Chapter 18

The carriage rolled back and forth down the cobblestone streets of Beacon Hill. Michaela's gloved hand wiped off the steam that clouded the window, and she looked out to the familiar scenery. "We're almost there," she announced. "It's on the hill around the corner." Soon she felt her back pressing against the soft black leather seats, as they ascended the hill.

Michaela felt her palms becoming sweaty beneath her gloves, and she itched to take them off. Her mouth felt as dry as cotton, and she knew she would be home any second. She tightened her grip on Sully's hand, hoping it would bring her some sort of comfort. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sully bouncing Hannah on his knee, as they both looked out at the foreign land.

"Sully, I'm nervous," Michaela began to fret. "What if she doesn't let us in? Or…or what if she's not home, and we have to wait, then she just sends us on our way?"

"Michaela," Sully chuckled. "Ya need t' calm down. You're getting yourself all worked up."

"But don't you see? I have to think of the worse possible outcome. I have to be prepared for that. That way I can-"

Sully suddenly placed his fingers over Michaela's lips. "No ya don't. It's gonna be fine."

"I don't understand how you can be so sure. You've barely even met my mother, and what you did see was-"

"We're here, Miss," the driver called. "I'll place your luggage on the sidewalk for you."

"Thank…thank you," Michaela called up to the driver, trying to find her voice.

"Ready?" Sully's hand gave hers a reassuring squeeze.

"No…but I'm afraid I have to be."

Sully jumped down from the carriage, and Michaela handed Hannah down to him. He sat her on the sidewalk and then extended his hand to help Michaela down. His hands lingered on her waist for a second, while he looked into her eyes, giving her his silent reassurance. Hand in hand, they walked up to the Quinn home.

Michaela's eyes beheld the large brass doorknocker, and she stared at it before her hand reached up and knocked it against the oak door. Michaela turned to look at Sully, and again, his hand sought hers and gave it a squeeze. "Sully, I don't think-"

Suddenly, the door opened, and there stood Mrs. Quinn. "Michaela!"

"Mmm…Mother!" She was surprised to see her open the door.

"Michaela, you're here! You're finally here!" Elizabeth stepped out of the doorway to embrace her daughter, not even paying any mind to the man and little girl standing next to her. "Oh, Michaela, you'll never guess who's here! He came all this way too see you! And the plans are going wonderfully!"

"Mother, what…who are you talking about?" She turned to give a look at Sully. "What plans?"

"For the wedding silly!" Elizabeth took Michaela by the arm and led her in the house.

As soon as she stepped through the threshold, she felt two strong arms circle around her waist and spin her around. Before she even got a look to see who it was, she felt her lips being covered and drawn into a kiss. Quickly, she gained her senses and pushed herself away. And when she looked up, her mouth dropped in shock.

"God, Michaela I missed you!" He drew her into a hug. "I'm so glad you're here!"

"Jaaa…Jackson!"

"Surprised to see me?" He took her hands. "I couldn't wait to see you again. So my parents and I decided to come early. You should see our mothers, Michaela," he laughed. "They've completely taken over the wedding."

Michaela's face completely drained in color. She felt as though someone was cutting off her air supply, and she couldn't breathe. What was going on? Jackson…Jackson was dead!

"Michaela, what's wrong? You look as though you've seen a ghost! Aren't you happy to see me?" He moved closer to her, trying to draw her in another hug.

"No…" she backed away, placing her hand over her mouth. "It can't be…"

"Michaela," he chuckled. "What's going on?"

Michaela turned to look at Sully and noticed him and Hannah making their way out the door. "Sully, where are you going?"

"Home," was his only reply.

"What!" She was astounded. "Sully, what are you talking about? You can't go home!" Her heart was pleading. She didn't understand what was going on. Jackson was dead, but he was standing right there in front of her in the middle of the foyer.

Sully's hand touched the knob and opened the door. "Sully, no!" She ran for him. "Don't go…please!"

"Good bye, Michaela."

"Sul-ly!" Her eyes opened wide, not believing he would actually leave.

"Michaela," Jackson's arms snaked around her body. "Let him go. You're mine now."

"No!" She shook herself from his cold arms. "Let ME go! Sully!" she screamed, holding onto the doorframes, looking out onto the streets of Beacon Hill. "SULLY!"

