Warning

This chapter contains depiction of jail life in a New York facility in the 1800's, all of which are true. The stories of Rachel Welch and Eliza Farnham are also true.

I in no way endorse the treatment of the "Rest Cure" by S. Weir Mitchel.

Charlotte Perkins Gillman, a famous writer, was so infuriated by having to spend two months in bed after having her baby, that in 1882, she wrote "The Yellow Wall Paper" in the New England Magazine, in which she described how as a young mother, she was isolated from her baby and other people and was treated like a nut because she was unhappy in "domestic roles" and wanted to have a career as well as to be a mother. In 1973, her article was adopted by feminists throughout the world as a rallying cry for women who want to have careers.

ve'ho'a'e- "white woman"

Ma'heona'e-" Medicine Woman"

Epo'oomano'e- It's cloudy and it looks like it's snowing (but it's not).

Nestaevavoomatse- "Goodbye"

Chapter 3

"Oh, I couldn't." She looked around.

"Grace just brought it over," He remarked.

"Sully, I don't want to interrupt this time with your family."

"Cake!" Hannah clapped her hands, looking to Michaela.

"It's just Hannah and me."

"What…what about your wife?" she finally asked.

Sully's jaw set, and he looked around the room. Guilt filled his being. What was he doing? Was it wrong asking another woman to have cake? To share his daughters birthday with them? She's just a friend. "It's just cake."

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"She's not here."

Michaela bounced a giggling Hannah on her knee, "Where is she?"

"Away." He was vague.

Michaela found this quite chary. Why wouldn't a mother want to be there for her daughter's birthday, especially when she was so young?

"Cake!" Hannah looked up to Michaela. "Cake!" She shook her little head up and down.

"I'll have a piece." Michaela scrunched up her nose smiling down to Hannah.

Sully got up and grabbed the cake. He pulled out two candles and placed them on the top. Then, pulling out matches from his pocket, he lit them.

"Here, darlin'." He placed it in front of her.

"Sing! Sing!" She clapped her hands.

Michaela looked to Sully and laughed.

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Hannah. Happy birthday to you!" they sang.

Hannah threw her arms in the air, bunched her fists and wiggled them. "I two. I two!" she squeaked.

Sully and Michaela chuckled at the antics of Hannah.

"You certainly are!" Michaela patted the top of the little girls head.

Michaela watched Sully cut the cake. She noticed how he stared at it for a while before actually taking the knife and cutting into it. It was almost like he was waiting for something or someone. Sully was like a puzzle to her, but some of the pieces were missing. And for some reason, she was drawn to him. She wanted to figure him out; place the pieces together.

"Dr. Mike?" He held the cake before her.

His voice brought her to reality, and she turned her head to look at him. "Oh, thank you."

"Hannah why don't you sit over here so Dr. Mike can eat." Sully went to grab her.

"No, sit, heh!" she grabbed onto Michaela blouse.

Michaela didn't really know what to think of the small creature that was glued to her lap. She was a bright, beautiful child, but it was all so different and new to her. She wasn't used to children, and this one seemed to be so taken with her.

"It's alright. She can sit on my lap."

Sully placed her cake in front of her and gave her a fork. "Seems like ya got a fan club," he chuckled.

December 20th 1864

Kansas State Penitentiary

"I pulled out his knife and stabbed him eight times."

Abigail sat on the side of her cot next to the wall, listening to Laura tell her gruesome tale. She'd gotten used to listening to her over the past year. Most of the girls in the place had stories. But nothing like Laura's. She had been to over 5 different prisons all over the country and had been here for almost 3 years.

"I can still smell that bastard on me," she grimaced.

"Was it really that horrible in New York?" Abby questioned.

"Hell yes it was!" she snapped back. "They called it "The Tombs." There were forty-two one person cells for us seventy women. Girl's died everyday from the horrible conditions we lived in"

Abigail couldn't even imagine. Laura told her that living here was like heaven compared to the places she's been. When Abby first got there and listened to all of the accounts of the other women, she would cringe.

