-Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi
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To Come To Me
Chapter III
Kagome's Choice
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Kagome lay awake staring at the blue black sky. It was hard to sleep when you felt like you were being watched, observed like some sort of lab rat in a cage. It was odd how she had always known he was there in the past and it had brought her comfort, now she felt like she was under surveillance.
'Be careful what you wish for Kagome'
She mused with annoyance, remembering how she had once longed to be the center of InuYasha's attention.
Not that she could totally blame him for being worried, she had killed herself.
It had been two weeks and a day since that awful night, the night she had decided that she had enough. Enough pain, enough torture. Enough of loving someone who longed for a dead woman. She remembered everything about that night, how she had hastily pulled an arrow out of her quiver then trailed him in the dark night as a monotonic mantra ran over and over in her mind.
'If you can't beat her…join her.'
She remembered stepping from the brush and his look of annoyance when he realized he had been followed.
'So sorry to interrupt InuYasha,…but I have a surprise for you.'
Kami, her thoughts had been like those of a madwoman, these weren't the thought's of Higurashi Kagome. Not the sweet perky girl who use to open a lemonade stand on the shrine on Saturdays and then ended up giving it all away because she couldn't bring herself to accept money for it. Not the girl who had played hide and seek with Hojo for years because she didn't want to date him, couldn't bear to hurt his feelings.
These really weren't the thoughts of the girl who had lived for the boy with the puppy ears, who had been thrilled when she was the one to make him smile and who's heart melted when he gave her a certain look.
That Kagome plunged an arrow into her chest to make InuYasha leave Kikyo to come to her.
Kagome could see now what she hadn't been able to see then. That girl was broken, damaged beyond repair. Years of pain and rejection had taken its toll. Not that Kagome blamed InuYasha, she had made her own choices. She knew the truth when she had chosen to stay with him, knowing full well that he loved another. He had never lied about his feelings.
She believed that he had tried to keep his promises, but the lure of Kikyo, the woman that he loved was too much to deny. Kagome couldn't fault him for that. Hell, she probably would have done the exact same thing he had. Probably nothing, she knew that at one time if it had meant being able to see InuYasha, she would have done exactly what he had.
Killing herself had been selfish, the ultimate guilt trip. Her final words reverberated through her head…
"Thank you…For leaving Kikyo, just this once to come to me."
"Good one Kagome. Dump a little salt in the gaping wound why don't you?" She said out loud, rolling her eyes at herself.
Yet in the pain of the arrow piercing her heart had been comforting in the most horrible way. Concentrating on her physical pain, she forgot for a moment at least the crippling emotional pain that had led her to where she was. Feeling her heart rate slow as death over took her had been soothing in much the same way one feels when a splinter is removed.
Kagome shuddered, thinking about what she had nearly done in her selfish need for revenge. She was only seventeen for Kami sakes, she had her entire life ahead.
That girl that she had been died, and she didn't return when she was brought back by Tensaiga. It was for the best, but Kagome felt lost. She didn't know who she was anymore, or what she was anymore. She didn't know who was going to take her place.
She needed to find out who SHE was, she had been living for InuYasha for so long, being what he needed, what he wanted. InuYasha's little Miko Shikon no Tama detector.
How was she was going to find herself, if InuYasha was part of her search? She didn't know how she felt about InuYasha anymore, but she knew he had far too much power over her emotionally. What happened a week ago…she could, would never allow that to happen again. She had been given an incredible gift, the gift of another chance.
Kagome wiped away a swath of tears as she whispered to the stars, not for the first, or last time.
"Thank you Sesshomaru"
Kagome knew she owed Sesshomaru a huge debt, one she didn't know how she would ever pay back.
"He doesn't even eat human food, otherwise I would bake him some cookies or…." she trailed off, the absurdity of her thoughts hitting her.
"Yeah," she smiled a little to herself " 'Thanks for bringing me back from the dead, here, have some chocolate chip cookies!' Good Kagome, real good."
Kagome laughed a tiny bit, it was small, but it was real, her first real laugh in weeks.
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Kagome was quiet and deep in thought over breakfast the next morning. Miroku, Sango and Shippo didn't know what exactly had happened, but they knew that something significant had changed in the dynamic between Kagome and InuYasha. They were polite to one another, speaking to one another if spoken to out of need.
Kagome had either walked or ridden on Kirara, and unlike usual, InuYasha didn't press the issue. InuYasha's eyes seldom strayed from Kagome's face but unlike normal they didn't skitter away when she glanced at him. But then again, she seldom glanced at him anymore. She treated InuYasha with polite indifference at best.
Miroku had woken to see the Shinidamachu in the distance, he also noticed the absence of two of their party, so this terse behaviour was of no real surprise to him. What was surprising however was that it went beyond the two days it took to return to the village where they took their rest.