"Michaela…" he called her. "Michaela…"

Michaela felt herself being pulled in two constricting directions. She wanted to go near Sully's voice, but she felt herself being pulled back into her Beacon Hill home.

"Michaela! Michaela, wake up!" Sully tried to rouse her from sleep. "Michaela…"

"Sully…" she continued to call his name. "Sully…"

"Michaela, I'm right here!" He began to gently shake her. "Wake up."

"Sully, don't go! Sully!" Michaela screamed aloud, before her eyes shot open. "Sully!"

"Michaela!" He held her close. "It's alright. Ya were dreamin', it's alright." Sully stoked Michaela's hair, as he felt her quiver in his arms. "It's just a dream…"

"Sully," she gripped onto his arms tightly. "Jackson…he was alive. My mother…she was there. Jackson was there. We were getting married. And…and you left!'

Sully's head wrinkled in confusion. "We were getting married, and I left?" he tried to understand. "Where was I going?"

Michaela swallowed hard. "No, Sully. We weren't getting married." She looked out the window. "Jackson and I were."

"Oh," was Sully's only response.

"I was trying to get away from him and get to you, but you and Hannah were leaving. You said you were going back home." Even the thought frightened Michaela.

Sully could tell that her dream had scared her. "Michaela." He didn't know how to bring up the sensitive subject. "Have you still been having dreams about Jackson?"

Michaela looked away again, not meeting Sully's eyes. They hadn't been as frequent as before, but once in awhile they still plagued her. "Sometimes."

"Michaela," his eyes softened. "Why haven't you told me?"

"I don't know," she rang her hands. "I thought they would go away on their own. They haven't been as recurrent as before. I actually haven't had a dream about him in quite awhile." She smiled, knowing the reason. "I think that I'm just stressed out about mother, and it's coming out in all certain ways."

"Well," Sully smiled, "I think that I may have something to take your mind off of it."

"Really?" She smiled, knowing that he always knew the right thing to cheer her up.

"Well…" He looked over to Hannah on the opposite side of the Pullman car, fast asleep. "I was going to bring this up after we were married, but I wanted to know how you felt about it first." Sully turned so he was fully facing Michaela.

"Want to know how I felt about what?"

Sully let out a breath. "Once we get married, how would you feel about adopting Hannah? So you could be her real ma?"

Michaela looked between Sully and Hannah. "Her mother?" Michaela felt strangely warm at the idea. "You would like me to be Hannah's mother…legally?"

Suddenly, Sully didn't know if that's what she truly wanted. "Only…only if you want to. I mean, I know it's a big step. It's just that I thought…well, it's just that Hannah really loves ya and-"

"Oh Sully," Michaela squeezed his hand. "Be Hannah's mother!" Her face lit up. "I would love and be truly honored to be her mother."

"Really?" The smile on his face matched hers. "I don't want t' pressure ya into doin' anything."

"I…I have a little confession to make." Michaela bit her bottom lip. "I…I was hoping that you would ask me this some day. Ever since we first met and during Hannah's birthday, I just fell in love with her." Michaela looked over at the sleeping child and smiled. "There's just something about her. Something I just love."

"You don't know how glad that makes me to hear that. Hannah adores you so much. I know she already thinks of you as being her ma." Sully thought for a minute, remembering something. "Well if it's confessin' time, I guess I have something to confess t' ya. "

"What?" She smiled.

"I ahh…really don't know how t' tell ya this."

Michaela began to get nervous. "Just tell me," she assured. "You can tell me anything, you know that."

He laughed, "I know, it's just that…well I don't want to scare ya."

"It takes a lot to scare me, Mr. Sully," she tried to make light of the situation.

"You remember the night Hannah fell in the river, and we were afraid she might get hypothermia?"

Michaela shivered at the memory. "I was never so scared in my entire life," she confessed. "I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't have helped her."

"Well," he continued. "When she woke, and you said she was going to be fine, such a weight had been lifted off my shoulders."

"Mine too," she nodded her head.

"Michaela," he took her hands. "That night when you held her and sang her to sleep, I…I realized something. And it scared me."

"It scared you?" She couldn't fathom. "Did…Did I do something wrong?"