Laura was thirty years old. But to Abby, she looked much older. Her eyes were raw and haggard. And her dark brown hair hung limply to her shoulders, when she didn't tie it back tightly in a bun. She could tell though, that at a time in her life, she was a very beautiful woman. Abby turned back. Now all she could do was listen…listen and make herself stronger.

"They stuck all us women together in the attic above the kitchen. And, they sealed all the windows up, so we couldn't communicate with the men. Like we wanted too! "

"Did they feed you? Were you ever aloud to come out?" Abby asked.

"Yeah they fed us. They fed us once a day. We had to stay in our cell, though. We weren't able to go out in the mess hall like the men. We were pretty much on our own. They didn't think we deserved anything. They wouldn't even rehire a matron."

"It must have been pretty lonely. I mean…being in your cell 22 hours a day." Abby realized.

"Yeah, that's what the guards thought too. They thought that they could come in when ever they wanted to and have us. Like we were there own free whores or something!"

Abby cringed at the thought of one of the guards coming in…making her-

"They killed my friend, ya know. They beat her to death."

"The guards!" Abby was amazed.

"Rachel…she was in the pen just like me for doin' off her husband." Laura thought for a moment. Rachel Welch was the only subject that could cause Laura to break down. "She was in solitary confinement after she mouthed off to one of the guards. She was in there for 3 weeks! While she was in there, one of the guards raped her." She looked away. "And for a punishment after she gave birth to her little boy, she was flogged by a prison official."

"But-"

"They knew it was one of the guards that did it to her," Laura read her mind. "But they didn't care. The bastards didn't care."

Laura gave herself a mental shake. "Over in Indiana, they actually have a prostitution service for the male guards."

"They do not!" Abby was horrified at the thought.

"Are ya callin me a liar!" Laura shifted her head, so her eyes made contact with Abby's.

"No…I…I just can't believe it, that's all. What happened to her son?" she asked.

"We never found out."

"You said that they never rehired a new matron? Did there used to be one?"

"Yeah, I heard about her back in forty-four. Her name was Eliza Farnham. I guess she did great things for the prison. They used to have this silence rule over there, where no one could talk…ever. And she some how put an end to it. She started an educational program and opened a library." Laura thought for a moment. "Of one the inmates said she used to read Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve. She would pass out candy on holidays, put flower pots in the window, and she even got a damn piano in there! Can you believe that? A piano!"

"What happened to her?" Abby wondered.

"No one knows. One day she just left and never came back. And after she left, every thing went back to normal. Even the silent rule." Her eyes narrowed.

"Everything is just so hard to-" Abigail started.

"Well you better believe it, and hope real hard that you never get sent over t' New York."

Colorado Springs

"How far out is the reservation?" Michaela looked to Sully, as they rode down another hill.

"Just past the brush over there." He pointed.

Since Hannah's birthday, Michaela had seen Sully a few times in town and at Grace's. She also saw him and Hannah board the stagecoach one Friday. She had been in town well over a month, and much to her delight, the townsfolk had started to come around. She thought it had something to do with the life saving operation she had to perform on Mrs. Keller. Charlotte had called for her in the middle of the night. Mrs. Keller was in labor for hours, and the baby just wouldn't come. So as a last resort, she had to perform a crude cesarean section. And luckily, mother and baby pulled out just fine. And Charlotte had made it known to the entire town just what a fine job she did. Michaela smiled at the memory.

Sully had come into town last night and asked her if she wanted to go out to the reservation and meet the medicine man, Cloud Dancing. She didn't have any appointments until later in the evening that day, so she agreed.

"Where's Hannah today?" she questioned.

"She's in town with Dorothy. I usually bring her with me. She likes to play with the other children. But I didn't know how long we were going to be gone, and it's cold. So I thought it might be better to keep her in town."

She nodded. "Sully?"

"Yeah."

"How did you become friends with the Indians? I mean, it doesn't seem as though anyone in town cares much for them."

Sully hesitated for a moment. He didn't know how much he wanted to reveal to her. He knew that he would have to tell her about his situation, but it just didn't seem like the right time. It never did.

