"That explains why I can hardly stand" he mumbled quietly to himself as he compared the films; they clearly showed that he'd fractured the bottom three ribs on his right side and that one had caused unknown damage to his abdominal area.

House was almost certain that it was affecting his right Kidney; you could put it down to the fact that he knew a little about that particular organ or it could be that he had a gut feeling...a very painful gut feeling. He zoned back in and realised that Cuddy was talking to him, or rather; Cuddy was moaning at him and expecting him to take it like a man.

"Maybe if you had mentioned the unbearable pain earlier, we could have avoided the whole passing out repeatedly issue" Cuddy seethed as she snatched the films from House's hand and motioned for him to lean forward. "You're a doctor, House. How did you miss this?"

"Oh yeah, 'cos my first thought on a patient with broken ribs is always 'hmm I wonder if they've got Renal trauma'!" House replied sarcastically as he allowed her to lift up his t shirt. He hissed as she pressed around the tender area; sometimes he truly believed she enjoyed seeing him in agony.

"Localised tenderness; I assume you're in a substantial amount of pain, even through the Vicodin induced haze?" she asked condescendingly.

"Ooh, that was way below the belt" House moaned, still hunched over in the chair, "Which reminds me" he added, taking out his beloved Vicodin and swallowing two before Cuddy could stop him; although they both knew that if he'd laid off it, he would have passed out from the pain completely by now.

"Blood in your urine?" she asked in a cold, clinical manner; even House could see that she was not in the mood for being messed about.

"Err, haven't peed in a while" he admitted, thinking back through the day; 'maybe she's right about the Vicodin induced haze' he thought as he struggled to recall how and when he'd gotten home from the hospital earlier.

"How long?" she asked sounding not far off being concerned at the distant look that had engulfed his features; 'maybe I should keep a tally on how many pills he's taking'

"About a day" he relied after a few seconds of frowning to himself.

"House, you're a Nephrologist; doesn't that worry you?"

"Well, I had assumed I might be slightly dehydrated considering the amount of alcohol I had to drink last night" he defended himself wisely; he didn't need Cuddy accusing him of being an idiot after all.

"What about the coffee you drank here?" she asked as she pulled his t shirt down and made him sit back in the chair, "is it ready to make an appearance?" the question floated around the room for several seconds before the implications became clear.

"Whoa there! You want to watch me pee?" House asked in disbelief; he was having serious doubts that his night could possibly get any worse. "There are other ways of getting my pants off you know?"

"You obviously can't be trusted to let me know what's going on; so I'm going to treat you like any other awkward patient…want me to push?" she asked innocently as she took control of the chair, ignoring his pleas for her to stop.

"No – wait!" House grabbed hold of the sideboard in desperation, knowing that he couldn't hold on for long with the knowledge that his broken ribs were damaging his Kidney further; but there was no way in hell he was going to stand there in front of Cuddy, especially with her tapping her foot and checking her watch every two seconds waiting for him to pee blood!

"House" Both Cuddy and House turned towards the door on hearing his name being called to find Wilson standing there looking bewildered. "What's going on?"

"Cuddy wants to take me into the gents to molester me" House said, still breathing heavily from the sideboard grabbing, which had clearly been a bad idea.

"Why…What happened?" Wilson asked, unable to stop himself from staring at House in the wheelchair and Cuddy with a cast on her left arm; he felt like he'd missed out on something important.

"He collapsed on me, broke my wrist" Cuddy said as she handed the oncologist House's scans, "and now you're going to take him to the bathroom"

"Okaaay" Wilson said slowly as he looked to House for answers.

"Cuddy wants you to see if there's blood in my urine – doesn't trust me; 'course I don't know the first thing about Kidneys…they're reproductive organs, right?" House shook his head in fake confusion as he watched Cuddy futilely trying to stay composed; he had a feeling that if he didn't have blood in his urine now, he'd certainly have it there after Cuddy had finished assaulting him for being so damned annoying!

"I'm sure you've got it under control" Wilson assured Cuddy, trying not to smirk as House scowled at him; he waited for whatever rebuttal House had ready, sure that he could handle it.

"How's Barbie doing?"

"Actually, we won't be a minute" Wilson said sharply as he took over wheeling House out of the area, this time it was House's turn to smirk as Wilson scowled.

"Who's Barbie?" Cuddy asked before they got out of hearing range; Wilson attempted to speed up before House could incriminate him further.

"Wilson's sick auntie" House yelled when he was pushed into the restroom door as Wilson desperately attempted to get him in first; "Ow! Jeez, are you trying to break my legs?"

"Are you trying to get me into trouble?" Wilson hissed as he made sure the coast was clear; although who he expected to find hiding in the clinic's male restroom was anyone's guess.

"What? Cuddy thinks we're talking about your 'family emergency'!" House whined innocently as he gingerly pulled himself out of the chair.

"House, no one – and I mean no one – has an Aunt Barbie" Wilson spluttered back as he unconsciously positioned himself behind the other man in case he decided to take an unscheduled tumble.

"Well, now you do – how was your date?"

"Awful; you were right" Wilson admitted freely as he tried to avoid watching his best friend relieve his bladder; although, by the sounds of it, there wasn't a lot of cascading going on. "How's your pee?"

"Nonexistent…although I'm not used to peeing on demand; never been into water sports" he mumbled as he leant a little further onto the wall for support; his leg didn't appreciate being used again after settling down nicely for the past couple of hours in the wheelchair.

