Chapter 5

It's been over 10 years since that dreadful day, the passage of time the 36 year old now General of the army knew all too well, as Tomomasa brings his steed to an abrupt halt when he finally reaches the working residences of the Minister of Left.

With unusual speed and determination, he alights from the animal and, in an actual run, proceeds towards the Vice Minister's rooms.

Once at the door, he takes in a breath of air and slides it open forcefully, surprising the tall lone man inside the government "office" room.

"General Tomomasa! What a surprise! It's been so long! But it is good to see you again. What is it I can do for you?"

Fujiwara no Takamichi looks up with a welcoming hand from his work to find his former Byakko partner standing there, with fist clenched----quite unlike his normal state of lackadaisical being. Tomomasa waved his hand in a gesture that meant "forget about all that" which further caused the 26 year old official some pause for alarm.

"Takamichi---never mind the pleasantries. I don't have time for them. I'm on an urgent mission---a mission to save someone very precious to me from a fate that I personally know is worse than death. There is only one man who can do it----

---And that's you."

Takamichi stands at this brisk and unexpected reply to his commonplace inquiry and furrows his brows. Nothing Tomomasa had said thus far made much sense to him. A mission? Only he could save someone? He hadn't heard of anything important to the crown going on...

But neither would he just ignore what could be a dire situation to someone. He was not the type of man to let anything slip by him that he could be of any assistance in.

"General Tomomasa, please explain. I'll be more than glad to help you in whatever you need."

Tomomasa lets out a sigh that was half relief, half anticipation. Was there a way to make Takamichi realize how important this was to him----without letting on that Fuji was his own daughter? He had kept it a secret all these years---knowing that if even the slightest rumor had gotten out about it, that the little princess would be marred in societal circles, let alone, she may even have been disinherited by her "father" the former Minister of the Left.

That was not likely to happen anymore, since the man had passed away a few years. So Tomomasa knew he was safe in that respect.

Yet...the social standing of Fuji was still in danger if anyone ever discovered his secret.

Tomomasa purses his lips together, narrowing his eyes in thought as he considers his options.

No, Takamichi is the most trustworthy man I know. I'll have to risk it.

Takamichi, puzzled, tilts his head in bewilderment at the usually calm and steady twenty four year old's obvious discomfort and anxiety before him. He knew, from Tomomasa's demeanor, this was no mere royal mission. This was something personally important to the general.

He puts his hand on Tomomasa's arm and smiles gently.

"Please take your time to collect your thoughts. I can feel this is something very important to you. I hope you know you can say anything to me, for we are partners still. Are we not? Have no fear as whatever you say will go no further."

Takamichi tries to loosen Tomomasa's mood by reassuring him of their bond in his kind way,as he prods at Tomomasa's reluctant spirit.

Tomomasa looks at Takamichi with genuine warmth in his eyes.

Ah, it's no wonder my little one has fallen for you...I would too---
If I was a woman, that is...he he heh

"Takamichi, the Emperor has ordered Princess Fuji to wed Prince Eisen on the last day of this month."

Here, Tomomasa pauses dramatically and studies Takamichi's expression carefully. He wanted to be absolutely sure of this man's feelings for his daughter as well.

He was well rewarded, as first Takamichi's eyes uncharacteristically flash in fury, while his eyebrows furrow in anger, and his hands clench into fists.

"M-marry...?"

Tomomasa closes his eyes for moment in relief.

I knew you loved her...

"The reason why I came to you is that you are the only one who can save her."

Tomomasa reopens his eyes and puts his hand on Takamichi's shoulder. He looks directly into the younger man's eyes with meaning.

"Takamichi, Fuji is in love with you. She has been for years. But you think so little of yourself that you can't see it. But I see it. And I also see in your eyes that you love her."

Takamichi looks down and then gazes again into the general's eyes with a small smile. Yet, there was something in the smile that Tomomasa didn't quite understand.

"Yes, I suppose it must've been obvious, but I couldn't help it...I am in love with her. How could I not be? She is the sun who shines down her gentle rays every morning to caress me and strengthen me for the day ahead. She is the moon---with beauty beyond compare---that shines brightly through the darkest nights, guiding me forward with her light alone. She is a flower----the most beautiful that ever bloomed---who must be cared for and valued tenderly and which brings happiness to my life."

Tomomasa blinks his eyes and smiles at this long and overly poetic speech that his partner just spewed forth.

Uhhh, this sounds good, right...?

"So then, you understand what you must do. You have to go to the princess and tell her your true feelings. She feels the exact same way----trust me, I know."

Tomomasa feels that perhaps this wasn't as hard as he first thought it might be and starts to relax a bit. But still, there was a nagging doubt in the back of his mind. He tried to shake it away but it wouldn't disappear.