"No…no nothing like that," he squeezed her hands. "In fact you did everything right. Michaela… that was the night that I realized…that I wanted to have children with you."

Michaela was surprised at his declaration. "Sully…we…we barley knew one another." She was shocked. "I had no idea."

"I know. I didn't want ya t' know. I felt ashamed. I mean, I loved Abigail. She was Hannah's mother. And for me t' think that…" He looked down. "It's just that Abigail was never like that with Hannah. She never treated her like you do; like the way my little girl deserves. It was like in that time, when you were treating her, rocking her, loving her, you were her mother."

A single tear ran down Michaela's cheek. "Oh Sully. I hope back then you didn't think I was over stepping my bounds. It's just that I felt this overwhelming need to comfort her. She was so scared and so little. It just that I never had a child feel so…so comfortable with me before. The way she would just hug me or just sit on my lap or twirl her tiny fingers through my hair. I never thought I could be a mother. I mean, I always dreamed of having a family. I just never thought it would truly happen to me. I didn't dare to dream I could be that lucky."

"Well, Michaela." He kissed her on the forehead. "Dare t' dream. Cause I hope t' make all your dreams come true."

"Sully." Michaela felt the need to go on. "Would you like to have more children?"

Sully laughed. "Didn't I already kinda confess that I did?"

Michaela cheeks turned red. "Yes, I suppose you did. Well, what would you like? A boy or a girl?"

"I think I would like another little girl. A little girl with your long brown hair, you eyes, oh maybe you're nose too." He caressed her cheek. "What about you, what would you like?"

"I…I…ummm…I think that I would like anyone who would come along. I would just like it to be healthy." She smiled leaning into his embrace. "Sully where do you think we are?"

"I figure we're somewhere outside of Washington. We should arrive in Boston the day after tomorrow," he yawned.

Michaela looked at her watch. "It's after eleven. I should probably get to my sleeper car."

"Mmmm…" Sully pulled her close so her back way lying against his chest. "Stay here with me," he whispered in her ear.

"Sully, I can't do that. It's not…not proper." She tried to fight her feelings.

"We're not doing anything wrong. You're just lying here with me; talking." He started to run his hand up and down her arm. "Now, if we were touchin', and I began to kiss ya like this." His lips brushed the side of her neck, where his tongue darted out to taste her skin. The same feelings Michaela felt the night in Sully homestead started to over take her emotions once again. She shifted in his arms, so she was facing him and fell into a soft, sensual kiss.

Her heart began to beat at a rapid pace, and her hands started to run through Sully's hair. Each time they kissed, they became more comfortable with one another, and their feelings more natural. "Sully, we shouldn't—" but she was soon cut off by another kiss. Sully's tongue brushed against her lips, begging for entrance, and she opened her mouth to him, bringing their kiss deeper and more satisfying.

Sully's lips drew from hers and began to descend to her neck. She could feel his breath, and it sent tingles to her core. Sully could feel her quiver in his arms, and he pulled her closer. "Michaela…" he breathed, looking into her eyes. "You're so beautiful."

Michaela looked deep into Sully's eyes and stroked the side of his face. So many times he had called her beautiful, and she would blush, never considering herself that way. "As much as I would like to continue this," she blushed, "I should really be getting to bed. We'll be in Boston late tomorrow."

Sully sighed, knowing that she was right but wasn't ready to let her go. He traced the outline of her lips and kissed her one last time. "It's gonna be a big day tomorrow. Get some rest."

Michaela smiled and leaned in for another kiss. "I will."

"Good," he laughed. "I love you."

Michaela got up from her seat and went to the door. She turned around and before closing the door, she looked Sully in the eyes and whispered, "I love you too."

Hospital for Special Surgery

New York

"Did you get our tickets?" David looked up at Madeline, as she entered his hospital room.

"I did. We depart for Boston the day after tomorrow. Then we can get our things and head to Virginia," Madeline smiled. "Oh David, I can't wait till we get home. We have so much to do."

"We do have a lot to do." David looked on, thinking about the double meaning.

Boston

Fall 1871

"Tell me you didn't know, Michaela! Please tell me you didn't know!" Elizabeth held her hand over her heart, knowing that it could stop at any moment.