"…It's not happening" he announced dejectedly as he did his best to get back in the chair with minor jostling; the fact that he was certain that his ribs were ripping up his insides was enough to make him wary of sudden movements and be extra careful for a change.

"What should I tell Cuddy?"

House glared at Wilson, "Tell her what you like; I'm not gonna tell her about your date…although I'd avoid getting too close to her"

"Why?"

"Because you stink…" he paused, watching Wilson roll his eyes, "of smoke – so unless you can convince her that your Aunt Barbie is a chain smoker or she lives in a cheap bar…" he trailed off and raised his eyebrows, smirking when Wilson began fanning his jacket in an attempt at getting rid of the Marlboro musk. "That's right, we'll just pretend you don't have a bottle of Hugo Boss just sitting in your desk right now…"

"I don't keep it in there anymore" Wilson said indignantly as he used the hand dryer, futilely, to blow the smoke out from his clothes.

"Oh that's right…don't need it now that you're not married; no need to cover up the smell of another woman's perfume" House couldn't catch his tongue in time and dared not look up at Wilson's reaction to his claim.

Luckily, Wilson wasn't paying too much attention to his friend because he'd found a can of air freshener to spray all over himself, much to House's annoyance. "That – stinks – even more!" House spluttered and groaned as he held his arm around his stomach, trying to guard his ribs as he coughed uncontrollably from inhaling the nasty floral gas.

"Is everything okay in there?" both men heard Cuddy call through the door; she was getting restless waiting for them to return, no doubt.

"Err, yeah" Wilson shouted back, "everything's fine!"

"Everything's not fine – I can hardly breathe here!" House growled angrily; Wilson quickly pushed the wheelchair back through the door, just in case she'd heard and was worried by his statement.

Cuddy watched the two men emerge from the men's room amid a cloud of floral scented smoke; Wilson looking extremely rumpled and House, red faced and eyes streaming, looking very agitated.

"I knocked the air freshener over" Wilson lied as he straightened out his shirt.

"Okay…so, what's the verdict?" Cuddy didn't waste her time getting back to the subject of House's urine; he found this mildly disturbing to say the least.

"No blood, no urine, no nothing" he announced. "Can I go home yet?" Needless to say, he was sick and tired of this place; he was tired, thirsty and suffering – Cuddy must have noticed because her demeanour altered slightly.

"As long as you take it easy, I can't see any reason why you can't go home; but make sure you get-"

"Bed rest and Antibiotics – thanks" House interrupted, rolling his eyes at how little Cuddy trusted him.

"You'll need 48 hour observation – at least" she continued, ignoring the fact that he didn't seem to be paying attention to her. "I've scheduled you for another x ray on Monday; unless you think you need an excretory urogram?"

"Nope" he replied sharply, cringing at the thought of some greasy intern injecting him with contrast dye and taking pictures of his Kidneys.

"I'll book you in with Peterson for Urologic care-"

"No way – I'll do it myself" House stated heatedly, cutting her off before she could ask him if it was okay.

"Why? What have you said to Peterson?" Cuddy asked suspiciously.

"What makes you think I've said something to him?" House caught the knowing glare from his boss and gave in, "Okay, well…I might have mentioned the fact that I'm a Nephrologist and I still know more about Urology than he does…and he might have taken it as an insult…perhaps" he trailed off guiltily.

"No, ya think?" Cuddy asked sarcastically as she closed up the exam rooms; sometimes she couldn't even pretend to be surprised at House's exploits with other members of her staff. "When did you let him know of this 'important fact'?"

"Last Christmas party" House said quietly, being sure not to catch her eye.

"Last Christmas…No! He's the guy who gave you a black eye!" she realised excitedly; her realisation was pretty much confirmed when House scowled angrily – she smirked but decided to let him off for the time being; Karma seemed to have been dealt accordingly for his comments already and she didn't consider herself a cruel person by any means!

"Wilson can take you home, right?" she asked, adding the questioning tone but making it sound very rhetorical. Wilson snapped his head up at the sound of his name; he'd been standing well away from his boss for fear that he really did smell like an ashtray.

'Damn House and his ability to turn you into a paranoid idiot' he thought when he realised he must have looked pretty disinterested in their conversation by standing the other side of the nurses station.

"I need a ride too, is that okay?" Wilson nodded in reply as he pushed House out through the clinic doors, allowing Cuddy to lock up. "You can look after him tomorrow can't you?" she asked hopefully, leaning in close behind Wilson in the hope that House couldn't hear her.

"Tomorrow? I can't – I've got appointments" Wilson stammered as he stepped away from her. "He'll have to stay with you" these words put fear into Cuddy's heart.

"I-I can't, why me?" she stuttered.

"If you're gonna talk about me, at least come and stand in front of me" House sighed as he tilted his head back to catch a glimpse of the two of them.

"We're going to yours, getting you some clothes, overnight stuff…then we're going back to mine" Cuddy said quietly as she shot Wilson a look which would have made any man feel guilty; he felt like he was making her take care of Jack the Ripper for the weekend.

"Well you could act a little happier" House stated whilst smiling disconcertingly, "just think of how much fun we've had together today" clearly this was the wrong thing to say to her as she used her good hand to pinch the bridge of her nose in exasperation. She had a feeling that she would end up murdering him in the most horrific way known to man by the end of the weekend…

Author's Note: Still plodding along, hopefully it didn't seem too boring? Oh well, I'm enjoying it, even if you aren't! Let me know what you think, or what you want in the next chapter – this one was a pretty good length for me, even if I do say so myself! Happy Easter x