2.
Frank N. Furter was the sort of person that rarely got uncomfortable in situations, in fact he considered himself the master of all situations, able to turn anything to his advantage through his special blend of charm and 'subtle' sex appeal. However, this was a situation and he was highly uncomfortable.
He put the uncomfortable-ness down to the… trousers he was wearing. Of course, he knew of such contraptions, he had removed plenty of them in his time. Indeed, Riff Raff wore them and Eddie had worn them…lots of men wore them and he had even heard of women wearing them, but he had never experienced them first hand. He was unable to understand how anyone could bear to do so, they were far too constrictive and hot and itchy and a million other bad things.
With a groan he flopped back onto a couch and rolled around in a most undignified manner as he attempted to wrestle the damned long-legged clothing device into a more comfortable position. His frustration was not helped when he realised that not only were Skinny, Hosanna and their camera crew watching his discomfort, but his 'faithful' servants were crowded in the doorway giggling at him.
A full length mirror was wheeled in front of him and he quickly clamped his eyes shut, knowing he wouldn't be happy with the scene that awaited him.
"Come on now, you dashing young man, open your eyes and see what magic we've worked for you!" One of the off-blondes chirped, although there was a hint of menace to her voice.
Parting his lusciously full lips in a heartfelt sigh, he opened his eyes and stared blankly at the unrecognisable reflection that starkly met his gaze. His first thought was 'Mm… who is that gorgeous male?' but this quickly descended into a gibbering scream of thoughts as he realised that he was the one so plainly and masculine-ly dressed.
He stood up slowly and took a few steps towards the mirror, the material of the trousers chafing his thighs into rawness. A hand reached out and delicately lighted upon the cold, indifferent glass. The man in the mirror blinked at him, his face looking strangely naked without the thick layer of make up he had grown accustomed to gazing upon. He ran his hands slowly down his body, feeling the odd fabric of the shirt and tie that hung loosely from his body and those… trousers. He plucked at them, dumbfounded. This would not do, it would not do at all. A sweet transvestite from Transsexual Transylvania was not a sweet transvestite from Transsexual Transylvania without his lingerie, fishnets and corset. He was just… a nothing.
"What have you done with my clothes?" He inquired, his voice strained.
"We threw them away of course! You can't move forwards if you keep looking back."
Frank wished he had his electric meat carver with him… or maybe his chainsaw… but both were in the dining room somewhere.
The woman that had said this now turned to the camera with a grin. "So now that Mr. Furter has seen the Right Way To Dress we are going to take him on a little shopping trip to see how much he has learnt." The grin twisted into a sadistic smirk.
This was too much, all too much… more clothes like this?
"Columbia."
The diminutive red-head stepped smartly forwards, her tap shoes clacking on the floor.
"I say we show these… people the Right Way To Live." Frank smirked, moving to take each woman by the arm and propelling them towards the lift.
"Right away, Frank." Columbia giggled and disappeared off to prepare.
"What!?" Hosanna squawked, as the bemused cameramen followed, exchanging questioning looks and shrugs amongst themselves. "But this is our show."
"Not any more…" Frank chuckled delightedly, a rich and slightly ominous sound. With a smirk, he turned to face one of the cameras. "Welcome, my unconventional conventionists, to How To Live, with your host Frank N. Furter. Be prepared to give yourself over to absolute pleasure and swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh. I shall be showing these two women how to be wild and untamed things, to shake it 'til the life has gone, gone, gone."
He gave the women a small push, making them stumble into the lift in their shock. A contented smirk resting on his lipstick free lips, he stepped in smartly after them, pulling the cage-like door closed with considerable effort and trapping them in with him. Just as the lift started to descend, he gave a nod to Riff to lead the cameramen down to the ballroom and have them ready.
As life in a castle run by a sweet transvestite is always magical, it is perhaps no surprise that when Frank and his two hostages emerged from the lift, they were all dressed to the height of Transylvanian fashion. Where the scarlet basques, satin laced lingerie and fishnet suspenders had come from was anybody's guess, but logical things like that really ceased to matter when there was time warping to be done.
"It's just a jump to the left!" Riff Raff announced loudly as Frank smartly propelled the two bemused women out in front of him and onto the floor. Lively, upbeat music chimed in from nowhere, adding to the party atmosphere. With a simply delighted smirk resting on his once again made up lips, Frank shoved the women to the left, commenting "Oh really now, not much of a jump was it?" The music continued regardless.
"And a step to the ri-i-ght!" Columbia chimed in proudly, appearing from the other end of the room, dressed immaculately in her golden tail coat and top hat. And so the TV presenters learnt for the first time ever how to Time Warp, and it must be said, they enjoyed it greatly.
The music slowly faded and the small group of Transylvanians and groupie fell to the floor is a pseudo faint, as is the custom for the end of the Time Warp. They led motionless for a few moments, getting their breath back whilst the two TV presenters and camera crew giggled excitedly and mopped the exulted sweat from their plastic brows.
"Well… There's something that we won't be allowed to show on BBC," Hosanna grinned, her face flushed.
Skinny nodded wisely, producing a Dictaphone and speaking into it so as not to forget. "Yes, we shall have to sell the rights to Channel Five, they'll take anything garish with plenty of suggested boob shots." She smirked at her frumpier counter part and they exchanged high fives.
The Transylvanians plus groupie slowly stood up and straightened themselves up, Frank eyeing the humans with a new, arrogant interest.
"So, have you realised the errors of your ways? Has my message finally reached you earthlings?"
"People…" Riff Raff interjected hastily, and although Frank waved a dismissive hand he nodded in agreement and added "People."
The two women nodded vigorously, their hands clasped beneath one flat and one ample chest. "Yes, oh yes. We have found This Season's Next Big Thing! The Transsexual Transylvanian look will be hitting all the major high street stores by tomorrow morning, and we shall want a recording contract on that wonderful song. It will be download number one in no time."
Hosanna fluffed up her hair, pouted her heavily lipsticked lips and turned to the camera for the final time.
"This is Skinny and Hosanna with this week's What Not To Wear. Which is definitely trousers. We are here to tell you that fishnets and high living are most certainly in." She and Skinny gave their insipid smiles and blew kisses to the camera… and then… it was all over.
The Transsexual Transylvanian craze would take the world by storm, lasting at least a whole season and the castle became a hotbed of nightly activity, much to Frank's pleasure. And to top it all off, the Time Warp spent a record breaking two consecutive months as the download chart number one. All in all, a wonderful time had been had by all.