"They helped me during a difficult time in my life. They still are." He nudged his horse onward.

The smell of smoke and rawhide filled Michaela nostrils. She looked ahead and saw many teepees with smoke rising from the top of them. Sully jumped down from his horse, and she did like wise. And they walked their horses the rest of the way into the reservation.

She noticed many elderly men and women sitting outside of their homes, watching little ones play. Some were cooking, some were playing and others were just talking.

"Ve'ho'a'e! Ve'ho'a'e!" a child shouted.

Sully stopped in front of a tree and tied up his horse. He took Michaela's reigns and did the same. "Come on."

Michaela followed Sully further into the reservation. Many of the Indians stopped what they were doing and looked at the mysterious stranger that was with there white man friend.

"Cloud Dancing."

"My brother."

The two embraced.

Sully turned to her. "This is Dr. Mike. Ma'heona'e'."

Michaela tentatively held out her hand. "Nice…to…meet…you,'' she spoke slowly.

A smile spread across both Sully and Cloud Dancing's faces. "Nice…to…meet…you…too," he said, repeating her dialect.

Michaela laughed inwardly, feeling a bit foolish.

"You wish to learn about the medicines of our people?" he asked.

"I would, if you would teach me." She smiled.

Cloud Dancing looked to Sully and grinned. "I am glad you want to know the ways of our people."

"I am always open to new ideas, and if it will better my patients, I'm very lucky."

"Come, there is much I want to show you today." Cloud Dancing looked to the sky. "Epo'oomano'e."

"It looks like it's going to snow soon, so we might not be able to stay that long," Sully told her.

"You'll bring me back someday, right?" Michaela asked, already enjoying her surroundings.

"Sure, "he smiled, thrilled he was able to share this part of his life with someone else.

Kansas State Penitentiary

"So how's your appeal coming along?" Laura asked.

"I…I really don't know. Sully's taking care of everything. The only time I know what's going on is the Sunday he comes."

"I've pretty much lost all hope of getting out of here. My family doesn't want to help me. They said after what I did to James, I deserve to be in here," Laura remarked.

"I can't imagine a family not wanting to help." Abby's heart saddened for her.

"They just don't understand. They don't know why I did it." She looked away.

Abby thought back to the day when Laura told her how and why she killed her husband. Apparently, they were a quite well to do couple in New England, and her husband James was an owner of a textile mill on the river. She found out he was having numerous affairs and even squandered most of their fortune. When his business went under, he started drinking, and that lead to an increase in his temper. And pretty soon, he started to take that anger out on Laura. One day, they were in a heated argument. She couldn't even remember why or how it started, and he took out his gun and pointed it at her.

She said that because he was drinking, his reactions were so slow that she took the opportunity and grabbed the gun on him. And without even thinking about it, she shot him three times in the chest. At first she said she didn't know what to do. His blood was everywhere, and before she knew it, four men came barreling into her house and took her away. She said the neighbors alerted the authorities, because they heard such loud bickering coming from their house.

Since Laura plead guilty in court, she's been moving from jail to jail across the country.

"You're lucky you have a good husband; someone that loves ya and will do anything for ya."

"I just don't know what I'm gonna do if the appeal is denied. I mean, what's gonna happen to him? To Hannah?"

"I don't know," Laura spoke truthfully.

She exhaled. "I can't think about that. I'm gonna get out of here."

"I'm proud of ya, ya know?" Laura looked to her.

"Why's that?" she asked.

"Because, ya toughened up. When you came here a year ago, I didn't think you'd last. Cryin' like ya were. It was damned pitiful," she laughed.

"Weren't you frightened when you went to jail?"

"I was already hard as nails when I got to jail." Her eyes narrowed. "You can thank James for that."

"Oh."

"I've seen things that would make the strongest male cringe. I've done things I ain't proud of while I've been here. But ya gotta get by. That's what I say."

"Is that how you always get the things ya need?" Abby asked.

She would often see Laura with things you normally wouldn't get, like special soaps, extra blankets, letters and books.

