-Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi
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-To Come To Me
-Chapter VIII
-Accountability
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InuYasha knelt on his knees and stared down into the well, his nails dug deep into the wood while a horrible ache was just beginning to replace the shock. Just a few hours ago he had thought things had finally taken a turn for the better, but now...
His Kagome...
His Kagome, the one who had taught him to dream again, she became the one he dreamed about. Now those beautiful dreams lay shattered around his knees, shattered by her final words just before she stepped into the well.
"...when I come back for Kaede's funeral, you won't be here. I never want to see you again. Ever."
If she had yelled the words, or screamed them at him, he might have held some hope that she didn't really mean it. Her voice had been a gentle whisper, spoken as she removed the katodama beads from around his neck. Then she dropped them on the ground and jumped into the well without saying goodbye.
InuYasha picked up the beads and put them back around his neck, then turned and sat on the ground, resting the back of his head on the well. A part of the tough young hanyou inside of him reared up and screamed at him to chase after her and make her come back. The part was quickly squelched, that part of him had no right to speak up, it was the reason she had left in the first place.
It was that part of him that had killed Kaede.
-
Kagome was somehow glad to find that no one was home when she reached the shrine. She was a sobbing mess and she knew her mother would want to help. It wasn't that she wasn't grateful her mother was so understanding and she did always give good advice. But right now, there were just too many things to sort out and try to understand.
She dragged herself up the stairs and into the bathroom to start her bath. Once it was running she went into her room to dump her bag and change into her robe. A few minutes later she sighed on a shaky breath as she sank into the steaming hot water. She was so tired, no wonder, she hadn't slept in days. First, Sesshomaru making them leave the palace in the middle of the night, and then racing with InuYasha last night to get back to Kaede...
Kaede...
-Flashback-
It was a few hours before sun up when they finally reached the village. Kaede was still alive but she had slipped into unconsciousness. Kagome and Sango sat at her side all through the night hoping she would wake. It was a few hours into daylight when Kaede passed from life into death, having never woken. Kagome picked up her things and told Sango she was going home for a couple hours of sleep but would be back. Then she stepped outside to give the news to InuYasha and Miroku.
That was when she overheard InuYasha telling Miroku that he had been the one who had killed Kaede.
"No" She gasped, backing up "That's not true, it can't be."
InuYasha looked away
"InuYasha..." Miroku began, cut off by a sharp growl
"It is true." InuYasha looked at Kagome
Kagome turned and ran for the well.
InuYasha found her staring open mouthed at the destruction in the clearing around the well made the day Kaede chased InuYasha with the ax. She walked slowly further into the clearing until she was next to the well.
She turned slowly, taking in the damage and her eyes fell on InuYasha.
"This is .." she whispered, her voice shocked and fearful. She cleared her throat. "This is where it happened?"
"Yes"
InuYasha moved forward to stand in front of her, he stopped suddenly when he saw her flinch.
"I...didn't mean to hurt her Kagome.?"
Kagome turned on him, tears streaming down her face.
"But you did. Kami InuYasha, look at this! Whether you meant it or not you did and Kaede is dead!"
"Kagome..." He reached out for her but she jerked away, beginning to become hysterical.
"Stay away from me you...you fucking killer."
"Kagome...please ...just..."
"Just what? Forget that you killed her? I can't do that InuYasha...this isn't like the other humans you've killed, you can't just go kill a big dragon yokai and make it go away."
"Kagome..." InuYasha was crying now himself, it wasn't just Kagome's words but his own guilt tearing at his soul.
"I'm going home. Don't follow me, don't come after me. Ever. I don't want you near my family ever again."
He looked at her, his eyes pleading.
"If you come near us InuYasha, I will purify you and then kill whats left myself."
Kagome stepped forward to remove the beads, but before she could lift them over his head he put his hands on hers.
"I'm so sorry Kagome, you will never know how sorry."