Michaela was perched over on her knees, sobbing in the settee. "I didn't! I didn't!" she sobbed.

"You have four children!" Elizabeth became disgusted. "Four! Three of which you gave birth to yourself!"

Michaela looked wide-eyed at her mother, and the tears continued to run down her face. "You don't think I know that!"

"Everyone knows now, Michaela! Everyone! They were all here. They heard it all!"

"I know!" Michaela began to cry harder.

"And you know what they think? Do you? They think you knew! The entire time. They saw Sully, how he was, what he looked like!"

Dry heaves began to rack Michaela's body, as she tried to speak. "They…they can think what they want! We didn't know!"

"I'm beginning to doubt that Michaela, I really am!"

Michaela's heart began to break even more at her mother's words. "How…how can you think that? What kind of person do you think I am?"

"I don't know anymore, Michaela, I really don't. Ever since you moved out west, you've changed."

"I may have changed, but my morals and values haven't!" Michaela pushed herself off the ground and looked into her mother's eyes. "What have I ever done to make you not believe me about this?"

"I want the truth, Michaela. I want the truth about Rose."

Michaela threw her head back in despair. How many times had she had this conversation with her mother? Would she ever believe her? "Mother we have gone through this before. She was conceived on our honeymoon. Why is that so hard for you to believe?"

"Nine months, Michaela. She was born exactly nine months after you were, married," she rolled her eyes. "In fact, if I'm not mistaken she was early wasn't she?"

"She was, but I don't see what that has to do with-"

"Is that the reason you were in such a rush? We're you trying to cover everything up? Did you think that no one would find out?"

"What!" Michaela was aghast that her mother would think of such a thing.

"That's it isn't it? That's why you two did this!"

Michaela went up to her mother and took her forcefully by the arms and shook her. "We didn't know!" she screamed. "We…didn't…know!"

Putnam, Connecticut

The sunlight filtered through Michaela's sleeper car, as she placed the last of the pins in her hair. Giving herself one last look in the mirror, she turned to grab her purse, when she heard a knock on her door. Turning she opened it. "Sully," she smiled.

"Hope I didn't wake ya, but Hannah and I were goin' to get some breakfast, and I wanted to know if you wanted us to bring ya back some?" He swung Hannah's hand back and forth.

"How about we all go down to the dining car together and have breakfast?"

"Yeah!" Hannah bounced up and down, grabbing Michaela's hand. "Let's go!"

Michaela and Sully looked and one another and laughed. "Did you have a good night sleep?"

Michaela nodded her head, "I did. You?"

"Sure did." He put his hand around her waist.

"Sully…" Michaela looked around. "What are you doing?"

"I just wanna give ya a good mornin' kiss." He lightly placed a kiss to her cheek. "Mornin."

Michaela couldn't help but smile and let a giggle escape from her lips. "Good morning."

"Good mornin'!" Hannah raised her hands in the air and puckered her lips for a kiss.

Michaela bent over and picked Hannah up on her arms. She placed her on her hip then leaned in close so Hannah could kiss her on the cheek. "Good morning, sweetheart."

Hannah smiled and leaned into Michaela's shoulder, as they made their way toward the dining car. "What would you like for breakfast this morning?" Michaela asked the child.

"Mmmm…pancakes!" Hannah shook her head up and down. "Yummy!"

"Yummy…" Michaela laughed, tickling Hannah on her stomach.

Sully found a seat next to the window and escorted his daughter and Michaela over. "I heard someone say that were just outside of Putnam. We should be getting into Boston in about an hour."

Michaela's stomach started to flip, and she knew the more nervous she got, she wouldn't be able to eat. Michaela sat down next to Hannah and folded her napkin in her lap. Soon, the waiter came and filled everyone's glasses with orange juice. He looked down at Michaela and then to Hannah and smiled at the two. "You look alike." He set the glass in front of Michaela.

"Excuse me?"

"You and your daughter. You two look alike," he smiled, remembering his own daughter at home. "I have a daughter around her age."

Michaela looked at the waiter, "Oh, she's not-"

"I think so too," Sully cut in.

The waiter set the last glass in front of Sully, "You must be very proud."

Sully grabbed Michaela's hand from across the table and looked into her eyes. "I am."

"So, what will you all be having for breakfast?"