"I have a way of getting things when I need them." She wasn't ready to indulge all of her secrets.

"Sully and Hannah are coming next week." Abby smiled.

"That's good…real good."

Indian Reservation

Colorado Springs

Michaela looked to Cloud Dancing. "So is it just the root or the whole flower that has the medicinal value?"

"The root is all you need, but the flowers will not hurt," he told her.

Michaela contemplated all Cloud Dancing had told her. She had listened to him speak well over and hour about his people and the medicines that were taught to him by his grandfather. He told her that it would have a much deeper meaning to her, if she knew of the origins of the medicines.

"And this fever tea…you just brew the herbs from the bark?"

"Yes, and this also helps with head pains. It soothes the body," he told her.

Michaela was amazed. "These remedies have been around since the ancient Greeks. They are proven cures, yet in medical school, they only touch on this. Some of my professors wouldn't even go over it, using only modern day medicines. It's a shame." Her eyes saddened.

"By teaching you and you teaching others, the ways of my people will live on." He nodded.

Suddenly the flap of the teepee flew open, and snow started to blow in. Sully jumped up and looked out before securing the flaps. "It's snowin' real hard out there."

"Sully, I have to get back in town. I have patients to see." She began to get up.

"You ain't goin' nowhere."

She placed her hands on her hips. "Excuse me?"

"It's blizzardin' out there!"

"Sully, we have to get back to town!" She tired to push past him, but he placed a hand on her waist to stop her.

"Let go of me!" She wiggled from his grasp.

"Dr. Mike, you'd never find your way back to town. It's too dangerous," he warned.

"I can take care of myself; a little snow isn't going to hurt me," she rebuked.

"Why are ya bein' so stubborn?" he questioned.

"Why are you?" she countered.

Cloud Dancing watched the two banter back and forth. He now knew what the spirits meant, when they came to him last night in a dream. This medicine woman was special, and somehow she was going to bring great joy to his brother's life.

"Dr. Mike," he softened. "It's real bad out there. Can't ya just wait 'til it lets up a little bit?"

"Sully, I finally have patients. How's it going to look when they come to their appointment, and the doctors not even there?"

"I doubt that they even show up…seein' how bad it's snowin'."

She looked into Sully's eyes and saw concern. "Alright, I'll wait for it to let up."

"Thank you." He turned to let her sit back down.

"I must go. Snowbird will need help with the others." Cloud Dancing got up.

"Snowbird?"

"His wife," Sully pointed out.

"I would like to meet your wife." Michaela smiled.

"I'm sure she would like that." Cloud Dancing looked to Michaela and Sully. "Nestaevavoomatse."

Michaela watched Cloud Dancing leave. "He's a remarkable man."

"He is." Sully agreed

"Are the winters usually bad here in Colorado?" she queried.

"We usually get a lot of snow this time of year. It can get pretty cold too."

"Christmas time in Boston was always my favorite. The streets were always decorated so beautifully," she reminisced. "My sisters would always help my mother decorate the house."

"What about you? Didn't you help?"

"I helped my father. We would decorate the hospital. He said, 'if you're stuck in a hospital over Christmas, you might as well enjoy it,'" she laughed.

"Your pa sounds like a wise man."

"Oh, he was." She looked up, shaking her head. "What about your parents, Sully? Where are they?"

"They died when I was little." He blew into his hands for warmth.

"I'm sorry, Sully." She touched his arm.

His eyes shot to her hand. He felt a warmth surge though his body at her touch, and it scared him. Feelings were creeping into his gut, feelings that he hadn't felt in almost two years, and it scared him. Because he knew…he knew he shouldn't feel that way.

"But, you have a beautiful family now. Look at Hannah. She's adorable," Michaela gushed.

"She sure does like ya."

Michaela smiled.

"I'm glad she's in town now. she needs to spend time with her grandpa."

"Grandfather? I thought you said she was with Dorothy." Her brow furrowed.

"She's at the store with Dorothy, and Loren's there with her."

"Loren's Hannah's grandfather?" Michaela was amazed.

"Yeah," he whispered.