She pulled the beads over his head and turned away from him to jump into the well.
"I love you Kagome."
Kagome let the beads drop from her fingers onto the ground and spoke without turning.
"If you mean that InuYasha, when I come back for Kaede's funeral, you won't be here. I never want to see you again. Ever."
-end flashback-
Her eyes fell on the pink scar where she had plunged the arrow into her chest.
Filled with a sudden rage she began to scream "Damn you InuYasha! I almost died because of you, Kikyo did die!! Bastard! Wasn't that enough you bastard? Why Kaede? Why Damn it? WHY!"
She pounded the water with her fists making water fly everywhere.
Rage spent she rose from the tub and returned to her room to don pajamas and lay on her bed, suffering from pure exhaustion, within seconds she fell into a peaceful sleep.
-
Sesshomaru nearly squirmed in his seat as he sat across the table from the two formidable matriarchal InuYokai. He had been wrong, he knew it, he also accepted that he had to expect a certain amount of atonement. But this mixture of quiet and piercing silver and gold was enough to leave even the famously stoic Lord Sesshomaru a bit sweaty in the palms.
"Lady Kagome's dear mentor lays near death I understand and I wish to be in her village well before the baka proves to be incapable of behaving in other than his typical asinine fashion. So, if we have completed roasting my ass, Rin and I should be on our way."
Sesshomaru began to get up but was pinned back to the spot by the fiery glares of gold and silver. He continued to rise crossing to the bar for a bottle of sake. Sesshomaru seldom if ever drank, but the situation seemed to call, no beg for it.
He took his seat again at the table, not bothering with the dainty little sake cups, but pouring himself a liberal amount in his full sized tea cup.
"Well Sesshomaru, you seem to be full of commonalities these days. I'm amazed you don't just drink it straight from the bottle like a drunken bandit after the way you have been behaving of late. Yelling at your obaasan, consorting with humans..."
"Mother please drop the facade, there are no servants about. You have about as much of a problem with humans as father did. Or have you forgotten that Izayoi was your long friend before she was fathers second mate?"
"Of course she has not forgotten baka!" Yaka slapped her hand on the table "And do you not think she regrets what she did to this day?"
"I was very young Sesshomaru, I was bound to a man I did not wish to be bound to because I loved another. I sought the only way out that I knew, not knowing so many things. Too many things. I was raised by parents who had no prejudices against humans and had none myself. I had no notion how the world would treat them."
"I know all of this mother but what has this to do with me? With my situation? Telling me these things will do nothing to bring Izayoi or father back. Or do you seek to atone your error through Izayoi's useless bastard of a son, whether it destroys Kagome or not."
"Sesshomaru!"
"It's okay mother, let him speak freely" Lady Shan glared openly at Sesshomaru "I surely plan to and he will accept it as well."
"As you wish, I do not wish to be injured in the crossfire, so I shall retire to my room. You are not to leave young Sesshomy until you have come to me on your knee to apologize properly for calling me old and senile."
"Of course Obaasan Yaka" Sesshomaru nearly grinned. If it wasn't for the fact that he was likely about the face the worst tearing into ever in his life, he would have. He bowed to her and watched as the servant came and helped her to her room. Then he sat across from Lady Shan once again, gold molten fire facing down gold molten fire.
He loved his mother dearly, she was kind and gentle despite her rock hard exterior and unpleasant outer facade. But she also brooked no nonsense or sass in her son and despite the fact that he was a full grown Inu Yokai Lord that most of those within his orbit feared immensely, he was still first and foremost, her son, her little Sesshomaru.
And of late little Sesshomaru had been a very naughty boy.
"Tell me Sesshomaru" Lady Shan's voice was surprisingly gentle "Why do you find yourself so protective of InuYasha's intended?"
"Kagome is InuYasha's intended nothing mother. There are no promises spoken between them."
