Where They Are Now
Summary: Invader Zim characters: where they are now. After cancellation, what did they do with themselves? How did they support themselves? And what in the world did they do with all that free time? New character every chapter, possible reunion last chapter(s).
A/N: This chapter's going to be a little bit of an exception to my summary, it's not going to be a new character, but the eventful reunion of our two favorite rivals! Well, enjoy!
Disclaimer: No trees were harmed or killed in the making of this fanfic, though some electrons were inconvenienced.
REAL Disclaimer: Invader Zim? Yea, I knew 'em. Two words to describe that whole bunch: not mine.
Chapter four: A Rivaling Reunion.
"Welcome, to what may be, the most eventful episode on the series Where They Are Now for Invader Zim. Where They Are Now has nothing to do with the other show "Where Are They Now?" due to dooming accusations and large threatening lawsuits. Today we meet with two former rivals–"
"I told you, we may STILL be rivals!"
"—while we tape their every move! Enjoy!" The narrator stepped aside and the show was underway.
The camera zooms in on Dib, where he is still sitting on the stool, curious as to what was supposed to happen. He scratches his butt, becoming unaware he's still on camera.
"Psst. Dib, do something." Someone whispers from behind.
Dib waves uncomfortably, suddenly re-aware he's being taped.
"No, Dib! For the sake of ratings, go find your rival!"
"OH RIGHT!" Dib leaps off the stool and begins running really, really fast down the hall. "I'll find you Zim! Ready or not, here I come!!" The camera tries to zoom after Dib, but he is too far away.
"Dib! Wait! The cameramen are not that fast! Noooo!! I told them not to eat those donuts!" The producer of ths show hollers.
Dib slides past a dressing room labeled, "ZIM" in one of those cheesy star cut outs. He walks up to it, very curious, a faded voice of Zim shouting is heard from behind.
"Is it really this easy? I was expecting something a little more adventurous, but I guess this will do." He opens the door where Zim is seen on an oddly large mobile phone in his dressing room, in front of a large mirror, looking bored with himself.
"Zim..." Dib hissed. Zim slowly turned on his stool and gave Dib the 'wait a minute, I'm on the phone' finger. Dib looked more confused, when he expected to be scowling at Zim the whole time, instead Zim sat bored on the phone with someone.
"Yes, yes, the laser pigs should be sufficient. That's not what I'm concerned with. I'm asking is the techno death music set for the appropriate times?" There was silence, and Dib's excitement and curiosity was falling as the moments passed.
"Zim..." Dib tried to growl at Zim, but Zim simply gave him a more persistent, 'wait a minute, I'm on the phone!' finger.
"Look, I don't care if the Kevin DJ beast insists on using the WRETCHED bee music. I am ZIM! And I command him use the death techno!" Zim promptly hung up his phone and spun on his chair to face Dib, arising and coming close. "Dib, you're looking as big headed as ever." Zim said with a smirk.
"Zim, you're looking as earth-hugging as–" Dib retorted.
"You be quiet, you...earth monkey..." Zim scowled heavily at Dib.
"Man, Zim, I was expecting something a little more diabolical than a world peace tour! I mean, really! What's gotten into you?"
"Zim has no parasites!"
"It's just an expressio–"
"Mmhm, well you clearly do not see the simple ingeniousness of my plan!" Zim said throwing his arms into the air.
Dib waited for an explanation as Zim just stood there smiling, feeling triumphant, Zim wiggled his claws in his joy, then put his arms down after a few seconds and looked around, uninterested in his rival.
"Well...?" Dib asked after a few moments.
"Well what?" Zim asked, turning his attention back to Dib.
"What's your plan?!" Dib shouted, growing impatient.
"You see, Dib, you just...wouldn't, um, see..." Zim trailed uncomfortably, trying not to let it be obvious.
"I see...I mean, I don't see...I MEAN, TELL ME YOUR PLAN!" Dib hollered. "Man, I forgot how frustrating you are."
