Disclaimer: We do not own Prince of Tennis or any characters.
Authors' Notes: Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews!! You make us so happy. No flames please. Please Enjoy!
１月１２日金曜日
Friday, January 12
I had a better day today. I'm still not sure why I was feeling so frustrated yesterday.
When I said goodbye to Yukimura today, I took a little more time than usual kissing him. He noticed—I should have expected that he would—and he asked me why I did that. That led to me telling him some of what I had been feeling yesterday. He seemed to understand. He even said that he'd been feeling the same way lately, which surprised me.
Somehow all of this led to us going out for dinner. It was nice. After that, we walked around town for a few hours and talked. We were enjoying ourselves so much that Yukimura asked me to come home with him so we could keep talking. It was getting really late, though, so unfortunately I had to tell him no. I'll try to make it up to him tomorrow.
I gave him another kiss and said goodbye. But before I left, he grabbed my arm and asked me if we could go out on Sunday. He wanted to meet at a park all the way in downtown Tokyo. Of course I said yes, but I left feeling a little confused. Why does he want to meet so far away, instead of meeting up and taking the train together? He made it seem like it was important. I wonder if he has something planned. I guess I'll find out.
Other than that, nothing really happened today. I didn't even get the chance to exercise, since I was out so long with Yukimura. That always feels strange to me; it seems like I'm forgetting something. But it's not a big deal. I can skip a day every now and then. (Renji even sometimes tells me that I need to more often.)
I don't really have anything else to write about. I should probably go to bed.
真田弦一郎
Sanada Genichiroh
…
１月１２日金曜日
Friday, January 12th
Well, I am happy to report that the rather pointless subjects that have been on my mind for the past few days have finally stopped troubling me. In fact, the only time that I found myself remembering those particular events was during this evening, when I suddenly realized that I had not thought about them even once today. Of course, I knew that this would be the case, once I had settled all of my questions to my own satisfaction.
And I have done that. Even though I still don't know why I was given that concert ticket, it doesn't really concern me any longer, now that I am aware of my own feelings on the subject. No matter what others may be planning, it cannot affect me if I am determined to stay out of it. And believe me, I am determined to stay out of it… I have no interest in becoming a part of some twisted scheme concerning people I hardly know.
As for school today, it was just as boring as ever. It's incredible, how stressed all of my peers are about the high school entrance exams. I suppose I should be more sympathetic, but it's hard for me to relate to having to struggle to get a good score on a test. In fact, we've already taken a few practice exams, and thus far, I've managed to get the top score every single time. And I already know for a fact that I'll continue to attend Hyotei during high school; between the chairman of the board and the influence my father, I don't think it would be possible for me to avoid being accepted, even if I wanted to.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like, to have to study so hard and still run the risk of failing. In a way, it's almost regrettable that I've never had to struggle for something like that… Even though I'm sure that it must be frustrating to have to work so hard, it would still be extremely rewarding if you achieved your goal.
Instead, I've spent my three years in junior high trying to create challenges for myself. At first, it was to be at the top of my class in every single subject… When I reached that goal, it became getting elected as student council president, as well as keeping my top spot in the class. And then when that seemed like it might be achievable, I added the goal of becoming the captain of Hyotei's gigantic tennis club to my list. And while none of those things was exactly easy, I still achieved every single one of them without too much in the way of sweat, blood, or tears.
And then I hit the glass ceiling, when I vowed to become the top tennis player in the nation. Of course, I don't know what I expected… It was an impossible goal, especially considering the way some of the people that I know actually eat, sleep, and breathe nothing but tennis. (The entire team of Rikkai regular players comes to mind, for example.) But I had never failed before, and it seemed like as long as I was determined to work hard enough, nothing was impossible for me.
But the irritating thing about hard work is that anyone can do it, and because of that, everyone does. Even the most talented tennis players have a tendency to be working just as hard as you are, while you're still just trying to make up the difference in abilities that already existed during the previous tournament. And because of that, hard work just wasn't enough. In the end, I still failed miserably.
I suppose I am being too hard on myself, but it is difficult not to see my tennis career thus far as a failure. After all, it goes without saying that I did not lead my team to victory while I was captain. And I am quite certain that there are a few exceptional individuals whom I will never surpass, when it comes to that particular sport. Tezuka, Yukimura, Sanada, Echizen… The list is not very long, but it is daunting nonetheless.