"Act not the fool boy, it does not become you. I do not speak of technicalities Sesshomaru. You as well as I know that Kagome carries so much of InuYasha's scent that her own is nearly inseparable from his. We also know that no one unintentionally leaves that much of themselves on a woman, nor does he do so overnight. He must truly love her a great deal and obviously has for some time now."
"You know nothing of InuYasha mother. Jaken is more worthy of fathers blood than that honor less half-breed."
"I know he destroyed the filthy yokai who was responsible for the injuries that caused your fathers death. I know he and his group destroyed Naraku."
"Feh, dumb luck. I could have done the same."
"I know that he did not kill you when he had the chance, can you still say you would have done the same?"
"Totosai has a big fucking mouth."
Lady Shan laughed "Yes, I must agree with you, he does." Lady Shan got up from the table and came around to take Sesshomaru's hand. She lead him to a settee that sat before a open entryway to the inner courtyard garden. She didn't release his hand but clenched it tightly in hers then turned to him slightly.
"I understand why you got so upset with your obaasan the other night Sesshomaru. She broke the promise we made to never bring up Cassayah."
Sesshomaru's hand jerked in hers like he was getting ready to leave and Lady Shan gripped it tightly.
"Please stay and hear me out Sesshomaru." They were both quiet for several moments, listening to the bird songs in the garden and thinking private memories. Then Sesshomaru spoke.
"Very well mother."
Lady Shan squeezed his hand. "We never should have made that promise to you Sesshomaru. We were all so shocked at the time, and you were in so much agony we were afraid you would leave us to join her in the other world. We would have promised you anything if it would have given you comfort. But you've never mourned Sesshomaru. All this time, and you've never even gone to the grave yard. Mother and I are worried that you think you can somehow right the past by saving Kagome but Sesshomaru..."
She reached out for his chin and turned his face to hers.
"I know this mother."
"You have noticed the implied similarities? Between Kagome and Cassayah?"
Sesshomaru's answer was an eerie pain filled whisper
"I'd have to be blind not to"
"Even though know that what was true for Cassayah is not true for Kagome, do you not think your natural instinct would tell you to save her."
"I suppose."
"Kagome doesn't need or wish to be saved from InuYasha." She swallowed and took a deep breath. "Kagome isn't Cassayah Sesshomaru, you can't bring her back by saving Kagome."
Sesshomaru jerked away from her angrily and stood up,
"I know that mother. Damn it to hell! I fucking know! Now will you drop this nonsense and leave me in peace once again?"
He thundered to the table to grab the bottle of sake,and drank from it without benefit of glass.
Lady Shan stood and put her hand on Sesshomaru's arm.
"If you truly care about Kagome, and I believe you really do, do not allow your past to destroy her future."
She stepped away from him and out into the courtyard, a moment later the sound of shattering glass drifted out to her as Sesshomaru crushed the the empty sake bottle between his powerful fingers.
-
When Kagome woke she was greeted by the sounds of her family downstairs at the dinner table and she quickly dressed and went to join them.
"Kagome, your awake." Gramps smiled
"We thought you were going to sleep forever sis." Sota teased
"Hush Boy, you know she had a hard night."
Kagome's head jerked up, how did they know that?
Her mother turned from the stove.
"I'm sorry about Kaede, you must be so heartbroken."
"How do you know...?"
"You just missed InuYasha dear, Kaede left you a letter and came to bring it to you, but he left right away."
She handed Kagome a letter from her pocket, Kagome looked at Kaede's ancient kanji against the sheets of her notebook paper that she kept there for Shippo to draw on.
"Oh Kaede...I wish I could have said goodbye to you..."
"I'm going to go read this."
"What about dinner?"
"I'm not really hungry, I'll get some leftovers later on."
"I'll keep a plate warm for you."
"Okay Mama."
Kagome started for her room, but instead ended up curling up under Goshinboku. She was relieved to find that she could still find comfort there, despite her feelings about InuYasha.
She unfolded the paper slowly, crying before she read the first word.