"Yea, well I forgot how smelly and big-headed you are!" Zim shouted.
"My head's not big–stop distracting me!! Are you going to tell me your plan or not!?"
"I will...not tell you my plan!"
"You always did before! Why not now?!"
"Well, see, that's my plan."
"I see! ..I mean I don't see! I mean...I do?..No! I don't . I...uh..." Dib scratched the back of his head. "This is off to a strange start. Can you tell me, at least, what the peace tour has to do with it?"
"I..." Zim looked to the ground. "I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?" Dib asked, scowling at Zim.
Zim was silent and glanced up and down nervously, a little humiliated by his confession. Dib's eyes widened as he realized he was honest.
"You mean..." Dib stifled a laugh, "You don't know why you're on a peace tour?!"
"Well, it's not like your earth-monster head of smell has done anything special and life fulfilling and all that stupidness..." Zim mocked while waving his fingers around in strange gestures that may mean special and life fulfilling and all that stupidness.
"Actually, I—"
"WELL, CHECK THIS OUT!" Zim snapped his fingers and two random people came up and lifted him into the air. "Zim wishes to greet his posse!"
"Posse? You have a posse Zim? I didn't even think you would know that word..." Dib asked.
"Watch and see, and you will be amazed!" Zim said as he was carried away.
"Okaaay." Dib said, and decided to follow him down the hall, pushing past the cameramen that had finally caught up, out of breath.
"Oh my! What will Zim try and amaze Dib with? Will it work? Now! To a commercial before our sponsors kill us for delaying it for so long..." The main narrator said, a little fearful from the mention of disobeying their overruling sponsors...
Commercial
The Irken Commercial-friendly icon comes over the screen while it says "Please wait to be connected."
"Are we on?" A familiar voice is heard, the symbol is still on screen.
"Yes! This is your big intro." Another familiar voice answers.
"Big intro to what?" Purple asks.
"To the commercial we're going to do! Now, do you remember what you're supposed to say?" Red asks.
"Yea, I think so."
"Okay, now you've got to say it like you mean it, with authority!"
"Oh yea! Authority!" Purple shouts excitedly..
"No, that's not the word you got to say."
"I know, jeez, you think I would forget that word?"
The symbol vanishes, the tallest are in their usual spot on the massive, Purple is waving at the camera stupidly. A random irken puts an advanced looking boom box on the platform and presses play before scurrying away. Red shakes his head as the music starts.
"There's no call for this." Red mumbles as the music gets louder.
To the tune of Fergie's London Bridge.
Red clears his throat.
"When I come into the club, step aside." Red sings/raps.
"Oh SNACK!" Purple shouts.
"Part the seats, don't be having me in line." Red scolds the camera.
"Oh SNACK!" Purple shouts, jumping in front of Red, Red fights for the front as his part comes up.
"Tallest authority, cause you know I gotta shine." Red brushes his fingers against his Tallest uniform.
"..." Purple misses his cue, Red nudges him and smiles nervously. "Oh...OH SNACK!"
"I'm the Tallest-Tallest, me love snacks long time."
"Oh SNACK! ...Hey! I'm the Tallest too! I love snacks too!" Purple shouts over Red.
"So buy the irken snacks and best not be annihilated!"
"Oh SNACK!" Purple is jamming his head back and forth. "Oh SNACK!" He repeats, Red has stopped completely. "Oh SNACK!" The music is fading into the background.
"Oh SNACK!" Purple keeps shouting, throwing his arms into the air, really getting into the music that is nearly gone. "Oh SNACK!" The music has completely stopped, and Red is staring at him with a weird look. "Oh SNACK!" He shouts again, continuing to jam.
"Hey!" Red shouts, waving his hands in front of Purple.. "The song's over."
"What song?" Purple asks, still bobbing his head, somehow snapping his two fingers. "Oh SNACK!"
"The song we were just doing."
