Two Days Later
"WILL!" He could still hear her screaming as he rolled over in bed. The sheets covering him were soaked in cold sweat. Will wiped at his face with his hands, sitting up slowly. Her memory would plague him forever. He knew he would continue to hear her final screams until the day he left this earth.
Will groaned softly, his face in his hands.
"Leave me," he whispered into his moist palms. "Leave me."
The young man had no idea why guilt squirmed inside of him like worms in drenched earth. It was either because she had died thinking he still loved her, or the fact that he had not been able to save her at all. Will eased his hands down the wet flesh of his face guiltily. He had never told her about the love he harbored for someone much closer to him. Telling her had been his intention. They had not foreseen her death. When it did happen, the entire crew was shocked, and any chance of revealing the truth was ripped from Will.
Sitting back onto the soft pillows behind him, Will allowed a couple of tears to slide down his cheeks. Elizabeth, one of his best friends and once lover was gone forever. It was all because of him. He had not tried hard enough. Still, that damned shackle…there could not have been a way to get it off in time.
Glowering, Will wiped at his face again, then climbed off the bed, peeling the soaked sheets from his nude body. He felt sticky with the sweat layer that had formed over his skin. It didn't matter. Nothing did, really. Except for…
"No," he said sternly, barricading his mind against it. Stumbling slightly, Will found his way in the darkness of the room to the door. He felt to the left of it for the lantern hanging there, empty of flame. With the same speed, he lifted it from the hook, placed it on the table beside him and opened it up. Carefully, he lit the wick of the candle inside. Barely half a second later, the entire room was bathed in a dim light. Shadows danced on the walls around him, over the dresser and bed, the window to the far left of that in a corner.
Will sighed and closed it up, then set to pulling on a loose white tunic and black breeches. His hair hung in dark, wet strands around his face, as it often did on the sea. He didn't bother pulling it back. Slowly, he turned to face the window. The sheer white curtain did little to conceal his room.
Still, he doubted it mattered. Everyone in Tortuga was too busy fulfilling their own desires to concern themselves with an exposed window. After, they didn't care for their own windows, completely unconcerned with who saw them. Will shuddered to think of all he had witnessed in only two days here. This place was not for the light of heart, and he would most likely never adjust to it.
"Will!" Will shook his head, glancing over his shoulder at the door. "Will?" Jack was asking for him. It brought a weak smile to his face as he turned and started for the door. "Come, mate! I know you're awake!" Jack yelled impatiently. Will laid his hand on the doorknob gently and twisted. "W- oh."
"Captain Sparrow," answered Will gently as he tried to restrain the smile threatening to escape over his lips. Jack stood rather awkwardly in the darkened hallway, appearing embarrassed by the way he glanced around like a flighty bird. Will felt his heart beat a little bit faster. He threatened to break out into a sweat again. With ease, he licked his lips. The way Jack stood in front of him, simple, almost vulnerable, was just adorable. "Why are you here?"
Jack looked at him with his dark, sensuous yet simultaneously insane eyes, made even darker by black eyelids and eyeliner. Those eyes bore into Will, making him lose his breath momentarily. He took a deep breath, slowly, just to see if it was still possible. When he realized Jack was staring, surveying him, Will felt a flush in his cheeks. He realized how strange this must look…him in his clothes still sweaty, hair still in strings.
"I wanted to see if you were alright." Jack's voice brought him back to reality. Bittersweet reality. He sighed heavily.
"I'm fine," Will replied quietly, eyes downcast. He could still feel Jack's upon him. He did not look up. It wasn't a complete lie. Compared to two days ago, he felt a lot better. His body did not ache much and his bruises were fading.
"Oi, stop lying," Jack said. Will's head shot up in surprise, and their eyes met for an instant.
'Yes, I know you're lying,' said Jack's.
'How do you know?' he replied stubbornly. Will chuckled darkly, somehow appreciating the fact that Jack could not hear him.
"You forget. I hear you nights, mate. I am next to you, after all. You sleep, but you talk. You feel guilt for a death you had no control o'er." The slight frown found its way back on Will's face. "Ah, yes. I knew it."
Will turned and went back into the room, Jack following in his wake, taking the silence as an invitation inside. Will heard the door shut behind him. Soon, Jack was facing his back, appearing grave.
"It's not your fault, boy. You couldn't have saved her," he said. Will knew it was true, deep in his heart. But both his mind and heart were weighted down with grief and guilt. He had no idea how to free either of them. "William, it's been two bloody years!"
"You think I don't know that?!" Will yelled, rather uncharacteristically. "I can't let it go, Jack. It's not possible. I needed to save her, but I couldn't." Jack walked forward and rested a hand on his upset friend's shoulder. Will glanced at the hand on his shoulder, debating. He stayed with his back facing Jack.
"It went down too quickly. Those shackles would not have come off in time," the more experienced pirate whispered gruffly, but with sincerity. "You need to keep living, William. Don't stop just because the bonnie lass is not here anymore." Will bit his lip, looking down. His heart continued to beat at that rapid pace inside his chest. Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump.
