Chapter 19: In Like A Lamb

Commodus headed to Aislinn's quarters in what would normally have been night attire strictly for his bedroom. There was only a tunic and leggings covering him. No armour, no crown, no breastplate, no cape, no magnificent jewelry to create his grandeur. He walked past the guards, who almost didn't recognize the young emperor. He looked so different, so human. They allowed him into the room. Claude met him at the door and looked very surprised.

"Oh my! Sire, you're...well... you're here aren't you?", he remarked circling the emperor thoughtlessly. Commodus cleared his throat commandingly. "Oh! Forgive me, highness. Aislinn is in the farthest room preparing to sleep."

Commodus nodded and headed back to the room. He stood in the doorway and watched her finish her prayers for the evening. He waited to hear his name. She would surely pray to her God for guidance in the proposals he had made to her. He listened carefully.

"God, my father. It is a hard time I have fallen into. I know what I must do for my people, for my brethren; but I am torn with the conflict in the desires of my heart. He loves me. I love him. But I know that as emperor, we cannot be married. I must return to my land. I must keep stability and peace among my clansmen.", she said beginning to cry. "Father, I cannot kill him! I cannot! Please deliver me from this prison, as you delivered Israel so many times! Please do not let us meet in the arena! Please father!", she wept. Commodus felt his heart wrench into even more pieces than it had already done so that evening. He felt himself begin to cry. "I know that you are wise of all things and all times, I will accept your plans for me. But I am afraid, father; so very afraid. For him, for me, for both of our proud nations. I feel sorrow weighing my soul greater than any boulder placed on the shoulders of my people. Please comfort me, please give him wisdom."

Commodus turned away feeling wounded very deeply. No, he felt... sympathy. It was a strange and terrible feeling. He felt sorrow with her. What he had done to her was so very wrong from the beginnning, and now he expected her to give up her crown, her language, her family, her faith, and her freedoms all for the sake of his daliance. How could he have been so cruel!? He turned and slunk away. Claude met him as he went towards the door.

"Well? Is she in better spirits?", Claude asked excitedly. From the moment the emperor had doted over a practice-inflicted wound, Claude had been hoping that Aislinn and the Caesar would join their hearts. He frowned a little and touched the emperor's shoulder. "Oh, sire. She truly feels that she cannot be with you, doesn't she?"

Commodus looked at him a little angrily. This man had no right to touch him! This man had no right to look him in the eyes! This man was insubordinate and treacherous! Commodus felt rage welling within him at a greater degree than anything he had ever felt before. From the other room, he suddenly heard Aislinn sob loudly. His heart melted. He fell into Claude, crying softly. Claude stood a little nervously, then patted his ruler's back akwardly. "There, there, highness. It's alright. Sit down for a moment."

"I can't live without her.", he whispered. "I can't exsist without her. She is everything to me. She has made me angry, then curious, then afraid, then humble, then happy, then determined, then passionate, and now it will end. I will end.", he muttered.

"Caesar, all is not lost. Aislinn is only one girl. She is an amazing girl, yes, but there are many more girls for you to aquaint yourself with. There are numerous young women in Rome, with mannerisms to which I am sure you are much more accustomed, that would die for just one heated night with you!", Claude said comfortingly.

"No. I don't want a Roman girl, I don't want any girl; I want Aislinn.", he said sadly. Memories of their times together began to flood his mind and he smiled. "She told me that she had won. Do you remember? Of course you don't. She was never afraid of me. I was harsh and she was never weak. She is the sky and I the earth."

"Then you are already together highness.", Claude offered. "You are simply at odds. The earth and the sky meet on the tops of the moutains as well as in the crests of the valleys. You just haven't found your connections yet. You must be patient with her. She has only known you for 3 months. Perhaps you should confer with senator Gracchus. He has seemed very pleased with your love for Aislinn. And he even used the words 'true-love' after saying some years ago that 'a royal man has no love above his belt-line, and that is no real love at all'.", Claude said with a laugh. Commodus laughed as well. He felt the tears subside. Being with Aislinn really wasn't impossible, he simply needed outside input. More than he had already recieved apparently. Perhaps with the next bout of information he recieved, he should run any plans to woo Aislinn past Maximus, Gracchus, Quintus, Claude, and his sister (well, perhaps not his sister), before carrying them out. He really was a clumsy oaf around her, despite his stamina and prowess in other areas of life.

"I will speak to her before I leave. I will confer with Gracchus. I thank you, Claudius. You are a good friend. I wish I had known you as a younger man.", Commodus said putting a hand on Claude's shoulder. "Aislinn was blessed to have been given you as a caretaker."

"I thank the gods that your highness had the mercy to keep me alive despite Falco's accusations years ago.", Claude said smiling.