"And then what? If I tell Princess Fuji how I love her---how I adore her---it will only make things worse for her. Don't you see? If she finds out my feelings for her and returns them...though I can't imagine that she would..."

Takamichi looks down and sideways, trailing off. He was silent a moment and just as Tomomasa was about to prompt him on, he lifts his head and looks Tomomasa straight in the face.

"...Yet...if she does, then my declaration of love for her would only cause her more grief because, in the end, she must still marry Prince Eisen, no matter how we feel about each other. I am not worthy enough for her but...Eisen is a prince, he is."

Takamichi said the name "Eisen" with anger and narrowed his lovely eyes at the thought of the beautiful Fuji married to the prince. It wasn't that he wasn't fond of Prince Eisen---on the contrary. Takamichi thought that Eisen was a kind and well-cultured man.

But it was the mere thought of Eisen with the princess that riled him. He had loved her for a long time, but he knew that he could never marry her. He hadn't even ever entertained the idea---it was simply impossible. He was just a government official, and wasn't royal or of noble blood to be worthy of the princess' hand.

Yet the vision of Eisen and Fuji together tortured his soul and caused jealousy and anger to bubble up in his normally composed and sweet nature.

But there was nothing to be done. The Emperor ordered the marriage and it was probably for the best.

After all, Eisen was a royal prince, and very kind---he was worthy of the princess and would make a good husband to her. No matter how much he loved her, Fuji deserved far more than what he could offer her. She was a princess and only a prince should be her husband.

Takamichi shudders at the word "husband" that rings through his mind.

No!

Again, the tumultuous feelings rush through him, but he felt at odds within his own soul. He loved her more than anything---but he also was certain that he wasn't good enough for her.

Tomomasa grits his teeth and rolls his eyes.

Ughhh...I knew there'd be a hitch in this somewhere. sigh Why do you have to be so irritatingly humble! None of that matters to the heart---

Tomomasa takes both of Takamichi's shoulders and shakes him, looking at him with a set jaw.

"Takamichi. Stop talking such nonsense! What do you mean you're not worthy! Who are you to decide that! If you're so lucky as to have this girl's love...!"

Tomomasa felt like giving the green haired man a sharp whack to his head, but refrained from doing so.

Instead he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Takamichi, I'm going to tell you a story----a story I've never told anyone before--and never will again. When I first came in here, you said I could tell you anything and it wouldn't leave this room. I trust you will honor your word. So listen carefully to mine."

Tomomasa decides the only way to convince this stubborn class-conscious man was by telling him the whole truth.

Anyway, he hoped it would.

Well, here goes. Be here with me, Houtaru...I need you to guide me...

"Once upon a time there was a soldier---not royal nor noble, but he had fallen in love with a royal princess. This princess returned his love and the pair were so happy together----for a time."

Here, Tomomasa closes his eyes and clenches his fist, trying to check his own emotions. The memories were flooding back to him and though he thought he could control his emotions by the passing of many long years, he found it difficult to suppress the tears that were springing to his eyes as he retells the tragic tale to his younger partner.

"Then, the princess' father, the Emperor, decreed that the girl was to marry a nobleman, which would unite the kingdom with an area not under his control. This man chosen was a good man, but she did not love him. Yet, the dutiful, though broken hearted girl agreed and married the nobleman. The soldier had objected at first, but was not strong enough, not determined enough,and allowed his love to marry another. This soldier became dead inside, his heart turned icy cold, and cared for nothing of this world any longer. That empty lifeless feeling was elevated even more so when his yet beloved princess, some years after her marriage, had died. Now, she was completely gone from him and he knew from the last time that he saw her, as she was dying, it was that she had just given up. Her waning eyes had told him volumes of her sorrow, times of tremendous loneliness in living without him and from then on, he could never forgive himself for allowing his love to marry into such a life --no matter her own thought to her "duty" or what he thought would be her "happiness". He had not been strong enough to fight for her and so, had not only lost her, but he had lost himself. For without her, he was nothing; and in the end, he had discovered, that without him, she was also nothing. They were two parts of a complete whole, that, without each other, could not survive for long-- she his heart and he her soul."

Tomomasa's voice breaks here, and he pauses, trying to regain his composure, while allowing his words to sink into Takamichi.

"If that is so, you'll no doubt be wondering why the soldier was able to survive with nothing to live for..."

Takamichi doesn't respond, but looks at Tomomasa with full attention, natural curiosity and a touch of sadness.

"That is because the man did have something---rather, someone to live for. You see, the princess had one child---a little girl that was her own. This little girl was the image of her mother and very dutiful as well---even showing such traits at such a young age. The child was just 5 years old when her mother passed away, and it had been almost six years since the princess and her soldier had parted ways and she married another...so..."

Tomomasa looks at Takamichi with a raised eyebrow to which the intelligent man catches on immediately.