My Sweet Child Kagome,
Yes child, I think of ye as my own, but ye already know that do ye not? Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kagome and InuYasha...all my children that the kami has seen fit to bless this old with in my elder years. It is a comfort to know that I shall not die alone, but shall have those I love around me when the kami decide my time has been long enough on this place.
All of my children are special, all have special gifts, Miroku has the gift of the spiritual power, but also the gift humor. Many a laugh this old woman has had at his antics, though I have been careful not to let Sango know.
Sango herself has the gift of strength in battle, but also forgiveness. Tis truly a blessing and will serve her well when her search for her brother is at an end. Heaven knows she will need forgiveness if she is to live with the houshi for the rest of her life.
My sweet little Shippo has so many gifts it is impossible to count. Laughter, love, joy, and happiness to name a few, but also hope and enthusiasm for the future.
I need not tell ye of InuYasha's gift child, who knows it better than the one that unwrapped it? Ye know not half of the things he has done to better my life and lives of the villagers without accepting payment. He is truly a good hanyou, one ye can trust and one I would and have trusted my life to on more than one occasion.
And ye Kagome...do ye know what thy gift is? Thy gift is love. Thy love helped heal the hearts of a mourning kitsune and tajiya, it helped a houshi see the beauty in life that was worth living for, it healed the broken heart of a hanyou who no other would touch. Then, it brought them all together to form a new family that destroyed the greatest evil the world has ever known.
Finally, do not be upset with Kikyo for keeping my secret, and do not let InuYasha rage at her like he does. When I realized that my time was near I decided that I wanted to spend my time living as I always had, doing as I always did.
Had ye known of my illness and approaching death ye would have returned immediately, forced me into my futon and thus my life, and thy adventures would have ended."
Kagome's head was beginning to reel.
'But...I thought...InuYasha said that he killed her, and the meadow was all torn up by his claws this doesn't make any sense.'
"I've done all I can, it's up to you now Kagome. If ye wish to stay a family you must be the bond that holds the others together. Be there for them with gentle firmness and love them, that is all they need.
My home I leave to ye all to share, perhaps you can build on as your family grows with children as I know it soon shall. Newlyweds prefer a bit of privacy as well.
Just as Sango and Miroku, Kagome and InuYasha are meant to be together.
Let nothing stop you no more.
With my love...
Kaede
"Oh kami. What have I done!"
Kagome wiped her sleeve over her face to rid herself of her tears just before jumping to her feet.
InuYasha sat with his back resting against Goshinboku staring at the moon riding low in the sky.
"InuYasha..."
He let his eyes slip from the sky to fall on Miroku for a minute and then lifted them back to the full moon.
"We brought you some ramen." Miroku held out the steaming cup and a pair of chopsticks.
"I'm not hungry."
"Wow, never heard you turn down ramen before." Miroku sat down next to him.
"Fuck you"
"InuYasha, you did not kill Kaede. She told Sango she was sick for over seven moons."
"Go away."
"Kagome didn't mean what she said."
"You didn't see her face Miroku...she was afraid...scared ...of ME. She wasn't even afraid the night she freed me and I DID try to kill her."
A new voiced stepped into the area near the tree.
"I didn't have the full story."
"You shouldn't be here Kagome, it's not safe." InuYasha refused to look at her.
"I'll be going now" Miroku started to leave but InuYasha pushed him back down.
"Stay."
"InuYasha." Kagome stepped in front of the hanyou and forced him to look at her. "Why you kill Kaede?"
"Because I did."
"How?"
InuYasha refused to answer.
"Miroku, will you leave us alone for a minute?" Kagome asked sweetly
"Sure." He started getting up.
"Sit." InuYasha shoved him back down.
"Isn't that Kagome's line?" Miroku smirked, InuYasha glared at him.
"He's right you know, it is my line."
InuYasha almost kinda half smirked, slightly.