"Yes. And after having met Drachma I truly marvel at the sheer thought of anyone trying to ravage her.", Commodus said shuddering. "Thankfully, you ceased being a servant in the household before they were... (ahem)... dealt with. I will go, now. After I leave, make sure Aislinn is well enough to sleep for the evening."

Claude nodded and watched the heart-sick emperor enter his beloved's chamber.

Aislinn ended her prayer. She felt some slight relief after doing so every night. She felt such conflict in her heart. Bitterly she wished that she had been born as a mild Roman noblewoman. Then she and Commodus could have courted without limitations. 'It would not have been the same', her mind told her. 'The highlands would not have a suitable heiress, her soul would not be saved, Commodus would never have changed his ways, and she might have ended up exactly like Drachma; scheming, didactic, and ugly'. She shuddered. In another realm, if she had been born in Rome, she might very well have been Drachma! She began to laugh a little at the thought of Drachma. If that was what Rome saw as noble in a woman, then they needed more women like Lucilla to make the men think differently. She got up slowly and stretched. Her simple gown for sleeping was made of very uncomfortable and heavy wool. She usually took it off to sleep. She turned to lift it off of her and stopped dead. She caught her breath.

"Commodus.", she whispered in surprise. The only explanation that met her mind to justify his being here was to yell at her for refusing him in front of the senate. The proposal he had made came out as incredibly cliche' and silly, but for any other circumstance it might have been darling. She looked down. He had been infuriated with her as she had left. She had felt it as she had walked away, she had smelled it in his voice as he had ordered her to leave, she had heard his heart thumping angrily the moment she had replied 'no'. She gulped. "What is wrong, Caesar?"

"Aislinn.", he said walking towards her slowly. "The senate was the wrong place to say such things."

"I understand, sire. But making that kind of confession is best saved for private quarters.", she said softly. He walked up to her and reached out for her chin. She winced slightly. He frowned. She was a little afraid of him. He had, after all, inflicted numerous wounds on the poor girl. He touched her chin and looked into her eyes. He could see the remnants of her desperate tears. He gazed softly, hoping the tenderness in his eyes would soothe her spirit. She looked down, closing her eyes in fear of what he might do next. Commodus sensed this and made a sound decision to be gentle and kind with her. He was emperor and had a right to be demanding, he was Caeasar and had a right to be indignant after the humiliation he had suffered, he was a young man and had the strong urge to be passionate with her. He forced all of those aside as he leaned down and softly kissed both of her closed eyes.

"The senate was the wrong place to say such things to you, Aislinn. Please forgive me. Please forgive me for everything.", he whispered as tears rolled down his cheeks. "I need you to forgive me."

"I already have.", she replied breathlesly. She felt inexplicable pleasure at this incredibly sensual gesture. His kiss was so tender, so warm and understanding. He loved her in mind and body. He had chosen not to take her, he had chosen this more than once. It wasn't that he felt that he couldn't have her; he was Caesar and she a slave. It wasn't that he found her unpleasant; he had made this clear on more than one occasion. He respected her. If he respected her then he had some measure of love for her. He had tenderness for her. He had grown to love her more than she had ever imagined anyone loving her. "Commodus, I want to be your wife. I want to be by your side more than anything. My people need me, and yours need you. We both have our duties by birth and we will suffer for them as long as we continue to feel for one another. A cloud cannot love a meadow, the sky can never be one with the earth."

He placed a finger gently over her lips. "Aislinn.", he whispered softly with a genuine smile. "They already are one. The sky is naught without the earth and the other is true as well. I must simply find our meeting. Be it on the highest mountain, or the lowest valley, I will find it. We will be together."

"Commodus..."

He silenced her with an affectionate kiss. As he pulled away, she saw determination gleaming in his eyes. He would do all within and without his power to find a way to unite them. He knew what he wanted and he wasn't going to stop until he had it. He knew what he needed to be, now. He didn't need to be a forceful warrior, a stern politician, or a simpering and needy young man to get her to be his; he needed to be as she was. A wise and tender warrior. He smiled even brighter at this eppifany and kissed her again, deeper. This time he felt the sky crash down on him and his body skyrocket from the ground. Every nerve in his body tingled and sighed as he floated endlessly in her kiss. He landed gracefully and felt an ache in his heart as he let go of her and turned to leave. Aislinn watched in stunned silence. Commodus was going to have a hard task ahead of him from now until they met in combat. She wished him the best for both their sakes. Commodus left the chambers feeling both relief and excitement. He had a seemingly impossible task before him, but he knew that with help he could have Aislinn at his side. The earth and the sky would finally meet and they would create a torrential sea of happiness. He crawled into his bed. Something struck his mind. He had forgotten to light the lamps and candles that immediately surrounded his bedside. He shrugged and laid back with his hands behind his head. He smiled and closed his eyes. Aislinn was not far away. He was safe and very content, for now. In the morning he would speak with Gracchus, he would finalize his desire for Aislinn, and he would finally be complete.