"Oh...I just got started..." Purple pouts.
Red just sighs and floats away.
End commercial.
"I'm sure if they had thumbs, our sponsor would give a thumbs up for the new Irken snacks, that is a double sponsor for the tour, 'The word of Zim.' AND this very show you're watching...So be sure to spend your money on the newly arrived Irken snacks!" The narrator speaks in an annoying sports radio voice.
Dib is following Zim down these long hallways that are beginning to become more crowded with stage crew people and props and other things someone would see backstage. Dib decides to question Zim.
"So how did you come across this whole World Peace Tour stuff, Zim? Did you finally realize that the human race is a beautiful one!?"
"NEVER!" Zim shouts, turning his head to face Dib. Zim turns around on the people's shoulders, so he can face Dib. He causes one of the people carrying him to grunt in pain as one of his claws dug into their face as he repositioned himself. Zim glares at Dib while being brought down the halls on their shoulders, facing backwards. The people carrying him continue to walk to their destination, not paying attention to what Zim and Dib are saying.
"So...then, what did you do to get into this world peace stuff?" Dib asks, a curious how Zim became so powerful so quickly, in something that he obviously wasn't wishing to do.
"I met someone who "hooked me up" as you humans say, and he found me to be a very good motivational speaker, because I am, and so he put me on one of his tours he owns. Because I am Zim, and I am amazing." Zim smiles, then it fades quickly to a scowl. "I have only RECENTLY discovered it was a WRETCHED WORLD PEACE TOUR that he put me on, and I have yet to decide what I am going to do, as I don't think I'm going to be staying on–OW!! WATCH IT! YOU STUPID...EARTH SMELL!!" Zim shouts as he was run into a a low pipe sticking out from under the ceiling, his wig almost falling off from the blow.
Zim glares around at the people carrying him, who stay silent. "As I was saying...I don't think I'm going to be staying on this tour any longer, and simply make another plan. BUT FIRST!! WITNESS THE POWER OF MY...well..um, POWER!!" Zim shouts, throwing his arms into the air, where they are almost immediately knocked down by the low pipes. "Wretched earth installation! Zim's wires were never a problem!" He shouts as he caresses his arms glaring at the ceiling.
The carriers let Zim down onto the ground as they have reached the back part of this stage. Zim peers through the curtain as he sees an enormous crowd, as big as the crowd in his former plan to control the humans by being Santa. He is overexcited with joy as he sees Dib's face contort into a curious one, as Dib hears normal crowd chatter.
"Now Dib, be amazed!!" With that, Zim throws open the curtains, the crowd gasps as there is movement on the empty stage, except a microphone in the center.
Suddenly, before the crowd recognizes who it is, the curtains fall back on him, knocking him off his feet and entangled into the curtains. He shouts, but recollects himself and crawls out, the crowd is still silent, not recognizing who is crouched on stage. Zim lifts his head, revealing his face, and the crowd goes wild. Dib stares, in awe at how much these people are going wild at the simple appearance of Zim.
Zim brushes himself off and begins walking to the microphone. Everyone becomes deadly silent as they wait for what Zim is going to say. He adjusts the microphone to his height and looks around at the crowd of people.
"Ahem..." Zim clears his throat and the crowd cheers wildly.
Zim opens his mouth to speak, the crowd goes completely silent as they anticipate. Someone spontaneously combusts in the crowd, not able to handle the anticipation and anxiety. Zim closes his mouth, and thinks for a moment. The crowd is completely uninterested in the man on fire, the man himself doesn't even notice he has spontaneously combusted, still waiting for what Zim has to say.
Zim grins wickedly, causing Dib to become extremely nervous, thinking Zim has the power to simply sick the crowd on him.
"I AM ZIIIIM!!" He suddenly shouts, the crowd cheers throwing everything into the air in excitement, people start crowd surfing. Zim begins to walk away, feeling like he has accomplished something great.