"InuYasha" Kagome stepped up on the roots and lifted his face in her palms "why did tell me that you killed Kaede?"
"Because I did" His eyes began to fill and he pulled away, but not far enough to completely lose contact with her fingers
"How?" She brushed her fingers over his cheek.
"She found out about you...and the arrow...and she got mad at me and yelled, and ...and she ...she was too old...it was too much for her and it killed her."
"She did more than yell actually" Miroku offered helpfully "She chased him around the well with an ax and tried to kill him so he could go to hell with Kikyo."
Kagome stifled a giggle and looked at Miroku "She what?"
"You didn't see the mess around the well? She tried to chop down InuYasha but got most of the trees instead."
"Miroku leave." InuYasha glared at the houshi.
"Miroku stay, Miroku leave, go, stay, would two make up your minds?"
"Go." they said in unison
"I can take a hint" Miroku jumped off the roots just in time to miss being knocked off them.
"Stupid ass hous...mmmpphh" InuYasha began but was cut off by Kagome's lips on his.
After a minute he pulled back and pulled her into his arms.
"I thought I would never see you again" he whispered against her hair "It hurt so much"
"This morning I saw the clearing all torn up and I thought...oh kami I'm so sorry for not trusting you."
"It's okay."
"No InuYasha. No it's not. I know better than that, I know you better than that."
"I love you Kagome. Please don't leave again." He bent his head to where the arrow had pierced her chest and kissed the pink scar he knew was under the fabric of her shirt. "Promise me...promise me you will never hurt yourself again."
"InuYasha..."
He reached for her face and rested her forehead against his, his eyes squeeze shut tight.
"No! Whatever it is can wait...Just promise me you will never do anything that fucking stupid again!"
"I promise."
"Thank you."
"InuYasha..."
"Yeah?"
"I was just gonna say that your big toe claw is jabbing my ankle."
InuYasha looked down and blushed, then laughed a little "Sorry."
"It's okay... and I love you too.
He kissed her again softly and she pulled back, softly stroking his cheek.
"InuYasha, this morning when I left, I'm sorry I hurt you. I said such awful things."
"Kagome, you hadn't slept in two days, Kaede had just died, there was all that business with Kikyo. So, don't be so hard on yourself."
"Well, there was stuff with Sesshomaru too. But..."
"What do you mean stuff with Sesshomaru? If he touched you or tried anything improper I swear I'll gut that ..."
Kagome rolled her eyes and slapped her hand over his mouth.
"That's not what I meant. Somethings wrong with Sesshomaru"
"DUH, of course there is something wrong with him, hes a big giant fluffy womens feather boa wearing bastard"
"Again not what I meant. And are you going to have a problem with my being friends with Sesshomaru? Because if its going to be, you better find a way to deal with it buddy of else..mmmmmpphhh"
InuYasha decided turn about was fair play and cut Kagome off, using her underhanded tactic's from before.
They had a lot to talk about, a lot to work out, but they did not have to do it tonight.
He scooped her up into his arms and grabbed the cup of still warm ramen and into the highest branches of Goshinboku,.
She'd been with the bastard for an entire week, he deserved at least one night of her undivided attention and he was willing to use his lips to keep her mind off Sesshomaru, he'd keep it up all night if he had to
It was dirty work, but hey, someone had to do it.
-
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Part VIIII Preview
Kaede's funeral comes and Sesshomaru comes to offer support
Kagome has a brilliant idea.
Sesshomaru: Why do I have a feeling This Sesshomaru is not going to like this brilliant idea of Kagome's?
InuYasha: Because there is a 99.9 chance that WE aren't
Notes:
After how sad and gloomy this story has been I just felt the need to inject a little humor into it. HA enter Miroku. LOL Anyway, Probably only another chapter or two until the end. I'm about ready to move on to the first sequel to The Search. More info on that on my profile page.
Look for some intensity and some humor in the conclusion of this one.