"Pancakes." They all said in unison.

Hospital for Special Surgery

New York

David looked out the window as he did one last cycle on the stationary bicycle. He wanted to be as strong and healthy as he could be when he left the hospital. This time around, recovery had been good and quick. And he was happy. He would be leaving tomorrow for Boston, and the only worry on his mind was how to tell Madeline that once they returned to Virginia, he would he traveling on to Colorado Springs.

Just the thought of leaving and traveling to Colorado upset him. It reminded him of when he was "courting" Michaela—taking her to dinner, going off and doing things that she wanted to do, pretending that he was enjoying them. At least she was at the hospital most of the time, but sometimes even she made that unbearable for him. She would always try to one up him, like she was a better doctor than he was. He never understood why she tried so hard. She was a woman, not a doctor. Why his parents ever thought she was a good match for him was beyond his comprehension. They knew he loved Madeline, and just because she didn't come from the same background as him didn't make her any less of a woman. "Madeline's twice the woman she is…in more ways than one," he laughed.

"She'd barely even let me kiss her," he continued to chide. She was beautiful, he'd give her that, but her coldness kept her from even becoming his friend. "I couldn't even make the best out of the situation. What do they call it?" He thought for a moment. "The best of both worlds?"

David started to pump harder on the bicycle, as he thought of all the years he could have spent with Madeline, all the years he spent with Michaela, doing things to make her happy and himself miserable. If he didn't want to be a doctor, if he didn't need his parents' money, he would have never had to do what he did. "Damn her! Damn them!"

"David!"

David turned around at the sound of the door slamming.

"Calm down, you're going to hurt yourself!" Madeline rushed in the room. "Don't overdue the cycling!"

"I'm fine." David hopped off the bicycle. "Where have you been?" He wrapped his arms around her.

"Just running some last minute errands before we depart tomorrow." She put her arms around his waist. "You don't know how glad I am that we are going back to Virginia. And, we're finally able to start our lives."

"Maddie," David pulled away.

"Oh, God, what is it?" She could tell by the tone of his voice and the use of her name. "What are you going to do?"

As soon as David heard the worry in her voice, his bravado fell. He would wait to tell her once they got to Virginia. "Nothing," he chuckled. "I can't wait to get home too."

Boston

April 1867

The hour was late, and she fell upon her bed, tears streaming down her face one after another, as she gasped for breath. She clutched onto her stomach, as though she was punched. "How…how could you…" she cried. "Why…Sully…why!"

Her fingers tightly gripped the bed sheets, and she sobbed into them. "I…I trusted you…why…why…God…why!" Michaela's body trembled, as she curled into the fetal position, and the tears stung her eyes. "I thought you loved me…me!" The vision danced over and over in her head like a never-ending play. Arms…legs…skin…lips…moonlight…lovers.

Michaela cried out in pain over and over again. "Why…why did you do this…why!"

Boston

March 1867

"I'm so glad the Grand Tour went well for you dear." Elizabeth poured Rebecca another cup of tea. "But I do have to say, I missed you dearly."

"I missed you too, Mother."

Elizabeth was about to take another drink of tea, when Martha came rushing into the room. "Mrs. Quinn, Mrs. Quinn!"

"For heaven sake Martha, you'll wake the dead! What is it?"

"It's a telegram for you!"

Elizabeth's eyes brightened. "Is it from Michaela?" She took it from Martha's hands and quickly scanned it over. Her brows narrowed. "There…there was a train wreck just outside of Boston. Martha…what is this all about?"

"The towns in an uproar Ma'am. They're taking all the survivors to Boston Memorial."

"Well what does this have to do with me?" she wondered.

Martha stumbled over her words. "The…the passenger list is attached ma'am…Miss…Miss Michaela was on the train!"

Elizabeth's eyes quickly scanned the passenger list, and there, plain as day was her daughter's name.

Passenger NO. 53- Dr. Michaela Quinn

Rebecca rounded the table and placed her hand on her mother's shoulder and looked down at the telegram. "Did they say how many survivors there were, Martha?"

Martha's eyes turned downward. "They didn't say Miss, just that they were taking those who survived to the hospital."

Elizabeth quickly stood, "Get Harrison. I have to get to the hospital right away."