"That's it?" Dib asks Zim, coming out from behind the curtain, the crowd does not take notice as they are still celebrating.
"You are amazed, are you not?" Zim questions.
"Uhm, yea...I guess so, but I mean, you aren't going to say something else?"
Zim glances back to the crowd, still cheering. "I think I've made my point." Zim says.
"Uh...well, I'm going to make one too!" Dib shoves past Zim and advances to the microphone, lifting it off the stand and begins speaking to the crowd.
"Get back here, you horrible being!" Zim shouts, running next to Dib, shouting at him to put the mike down.
"Hey, um...excuse me?" Dib asks, the crowd is still cheering, uninterested. "Is this thing on?" Dib taps on the microphone, it suddenly screeches loudly, causing Dib to grimace and hold it away from him in surprise. The crowd shouts, covering their ears from the deafening screech. "Um...Sorry about that." He looks around, preparing himself for disapproval from the crowd. "Hey! Do you know you're being conned!?!"
The crowd is confused and exchange looks with one another.
"This! Is AN ALIEN!" Dib shouts, pointing at Zim. The crowd is silent, confused at Dib's accusation.
"Whoohoo!" Someone shouts excitedly clear in the back of the crowd, unsure of what was said.
"He is an alien invader! He's here to take over the world!" Dib continues to point at Zim, who stands there, shocked.
The crowd cheers in joy.
"No! You don't understand!! He's going to destroy the world as we know it!"
The crowd cheers, and begins chanting, "WORLD PEACE! WORLD PEACE!"
"NO! NOT WORLD PEACE!" Dib shouts, the crowd grows quiet, confused chatter grows louder.
"HE'S HERE FROM ANOTHER PLANET TO DESTROY ALL OF MANKIND!!"
The crowd is silent, staring at a few Zimtranslators, hoping they had some idea, they only shrug. Someone coughs.
"AND ANY CHANCE OF WORLD PEACE!!"
The crowd is confused, chattering, wondering if they should believe this boy. Zim pushes Dib down and grabs the microphone.
"All lies!! Filthy lies!! Zim has never led you wrong!!"
The crowd cheers in approval.
Zim smiles, "Zim is not an alien!! Only...a child with a skin condition who wishes for all mankind to be peaceful and all that stuff you people like.." Zim says, trying to look as innocent as possible.
The crowd awes at Zim's deceiving innocence.
"He's just like one of 'dem pageant girlss..." Someone awes. "It's so cute how his only wish is for mankind to be peaceful an' stuff everee bodee would like." The crowd awes again. Zim growls under his breath, keeping a fake smile.
"NO! ZIM'S AN ALIEN! I...uh..." Everyone starts booing at Dib, who is becoming frantic. People start throwing random things, hollering how he's crazy and big-headed. Dib is desperate, he does not want to lose his reputation as an accredited paranormal investigator. "I'LL...I'LL SHOW YOU!!" Instead of whipping out a laptop and begin showing the crowd a bunch of pictures of Zim, he decides to take sudden action.
Dib quickly grabs Zim's wig that was knocked loose earlier, revealing his antennae. Zim tries to fight Dib back for the wig, but as Dib was holding the wig away from him and Zim was trying to run towards it, Zim tripped over the microphone cord and one of his contacts fell off as he hit the ground.
The crowd gasps as Zim stands, the other contact falls out as Zim falls backwards from trying to back away and escape their shocked expressions. The microphone screeches again, but everyone is so silent and shocked, they don't pay attention to their sudden bleeding ears.
Dib stares for a moment at Zim, frozen in fear and shock of him being revealed in front of so many people. Dib shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the shock of his own actions.
"See, he is an alien!" Dib shouts, a little unnerved by how easy it was to show them Zim's true form.
The crowd is still silent, and Zim is scrambling to find the opening in the curtains that closed sometime during their argument.
"I'm normal!! I'm normal!!" Zim is repeating over and over again, still scrambling for an escape route.