Well, then, I suppose that I do know what it is like to work so hard at something and still run the risk of failing. And while I cannot say that it feels pleasant to fall short of your goal, I did discover that there is something to be gained from failure: I have certainly learned more about myself in failing than I ever have in succeeding.
Most importantly, I've learned that there is more to life than success, and that mere achievements cannot satisfy me. Unfortunately, I'm still looking for something that will.
It seems like a question that could take a long time to answer.
Sincerely,
Atobe Keigo
跡部景吾
…
１月１２日土曜日
Saturday, January 13
Today was another normal day. At least now it's the weekend, and I have a day to relax.
I asked Yukimura if he wanted to go out with me after school. I wanted to make up for the fact that I had to go home yesterday. I thought that if there was anything he still wanted to talk about, we could. But he said no, which surprised me. I probably should have asked him why.
I'm finding him a little harder to predict lately. I always think I know exactly what he's going to say, and then he proves me wrong. I don't like it. I feel like I don't quite understand him anymore, and it makes me kind of nervous. It almost seems like there's something he's not telling me.
Again, if I brought any of this up with him, he'd tell me that I'm just extremely paranoid. And I know I am. My fears are probably unfounded, and I probably shouldn't even be wasting my time writing about them. But if there is something he's not telling me, I wish he would say it. I want him to feel comfortable telling me everything.
Maybe I should ask Renji about all of this. He would probably know if there was something…
Then again, maybe that would be wrong. I'm not sure Yukimura would appreciate me going behind his back and talking about him with Renji. And if Renji knows something I don't, there's probably a reason for that, and Yukimura might not like it if he told me…
I don't know. Would that be wrong, to ask Renji? Sometimes it really does feel like an unfair advantage, having a friend that knows practically everything… Perhaps it all depends on my reason for doing it. If there really is nothing Yukimura is hiding, then it's just for my own peace of mind. And if there is something, I want to know because I want to help. It's not like I'm just being nosy. I want to know if there's anything I can do, because I care about him.
I think I will ask Renji. There's nothing wrong with asking advice from a friend who would know. I know I wouldn't mind if Yukimura went to him and asked something about me… I'll ask Renji about it on Monday, if I think of it.
I should probably go to bed now, even though it's pretty early for a Saturday night. I have to catch an earlier train if I want to be downtown by 11:00 in the morning. I still don't know why we're meeting so far away.
真田弦一郎
Sanada Genichiroh
…
１月１３日土曜日
Saturday, January 13th
Today, I took some time after school to drop by the gymnasium and see how the new team of regular players is coming along. Actually, I was pleasantly surprised by their progress over winter break; they already seem much more like a cohesive group than they did during the fall. And while I would never give Hiyoshi too much credit this early in the game, I have to say that I'm impressed with how he and Ootori have handled the leadership responsibilities.
Of course, I made sure that no one actually noticed that I was watching them… Hiyoshi, Ootori, and Kabaji may be used to my presence, but the other Regulars still have a tendency to lose their focus when I'm around. (It's almost like they still expect me at any time to snap my fingers and make them do the choreographed cheer I invented… Yes, I trained them well.)
It's a strange feeling, to watch the upcoming team practice… No matter how well you did during your senior year, you always have this faintly abandoned feeling, as though you've been replaced. And yet somehow, there's still a kind of pride there, too; you want to convince yourself that the next team could never be as good as your team was. Well, I'm not delusional. I know that this group has the potential to surpass the team that I led, if they stay focused and work as hard as they can. Most teams have that potential; I think that many players would be surprised at just how far they could go if they aim high.
Still, some vain part of me wants to believe that it would be impossible to fill our shoes. But then again, I suppose that is the nostalgic conceit of every leader.
One other notable thing happened today, but this occurrence came as a surprise to me: Tezuka gave me a call, of all things. He asked if we could meet by a fountain in a certain downtown park on Sunday. Needless to say, I was a bit stunned that Tezuka was extending an invitation to me, outside of our usual meetings at the coffee shop. At the very least, I would expect an invitation from Tezuka to involve a tennis court, not a park. I did try asking why he wanted to meet, but all he said was that he wanted to talk to me about something. The strange thing was that he made it sound like it was important. So I agreed, of course, but the very next thing that he did was hang up, so I couldn't ask him any more questions about it.
It does make me wonder, though… Maybe he has an answer to my question about Yukimura. Even though I've already decided that I'm not going to concern myself with that particular situation, I have to admit that I'm still curious about it. But I also have to wonder how he would have come up with an answer that I was unable to decipher. I suppose I'll just have to wait until tomorrow to find out.
