Chapter 23: Shadows and Symbols Appear

It would not do to say that Commodus was impatient for the next five months to be overwith. He was moody and trembling almost all the time. Because of this, Gracchus limited the meetings of the senate to be only thrice a week. Quintus took to sparring with the emperor along with Maximus and all three would spend long hours talking or going on long walks. Lucius tried to soothe his uncle from time to time, but since he was having quite a bit of fun spending time with Aislinn, Commodus found it difficult to spend extended periods of time with the boy. He was constantly recanting the great stories that Aislinn was telling, or the fancy tricks she could do, or asking questions to his uncle about her origin. Commodus finally decided that, since he was probably never going to see his nephew and sister after he left Rome, he might as well get in as much time with them as possible. Two weeks before the battle was to take place, Commodus was out walking with Lucius in the courtyard. Lucius looked up at his uncle after a long and rather strained silence.

"Uncle, is something wrong?", he asked.

"No, Lucius. Everything is alright.", he re-assured with a half-hearted smile.

"You look troubled. Mother has said so repeatedly.", Lucius said trying to pry the real problem out of his uncle.

"No, Lucius. I'm fine. Have you learned anything exciting this week?"

"I learned something fascinating from Aislinn!", he exclaimed. Commodus felt an enormous lump in his throat. He sighed. He loathed to hear more tales and facts from the land that was soon to be his home. It was almost as if he dreaded hearing aobut it from other people since they really didn't understand what the ideas and data meant for him. Commodus frowned.

"What did you learn about the highlands this time?"

"Oh it wasn't about the highlands perse, it was about animals."

"Animals? What kinds of animals?", Commodus said with amusement.

"Sheep, lambs really.", Lucius replied. Commodus felt the lump return. Sheep were the mainstay in livestock for the highlands. He groaned. "Do you want me to tell you about it?"

"Certainly.", he said with a heavy sigh.

"Well, Aislinn says that if you have two ewes that birth at the same time and one dies, but the other's lamb dies, then there is a way to get the orphaned lamb to be accepted by the mother of the dead lamb.", Lucius said. Commodus looked at him with interest. "She says that the trick is to cut the dead lamb, spilling its blood, and bathe the living lamb in it. Then and only then, will the mother accept the orphan. She says its what happens to Christians."

"How is that?", Commodus said with interest. He had tried to forget the fact that if he was to go with Aislinn, that he would probably need to know more about Christians in general. He wondered if all of the highlands had adopted this cult, or if Aislinn was alone in this regard.

"She says that they are 'emmersed' in water that is a symbol of the blood of their saviour. She says then they are children of his father, the God of Israel, and they are heirs to his throne. I asked her where he reigns and she said in the heavens. Mother told me that Christians want to give him the throne of our empire, but Aislinn says that's silly. What do you think, uncle?", he said. Commodus let everything that Aislinn had said to him about this faith race through his head. She had been respectful of him even in his cruelty, she had been kind to him and begged the lives of strangers, she had sworn allegiance to him and then tried to spare his life, she had refused a marraige proposal that could have given her plenty of leeway to give the throne to her brethren. Perhaps there was more to this than anyone had ever explained to him. He had to follow through with his initial idea to speak with some of the prsioners. "She says that all of her brethren have died in the old and rise again. Can a person do that, uncle?"

"Yes.", he whispered. "In more ways than one." He looked down at Lucius and hugged him tightly. Lucius smiled and hugged him back.

"I'm going back inside now. It's getting cold.", Lucius said.

"Yes, you go on. I'll be along later.", he said softly. As Lucius walked away, Commodus walked with Quintus over to the prisons. He took a very deep breath and prepared to face another form of courage; truly listening.

Later that night, Commodus sent for Gracchus. Gracchus was shocked to see the emperor looking so refreshed and happy. He had spent several months without contact with Aislinn. Something was amiss. He bowed.

"Gracchus, my friend!", Commodus exclaimed embracing him. Gracchus stood still and looked at him worriedly. "Please, sit! I have something to ask."

"What is it sire?", Gracchus asked.

"I was wondering if it would be alright if I had a few moments with Aislinn to tell her something. I have something wonderful to share! Would it be wise?", he asked excitedly. It pained Gracchus to answer him.

