A/N

Okay so I've gone from being scared to being terrifed. The teaser did not tease me.. it made me want to barf.. I know that there are a lot of Garrett lovers out there. I'm not one.. SO.. him being the decider of all things Jordan unsettles me. PS.. I need some WJ action here people the clock is ticking.

Oh and I know I'm screwing with the time line they gave us in the first scene.. but hey.. he couldn't have slept in the car for two weeks. not even him..

thanks to my girl Leah for just being her..

this is yours.. i guess he can be a little mad for a little while.. at least while I still am..

(After he knows.)

He knew Nigel was loosing it and that's why he left. He wondered for a second why he wasn't loosing it. Maybe it's because part of him knew, or maybe it's because none of him is willing to accept it.

"You should have told me." Woody whispered finally, his eyes clicking up to Macy.

"I thought I just covered this?" Garrett sighed. "She should have-."

"No." Hoyt's voice was strong and quiet. "You should have told me."

"You can't make her have the surgery, Woody." Garrett rubbed his face dismissively. Woody dropped his eyes to the floor, Garrett started to shake his head at him. It was just like him, Garrett decided, all emotion but no action to back it. All talk.

He'd mistaken his silence for defeat. He was wrong.

Woody clicked his eyes back up to the CME, holding them with steely force.

"Watch me." He sprang to his feet and started towards her office door.

"Damn it Woody! You don't seem to understand, this is her life we're talking about here! Leave it alone!"

"What and let you handle it?"

"Yes."

"Why not Garrett? You're doing such a damn good job!" He spit the words out before turning slowly and making his way to her office.

(After she tells him about her fear of being a vegetable)

He stood there watching the door, determined not to follow her. He knew she needed space, almost as much as he needed not to have it.

She'd already tossed the pity card at him, he knew that card. He also knew what it meant. Or at least what he thought it meant. It meant : I'm terrified of you right now, of not being who you need me to be.

That's what it had meant to him. She'd confirmed it too, when she'd apologized for not rolling over and playing dead.

That's not what he wanted. What he wanted was to hold her. He wanted to weave his hands through her hair and feel the way her fingers balled his T-shirt up in her fists.

Don't follow her, he pleaded to himself.

It was instinctual, his foot had actually moved towards her wake. He knew she'd cry when he opened the door, rolling her eyes up like she couldn't believe he had the nerve. Then he could hold her. Then she'd stop fighting and let him.

But he didn't want her to stop fighting. He wanted her to fight like hell.

And if Jordan Cavanaugh needed a miracle, he was going to get her the damn miracle.

After all… he'd do anything for her.

He stormed away from the door and went in search of Garrett Macy.

………………………

(When she throws the keys)

It was at that second it dawned on her that she was still Jordan Cavanaugh, and if anyone was going to let her prove it, Woody was her man.

His lips had quirked up, and hers had too. She'd almost lost it when he put his hand on the small of her back and guided her into her office. She moved forward slightly, away from his touch. This wasn't the time to cry. This wasn't the time to be weak.

"Put these on." He ordered turning around with her hat and gloves. "It's really cold."

"Don't cluck." She'd admonished immediately.

"Hey! You want to go or not?" He asked playfully, shaking the car keys at her. She snorted at him, before complying, fumbling with the glove for her good hand. Woody watched her, she swallowed hard, refusing to meet his gaze.

With wordless efficacy, his hand shot out and pulled the bottom of the glove to her wrist.

"Let's go." He turned away before she had a chance to be embarrassed, tossing the door to the morgue van open and closing it around her before jumping in the drivers seat.

"Woody… this could all be in-."

"Stop. We're going to find her." He said softly. "We'll find her."

She nodded, watching his face closely. He kept his eyes on the road, but she saw the way his chest heaved in an effort to stay in control. He squeezed the steering wheel again.

She took a guess, reaching out her hand slowly and offering it palm up to him. His eyes closed for a second before reopening, still straight ahead on the road. She watched his fingers close around hers before planting a kiss on the small portion of exposed flesh at her wrist.

"We'll find her."

…………………

(at the hospital)

She took the water with a smirk, he's glad to see both actions. They talked about faith.

He held her hand while she opened her phone and dialed the number.

"I.." She tpook a deep breath and he squeezed her grasp. "I'm ready to schedule the surgery." He watched the tears slip from her eyes, splashing against the phone. He looked away, stroking her hand with his thumb, just in time to see one splash onto the tile floor. She made the appointment. He reminded himself to write it down for her when they get home.

She didn't protest at all when he put her glove on, before taking her hand in his again and leading her to the van.

"Jor." He said softly pulling into the parking space and turning to face her. "You're going to beat this." He watched her lip twitch upward. "You promised."