Sincerely,
Atobe Keigo
跡部景吾
…
１月１４日日曜日
Sunday, January 14
Yukimura has managed to surprise me yet again.
I went downtown to the park where we were supposed to meet. I was a few minutes early, so I just sat by the foutain and waited. Not long after I sat down, I got a phone call from Yukimura. He told me that he couldn't make it, because his family wanted to go out to lunch or something. I don't understand why he didn't know about this sooner, if it was important enough to make him cancel our date. And why did he wait until I'd made it all the way downtown before he called? Judging by the noise I heard in the background, he hadn't even left his house yet. To get downtown in time to meet me, obviously he would have had to leave much sooner. So he must have known for a while that he wouldn't be able to meet me. Why didn't he call?
I don't understand him lately.
I was somewhat frustrated when I hung up with him. I was trying to figure out what I was going to do; was I just supposed to turn around and go all the way back home? I knew that this was basically going to ruin my entire day. And then (as if things weren't bad enough) I heard a voice somewhere beside me say, "Fancy seeing you here." You'll never guess who it was.
It was Atobe.
Today was just not my day. Honestly, I can't think of anyone I would have hated seeing more.
Needless to say, I was startled. Of course I knew his voice, so I was almost reluctant to turn and look—I figured that his presence would only serve to annoy me further. But I did turn around, and I asked him what he was doing there. At least this time he didn't call me rude. But, again, he didn't answer my question. He said it was a "strange coincidence," and asked me if I thought the same. I felt like he was trying to get at something, but I couldn't figure out what it was. If he's going to hint at something, he should be clearer about it.
I still was not in the best mood, and I admit that my answer was not exactly cordial. I told him that I thought that the coincidence was not only strange, but unfortunate. I expected him to glare at me, make some snide remark, and leave feeling somehow victorious. But he didn't; he laughed it off instead. And then he felt the need to say, "Let me guess; your boyfriend stood you up."
Why is it that he always seems to know the absolute worst thing to say? I was feeling disappointed enough about Yukimura; did he really have to draw attention to the fact that he cancelled on me? Again, here I must admit that my response was not ideal… I replied, "At least I have a boyfriend."
I have to say, it was refreshing to see his jaw drop like that. He asked, "What did you say?" Like he hadn't heard me. I knew he had; his reaction made that obvious. And then he said something like, "It's cute that you think I should be jealous of you." He actually called me cute. If that was some lame attempt at being condescending, it definitely didn't work. And the funniest part was that I could tell that he was jealous.
Here's an amusing thought I've never really considered: I have a boyfriend, and Atobe doesn't. I knew that, obviously, but I've never seriously stopped to think about it. I think it really says something. For all of his confidence and bragging and declarations of his own greatness, he doesn't even have a boyfriend. For that matter, he's never had one. And I don't think it's because he doesn't want one; I've heard plenty of rumors that he's had his share of, let's just say, short-lived relationships. Apparently no one takes him seriously enough to actually date him. No one wants him. Atobe Keigo is absolutely alone.
That is such a comforting thought.
And despite all that, he said he has no reason to be jealous of me. I told him that I found it funny, then, that he was. Of course he denied it, asking me where I got such an idea. He was so clearly frustrated that I asked him what his problem was, if in fact it wasn't jealousy. I don't remember his entire answer, but he began it something like, "My problem is that I'm talking to an arrogant imbecile…"
Of all the insulting words that Atobe Keigo had to choose from in his gigantic vocabulary, he picked "arrogant." For me.
Who is Atobe to be calling me arrogant? He's the living definition of that word. And if he thinks it's such a perfect insult, he could try practicing what he preaches.
I had to interrupt him. I said, "I'm arrogant?" and I'm sure he knew what was coming. He fumbled with some excuse about why he thinks I'm arrogant—something about how people just don't notice it because I'm so quiet. And I guess he was right to some extent; I'm very confident in my abilities and I'm not afraid to admit that I'm better than someone, if I am. But at least I don't overdo it, like he does. Still feeling annoyed, I told him, "At least I have the decency to conceal some of it, while some people prefer to shout it out to the world." His comeback was something to the effect of, "I see nothing wrong with proclaiming my greatness if it's self-evident."