"No, highness. You must not speak with her. You have been very strong thus far, you cannot go back now.", Gracchus said.

"But I have died and risen into a new life! A life that she and I can share! It will assuage her fears and remove her need to spare me in the arena!", he said happily. "Not that I want to die, but if she knows this, then she will not feel so desperate and lost if she thinks I am dead."

"And that is precisely why you cannot tell her. As I said, Commodus, Rome must mourn for her emperor. Aislinn must do the same if this is to work. Please understand, Caesar, this is for the best.", Gracchus said as gently as possible. Commodus looked down, deeply hurt. "Sire, Aislinn and yourself will share many happy memories in the future. You will share in sorrows, angers, fears, and joys very soon. But if you fall backwards even a little, then any hope of doing so is lost. Which would matter to you more, a small bit of joy with her at the moment; or a lifetime of everything together?"

He frowned and fought back tears of many emotions. "You are right, senator. I just wish I could share this with her. Everything is clear to me, now. Everything is beautiful. Why couldn't I have felt this way all of my life?"

"Because sire, feeling it all of your life would remove all the sweetness and specialness of it now. Get some rest, you have only a few more days until you meet her in combat."

Commodus swallowed hard. He frowned a little, but then looked resoloute. He had to do this even if it hurt Aislinn momentarily. This would be the hardest two weeks of his life.

For the next two weeks, Aislinn tried to send messages through the guards and servants (as well as Lucius) to Commodus. She begged him to allow her to leave. She implored him to renounce his order for them to meet in battle. She wanted desperately to simply go home and forget she had ever met him. She wanted so badly for this torture to end. She could barely find solace in her nightly praying, which was something monumental for her. She finally resigned herself to fight him in battle and decided that she would mortally wound him, but not kill him. Once he was incapacitated, she could be sent for to heal him, and then escape. Her plan was perfect. Commodus, in the meantime, spent his last remaining days with his family and Gracchus. He often found himself bursting into tears around innocent little Lucius and his sister. Maximus and Quintus had agreed to go with him far enough to make sure he awoke with Aislinn. This way they could keep him sedated in secret until they reached the border and make sure Aislinn did no harm to herself. Commodus paced back and forth the night before the battle. He was beside himself and he knew that Aislinn felt the same. Aislinn tossed and turned in her bed. She felt the heat of a fever of emotion engulfing her at every turn. She knew that Commodus felt the same. It was his last night in the palace, he realized, but he couldn't enjoy it for the world. Then again, Commodus had never truly enjoyed his nights in the palace. Never except once, when Aislinn raged into his room, furious about the Beltane incident, and fell asleep in his arms. After tomorrow, he would be free to hold her forever.

Commodus dressed and ate a small meal after consuming the elixir that Gracchus brought him. He headed out to the path that lead to the arena. He wondered if Aislinn was feeling well and would put on a show good enough to convince people that he was dead. Anxiety writhed within him as they approached. Would this really work? Would Aislinn be alright without him for a little while? He had to go through with this now, there would be no other chances for him. He sighed and entered the gladiator's pit with Aislinn. Aislinn had been brought a tunic of her family's tartan by her brother a few nights ago. She glowed in the brilliant greens and reds on top of the white undergarment. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"Please, Commodus. I don't want to do this! I just want to go home!", she wailed. He refused to look at her. Aislinn's mind raced. Had going without her company for several weeks made him cold towards her? Had he truly forgotten all of their tender and playful moments. She was at a loss as to what more could be done. She reached up and tried to kiss him fully on the mouth. He pulled her away and held her firmly by the shoulders in front of her.

'Swear to me that you will do yourself no harm and take my remains back to your home if my life should end.", he whispered urgently. She looked away, furious with sorrw. He grabbed her chin and forced her face up to his. "Swear it to me!"

"I swear.", she breathed. Her heart was sinking fast within her. She couldn't do this. The platform beneath them began to rise. Commodus watched the cieling above them give way to pure light from the sun. He wondered if this was what dying was like. He was beginning to feel quite peaceful, very happy. The draught was working its magic. He smiled as the warmth shone on his face. Not much longer and he would be free and truly happy.