"That seems like another life time ago." She breathed as he opened the car door for her, slipping his hand against the swoop of her back.

"A promise is a promise." He whispered in her ear. "I'll wait here." He points to her office.

"You don't have-."

"Jordan I have been sleeping in my car outside your place for five days." He confessed. "I think tonight I earned a spot on the couch."

She looked at him for a moment before he walked away, closing the door behind him. Momentarily grateful that Macy had drawn the shade's earlier. He sunk into the couch, the same one where she had unknowingly made him the million dollar promise just a few weeks ago. He scrubbed the heals of his hands over his eyes. Now would be the time to cry, he thought. Gulping back the heaviness in his chest that makes him want to vomit more.

No tears come, but sleep does. He was startled when she opened the door, sitting up a little too straight.

"You really have been sleeping in your car haven't you?" She whispered. Half of his smile crept up towards his cheek flopping back again. "You're back must be killing you."

He rolled his head lazily from side to side.

"It's fine." He told her, drilling those blue eyes into hers. "It's amazing what some distance from the event will do. It makes it all seem less… deadly."

She waits for him to see the error in his words but he holds her eyes until she realizes he meant to say them.

"Still.." The word was out of her mouth before she realized she had nothing to say after it.

"Let's go."

"I'm going to-." She pointed toward the bathroom and he nodded, leaning his head back again. The door opened along with his eyes.

"Jordan I was thinking maybe you should stay with me to-." Garrett Macy stopped in his tracks. "Woody."

"I've got it covered Dr. M." He whispered softly. Macy looked down at the floor.

"She could have another-."

"They did give us some medical training in the academy." He quipped tiredly, looking at the ceiling. "And I can call 911 with the best of them. I even have connections."

"You'll call me?" He raised an eyebrow at Woody.

"If she asks me too." Hoyt's eyes never left the ceiling tiles.

"Woody.." Garrett's hesitant tone makes Hoyt look. "I should have told you."

"Okay. Let's go." Jordan announced slipping up beside Garrett in the doorway. "Goodnight Gar."

"Nite." He smiled at her, watching as she slipped her arm into Woody's like he'd seen her do a thousand times before. Hoyt turned his head and planted a kiss on top of hers.

…………………….

He watched her pop the collection of pills she'd spilled out onto the counter before he collected the remainder and dropped them back into their bottles.

"We should get you one of those little holders with the days of the week." He mussed, fixing the lids on.

"I swear if you say like your granddad had I am going to make you sleep in the car." She warned him sarcastically swallowing a gulp of water.

"I'm serious, can you even open these?" She looked at him for a second.

"If you put them on upside down they're easier." She decided, watching him invert the caps. "Woody… what you saw today.. It happened last night and it could happen again."

"It's okay Jordan." He muttered stacking the bottles up on top of the microwave and moving towards the couch. "I'll handle it."

"Promise me you won't call EMS." She moaned.

"Promise me you won't seize longer than three minutes." He quipped. She fell silent. "How long, last night?"

"I don't know. I woke up on the floor, laid on the couch and fell asleep. That's all I remember. I woke up in my bed."

"I put you in your bed." He confessed again, looking at her sheepishly. "I knew something was wrong Jordan. I.Just.Knew." The momentary shock and anger slipped from her features.

"I should have told you." She whispered.

"I know now." She nodded, before trying unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. "Come on." He announced. "Bed." He pulled her along the length of the apartment before settling her on the edge of the mattress. "I'll be out there if you need me." He chucked his thumb towards the couch. "Not that you'll need me. 'Cause you're fine."

She shot him a quick smirk, letting it fall away. He felt her fingers catch the edge of his wrist as he pulled back. He turned around, meeting her eyes with her own. He pressed his lips together to keep from crying when he saw her lost expression.

"I'm not fine." She said so softly he barely heard her. He caught her hand in his rubbing the palm with his thumb.

"It's fine." He promised, kneeling down in front of her. "To not be fine all the time."

"What if I need you to be in here with me if I need you?" She looked down, and he pulled her chin back up to him and gave her a little nod and a almost unperceivable kiss on the lips before slipping into the bed beside her.

He pushed his arm up her back and worked it into her soft brown locks, he knew she felt the pent up sob escape him when she tightened her fists around his shirt. She'd let it go. Just like he never mentioned the tears that gathered above them.

So for the third time in a few weeks, they feel asleep together with at least one of them crying and one of them fearing they'd be left behind by the other.

He didn't say he loved her, even though it threatened to break free from his lips with every breath. She didn't say she was scared to death, even though she knew it was why her hands shook ever so slightly from their spot over his heart.

He just held her, moving his fingers slightly against her scalp as she slung her right leg over his left and pulled it closer. Praying silently for faith enough for the both of them and the miracle they needed even more