"...The young girl was in fact the princess and the soldier's illegitimate child, and as such, was the reason why the man must go on living---to protect her, just as his eyes had promised her mother's in those dreadful final moments."

"Heh heh, yes, you catch on quickly, Takamichi. Could it be that perhaps you really have an evil mind buried down deep in that pureness you project?"

Tomomasa couldn't help but tease him. He truly valued Takamichi's friendship and in truth, felt a fatherly instinct towards him. He had always considered him the man he should have been all those years ago----stedfast, true and honest, with courage and determination, and now hoped to be able to guide Takamichi even just a little, with his vast experiences. But he had never imagined that now would be the time and the reason he'd have to impart his knowledge and steer the younger man down the correct path, though.

"General Tomomasa! Honestly!"

Takamichi's handsome face flushes with embarrassment and Tomomasa smiles at the man's predictability. But he could see that the story had impacted Takamichi greatly and he was thankful for that.

"But, I'm almost out of time now and the Emperor is expecting me to report back to him immediately. I'm sure by now, he is tapping his royal fingers in anticipation of my return."

Tomomasa turns to leave but Takamichi grabs his shoulder and turns him around.

"General Tomomasa! There is one thing I don't understand."

Tomomasa raises his eyebrows and twirls a stray hair as he glances back at the man who dared touch him.

"What would that be?"

"Why would this story be so important to you to be kept secret?"

Takamichi narrows his eyes in suspicion, yet he wanted to be certain of the facts.

"Ah, Takamichi, you are always so clever. I thought perhaps I might get away without telling you the end of this story, but I see nothing gets past you."

Tomomasa turns halfway towards him, and lowers his eyelids, whispering into his ear.

"The soldier in that story is me..."

Tomomasa watches with interest as Takamichi's head snaps up with a start.

"...And that being said, of course, the Princess Fuji is my little girl."

Takamichi gasps openly and the pen brush he had been holding all this time, drops to the floor.

"Ha ha ha...Don't look so surprised, Takamichi. Does she not take after me? Wait...don't answer that...Well, at least in looks, that fact can't be disputed. Her beauty is beyond comparison, so she does take after me in that respect. He he heh .Of course her dear mother was no slouch in that department either..."

Tomomasa shakes his hair over his shoulder and takes a step towards Takamichi. In a serious tone, he leaves his final words with the shocked man.

"Don't do the same thing I did---I allowed "duty" to destroy both our lives---and I've had nothing but sorrow and regret and emptiness. Houtaru and I---we could've spent our lives together...But instead, we chose "duty" and it left us nothing but loneliness and sadness. I don't want to see that to happen to you---and especially not to my daughter. I won't her let what happened to her mother happen to her. She is not in love with Eisen----she's in love with you. Takamichi, you are my only hope to save her. I've never begged a man in my life, but I will do so now---to keep my daughter happy and vibrant. I'm begging you----save my little baby."

The two men gaze at each other, a depth of emotion passing between them, without further words being spoken.

"General Tomomasa, I---"

Suddenly, a ruckus is heard outside and a man comes running in, breathless and exhausted.

"General Tomomasa! Where have you been! We've been searching everywhere for you! The Emperor has been waiting for over 45 minutes for your speedy return! When you didn't come back at the time expected, he sent all his imperial horsemen to search the city for you! We've been running here and there and His Majesty is surely angered by this time! You must hurry with your report to him!"

Tomomasa sighs and gives Takamichi one last look before he departs.

"Remember, Takamichi, I am depending on you."

And with that, he hastily leaves a shocked Takamichi standing there. Takamichi rushes to the doorway and watches Tomomasa speed away towards the Emperor's palace on his stallion.

Takamichi closes his eyes and tightens his fist. There was no question as to what he wanted to do. He wanted to rush to Fuji's side and confess his love for her---to take her away and make her his wife.

But was he truly good enough for her? What if she would be better off with Eisen? He could give her all she was accustomed to---riches, fancy parties, royal titles and social position.

He could not give her any of those things---he was just a government official--nothing more.

All he could offer her...was his love.

But would that be enough to make up for what he felt he lacked? He knew that love was the most important thing in this life, but...

Could he make her happy? Could he give her all she wanted and deserved? He had never even considered before marriage to the princess----he never imagined it could be possible. But now, Tomamasa had put the prospect roght on his lap, and now it was staring him in the face .But he didn't know what was best for her and that was his main concern.

All he knew was that he wanted her to be happy, no matter what else happened. Wouldn't she perhaps forget about him after a while and be happy with Prince Eisen?

He gritted his teeth at the mere thought and shook his head.

No! I don't want her to forget!I love her and I can't let anyone else have her!

Yes, he loved her with all his soul.

But was that enough?

He leans on the wall with his eyes closed, and sees Princess Fuji's smiling, laughing face, hearing her sweet voice call out to him plaintively...

"Takamichi, save me...".