up around six. Bring you home around ten or eleven?"

She smiled, nodded, and slipped inside.

Lorelai shut the door to her bedroom and leaned back against it, hands over her heart. Her heart was racing; her palms were sweaty; the corners of her lips were begging to turn upward. She could barely contain it. She let out a squeal and jumped on her bed. Happiness had taken over every bit of her being and as she lay on her bed, her feet propped up and the smile on her face exploding, she thought only of her two best friends at home and the pact they'd made so many years ago.

"I'm going to miss you so much," Laura had said, pulling Lorelai tight into her arms. "You better call every morning and write every afternoon."

Lorelai smiled, "You know I don't know how to write." Laura laughed.

"You're silly." She smiled and kissed Lorelai's cheek and moved out of the way so Lydia could hug Lorelai tight.

"Guys, you know there's a possibility we won't be as close…" Lydia said, ever the pessimist.

"We have to be." Lorelai stated. Lydia looked at her for a moment before Lorelai continued. "You know all of my secrets…You can't let a friend like that go."

Laura smiled, "Yeah, but I'm not so sure I want you calling me at 7 A.M. every time you have your period and when you spill chocolate pudding on your sweatshirt."

Lorelai and Lydia laughed. "Well, then let's make a deal," Lydia said.

Lorelai and Laura looked at her. "A deal?" they asked.

"A deal," Lydia said. "We let each other know about every job, every boy, every broken heart, every big thing that happens to us in college. But especially the boys."

Lorelai frowned. "No boys for me." She stated. The others didn't have to ask why, they already knew. They'd seen how Lorelai's broken heart hadn't mended, or even begun to mend. They knew it was because she wouldn't let it, but yet, they didn't dare say anything.

"Lorelai…" Laura started. "C'mon, deal or no deal?"

The girls embraced in a three-way hug and simultaneously whispered, "deal."

Lorelai opened her laptop and signed into her email. She groaned when she could hardly stay awake and walked into the kitchen, pouring herself some coffee. She came back into her room and sat down on her bed, her laptop sprawled across her lap.

Ls,

I might be starting to regret this whole deal we made back when we were eighteen: young and stupid. I'm just kidding. You girls know I'd tell you anything. Well, here goes. The day you never thought possible: Lorelai Victoria Gilmore has a date for tomorrow night. I know, I know. I need to clear all relationships by you two so that nothing "happens" again. Well, I already did. Yep, you guessed it. Alex. He asked me out tonight and it was so cute and he used the puppy dog eyes and treated me like a princess. I really like him, Ls. He's just… adorable.

I'm scared though. You know what happened last time I was in a relationship. I got my heart broken and I broke someone else. Completely broke her. I know, I need to forgive myself for it. But how do you forgive yourself for killing your own baby. I know, it wasn't my fault. Well, I think I know that. I just don't understand this whole forgiveness thing.

Wow, that was a tangent. Okay, so I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll get hurt again. I'm scared I'll get pregnant. I'm scared I'll be lonely. I'm scared all of the memories will come back to me in the middle of the night, and I'll be the little girl crying in her mother's arms or watching Sixteen Candles and eating Ben and Jerry's with her best friends. Except I'm not sixteen anymore, and I'm not a little girl anymore. I am completely grown up, and none of that is acceptable.

And there I go, Lorelai Gilmore, ruining another potential relationship before it even starts.

And so ends my email to the two girls with whom I haven't ruined my relationships with. My Ls.

Love you,

The missing L.

Lorelai closed her laptop and fell into bed with her clothes still on. Half of her was crying inside, and the other half was rejoicing.

When Lorelai rolled out of bed the next day, it was closer to the afternoon than it was to the morning. She sighed and looked up at the syllabus hanging on her wall. She'd missed her first two classes and was dangerously close to not having her research paper in on time. She groaned and got out of bed, tripping over her slippers and her purse on the way out. She wandered into the kitchen and grabbed the hot cup of coffee some saint or angel had left for us and went back into her room.

Lorelai yawned and opened her laptop, ready to email her research paper out. She'd been a good girl and written the majority of it already, leaving only the conclusion to virtually write itself this afternoon. The problem was she only had forty-five minutes, so if she was going to have a good conclusion she needed to get cracking.

Of course, Lorelai procrastinated a little and opened up to the internet, searching around. She googled terms like Brad Pitt and The Muppets, before snapping out of it. She had just started writing a sentence before she remembered she hadn't checked her email. She opened it up and grinned when she saw an email from Lydia, and one from Laura. Always something to say, those two. She opened them and read them slowly.

Lor! It was so great to hear from you. It's been forever since you've had something exciting to share. I hope you have fun with Alex tonight, and stop overthinking so much. It's just one date, Lorelai. You went on plenty of other first dates with plenty of guys before Mr. Unmentionable and nothing happened with them. Please, just relax and know that we love you, and he'll treat you right. He's a good guy. Call me when it's over. Love you. –Lyd.

Lorelai… I seem to remember you distinctly telling me when we were 17 that the next time you dated a boy you would swear off coffee. Well, congratulations, my friend, because coffee stunts your growth anyway! Or at least it's supposed to. It doesn't seem like it helped with you in all of your five-nine beauty. Anyway, please, please, please have fun with Alexy boy tonight. And I don't want to hear another peep out of you about what happened five years ago. Lor, it's the past. The only way it comes up again is if you let it bite you in the ass. Please don't let it. It was painful enough then, no need to relive it. You deserve someone who can make you happy, Lor. You don't have to pay your entire life for one sin when you were sixteen. I love you. Call me when it's over. –L2.

Lorelai smiled, she really did have the best friends. The little emails from Laura and Lydia were enough to push her into writing the rest of her research paper. She took a sip of her coffee and stared at the blank screen, needing more inspiration. She grabbed one of her journals off the wall and started reading it, half procrastinating, half looking for some quote about applying yourself. She stared at the page for a moment before turning back to her computer. She sat and typed slowly and surely.

In conclusion, miscarriages affect mothers long after their child has left their womb. A child's memory is preserved throughout the course of its' mother's life, making it a living testimony of hope, pain, and ultimately, grief. As one miscarriage victim wrote in her journal, "My heart was shattered into a million pieces. Even now, years after the fact, I still can't look at a child without seeing the face of my unborn daughter. Even now, I can't bear to look at another man without seeing my child's father's face. Even now, the pain cuts deep as every day I am reminded of the child I was given and the child that was taken away."