Michaela looked at Sully with interest. "Sully, where is your wife?"

This was it. That was the question he was dreading to answer. He didn't want to tell her. He didn't want to tell anyone. Because, the more he said it, the more real it became to him. Even after a year of being alone…a year with out her, it was still hard for him to take.

"Hannah's only seen her ma a few times this whole year. She barely even remembers her. She doesn't talk about her unless someone else brings her up."

Michaela thought back to the first day she met Sully and how Hannah reacted when asked if she was going to spend the day at home with her mother.

"Loren won't talk to me. Judges won't listen to me. I'm running between here and Kansas."

"Sully." She looked to him. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

"She's in jail, Michaela." Sully spoke her given name for the first time.

Michaela's eyes about popped from her sockets. That was the last thing she expected him to say.

"Sully…I'm…sorry." Her words felt inadequate.

"I don't need your pity. We're doing fine."

His rebuke stung her. She wanted to know more, but she didn't know if she should go on.

"Loren blames me…said I should have done more. He's mad, because I left her in that place."

"Is there anything that you could have done?" she asked.

"I've tried everything. I'm working on the final appeal right now. I'm just waitin' to hear from 'em."

Michaela remained quiet, one question weighing on her mind.

"I've been workin' with a lawyer out of Denver. He's supposed t' be real good. Better be, for what I'm payin' him."

"Is there anything I can do? I know quite a few good lawyers out in Boston."

"No, that's alright. Thanks." He smiled.

"Why does Loren blame you?" she wondered.

"Because, I wasn't there the night it happened." He looked away. "I wasn't there to protect my family."

Michaela stayed silent and listened.

"Abby and I had a fight. We were having a lot of them. I was talking about moving, going to someplace to find work. And she didn't want to leave her family."

Michaela's heart went out to Sully; she could tell he was having a horrible time with everything going on in his life.

"I left to go on a hunting trip…I told her I would be back on Thursday…I didn't come home in time." His eyes started to cloud over.

"In time?"

"Everything's just so confusin'. I don't know what to believe anymore," he confessed.

"What…happened?" she swallowed.

"Ever since Abby had Hannah, she started to act different," Sully remembered.

"Different how?" she probed.

Sully thought back to when he first met Abigail. She was such a free spirit. Bubbly, nice and real quite. She wouldn't have hurt a fly, and she was always anxious to help anyone who needed it. She had such a spark in her eyes. But after Hannah was born, she retreated into herself. She became very short tempered, with not only him but with Hannah.

"After she had Hannah, she lost interest in the things that she used to do. She would always go to the quiltin' circles on Thursday night. Sometimes she wouldn't even get outta bed. She'd barely eat anythin'."

Michaela thought for a moment. "Sometimes new mothers have a bout with Melancholia after they have their child. It's quite normal."

"Melancholia?" His brow furled.

"Periods of sadness," she tried to explain.

"It was more than just sadness though," he thought. "She was always so fixed on Hannah and her health. If Hannah just so much as sneezed, she would wanna rush to Denver and see a doctor. I swear she would sometimes see things wrong with her that weren't there."

Michaela listened contently, trying to come up with a diagnosis in her head.

"Sometimes I just couldn't take it anymore, and I just has to sit her down and tell her that Hannah was fine, and nothing was wrong with her."

"What would she do when you told her that?" She was interested.

Sully exhaled. "She would start one of her crying fits and tell me that she was failing as a mother and a wife. I tried to tell her that she was doing fine and was a great mother, but she just wouldn't have it.'

"I've seen a few cases of this back in Boston. It's a form of psychosis that the mother goes though after having a child."

"Is there anything that could have been done t' help her?" he wondered.

"Well, a neurologist, S. Weir Mitchel suggests that after a mother gives birth, she should have a two month bed rest with no sitting up, sewing, writing or reading.

"You don't agree?" He seemed skeptical.

Michaela chose her words carefully. "I feel that this treatment could cause more harm than good for the mother and the family. With the mother being in such strict isolation, she barley has time to bond with her baby or be with her family. I wouldn't want to be away from my child." She looked down.