"An alien?" A girl questions, then gets an excited face. "THAT...ROCKS!!!!!" Smolga is recognized shouting and jumping up in the crowd. The crowd begins to cheer, accepting that Zim is an alien. Zim stops, confused at the acceptance.
"What? No! Don't you people get it? He's an alien that is trying to destroy the world!"
The crowd suddenly stops.
"Oh...yea...forgot about that part." Someone states, Dib sighs in relief.
"I'M NOT! I'M...I'M NORMAL! I'M NORMAL!" Zim is shouting at the top of his lungs, he is now facing the crowd in his irken form. He continues to shout for a long time, the crowd is simply watching. "I'M NORMAL! I'M NORMAL!" He stops as he needs to catch his breath.
Zim takes a deep breath, calming himself, and snatches the mike away from the still shocked Dib.
"I...uh...My skin condition has caused me to become...become..." Zim is stammering for a word, he leans over to Dib, covering the microphone. "What is that word you humans call when something loses its disgusting hair?"
"Shedding?" Dib asks, confused of where this is going.
"I'm shedding!!" Zim shouts triumphantly.
The crowd looks at him confused. Zim growls in frustration.
"No, the other one, Dib! The one about the head!" Zim asks angrily, pointing to his green head.
"B-balding?" Dib stutters, then realizes what Zim is about to do. "Hey! Wait, noooo!"
"I'm simply BALDING! These are all that is left of my hair." Zim strokes one of his antennae, looking to the ground, pouting as innocent as he can.
The crowd awes in sympathy.
Dib shouts toward the microphone. "Wait! What about his eyes? Huh?! Those are pretty alien, right?!" Dib hollers in desperation. Zim trying to cover up the mike from Dib shouting into it, but the sound still gets through to the crowd.
The crowd begins to chatter about whether Zim is an alien or not.
"I uh..." Zim looks around, then collects the contacts quickly and shoves them back into his eyes. "It was simply a...uh...special effect mistake! See? My eyes are normal now!"
Everyone gives a collective "Oh." and accepts Zim's explanation.
"Wait! You all can't just believe that, can you?!" Dib shouts.
The crowd collectively shrugs and begins chattering amongst themselves about different things.
"That's not...I...I-I, uh. ZIM!" Dib spins as Zim is putting on his wig. "I will still stop you at every turn! Don't think that this will discourage me now that I–"
"Take him away." Zim waves Dib away and random guards come and drag Dib away. "Nice try, Dib, but I am just too great for your accusations and such to even matter!"
"I did more than accuse you!!!" Dib shouts until he is out of Zim's sight.Dib only sighs as he is dragged away by the security guards. He is tossed out of the building's entrance.
"Well...that was interesting." Dib says as he collects himself and stands, brushing himself off.
The producer of Where They Are Now, comes up and hands Dib his check.
"There ya go. But, you'll need to come in for a reunion of the entire cast some other time. We'll let ya know. It was nice working with ya." The man shakes hands with Dib, he nods and smiles.
"Well, I guess it wasn't so bad." Dib glances over his check, and quickly slips it into his pocket before a random hawk flies and takes it away.
Watch and see next time when we broadcast one of our scariest interviews yet!
"I haven't seen my sister in a while!" Dib says excitedly as he hears the narrator do his ending part of the show.
"You'll see her in the reunion, now move along." The producer waves Dib on.
A/N: This thing would not upload yesterday, it was making me VERY angry, but it's up now, so yay!
I apologize for the horrible-ness that I put the Tallest through, it was a silly dedication to Bowling For Soup's version of Fergie's London Bridge, which cracks me up every time I hear/see it. And I couldn't help but envision Purple yelling "Oh Snack!"
I assure you that this was not the last you would see of the Tallest in this fanfiction! I will have a chapter for them separately, this was only a taste for you all, hope you enjoyed its nasty aftertaste that it may have left you, as it did me.
R&R if you wish:)