When he said that, a thought occurred to me. Why does he feel the need to say it so much if he thinks it's so obvious? Why not just show people? That, I think, is the difference between me and him. If I'm arrogant, at least I don't try to tell other people how great I am. If they want, they can see it for themselves. I don't care if I'm the only one who knows it. But Atobe prefers people to worship the ground he walks on. So he shoves his alleged "prowess" in other people's faces and forces them to respond accordingly.
I have to admit I was proud of myself; I'd finally found a hole in one of his arguments, and I figured it out in time to point it out to him. So I asked him if his greatness really was self-evident, if he had to say it all the time. He didn't have an answer to that; he seemed startled and asked me what I was implying. And I simply replied, "You're all talk, Atobe Keigo."
I have never felt more proud of myself. The feeling was similar to winning a difficult tennis match. I'd even say it was better, because I felt like I'd finally beaten Atobe at his own game: arguing. Unlike tennis, that's not something I'm necessarily good at. Atobe, on the other hand, is a quick thinker, has a large vocabulary, and knows how to use it. As much as I hate to admit all of those things, I have to remember that none of that is really to his credit; he was born with most of it and the rest of it is probably just a result of his upbringing. It's not like he has to work hard at it. Anyway, it felt good to finally make an observation that even he couldn't refute. And I finally felt satisfied with the conversation; I had absolutely nothing else to say to him. So, after a short pause, I said, "In any case, as much as I enjoy our conversations, I really should be going." And then I turned to leave.
But Atobe, being Atobe, couldn't let me leave with the last word. So he called after me, "Just like a coward to take a cheap shot and run away. Smart, quitting the one time you're ahead. I don't care." I wanted to yell at him, but I resisted. If there was any cheap shot made, it was the last thing he said. I still won the argument, and I'm sure he knew it. So I acted like I didn't hear him.
Yukimura called me this evening. I told him everything that happened. He scolded me a little, saying that I'd been too hard on Atobe. Honestly, I couldn't have cared less that he thought so. In a way, it was kind of his fault for cancelling on me. If he hadn't, I wouldn't have been so annoyed when I talked to Atobe.
Besides, any amount of scolding was worth it; I won an argument with Atobe Keigo. How many people can say that?
I've decided that I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts.
真田弦一郎
Sanada Genichiroh
…
１月１４日日曜日
Sunday, January 14th
Well, I arrived at the city park at eleven o'clock this morning, just like Tezuka had requested of me over the phone. And as I predicted yesterday, I did get the answers that I wanted while I was there, despite the fact that it wasn't Tezuka who gave them to me.
I didn't need anyone to tell me these answers, though, not when they were staring me right in the face.
Even so, I should start at the beginning: I was already walking toward the fountain that Tezuka had picked for a meeting spot, when my cell phone started to ring. Much to my surprise, it was Tezuka calling; he said that he would have to cancel for that morning, but that we could still meet up to have dinner later. Well, I thought that was rather strange, given the fact that it was a Sunday morning (not to mention the fact that his reason for canceling was never mentioned). It was also odd that he hadn't called me sooner… Like I said, I was already at the meeting place, which meant that I had come all the way downtown for nothing.
Still, I agreed and let him off of the hook, since it was the first time that he had ever cancelled one of our outings. By the time I hung up the phone, though, I was already standing by the fountain… And suddenly, I heard the very last thing that I would have expected to hear at a random location in downtown Tokyo.
It was Sanada's voice.
Yes, Sanada Genichiroh, the very person that I had vowed only two days ago to completely erase from my working memory, was standing on the other side of the fountain and talking on his cell phone. And from the gist of what I could hear, it was obvious that the person that he was talking to was none other than Yukimura, who was apparently also canceling on Sanada at that exact same moment. Well, I'm not stupid… If you light a rocket right under my nose, I daresay that I'm usually alert enough to take notice of the explosion.
This was clearly a setup.
A rather chagrined smile spread across my face; it was one of those irritating moments where something is so incredibly far from being humorous that you still somehow want to laugh. And that was the moment where I finally figured it out. Yes, Yukimura had a plan in all of this… That much was perfectly clear, since two coincidences like that simply cannot happen on their own. And what made this reality even more disconcerting at the time was the fact that he had somehow gotten Tezuka involved, since my friend had clearly played a part in this particular set of circumstances.
Still, these two less important conclusions were obvious. It was the third that came as a sudden flash of inspiration to me… Yes, I was being set up with Sanada, and yes, Yukimura was banking on the assumption that I consider his boyfriend to be attractive, because otherwise his little scheme would never work. But it was the motive, which up until now had been impossible for me to decipher, that made everything finally fall into place in my mind.