Sully was at a loss for words, because he knew if she was still sick, the jail she was in was making it worse.

"Other doctors believe that his disorder is caused by a lack of iron in the blood, and that there are certain medications that can heal it."

"And what do you think?" he asked, wanting to know her input.

"I…Sully, I would really like to read more about it before I give you my medical judgment. Texts are updating constantly and for me to give you the best course of action, I would really like to learn more."

"I understand."

"I want to help, Sully."

"I know you do," he smiled.

Feeling a bit uncomfortable, Michaela got up and looked outside. "I don't think that it's letting up."

Sully got up and looked out. "I reckon we're gonna have to spend the night. This storms here t' stay."

"Stay the night…here?" She looked around.

"Yeah. We'll be alright. There's some blankets over here." He handed her one.

"Sully…I don't know if this is really very…"

"We're safe here, Dr. Mike."

"I mean…it's not very proper…me staying here with you…like this." She became uncomfortable.

"We're just sleepin'. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Sully you're…a married man, and I'm…"

"Not?" he laughed.

"I don't find your humor very funny," she chided.

"If you feel uncomfortable, I can go and sleep in my lean-to." He got up.

"No…no. Sully, you don't have to sleep outside. It's alright." She spread her blanket out on the floor.

"Dr. Mike, I don't want t' put ya in a situation ya feel uncomfortable in." His eyes held concern.

"Sully, truly it's alright. I was being foolish. I know you're a gentleman." She smiled.

Sully sat his blanket down and began to start a fire.

Michaela watched him work carefully on the fire before him. She admired the way he was so conscious of her feelings and the things around them. He had a certain light in his eyes, but at the same time, his eyes held such pain. She wanted so much to help him, but she had no idea how.

"Sully?"

He looked up from the fire.

"I…I still don't understand why Abigail is in jail." She sat down across the fire from him.

Sully shifted his eyes back into the fire and watched the flames dance in unison. They cast an eerie glow that enveloped the entire teepee.

"The night before I came back, Abby told me that she heard something outside. She got spooked, so she grabbed the gun from the mantle and looked outside. She said she saw someone walk into the barn, and she thought that it was me. So she went out there." He stumbled on his words before he could go on.

"So…she went out to the barn, and she said that when she opened the door, she didn't see anyone, but then someone grabbed her from behind."

"She must have been so frightened," Michaela sympathized.

"She said she doesn't remember much…she struggled with him and then the gun went off."

"This sounds like it was a matter of self defense," Michaela realized

"I came home the next morning, and Abby was gone. But Hannah was there, cryin…she was just cryin so hard."

He remembered the day he came home and found his daughter in her cradle, her face flushed from hours of crying and being alone.

"Oh, Sully."

"I thought maybe she was just around back and didn't hear her cryin, so I looked all around and couldn't find her. Then I went in the barn. And that's where I saw him."

"Did you know who it was?" she questioned.

"It was a Union officer."

Kansas State Penitentiary

January 1st 1865

"Don't listen to that son of a bitch. He doesn't know what he's talking about," Laura told Abigail.

"That's just it. Sully seemed different. I don't know what it was. There was just something about him."

"That doesn't mean another woman, Abby."

"It's been over a year!" she yelled. "Can I blame him?"

"Well, men are scum." Laura stepped on the bug she had been watching crawl across her cell for the past half hour. "But, from what you told me about your man, I don't think that's the reason he's changin'."

Abby looked up to the ceiling of her cell. She hoped to God Laura was right.

Colorado Springs

January 14th 1865

"There has to be something we can do!" Michaela looked to Sully.

"That was the final appeal. It's over. There's nothing I can do." He crushed the paper in his fist.

"I'm so sorry Sully. Is there anything I can do?"

"I have to go see Abby. Can you watch Hannah for me?"

"Of course."

"I don't know how long I'm gonna be gone," he cautioned.

"That's alright. Take your time. I'll take good care of her."

"I know you will." He smiled. "I'll drop her by in the morning, before I catch the stage. "