"You need to leave." She whispered. I was sure it was me that she was saying this too, until Jacob went to her and kissed her again, this time I saw her struggling with him, until she just gave up and his kiss consumed her. She was so enveloped in him, I wanted to leave. With that he jumped out the window.
Chapter Four
(EPOV)
Discussions
"I should go too." I turned to walk away, but Bella scrambled forward.
"Edward, don't. I have to talk to you." I could hear the desperation in her voice.
"I don't know if I can rationally talk to you right now."
"Edward, no, please don't leave me now." She began to cry, tears were streaming down her beautiful face. I couldn't leave her this way. After everything we'd been through, she let me explain my leaving; I had to let her explain to me. It didn't matter. I had to know this now. She didn't love me and her words of remorse wouldn't fix anything.
"Edward. He kept coming here, you have to know, and he's my best friend. He was here for me, when you weren't and you know that. You know that I care about him a lot. He kissed me. I couldn't stop him. He kept doing it. He knew that you knew about him kissing me, I could tell by the way he'd smile when I'd bring up how I wished you wouldn't be so distant. I know you two can never work things out, but I shouldn't have to choose. I can't choose between my best friend and my one and only true love." She was whispering. I could tell she was wondering if she'd said too much.
"I saw how you reacted with his kiss. Don't lie. Drop the act. It's okay, I wanted you to move on and you did. I shouldn't have expected you to forgive me. I was a fool. I'll leave you alone Bella. I will."
"Edward, NO! That's not what I want or need at all. I reacted that way to his kiss, yes and the whole time he kissed me I thought of you, don't you see that? I love you! Don't be so blind all I want is for you to be able to kiss me like that. All I keep dreaming about is you changing me. All I want is to be with you forever." She was reaching hysterics. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I saw the way she reacted. I saw how much she wanted him. I could sense their connection. I was giving her an easy way out; I didn't understand why she was trying to continue the act.
"Bella just quit already. Please don't make this any harder on yourself. I understand; there aren't any hard feelings. I could see the passion. I don't want to stop you from what you want."
"Don't you get it? What I want is you! I've been dying for you to stay. I've been begging you to change me. I've been sobbing and sobbing to Jacob about it. He keeps kissing me and I know I can't stop him, I'm not as strong as I'd like to think I am. If he was a human, I might be able to stop him, but he's not. He's too strong for me to pull away. After awhile I just stopped trying. I knew I couldn't stop him so all I could do was pretend it was you. I was so sure you were leaving me again."
"I thought you loved him. I thought you didn't want me anymore."
"Do you still love me?" her voice was shaking. What a stupid question to ask me. Of course I did.
"How could you doubt that I didn't?" She ran to me and began to kiss me. I didn't understand any of this. I couldn't react to any of this. She was so warm and so tempting. I began to kiss her collar bones and I could hear her heart racing. I could feel her warmth under my hands. I could feel her body next to mine. She was so warm and it felt so great next to my cool skin. I wanted to be so close to her, but I knew I couldn't. It was another war within myself.
(BPOV)
I could feel him trying to hold back. I couldn't understand. I wanted nothing more than to skip over his cautious lines. All I wanted was him. I had felt so guilty about giving into Jacob's kiss. The moment I saw Edward, his hurt expression, I didn't care about anything else, but him. I honestly didn't care if we crossed his lines and if he'd kill me. I wanted him now more than anything.
I was aware of every inch of his skin touching mine. I could feel the warmth or his cool skin. I could feel my heart rate increasing. He gently pushed me down on the bed and I could tell he was losing the fight to control himself. His fingers danced around my collar bones and he lightly went to pull off the bottom of my shirt. He traced shapes on my bare exposed stomach. His lips caressed every part of my abdomen. I shivered.
My hands flew to his shirt. I began to unbutton it. He pulled me close to him again and we shared a kiss unlike anything we've ever shared before. I'd never kissed anyone this way; it was as if I was kissing him with my heart. He lightly tossed me back onto the bed. I kicked off my old sweats and he unbuckled his belt. He threw his jeans across the room. He was lying on top of me. We were both panting uncontrollably. He began kissing me from the top of my head, to the insides of my thighs.
I kissed his bare chest. It felt so right to kiss him; to touch him. All I wanted was for this moment to last forever; all I wanted was to be lying here naked and exposed with him forever.
"I love you." He whispered into my ear.