InuYasha followed Kagome through the well, returning with her a week later. Upon their return, Kagome's cool treatment of InuYasha persisted, even though he seemed to double, then triple his efforts at drawing her out.
They had just finished breakfast and began to pack up their camp when InuYasha suddenly glanced up with a slight nervousness. Kagome looked at him then turned to see what had caught his attention
"Sesshomaru" she whispered. She rose to her feet, her hands pressed to her mouth, then started towards the proud Lord without a thought of the reaction of the others.
Sango, Shippo and Miroku looked on in shock and then at InuYasha who only glared at them.
"Mind your own fucking business" he snapped then rose himself to jump back into the tree where he had slept.
They stared silently as Kagome approached Sesshomaru and bowed her head to him, then she put her hands his shoulders, stood on her toes, and kissed both of his sides of his face, then fell against his chest.
The true shock came when Lord Sesshomaru returned her embrace.
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Kagome couldn't have been more happily surprised when she turned around and saw Lord Sesshomaru standing off in the distance. Somehow she also knew that he had come to see to her well being. She had been waiting and hoping for this chance since she realized she missed her chance to at least thank him that night in the clearing. He had left so fast.
She wasn't about to miss another chance, even if it did mean some raised eyebrows and likely a fairly pissed off InuYasha to deal with later.
She couldn't believe her eyes when she actually noticed the tiniest of smiles on his lips as she approached, it certainly transformed his countenance.
She bowed to him politely and then smiled.
"Lord Sesshomaru…just saying thank you seems so inadequate …I…."
Words failed her and before she could stop to think she stepped forward and kissed his cheeks, then hugged him, even as her mind screamed…
"Woah…I'm hugging SESSHOMARU!? FUCKIN A!"
He patted her back, giving her a loose hug in return, another nice surprise.
When she pulled back she wiped her face on her sleeve and smiled up at him.
"Thank you for restoring my life Lord Sesshomaru."
"This Sesshomaru could do no less Miko."
"Please…please call me Kagome."
"As you wish, Kagome."
"Thank you."
"You have healed completely I trust, Kagome?"
"Physically, yes quite well thank you."
"Do you still suffer the half breed's idiocy?"
"Yes, and no. I…" Kagome stopped, "It's complicated, and much too hard to sort while I am still sitting in the middle of the problem."
"I see. Might this Sesshomaru offer a solution?"
"Of course, anything."
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InuYasha tried not to glare in the direction of where Kagome stood calmly having a discussion with Sesshomaru.
Sesshomaru, of all fucking people. He might not be with Kikyo, but he was definitely in hell.
Shit, who was he to bitch? Kagome wouldn't even be alive right now if it wasn't for Sesshomaru.
"InuYasha?"
Was Kagome actually speaking to him?
InuYasha jumped from the tree.
"Yeah?"
"I uh…I just came for my things."
"You…what?"
Kagome was packing her things up. She wasn't…no…she couldn't be…actually planning to…
"What do you think your doing bitch?"
InuYasha winced as Kagome visually stiffened. She stood and turned around, tying her pack closed.
"Sesshomaru invited me to travel with them for a little while. I think we could use some time apart."
"Kagome why are you doing this?"
"Well, Sesshomaru doesn't call me a bitch for starters."
"Kagome…I didn't mean it…"
"You don't mean a lot of thing's InuYasha."
"Kagome, what's going on?" Sango asked.
Kagome knew they had to be wondering what was going on, she also knew it wasn't fair to leave InuYasha with all the questions.
"Two weeks ago I caught InuYasha with Kikyo, again. I flipped out and killed myself. Luckily Sesshomaru revived me."
"You what?" Miroku stepped forward, grabbing InuYasha "You bastard…"
"No Miroku, it isn't his fault. It was mine. InuYasha never lied, he never deceived me. I've always known he loved Kikyo. I'm the one who convinced myself that my feelings weren't important. Don't be mad at him."
"Kagome will you just wait a fucking minute?" InuYasha asked, his voice pleading "Can we have some fucking privacy?"
"InuYasha, your not gonna change my mind…"
InuYasha put his hands on her cheeks, brushing over them with his thumbs. He pulled her close to him and put his arms around her.
"Kagome…don't leave…please. Stay with me."
"I can't."
"Why?"
"Because when I am with you, it hurts me."
InuYasha felt a blast of pain obliterate his heart.
"Kagome…is this…." InuYasha's voice caught and he had to swallow a few times before he could speak again.
"Is this… time apart…or is this really goodbye?"
"I don't know."
Kagome pulled away from him and turned to the others. She kissed Shippo and gave Sango and Miroku both hugs then she turned back to InuYasha.
" bye InuYasha"
She kissed his cheek and then turned and ran to where Sesshomaru waited for her.
InuYasha turned away from the looks of the others and turned in the direction of the village and began his walk to the only other place he could find peace… Goshinboku.
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