Kathleen is one of my best friends, and we talk about everything. Except my dad and Olivia. That's one area where we will never, ever agree, and it's best to not even mention it. We'd just fight about it, and I know nothing she'd say could change my opinion. I won't hate the two of them for falling in love, and she won't forgive them for it.
I wasn't surprised when my mom left my dad. I wasn't even that upset about it. The hardest part was knowing that we wouldn't see him. He wasn't home much anyway, but 'not much' is still a lot more than 'never'.
My dad and I sort of had this thing ever since I was old enough to be out as late as I wanted. We always seemed to get home at the same time, me from a friend's house or whatever and him from work. It was always really late, so everyone else was in bed, but the two of us would have ice cream and just hang out for about an hour. No one else, not even my mom, knew about it. It was just something for my dad and me. It was hard knowing that we would never do that again.
Kathleen blames Olivia for breaking apart my parents' marriage, and for "forcing Dad to care about her." When she said that to me, I couldn't do a thing but stare at her. I tried to explain to her that you can't make anyone care about anyone else, but she wouldn't hear it. The divorce was hardest on her, and she is so completely on my mom's side that she won't hear a word against her.
I'm not saying that kids should pick sides in a divorce, even though sometimes I feel like I'm on my dad's 'side'. In fact, I'd say the parents should do everything they can to make sure the kids don't pick sides. I'm not sure my mom has done that. I think the whole situation hurts her so much that she is dying to legitimize the fact that she left by turning my dad into the bad guy, and Kathleen is buying it.
Kathleen has adopted my mom's attitude toward Olivia. My mom thinks Olivia replaced her…and she did. But I know for a fact that it wasn't her intention. The last thing Olivia wanted was to break up a marriage. You can't help who you love, but you can help what you do about it. She did.
I knew Olivia was in love with my dad for a long time before my parents got divorced. Kathleen and I suspected it for years, but one day I actually got a straight answer from Olivia.
I must have been just recently sixteen, because I remember being so excited that I could just drive to the precinct to visit my dad. He had been saying that it was a pretty slow week, so I swung by to say hi.
He wasn't there when I walked in, but Olivia was sitting at her desk and she waved at me. I went over and sat in my dad's chair, feeling important as I always did when I saw his name on the desk and looked around the room in which my dad was considered to be a hero.
Anyway, Olivia said he had gone out to get some food, and she called him to tell him to pick me up something too. Then we started talking while we waited.
It started out with just normal questions…how school was going, if I had a boyfriend, all that kind of stuff. I mentioned something about my dad, I don't even remember what, and something in Olivia's eyes changed. It was usually impossible for anyone to see any change in Olivia's demeanor, but even I noticed that time.
I have no idea where I got the guts to ask what I did, but the next thing I knew, I was asking Olivia if she was in love with my dad.
She stared at me for so long that I was terrified I had made her mad, and I was in the process of stuttering out an apology when she said, "Maureen."
I just looked at her, my heart pounding as I inwardly cursed myself for being so forward and so inappropriate.
She sighed and closed her eyes for a second. Then she said, "I think you are old enough to understand why you can't say anything about this…to anyone."
I nodded, too shocked at the admission to form a sentence.
She watched me closely. "The last thing I want to do is screw up your family, Maureen. Please know that."
I nodded again. I trusted her. I believed that she didn't want to make things harder for my parents, and for my siblings and me…but I wondered how my dad could possibly not know the truth.
Anyway, at that moment my dad came in. He came straight to me and gave me a big hug, but I saw the huge, steadying breath that Olivia took as she composed herself to act like I hadn't just asked the question that terrified her to death.
It scared her that I figured out the truth. And that's why I know her intentions were never anything but loving. She was perfectly prepared to be secretly in love with my dad for the rest of her life if it meant that our family would stay together. She's sacrifice her happiness for ours.
That's what I can't get Kathleen to understand. She thinks Olivia was out to lay my dad from the beginning and that she didn't give a damn about the consequences. That's pretty much exactly what my mom says, except I don't think she actually believes it. But Kathleen just might.
I can't be mad at either Olivia or my dad. I know they both care about us, all of us, and I know that they are in love. My dad deserves to be happy. I wish we could see him more, but now that we're all older it doesn't make a huge difference anyway. I've never asked him how long he's been in love with Olivia, but I'm sure he was long before my mom left. He stayed for us, so we would have two parents. He was there when I needed him most, and he sacrificed so much for us. Now if what he needs to be happy is Olivia, he has my blessing. And I love Olivia for waiting for him.