deserved
Sydney told me once that anger has scarred my soul. I can hardly disagree, but it is certainly not an unexpected result of the life I lived previous to our meeting. Yet part of my frustration is that I still wonder whether or not it was warranted.
I did things that were wrong, true. My motives were unselfish, however - one could not fault me for doing a small thing, only what was necessary to support my brother. Many could fault me for my confession, for my naming names, but they were as guilty as I - they have no right to judge. Again, my desire for freedom was for my brother's sake.
Was it so terrible a thing that I deserved false promises and lies, solitude and confinement, knowing all the time that my brother wasted away alone? Had he done anything to deserve that fate? Has anyone received what they were due?
...Then, sometimes, I look at the pale body lying disheveled beside me, limbs cold and hard but no less beautiful. I must wonder if he is precisely what I deserve, a reward from the gods for bearing witness to so much injustice.
Other times, when he wakes, I wonder if my deeds were darker than I believed, and my closeness to him is well-deserved punishment.