He shivered as Jack's fingertips brushed at his shoulder. Will closed his eyes, breathing softly.
"Jack," he said quietly. "There's something you should know." Slowly, he turned to face Sparrow, eyes shining with tears of guilt, but also dull rays of happiness. He allowed a deep breath to enter his lungs, calm his heart rate. "Part of my guilt has to do with you."
Jack raised a questioning eyebrow. Yet, despite his questioning expression, Will knew Jack knew what was coming. No speech was really necessary. He just needed to say it for his own peace.
"Captain Sparrow, I love you." Silence hung in the air between them. Will felt his stomach lower slightly, his heart sink. Jack was just staring at him now. His face was a blank slate.
'Maybe I shouldn't have said that,' thought Will, lowering his eyes for the second time that night.
"I love you too, Will." Eyes wide, he looked up. Jack was smiling simply, no over exaggeration or doggishness about it.
"I…I thought…" he started, his voice trailing off into nothingness. Will had no idea what to think. Happiness and sadness swirled around inside him, a twister of emotion. "I couldn't save her!" Will looked around helplessly, as if some answer lay in front of him.
"Aye. But what do you really feel guilty for, Will?" Jack asked.
"What?"
"What do you really feel guilty for?" Jack approached him slowly, and wrapped his arms around Will's shoulders lightly.
"I don't know." Will carefully pulled himself from Jack's arms and sat down on the bed heavily. "I wish I knew."
"The fact that you couldn' save her or the fact that she never knew?"
"Both?"
"Aye…"
"But mostly because she never knew," Will whispered, putting his face in his hands again, elbows planted on his knees. He felt the bed sink a bit as Jack's weight settled beside him. A warm arm was placed around his shoulders, pulling him in closer. Will allowed himself to put his face in Jack's chest. He lowered his hands, putting his arms on his thighs loosely.
"Forgive yourself, mate." Will's eyebrows came together as a frown crossed his features. It dissolved slowly as he felt a small kiss placed on top of his head. He moved away from Sparrow, and looked at him seriously. "You look much better," Jack told him. After receiving no response, he smiled and smoothed a few pieces of hair away from Will's slowly healing features. "I love you," he mumbled softly, continuing to stroke Will's hair. Will forced himself to look into Jack's eyes.
"I love you, too," he murmured. "More than words can say."
"Then don't." Jack leaned in, gently placing his hand on Will's cheek, and kissed him. Will closed his eyes and kissed back slowly. They let their tongues play and dance around each other a bit. And then it became heavier. Breathing quickened, as did their heartbeats as one. Jack's tongue forced Will's mouth open. He allowed it, as he liked it.
The two lay back on the bed, arms around each other. Will licked Jack's lower lip a couple of times, playfully. All too soon, the two were completely stripped of all their clothing.
"Jack," Will said as Jack hugged him tightly. His heart sped up even more. Jack stared into Will's eyes, his expression conveying hurt. Not for himself, but for Will.
"Who did this to you?" Jack's fingers traced the scars on Will's back as he sat up again with Jack's arms still around him. Their chests nearly touched.
"My father," whispered Will shakily, avoiding Jack's gaze.
"Aye? When?" Now they were both whispering. Jack's fingers continued to run over the scars so softly you'd think they were still open lacerations. Will brought himself to look deeply into Jack's worried eyes.
"On the Flying Dutchman. I…I dropped a cannon and was going to be whipped for it by one of the crew, yet Jones made my father do it instead…" Will closed his eyes. Jack kissed his forehead, just as softly as he had stroked Will's scars. He pulled away and crawled around Will, who was still sitting with his eyes closed, so that he was behind him. Jack took in the sight of Will's back, his own suddenly feeling the fire of the whip stinging his flesh.
He bent forward, laying one soft kiss on each of the five in turn.
'I wish I could take them away,' he thought, planting his lips on the first. 'I wish I would never have sent you. I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I wasn't such a wanker before… I wish…' "I wish I could be here forever." The last sentence escaped him before he could even think.
'I wish we could just stay here,' mused Will, lifting his head a bit. He smiled sadly, feeling Jack's arms curl around his shoulders in a gentle embrace.
"Don't leave me," he heard himself say, placing his hands on Jack's arms. He felt Jack laid his head on his shoulder, the warmth of his chest on his scarred back.
"I won't," Jack whispered, closing his eyes. "I'll always be with you, mate…we'll get through it together." Will closed his as well, again. The only sounds that could be heard were their breathing, even and slow, and their heartbeats, thudding in sync. All noises of brawls and drunks, music and moans of casual sex were forgotten in this moment. Tranquility descended on the two troubled minds, if only for a brief time.
'If only it could last forever,' Will thought. And yet, he smiled. Her memory may be with him forever, but Jack was here to help quiet the screams, and allow him some type of peace.