Yukimura was trying to test him.
Yes, Yukimura actually does want to force Sanada to interact with me. He's trying to find out what any curious boyfriend would want to know: if Sanada spent time with someone who was attracted to him, would he stay faithful to his boyfriend, or would he cheat? It's not exactly a new method, either… There are volumes of literature that involve similar plot twists. (And that's not even mentioning daytime television.)
So that was it. I was a part of a cute little game, all because I happen to have had limited contact with Sanada in the past and found him somewhat attractive (and happen to be attractive myself; it goes without saying that this detail is a key part of the equation). Of course, I had to wonder if Yukimura realized what a dangerous little game he was playing… After all, what was he going to do if I stole his precious boyfriend away from him?
Honestly, I have to admit that I was suddenly very amused by the whole thing. It was just so incredibly quaint, that I could have become involved in such an absurd scheme. And so I decided to change my strategy; I wasn't going to ignore this situation any longer. Instead, I made a completely different choice…
Why not play along? After all, Yukimura should know exactly whom he's dealing with, before he finds himself in over his head. If nothing else, I could always drop Sanada a hint about what was going on, and end this ridiculous charade before things got out of hand.
Well, I made my decision in the space of about three seconds, and before Sanada could even hang up his phone, I had crossed over to the other side of the fountain and was standing right next to him. He didn't even notice, at least not until I gave him my usual greeting: "Fancy seeing you here."
Naturally, he was startled, and proceeded to give me his usual reply: "What are you doing here?" But I was amused enough not to strangle him, despite my previous vow regarding that response. And then I figured that I should drop a hint about the situation, after all… To be honest, I couldn't help feeling rather sorry for him. It must be difficult, being so utterly oblivious.
So I attempted to alert him to the setup: "Such a strange coincidence, don't you think?"
Well, so much for that. Not only did he not take the hint about the schemes of his conniving boyfriend (because he thinks Yukimura is a perfect angel, I'm sure), but he then proceeded to insult me: "Yes. An unfortunate one."
Of course, I was offended, especially given the fact that I had only been trying to help him. Still, I did attempt to hide my frustration… I just laughed and voiced my assumption that his boyfriend must have stood him up. (Which he obviously had, even apart from the fact that I overheard their conversation. I mean, honestly… Sanada was standing by himself in a park looking forlornly at his cell phone. He should expect a person to make that kind of prediction, if he's going to stand there with such a sad-puppy-dog look on his face.)
But then, that clueless idiot proceeded to not only cross the line of decency and good manners, but to also enter the surrounding area and obliterate it with a nuclear device, to extend the useless metaphor.
So, what exactly did that conceited jerk say to me?
"At least I have a boyfriend."
Normally, I would grant him the benefit of a doubt. After all, there's no way that he could know that this was the one thing that I have been feeling depressed about for months. There's absolutely no way that he would know how lonely I've been, or that a boyfriend happens to be the one thing at the top of my wish list, the thing so valuable that even I can't afford it. But for him to stand there and say that to me, when I had only been trying to drop a hint so that he could keep his oh-so-wonderful Yukimura, when he has not the slightest idea of how ridiculously lucky he is to have someone in the first place, when they are the epitome of the picture-perfect couple that only exists for me in my dreams…
I actually dropped my guard. That was how upset I was about it. I don't even know exactly what I sputtered out in reply… All I know is that he didn't take it back, but proceeded to confirm what he had just said, in that same proud tone of voice that he always uses.
Well, I was furious. There's no other word for it, but I couldn't afford to show such weakness in front of him… It would have been humiliating to let him see how much he had offended me. So I collected myself and retorted that it was cute that he thought I had some reason to be jealous of him.
Of course, he tried to continue with the verbal sparring… I don't know what it's going to take to teach him that he simply cannot win an argument against me. But I was incredibly annoyed by that point, so I proceeded to brace myself for his best efforts. (It wasn't exactly a challenge.) He said something about how it was funny, in that case, that I was jealous without any cause. But since there was absolutely no proof that I had been jealous in the first place, I demanded to know where he had even gotten that impression. He then asked me what my problem was. (He's just so articulate, isn't he?)
Well, he should know better than to set himself up like that when I'm angry, no matter how much of a rookie he is in the whole "talking" department. In any case, I believe that I launched into one of my better tirades about him at that point… Something along the lines of: "My problem is that I'm wasting my valuable time conversing with an arrogant moron who is under the delusion that he knows everything, when in fact he knows nothing at all."