"I love you too." I pulled him towards me and I kissed him uncontrollably. He was so beautiful. Within an instant of my kiss, he gained his control again and with in a second he was on the other end of the room with his pants on.
"Bella we can't. I can't do this… we can't do this, not now… we have to wait… until…" his voice was shaking, "I'm so sorry I shouldn't have let it get that far. I don't know how I can be close to you without being too close."
I was trying to mask the hurt expression on my face. I knew very well that it would be too dangerous for me and I knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he hurt me and having to go to Volterra again being human, wouldn't be a good thing.
"It's okay, I should have stopped you. Just lay next to me, will you? I feel like I haven't seen you in so long." I was blushing when I realized I was still lying naked in the middle of my bed, I quickly threw his shirt on me and buttoned it up. He laughed and flashed me his crooked smile that I loved so much. He walked slowly to the bed and wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close to him. I drifted off into a deep slumber.
I awoke with his arms wrapped around me, it was Saturday and we would have all day together.
"Is Charlie still here?" I whispered.
"No, he left about an hour ago. He'll be fishing all day." His voice was velvet again. It made all the pains of last night go away.
"So does this mean we have all day together?" I could hear the hope and longing in my voice. I felt as if I hadn't spent much time with him at all lately.
"Yes. You look like you need some more sleep." He said gently as he pulled the covers back over my shoulders. I realized I was still wearing his shirt, all of last night quickly flashed before my eyes and I began to blush.
"What are you blushing about?" His voice was teasing. It was nice to finally hear him getting back to normal. I was so relieved to be here with him, to have no worries of him leaving.
"I just remembered that…" I couldn't finish my statement. I could feel my cheeks reddening just thinking about answering his question.
"Bella just tell me." I could hear the impatience in his voice.
"Well… you saw me naked last night." I accused and I was redder than a tomato.
"That's hardly anything to be ashamed about. I think you saw me naked too." His voice was light and velvety.
"It's not the same. You are perfect and I'm…"
"Better than perfect. You are beautiful. You just don't see yourself clearly at all."
"Edward, I know what I am and I know what I'm not."
"Moot point." He stated calmly. He knew he would never win this argument just as much as I knew that I'd never win it either.
"I've missed you." I turned over to face him.
"I've missed you too." He went to kiss me, but I turned my head. He looked hurt, but then I went to explain,
"I need my human moment!" I had almost forgotten about morning breath. He chuckled and watched me as I grabbed my bag of toiletries.
I went back into my room and he was gone. I had almost begun to panic, I thought he knew that I turned away from him because of my morning breath; I didn't have any intentions on hurting him. I guess he could tell I was about to panic because before I knew it I felt his cold stone arms around my waist as he whispered into my ear, I could smell his sweet scent,
"I made you a bowl of cereal downstairs." He turned me towards him and carried me down the stairs. Sure enough on our kitchen table there was an orange bowl with some Lucky Charms in it. I could feel a large grin spreading across my face; I loved how he remembered all of my human frailties.
"Why won't you marry me?" He sounded hurt. He must have had some other suspicions.
"I've told you why, countless of times."
"Have you told me the real reasons though?" He looked away from me, so I couldn't read his expression.
"Yes I have."
"Are you sure?" I grabbed his hands and stared up at him.
"Edward, my mother would have a heart attack."
"And she wouldn't over you turning into a vampire?"
"That's different."
"How?"
I sighed loudly, "Edward. Me turning is something she can't control, it's something I want."
"And you don't want to marry me." He sounded hurt.
"No! That's not it at all! If I do ever get married, rest assured it will be to you." I wanted him to know there was no one else. I knew that he was thinking of Jacob and me. After everything that had happened last night, I had thought that there wouldn't be any questions of my undying love for him.
"Bella, after last night I don't know if I can resist my temptations any longer. Seeing you like that, seeing you so exposed… just thinking about it…knowing that I could have hurt you…knowing that I can always hurt you…" I put my finger to his lips.
"Edward don't. You could have done a lot of things in the past that you didn't do. I don't regret any moment with you. I love you and I always will." He gently kissed my forehead. "So what are we up to today?" I asked him.
"Well, Alice wanted to spend some time with you today."
"So your house it is then?"
"If you think Charlie won't kill you then yes."
"I'll call him!" I quickly got up and called Charlie, as long as I included Alice I was sure it wouldn't be a problem. Charlie agreed the moment he knew Alice was going to be around.