Unfortunately, though, I had given him enough time to find the one possible flaw in my rant, and he proceeded to try to point it out: "I'm arrogant?" Of course, I could already see what he was getting at, so I interrupted him before he could take the thought any further. (Yes, I was being overly aggressive, but like I said, I was extremely angry.)
So I pointed out something that I've always thought to be true about him, but that I had never had the chance to express until now. After all, everyone accuses me of being arrogant, because I'm also flashy and don't bother to hide my narcissistic tendencies. But the truth is that Sanada is probably just as arrogant as I am. His only advantage over me is that he's too stuck up to say much of anything, so nobody can prove it. But that doesn't make him any less conceited than me. And he is certainly very confident in his own abilities, so much so that it crosses the line of acceptable pride.
I explained this to him, as briefly as I could, in the hope that he might possibly manage to keep up with me. He then tried to claim that it was better to try to conceal your arrogance than to "shout it to the world" (obviously directed at me, since like I said, I don't hide my confidence in myself). So I responded with the words that I always use, when people who don't really know me try to accuse me of overconfidence: "I see nothing wrong with proclaiming one's own greatness, if it is self-evident."
The strange thing was that his reply actually did surprise me, at least a little. He asked me if it was so self-evident if I had to say it all the time. I was somewhat taken aback; I asked what he was implying, and he proceeded to accuse me of being "all talk."
I have to admit, I was speechless. The only problem with his statement was that it was a perfectly logical assertion. For once in his life, Sanada Genichiroh had actually managed to make a perfectly valid point in an argument against me… Even if his conclusion was incorrect (I am obviously not "all talk"), it was still a well-reasoned argument. If I really do think so highly of myself, I should probably act like it goes without saying, rather than waste my breath announcing how wonderful I am. And the worst part was that I couldn't come up with an immediate retort for his comment, so I'm sure that he must have assumed that he had won the debate. Of course, that is utterly ridiculous. But he was clearly under that impression, and I must say that it was humiliating.
And then, as though that single remark actually was an acceptable closing argument, he made some kind of sarcastic remark about "enjoying our conversations" and started to leave.
Well, I can't say I was amused. After all, I'm fully aware that I come across as a self-absorbed diva in public, even if I can be rather different in private, when I'm with people that I trust. But for him to accuse me of being "all talk," when I believe I've more than earned my reputation as a confident, gifted individual and should be allowed to speak of myself as such? That man is apparently blind to anything except his own boring existence.
And I finally did think of something to say, no matter how predictable it may have been. So I calmly proceeded to call out after him and tell him that he was a coward, for taking such a cheap shot and then running away. (That's just so typical of people who know they're on the losing side in a debate.) And I also mentioned that it was smart of him, to quit the one time that he was ahead, and added that I certainly didn't care. It wasn't like he had actually won the argument, no matter what he thought.
And at the time, I did manage to convince myself that I really didn't care… I tried to help that idiot, after all, and it got me absolutely nowhere. Instead, that jerk actually managed to insult me, and in multiple ways, too. Well, if that's how he's going to be, then I definitely will play along with his boyfriend's twisted little scheme. He'll just have to deal with being caught in the middle of this chaos. It's not like it's my problem.
Of course, I say that, but I have to wonder if the only one who's really putting himself at risk is me. After all, if he's going to say such horribly rude things every single time that I am forced into contact with him, it might be better just to get out of this while I still can. And even though I'm sure that he didn't even notice it, he really did hurt me today, with his cheap shot about the fact that I don't have a boyfriend. I can't believe that Sanada would actually say something like that, even if he is a clueless moron. Obviously, it was a terrible insult, no matter how heartless he may think I am. It's not like I'm somehow above getting hurt, just because I happen to be a particularly blessed individual.
Doesn't he think that I have any feelings at all? If I admitted that I was jealous of him, would he suddenly realize that I am just as capable of being lonely as anyone else? No, he'd probably just see it as another opportunity to insult me.
If that's the case, you couldn't pay me to go out with Sanada Genichiroh. Hopefully, this sick little game will come to an end quickly, and the result will be what Yukimura was hoping for. Then maybe they'll both leave me alone, and they can be together forever in their perfect little fairy-tale relationship, which works out just fine for me.
Frankly, they deserve each other.
Sincerely,
Atobe Keigo
跡部景吾